Contest #534


Cartoon

534


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started 2016-08-29
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued 2016-09-11 (estimated)
Number of captions 4295
Number of responses 425529
Number of participants 32608


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Looks like Sammy wins the "bring your pet to work" contest. He ate all of the other entries! 1.8320 0.03563 607 293 123 191
1 Anywhere but Eve's office. 1.8038 0.03621 530 246 142 142
2 We're searching for rats that escaped from the subway's Track 23 dining room kitchen. 1.7350 0.04588 400 235 36 129
3 Looks like you ordered from the wrong Amazon 1.7301 0.03943 389 184 126 79
4 Speak softly and carry a big fish. 1.7240 0.04338 384 206 78 100
5 We may want to let him work from home. 1.7215 0.03883 377 174 134 69
6 That goes in Eve's office. 1.7139 0.04147 367 183 106 78
7 If anyone starts singing 'That's A Moray' they're fired. 1.7042 0.04333 355 186 88 81
8 It's a pet of the one-armed guy 9 back who is carrying it to the shredder. 1.6983 0.04995 348 219 15 114
9 I said we should get stuff from Amazon, not the Amazon. 1.6856 0.04304 334 172 95 67
10 It looks like we have a reptile dysfunction. 1.6751 0.04552 317 172 76 69
11 No you fools, I told you to hire a civil SERVANT" 1.6531 0.04679 294 163 70 61
12 You ordered from the wrong Amazon again, didn't you? 1.6456 0.04705 285 158 70 57
13 No, what I said was we need more stakeholders. 1.6431 0.04655 283 155 74 54
14 Tell the front desk to bring doughnuts and a small rabbit to the conference room. 1.6418 0.04505 282 149 85 48
15 Is that from Amazon? 1.6354 0.04634 277 151 76 50
16 The word is he did great things over at Apple. 1.6255 0.04784 267 150 67 50
17 I hope this means the toilet is now working. 1.6183 0.04586 262 141 80 41
18 I see we're finally cleaning out the fridge. 1.6183 0.04865 262 150 62 50
19 Sir, you should probably assume your human form for the shareholders meeting. 1.6169 0.04820 261 148 65 48
20 Ah. My Amazon delivery. 1.6163 0.04741 258 143 71 44
21 Not as charming as the gecko, but we'll give it a shot. 1.6118 0.04625 255 138 78 39
22 I said we need stakeholders. 1.6087 0.05107 253 152 48 53
23 Let's start thinking in the box. 1.6087 0.04919 253 146 60 47
24 I thought Milton Berle was dead. 1.6056 0.05531 251 165 20 66
25 No. What i said was, "We need a gigantic shake up here." 1.6040 0.04739 250 139 71 40
26 Just add it to the list of possible side effects. 1.6032 0.04921 247 142 61 44
27 Didn't work out in accounting. Turns out he's only an adder. 1.6000 0.04989 245 143 57 45
28 Ok fine, I'll call the plumber. 1.6000 0.04713 245 135 73 37
29 Couldn't we just get a shredder? 1.5967 0.04526 243 129 83 31
30 Right, never too early to bring in Legal. 1.5967 0.04957 243 141 59 43
31 Why, no I haven't seen Bob. Why do you ask? 1.5950 0.04691 242 133 74 35
32 No - I did NOT say I had 'a reptile dysfunction'! 1.5934 0.05229 241 148 43 50
33 He's transferring in from legal. 1.5892 0.04819 241 137 66 38
34 Just remember to wipe down the microwave when you're done 1.5890 0.05045 236 139 55 42
35 Put a tie on him and get over to Fox News. 1.5855 0.05009 234 137 57 40
36 Now, that's a moray! 1.5819 0.05263 232 143 43 46
37 It's the last envelope he has to lick. 1.5801 0.04758 231 129 70 32
38 Let me guess--first time ordering from Amazon? 1.5801 0.04758 231 129 70 32
39 If it tells you to try Apple products, resist the temptation. 1.5801 0.05138 231 139 50 42
40 I think we should stick with pink slips. 1.5783 0.04654 230 126 75 29
41 Predatory lending is down the hall. 1.5783 0.04970 230 134 59 37
42 We found what was jamming the printer. 1.5764 0.05064 229 136 54 39
43 No, no, I asked if you guys could find Ann a condo. 1.5764 0.05102 229 137 52 40
44 This decision may come back to bite us. 1.5708 0.04638 226 124 75 27
45 I see you've found the cause of the paper jam. 1.5695 0.05138 223 134 51 38
46 Tell him again , we don't use Apple products here and we won't be tempted to. 1.5636 0.05075 220 131 54 35
47 Let's stick with the gekko 1.5636 0.05075 220 131 54 35
48 I don't think I.T. entirely understood my mouse problem. 1.5622 0.04919 217 125 62 30
49 I said I wanted a bigger STAKE in the company. 1.5616 0.05012 219 129 57 33
50 No, what I said was that we need a bigger STAKE in the company. 1.5616 0.04842 219 125 65 29
51 Get him a desk in Legal. 1.5602 0.05067 216 128 55 33
52 I thought we agreed not to invite Legal to this meeting. 1.5596 0.05196 218 133 48 37
53 Um, I think we should go back to thinking 'inside the box'. 1.5581 0.04868 215 123 64 28
54 Oh dear, another case of reptile dysfunction. 1.5581 0.05213 215 131 48 36
55 I'm afraid this idea doesn't have any legs 1.5581 0.04732 215 120 70 25
56 I think we figured out the reason for the huge employee turnover on the fourth floor. 1.5556 0.04763 216 122 68 26
57 His résumé said he used to work at Amazon, which is technically true. 1.5519 0.05058 212 126 55 31
58 Put him in charge of low-hanging fruit. 1.5519 0.05232 212 130 47 35
59 Impressive, but the other attorneys brought a mongoose. 1.5510 0.05328 196 118 48 30
60 We've had complaints that your emotional support animal keeps eating other emotional support animals. 1.5498 0.05209 211 129 48 34
61 We need to clean the refrigerator more often. 1.5498 0.04988 211 124 58 29
62 I know what it looks like, but the guy's got a killer resume. 1.5481 0.05043 208 123 56 29
63 So it is a hostile takeover. 1.5476 0.04915 210 122 61 27
64 I see you've brought along your own lawyer. 1.5476 0.04868 210 121 63 26
65 I said, "Bring me the rep file." 1.5459 0.05155 207 125 51 31
66 So you think you know where my left arm is? 1.5459 0.05109 207 124 53 30
67 He's in his office. Why? 1.5459 0.05200 207 126 49 32
68 Surely you can find a better 2-hole punch? 1.5455 0.05141 198 117 54 27
69 I meant, "snack". Damn autocorrect. 1.5437 0.05266 206 127 46 33
70 Mine's bigger. 1.5437 0.05221 206 126 48 32
71 I thought we weren't bringing our attorneys. 1.5431 0.05310 197 120 47 30
72 I see the boss hired another relative. 1.5415 0.05008 205 121 57 27
73 I meant the kind plumbers use. 1.5369 0.05143 203 123 51 29
74 ...and so we're letting both of you go, but you are eligible for COBRA. 1.5369 0.05420 203 129 39 35
75 Whatever you do, don't assign him an office near Eve. 1.5369 0.05096 203 122 53 28
76 I didn't know we were bringing in outside counsel 1.5369 0.04800 203 116 65 22
77 I said I want you to be 'Stakeholders'! 1.5350 0.05299 200 124 45 31
78 No, I'm quite sure it was "stakeholders," a meeting of all STAKEholders. 1.5347 0.05258 202 125 46 31
79 We're tax attorneys. The taxidermists are on the third floor. 1.5327 0.05224 199 122 48 29
80 I din't say "anaconda" I said "add a comma"! 1.5327 0.05224 199 122 48 29
81 I'm afraid you can't bring your service animal anymore. Some of your coworkers are feeling constricted. 1.5327 0.05224 199 122 48 29
82 Take him to accounting - they could use another adder. 1.5327 0.05273 199 123 46 30
83 No need to introduce yourself.... you must be my wife's attorney! 1.5327 0.05273 199 123 46 30
84 I see they sent someone from corporate this time. 1.5327 0.05175 199 121 50 28
85 Actually, I called a meeting of the large stakeholders. 1.5327 0.05415 199 126 40 33
86 Wow, mystery solved! I thought people were just on vacation. 1.5327 0.05415 199 126 40 33
87 No, no, no - I said we needed a couple of new "stakeholders"! 1.5327 0.05126 199 120 52 27
88 Sorry guys, the agenda should have said stakeholders, not snakeholders. 1.5327 0.05175 199 121 50 28
89 I'll tell the boss you found his chihuahua. 1.5303 0.05147 198 120 51 27
90 I think she wanted a FEATHER one. 1.5303 0.05097 198 119 53 26
91 No, this is accounting, you're looking for legal, that's up on 10. 1.5303 0.05196 198 121 49 28
92 "Guys, there is no need to reinvent the eel". 1.5279 0.05167 197 120 50 27
93 Anything found in the employee fridge without a name and date gets tossed. 1.5255 0.04982 196 116 57 23
94 Add him to the office pool. 1.5255 0.05188 196 120 49 27
95 I know today's the 'Bring Your Pets to Work Day' but many people say they couldn't find their pets anymore... 1.5255 0.05434 196 125 39 32
96 I think his management style might be too constricting. 1.5255 0.04600 196 109 71 16
97 Oh good, Legal has arrived. 1.5255 0.04982 196 116 57 23
98 There must have been a typo in the notice. This meeting is for STAKE-holders. 1.5231 0.05209 195 120 48 27
99 When did we go open carry? 1.5231 0.05054 195 117 54 24
100 I didn't mean it literally! Take that back and bring me an actual lawyer. 1.5231 0.05457 195 125 38 32
101 That's the last time we use Monster.com. 1.5231 0.05002 195 116 56 23
102 Make sure he completes the sexual harassment training. 1.5208 0.05167 192 117 50 25
103 You'd better run that by Legal... oh, wait. That is Legal. 1.5208 0.05622 192 126 32 34
104 Python is a programming language, you nitwits. 1.5208 0.05272 192 119 46 27
105 I said add one percent, not one serpent. 1.5183 0.05345 191 120 43 28
106 I wasn't expecting anything from Amazon! 1.5183 0.05188 191 117 49 25
107 No, no. I said, 'We should buy a bigger *stake*.' 1.5183 0.05081 191 115 53 23
108 The employee you need to terminate is in the first office on the left. 1.5158 0.04991 190 113 56 21
109 I'm not sure we have that kind of wiggle room. 1.5158 0.04935 190 112 58 20
110 I said get me a large SHAKE! 1.5158 0.05156 190 116 50 24
111 The meeting was for STAKEHOLDERS... 1.5158 0.05263 190 118 46 26
112 I see that there was a typo in my 'Haul-your-asp-to-my-office' memo. 1.5158 0.05315 190 119 44 27
113 I thought his resume said worked at Amazon, not in the Amazon. 1.5158 0.04991 190 113 56 21
114 It's our biggest idea, but it has no legs. 1.5158 0.05047 190 114 54 22
115 I said I wanted an extra large shake. 1.5158 0.05156 190 116 50 24
116 Maybe we should cancel our Amazon Rewards Program. 1.5158 0.05047 190 114 54 22
117 I didn't know Legal was hiring. 1.5158 0.05367 190 120 42 28
118 No....What I said was that I want to meet our stakeholders. 1.5132 0.05284 189 118 45 26
119 Well, that explains the missing lab rats. 1.5132 0.05390 189 120 41 28
120 Devour the Competition was a metaphor. 1.5108 0.04896 186 109 59 18
121 He is a lifetime civil serpent. 1.5108 0.05404 186 118 41 27
122 No wonder it wouldn't flush. 1.5108 0.05240 186 115 47 24
123 This just came from Amazon. 1.5106 0.05031 188 113 54 21
124 Reptile dysfunction? 1.5081 0.05317 185 116 44 25
125 I'll let you handle his exit interview. 1.5081 0.05262 185 115 46 24
126 Well, he has some of the qualities we're looking for! 1.5081 0.05033 185 111 54 20
127 Release him in personnel. We need to downsize. 1.5080 0.05488 187 121 37 29
128 I don't think that qualifies as an Emotional Support Animal. 1.5054 0.05170 184 113 49 22
129 Just when we got rid of the 800 lb. gorilla in the room! 1.5054 0.04994 184 110 55 19
130 Where was he this time? 1.5054 0.05449 184 118 39 27
131 Johnson? No. I haven't seen him all week. 1.5054 0.05283 184 115 45 24
132 A mousetrap would have sufficed. 1.5054 0.05227 184 114 47 23
133 Is this why none of our computers have a mouse? 1.5054 0.05112 184 112 51 21
134 Sure beats the whoopee cushion we got him last year! 1.5027 0.05527 183 119 36 28
135 Better count the interns while your at it... 1.5027 0.05249 183 114 46 23
136 I was hoping we could resolve this without bringing legal in. 1.5027 0.05305 183 115 44 24
137 I said, ASAP. Not ASP. 1.5027 0.05417 183 117 40 26
138 "I see they are finally hiring in the legal department' 1.5000 0.05384 182 116 41 25
139 Yes, but we'll never have to lick another envelope. 1.5000 0.05212 182 113 47 22
140 Wow, you guys have been really hauling asp today. 1.5000 0.05270 182 114 45 23
141 Previous work in Eden, huh? Put him in sales. 1.4972 0.05234 181 113 46 22
142 I think I liked the elephant in the room better. 1.4972 0.04994 181 109 54 18
143 No, no, I was asking to meet with the "stakeholders." 1.4972 0.05575 181 119 34 28
144 He gets a new water bowl every morning and a live intern in the afternoon. 1.4972 0.05407 181 116 40 25
145 I said I wanted a bigger stake in the business. 1.4972 0.05350 181 115 42 24
146 Wrong floor. Legal is on twelve. 1.4972 0.05292 181 114 44 23
147 Legal? Third door on the left. 1.4972 0.04994 181 109 54 18
148 No, not an ad campaign for reptile dysfunction..... 1.4972 0.05453 179 115 39 25
149 Another reptile dysfunction? 1.4972 0.05623 179 118 33 28
150 I don't think your idea has any legs. 1.4972 0.05096 179 109 51 19
151 Corporate wants something with legs. 1.4945 0.05270 182 115 44 23
152 Put it in legal with the others. 1.4915 0.05441 177 114 39 24
153 I was imagining a different sort of scalability. 1.4915 0.05138 177 109 49 19
154 I assume you're here for the Snakeholder Meeting? 1.4915 0.05441 177 114 39 24
155 No, I said I liked the eclectic feel around the office. 1.4915 0.05261 177 111 45 21
156 Remember to set him up with a touchpad. We don't need a repeat of the mouse incident. 1.4915 0.05672 177 118 31 28
157 Well, he did put 'strangles the competition' on his résumé.' 1.4915 0.05075 177 108 51 18
158 Well, Mr. Trump did want a running mate who was more likeable than him. 1.4888 0.05534 178 117 35 26
159 Finally a cold-blooded pragmatist around here. 1.4886 0.05582 176 116 34 26
160 I'm in no mood for metaphors 1.4886 0.05465 176 114 38 24
161 OK, guys, all the mice are gone. Get rid of it before questions about Mr. Johnson's Bull Dog comes up. 1.4886 0.05465 176 114 38 24
162 Sorry, we have to let you go. We're scaling down. 1.4886 0.05283 176 111 44 21
163 I said "Send in the stakeholders"... 1.4857 0.05548 175 115 35 25
164 Take him upstairs. He'll be working in legal. 1.4857 0.05548 175 115 35 25
165 Take that to Eve in produce. 1.4828 0.05328 174 111 42 21
166 has anyone seen Bob in accounting? 1.4828 0.05512 174 114 36 24
167 I mean nobody's LinkedIn profile is completely honest. 1.4826 0.05499 172 112 37 23
168 I never thought our IRS audit would be done by a civil serpent. 1.4826 0.05311 172 109 43 20
169 Gentlemen, your proposal hasn't got a leg to stand on. 1.4826 0.04911 172 103 55 14
170 It's the new hire from Amazon. 1.4800 0.05242 175 111 44 20
171 I may have mumbled.... but I know I said STAKEHOLDERS MEETING 1.4795 0.05333 171 109 42 20
172 Inhuman Resources, third floor. 1.4795 0.05646 171 114 32 25
173 Careful, he's on the Boa Directors. 1.4795 0.05767 171 116 28 27
174 Just so you know, Eve has filed a sexual harassment suit. 1.4767 0.05373 172 111 40 21
175 'We've got to come up with a better way to seal envelopes.' 1.4765 0.04950 170 103 53 14
176 Just put it with the others. 1.4765 0.05020 170 104 51 15
177 "I told you idiots to hire a civil 'servant'... 1.4765 0.05420 170 110 39 21
178 It's not eligible for COBRA benefits. 1.4765 0.05157 170 106 47 17
179 The client changed their minds again...they're staying with the gekko. 1.4765 0.05356 170 109 41 20
180 You know, everyone else catches Pokemon at lunch. 1.4765 0.05420 170 110 39 21
181 Morey. I said bring me Morey, 1.4765 0.05420 170 110 39 21
182 Before you let him go have him sign this release form. 1.4765 0.05020 170 104 51 15
183 That's it, Bill, you're fired – and take your two handlers with you. 1.4765 0.05547 170 112 35 23
184 On second thought, let's call a plumber. 1.4765 0.05157 170 106 47 17
185 No guys, I told you I needed a good Boeing contractor. 1.4765 0.05290 170 108 43 19
186 Yes, That would be my Amazon order. 1.4765 0.05224 170 107 45 18
187 I said to find a civil SERVANT 1.4765 0.05356 170 109 41 20
188 We're going to need a few more rules for "Bring your pet to work day." 1.4734 0.05508 169 111 36 22
189 Let's get you into hair and makeup, Mr. Trump. 1.4734 0.05571 169 112 34 23
190 I hate these team building exercises. 1.4734 0.05443 169 110 38 21
191 ... and finally, you can't type worth a damn. 1.4734 0.05508 169 111 36 22
192 You're too late, they settled 5 minutes ago. 1.4734 0.05378 169 109 40 20
193 You misunderstood me. I want each employee to have a STAKE in our company. 1.4734 0.05378 169 109 40 20
194 Let HR handle it 1.4734 0.05378 169 109 40 20
195 Reread the memo. The boss wants something from Amazon, not from the Amazon. 1.4702 0.05131 168 105 47 16
196 No, no--that memo was about stakeholders. 1.4702 0.05532 168 111 35 22
197 I'm getting a bad feeling about my missing intern. 1.4702 0.05131 168 105 47 16
198 It was a metaphor, guys. 1.4699 0.05245 166 105 44 17
199 I think the staff will be more productive with fewer constrictions. 1.4699 0.05647 166 111 32 23
200 Wouldn't a couple of mouse traps be easier? 1.4699 0.05245 166 105 44 17
201 Put him in the conference room with the other attorneys. 1.4699 0.05516 166 109 36 21
202 Ah, I see the Legal Dept. has a new intern. 1.4699 0.05582 166 110 34 22
203 The other lawyers are in the conference room. 1.4699 0.05175 166 104 46 16
204 Is that my Amazon delivery? 1.4699 0.05582 166 110 34 22
205 Remember when we used to just give people pink slips? 1.4667 0.05052 165 102 49 14
206 You want the den of vipers — that's up one floor in pharmaceuticals. 1.4667 0.05405 165 107 39 19
207 This will be the last "bring your pet to work" day. 1.4634 0.05218 164 104 44 16
208 The rat race seems to attract them. 1.4634 0.05359 164 106 40 18
209 Take that back to Trump Tower where you found it. 1.4634 0.05698 164 111 30 23
210 No wonder the copier was jamming. 1.4634 0.05359 164 106 40 18
211 Well, that explains my missing mongoose. 1.4634 0.05497 164 108 36 20
212 Let me guess - another team building exercise. 1.4634 0.05429 164 107 38 19
213 I'm relieved. I thought we had a mole. 1.4634 0.05218 164 104 44 16
214 The good news is, we no longer have a whistle blower problem. 1.4634 0.05218 164 104 44 16
215 Bob, it looks like we'll have to move your therapy snake further away from Ms. Jenning's therapy rabbits. 1.4634 0.05497 164 108 36 20
216 I'm tempted, but knowing good from evil might cramp our style. 1.4601 0.05657 163 110 31 22
217 Well, we found out what happened to Janet from accounting. 1.4601 0.05240 163 104 43 16
218 If you had cleaned out the break room fridge when you were supposed to, you wouldn't have this problem. 1.4601 0.04786 163 98 55 10
219 Welcome to Goldman Sachs, you'll fit right in. 1.4601 0.05589 163 109 33 21
220 Good to have legal back. 1.4601 0.05382 163 106 39 18
221 Maybe we should just let the plumber handle it. 1.4601 0.05240 163 104 43 16
222 Get Him a suit and tie, he's due in court in an hour. 1.4601 0.05167 163 103 45 15
223 This way, Mr. Ailes. Your new host body is waiting in Mr. Trump's office. 1.4601 0.05789 163 112 27 24
224 I see Bob made an asp of himself at the board meeting again. 1.4601 0.05452 163 107 37 19
225 "Take it up to legal, and get it a desk.' 1.4578 0.05577 166 112 32 22
226 Finally, an intern who won't be wanting a stand-up desk. 1.4568 0.05188 162 103 44 15
227 I think you misunderstood "from" Amazon. 1.4568 0.05113 162 102 46 14
228 "Tell me again what's wrong with the old mouse trap". 1.4568 0.05334 162 105 40 17
229 I ordered a large "SHAKE." 1.4568 0.05334 162 105 40 17
230 I think we've found the reason for the printer paper jam. 1.4568 0.05476 162 107 36 19
231 If it fits, it ships! 1.4568 0.05405 162 106 38 18
232 Put him in the CEO's chair and see if anyone notices. 1.4568 0.05405 162 106 38 18
233 Tile Rep. Reptile. Anyone could make that mistake. 1.4568 0.05682 162 110 30 22
234 Good solution, but is it scalable? 1.4568 0.05405 162 106 38 18
235 I hate bring your pet to work day. 1.4568 0.05261 162 104 42 16
236 The other lawyers are waiting in Conference Room B. 1.4568 0.05614 162 109 32 21
237 He ate Simpson's Viagra.Hurry- or you'll never get him in the elevator. 1.4568 0.05545 162 108 34 20
238 No, NO! I said I wanted our employees to be big STAKEholders. 1.4563 0.05526 160 106 35 19
239 Any luck finding that missing intern? 1.4563 0.05309 160 103 41 16
240 This is the absolute last time I send you two guys out for sushi! 1.4563 0.05455 160 105 37 18
241 Eve will be here in a few minutes with her side of the story. 1.4563 0.05382 160 104 39 17
242 Isn't there enough venom in this department already? 1.4563 0.05234 160 102 43 15
243 No, no! I said that I wished that I had a larger stake in the business. 1.4563 0.05526 160 106 35 19
244 Right, sorry millennials, I meant Monty Python. 1.4545 0.05535 154 101 36 17
245 Now that's a better mouse trap. 1.4533 0.05145 150 93 46 11
246 Nice asp Ted. 1.4528 0.05405 159 104 38 17
247 I want everything converted from Python to Java by this afternoon. 1.4528 0.05180 159 101 44 14
248 This is Sales. You want HR. 1.4528 0.05478 159 105 36 18
249 Sales haven't improved. Release it on level three. 1.4528 0.05692 159 108 30 21
250 I knew he was a snake when we hired him. 1.4528 0.05405 159 104 38 17
251 I see you finally decided to clean out the breakroom fridge. 1.4528 0.04944 159 98 50 11
252 I see you found our closer. 1.4528 0.05256 159 102 42 15
253 Which one of you is the lawyer? 1.4528 0.05405 159 104 38 17
254 Make him comfortable. A client is a client! 1.4494 0.04963 158 98 49 11
255 Don't try to tell me that's a service animal. 1.4494 0.05502 158 105 35 18
256 I don't think your new pet project has legs. 1.4494 0.05428 158 104 37 17
257 Get him out before Eve files another harassment suit. 1.4494 0.05428 158 104 37 17
258 I asked for a large shake. 1.4494 0.05575 158 106 33 19
259 Cripes! I told you two to find my aunt a condo! 1.4494 0.05647 158 107 31 20
260 Which law school? 1.4459 0.05526 157 105 34 18
261 That's not exactly what I had in mind when I said that our company needs a robust COBRA plan! 1.4459 0.05376 157 103 38 16
262 This the guy saying go with Apple? 1.4459 0.05814 157 109 26 22
263 Shouldn't he be down in Legal? 1.4459 0.05599 157 106 32 19
264 Can you guys help me install Python? 1.4459 0.05672 157 107 30 20
265 So, we're literally going to be selling snake oil? 1.4459 0.05599 157 106 32 19
266 Have you guys seen Bill? 1.4459 0.05143 157 100 44 13
267 Yeah, Don gets like this. Just let him sleep it off in his office. 1.4459 0.05376 157 103 38 16
268 So, I take it the rats are back. 1.4459 0.05300 157 102 40 15
269 I guess we should have specified what we meant by pet project. 1.4452 0.05270 155 100 41 14
270 Now they’ll know the meaning of deadline. 1.4452 0.05942 155 109 23 23
271 I said I wanted to meet with all of our STAKEholders 1.4452 0.05799 155 107 27 21
272 I see you found what was jamming the copy machine. 1.4452 0.05426 155 102 37 16
273 No, I said, 'Get me a big stake in the company'! 1.4452 0.05426 155 102 37 16
274 Well ... This certainly explains the dwindling secretarial pool! 1.4452 0.05579 155 104 33 18
275 Johnson, your emotional support animal has eaten another IT guy. 1.4452 0.05503 155 103 35 17
276 Forked tongue? P.R, must have ordered it. 1.4452 0.05270 155 100 41 14
277 If Johnson keeps on mixing up "literally" and "figuratively" he will never make partner. 1.4452 0.05270 155 100 41 14
278 Isn't there a simpler way to terminate Jensen? 1.4452 0.05349 155 101 39 15
279 He's a comfort snake--here's the paperwork. 1.4452 0.05270 155 100 41 14
280 Word of advice: if he offers you an apple, don't eat it. 1.4452 0.05579 155 104 33 18
281 Impressive growth in the first quarter 1.4452 0.05189 155 99 43 13
282 Ooh...someone's in for a tongue-lashing. 1.4452 0.05426 155 102 37 16
283 Just put it on my desk. I'll have my secretary take care of it. 1.4452 0.05653 155 105 31 19
284 We're cleaning out the break room fridge. 1.4430 0.05498 158 106 34 18
285 He's from corporate. 1.4430 0.05714 158 109 28 21
286 Whatever, but all emotional support animals must be cleared with HR 1.4423 0.05322 156 102 39 15
287 So that's why the printer was jammed. 1.4423 0.05243 156 101 41 14
288 Take him over to sales, he'll fit right in. 1.4423 0.05399 156 103 37 16
289 When you said you had to go "drain the snake" I thought... 1.4416 0.05678 154 105 30 19
290 Adam and Eve are in Conference Room B. 1.4416 0.05450 154 102 36 16
291 I wasn't told we'd be getting a visit from Corporate today. 1.4416 0.05211 154 99 42 13
292 It says right here: '...and other duties as assigned'. 1.4416 0.05527 154 103 34 17
293 We're just showing the new civil serpent around the office. 1.4416 0.05527 154 103 34 17
294 I'm pretty sure that was a spelling error. 1.4416 0.05603 154 104 32 18
295 You guys didn't mention the forked tongue. Let's put him in the legal department. 1.4416 0.05527 154 103 34 17
296 If it's an adder, stick it in accounting. If it's a constrictor, put it in sales. If it's poisonous, put it in the CEO's office. 1.4416 0.05450 154 102 36 16
297 His desk is over there, but I think he'll need more than one mouse. 1.4416 0.05450 154 102 36 16
298 So all that anti-virus stuff doesn't prevent these? 1.4416 0.05527 154 103 34 17
299 I'm sorry. The job offer was for a civil servant. 1.4416 0.05603 154 104 32 18
300 When I told you to get me the biggest snake in town, I meant a lawyer. 1.4416 0.05603 154 104 32 18
301 There's an empty cubicle between Adam and Eve. 1.4416 0.05292 154 100 40 14
302 Put him in with Legal. 1.4416 0.05826 154 107 26 21
303 Oh, good! That must be the new adder for accounting. 1.4387 0.05265 155 101 40 14
304 We're missing two kids from Take Your Child to Work Day. 1.4387 0.05499 155 104 34 17
305 Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce Donald Trump's newest campaign manager. 1.4379 0.05551 153 103 33 17
306 Sorry for the typo. This meeting is for STAKE-holders. 1.4379 0.05628 153 104 31 18
307 No, no, no. Hire a civil *servant*! 1.4379 0.05473 153 102 35 16
308 His resume looks good, but typing skills are going to be an issue. 1.4379 0.05394 153 101 37 15
309 So that's what was causing the paper jam 1.4379 0.05314 153 100 39 14
310 If he tries to get you to eat an apple, don't. 1.4379 0.05314 153 100 39 14
311 Get your asp back to work! 1.4379 0.05704 153 105 29 19
312 We're selling the oil, not the snake! 1.4351 0.05366 154 102 37 15
313 Great, another bottom-feeder. 1.4351 0.05287 154 101 39 14
314 Dare I ask how it went at the aquarium's bankruptcy hearing? 1.4351 0.05445 154 103 35 16
315 It came with my Amazon Primal subscription. 1.4342 0.05575 152 103 32 17
316 I can't believe he made partner before me. 1.4342 0.05729 152 105 28 19
317 So that's what was jamming the copy machine. 1.4342 0.05497 152 102 34 16
318 Damn auto-correct! That was suppose to say ASAP, not ASP. 1.4342 0.05417 152 101 36 15
319 Let's put it in the pipeline and see what happens. 1.4342 0.05653 152 104 30 18
320 I said I wanted a large SHAKE. 1.4342 0.05336 152 100 38 14
321 Trump's changed campaign managers again. 1.4314 0.05468 153 103 34 16
322 Anyone seen the boss's chihuahua? 1.4305 0.05190 151 98 41 12
323 Conference room 2A. Mrs. Edith Higgins doesn't want to settle. 1.4305 0.05358 151 100 37 14
324 COBRA Insurance? Take that to Human Resources. 1.4305 0.05678 151 104 29 18
325 It's tempting.... 1.4305 0.05520 151 102 33 16
326 So this is our competitive response to the Gecko. 1.4305 0.05600 151 103 31 17
327 This should finally put an end to our capybara problem. 1.4305 0.05678 151 104 29 18
328 Seat him with the other candidates. 1.4305 0.05600 151 103 31 17
329 This floor is accounting. Lawyers are on 19. 1.4305 0.05520 151 102 33 16
330 Hopefully this will get us the conference room 1.4305 0.05275 151 99 39 13
331 I misread the memo: management wants a new constructor. 1.4305 0.05358 151 100 37 14
332 I trust this will take care of our poodle problem. 1.4305 0.05520 151 102 33 16
333 Can you get it to cough up Caruthers' ID badge? 1.4305 0.05678 151 104 29 18
334 They're draining the typing pool. 1.4305 0.05520 151 102 33 16
335 I don't think you guys quite grasp the concept of carrying COBRA. 1.4305 0.05520 151 102 33 16
336 Has anyone seen Johnson? 1.4305 0.05358 151 100 37 14
337 That's a moray? 1.4295 0.05813 149 104 26 19
338 This is Accounting. Legal is on the 5th floor. 1.4295 0.05409 149 99 36 14
339 If you have reptile dysfunction, I know of a cure. 1.4295 0.05574 149 101 32 16
340 I wish I could accommodate that, but I'm afraid we don't have any wiggle room. 1.4295 0.05151 149 96 42 11
341 Is this the new government mandated COBRA policy? 1.4295 0.05655 149 102 30 17
342 "When you said 'therapy pet,' I just assumed 'dog'. 1.4295 0.05574 149 101 32 16
343 It seemed like a good idea, but it didn't have legs. 1.4267 0.05463 150 101 34 15
344 Last time I'm going to tell you, gentlemen, jackets are required in the office. 1.4267 0.05934 150 107 22 21
345 Show Roger Ailes replacement to his office. 1.4257 0.05680 148 102 29 17
346 I hate the paleo diet. 1.4257 0.05346 148 98 37 13
347 Has anyone seen the intern? 1.4257 0.05598 148 101 31 16
348 Finally...someone to swim with the sharks 1.4257 0.05260 148 97 39 12
349 I see legal is moving again. 1.4257 0.05760 148 103 27 18
350 Have either of you seen the intern? 1.4257 0.05260 148 97 39 12
351 Don't get sushi at Costco. 1.4257 0.05760 148 103 27 18
352 Now find a huge peanut brittle can. 1.4257 0.05760 148 103 27 18
353 Can't you guys catch "Pokemon" like everyone else? 1.4178 0.05121 146 95 41 10
354 Eve says, 'he knows too much'. 1.4178 0.05563 146 100 31 15
355 The Donald's new campaign manager 1.4178 0.05812 146 103 25 18
356 I asked for 2 "stakeholders"! 1.4178 0.05893 146 104 23 19
357 So much for "bring your pet to work" day. Now we'll need a new accountant. 1.4178 0.05812 146 103 25 18
358 When he first started here he was electric but I'm afraid the time has come to let him go. 1.4178 0.05212 146 96 39 11
359 You really have no idea what the company cobra policy is, do you? 1.4178 0.05390 146 98 35 13
360 Thanks for cleaning out that refrigerator. 1.4178 0.05563 146 100 31 15
361 Just keep it away from Eve in accounting. 1.4178 0.05812 146 103 25 18
362 Why is it that none of your ideas ever seem to have legs? 1.4178 0.05390 146 98 35 13
363 He may lack the necessary venom to be a good executive. 1.4178 0.05477 146 99 33 14
364 I said, "seal the deal," not "steal an eel." 1.4178 0.05647 146 101 29 16
365 OK. Grab a rabbit out of my office, but I want him back on the phones in thirty. 1.4167 0.05618 144 99 30 15
366 I don't think that is what the plumber wanted. 1.4167 0.05261 144 95 38 11
367 Sorry, there was a bit of an auto-correct issue. We actually need a giant cake. 1.4167 0.05789 144 101 26 17
368 Are you here to carry out our new COBRA policy? 1.4167 0.05531 144 98 32 14
369 That's what was causing the paper jam? 1.4167 0.05353 144 96 36 12
370 It's going to be interesting to see if Thompson wiggles out of this one. 1.4167 0.05618 144 99 30 15
371 I thought I told you get your asp back to work. 1.4138 0.05587 145 100 30 15
372 Yikes! Another delivery from Amazon? 1.4138 0.05587 145 100 30 15
373 Isn't it a bit premature to bring in legal counsel? 1.4138 0.05413 145 98 34 13
374 Put him in the think tank. 1.4138 0.05500 145 99 32 14
375 Take him straight to Mergers and Acquisitions. They'll get along just fine. 1.4138 0.05413 145 98 34 13
376 I can't tell you interns that it gets better. Just different. 1.4126 0.05375 143 96 35 12
377 Book him for conspiracy and temptation. 1.4126 0.05555 143 98 31 14
378 Another eel-mail scandal. 1.4126 0.05465 143 97 33 13
379 Good. The mouse is in Keebler's office, but be warned, he's pretty big. 1.4126 0.05092 143 93 41 9
380 Another creative team-building exercise? 1.4126 0.05375 143 96 35 12
381 I ordered it from Amazon 1.4126 0.05729 143 100 27 16
382 We finally found where the rattle was coming from 1.4126 0.05465 143 97 33 13
383 Have him squeeze the joy of living out of Perkins in Accounting, and then Stevenson in IT if you've still got time. 1.4126 0.05282 143 95 37 11
384 No, no, no,no!" "I said buy Anaconda Copper not a copper anaconda. 1.4126 0.05188 143 94 39 10
385 This is supposed to be a friendly meeting, guys. No need to bring legal counsel. 1.4126 0.05465 143 97 33 13
386 Take Mr. Trump's new campaign manager to the staff room. 1.4126 0.05982 143 103 21 19
387 I don't think this needs to go to HR, but if it's in the break room fridge and nobody's name is on it... fair game. 1.4126 0.05643 143 99 29 15
388 Sorry -- we only hire sharks. 1.4085 0.05579 142 98 30 14
389 Does this mean that the audit is over ? 1.4077 0.05536 130 87 33 10
390 When I told you to bring me the biggest, baddest, forked tongue snake in the grass you could find, I thought you knew I meant a personal injury attorney. 1.4060 0.06135 133 96 20 17
391 No you idiots. A plumber's snake. 1.4043 0.05692 141 99 27 15
392 For Chrissake! I specifically said, 'We're angling for the one percent,' not one serpent! 1.4043 0.05867 141 101 23 17
393 I'll inform the boss that our legal counsel is here. 1.4043 0.05780 141 100 25 16
394 I think his cubicle office was just too constricting. 1.4043 0.05602 141 98 29 14
395 Shouldn't we just call a plumber? 1.4043 0.05511 141 97 31 13
396 That explains the poor attendance at the daycare center. 1.4043 0.05324 141 95 35 11
397 I was told that outside attorneys would not be brought it. 1.4043 0.05692 141 99 27 15
398 When she said Bob showed her his snake, I just assumed it was a euphemism. 1.4043 0.05324 141 95 35 11
399 We love him for the job; he just has to learn to hold his tongue. 1.4043 0.05130 141 93 39 9
400 No, no, no! I said we should have a bigger stake in Textiles! 1.4043 0.05692 141 99 27 15
401 They were all out of therapy dogs. 1.4043 0.05602 141 98 29 14
402 He'll fit in with our work culture just fine. 1.4043 0.05228 141 94 37 10
403 I said to make sure we get a huge "stake" in the deal! 1.4043 0.05602 141 98 29 14
404 That's great. But now the toilet on the THIRD floor isn't working. 1.4043 0.05953 141 102 21 18
405 Legal's down the hall and to the right. 1.4043 0.05419 141 96 33 12
406 The good news is we found that computer virus. 1.4043 0.05602 141 98 29 14
407 Dammit, I've told you interns before: snakes go to Legal, crabs go to Accounting, and it's nothing but monkeys here in Marketing. 1.4043 0.05324 141 95 35 11
408 Idiots! Bring Your Snake to Work Day was yesterday. 1.4043 0.05953 141 102 21 18
409 Just put it over there with the rest of the hedge fund traders. 1.4029 0.05376 139 94 34 11
410 Next time, remove "killer instinct" from the job description. 1.4029 0.05659 139 97 28 14
411 I meant Python, the computer language. 1.4029 0.05929 139 100 22 17
412 When I said buy Anaconda I didn't mean.......... 1.4029 0.05567 139 96 30 13
413 I thought your new Viper was a car. 1.4029 0.05751 139 98 26 15
414 I knew you'd come crawling back here for work. 1.4029 0.05376 139 94 34 11
415 I see on your resume you used to run Fox News? 1.4029 0.05751 139 98 26 15
416 I thought you hired Anna Conda! 1.4029 0.05659 139 97 28 14
417 I'd prefer to interview the other candidate first. 1.4029 0.05472 139 95 32 12
418 Toilet in the executive washroom clogged again? 1.4000 0.05571 145 102 28 15
419 Thanks guys, but I can lick the envelopes on my own. 1.3986 0.05495 138 95 31 12
420 Oh, I see we're staffing up for another hostile takeover. 1.3986 0.05095 138 91 39 8
421 Don't forget to confiscate his security pass and executive lavatory key. 1.3986 0.05299 138 93 35 10
422 Is the takeover getting hostile? 1.3986 0.05495 138 95 31 12
423 So... I see you've found yet another reason to abandon your cubicles. 1.3986 0.05957 138 100 21 17
424 Sorry, HR says no therapy snakes. 1.3986 0.05684 138 97 27 14
425 Have you guys seen Larry? 1.3986 0.05684 138 97 27 14
426 On second thought, I'll just call a plumber. 1.3986 0.05198 138 92 37 9
427 I see you guys met our new corporate lawyer. 1.3986 0.05867 138 99 23 16
428 We're taking legal out to lunch. 1.3986 0.05776 138 98 25 15
429 Good riddance -and let's start looking at those resumes a little more carefully. 1.3986 0.05776 138 98 25 15
430 Yes, well, catch and release him someplace else. 1.3986 0.05495 138 95 31 12
431 It's a better idea than the whale from last week's cartoon; I'll give you that much. 1.3986 0.05957 138 100 21 17
432 Online she said she was slim and curvy. 1.3986 0.05590 138 96 29 13
433 We need to revisit our "Bring Your Pet to Work Day" policy. 1.3957 0.05366 139 95 33 11
434 He seems eager enough. Get him started on hedge funds. 1.3942 0.05614 137 96 28 13
435 Yours is bigger. 1.3942 0.05894 137 99 22 16
436 I'm glad to see you two are finally learning Python. 1.3942 0.05614 137 96 28 13
437 Wow, they really are attempting a hostile takeover! 1.3942 0.05802 137 98 24 15
438 I'll try flushing the toilet again. 1.3942 0.05708 137 97 26 14
439 It alarms me your first solution wasn't a mousetrap. 1.3923 0.05514 130 89 31 10
440 They brought their attorney too. 1.3913 0.05858 138 100 22 16
441 the boss said get her the present from amazon .com not THE AMAZON 1.3910 0.05529 133 92 30 11
442 I think we all owe Paul an apology for blaming the recurring men's restroom issues on him. 1.3897 0.05441 136 94 31 11
443 Open desk in legal? 1.3897 0.05540 136 95 29 12
444 You're going to need more than this doctor's note to get that approved as a service animal. 1.3897 0.05733 136 97 25 14
445 We may need to tone down the job description. 1.3897 0.05540 136 95 29 12
446 No, you are right. Birthday snake does sound a lot like birthday cake. 1.3897 0.05340 136 93 33 10
447 I'm pretty sure he asked for an extra large shake. 1.3897 0.05540 136 95 29 12
448 I'm guessing you couldn't find the plunger. 1.3897 0.05637 136 96 27 13
449 Is that going to Human Resources or Legal? 1.3897 0.05827 136 98 23 15
450 I see you boys found more than a bug in the mainframe. 1.3897 0.05540 136 95 29 12
451 He say's he's the original Apple salesman 1.3897 0.05827 136 98 23 15
452 Have any of you seen my mouse? 1.3897 0.05131 136 91 37 8
453 Stop trying to reinvent the eel. 1.3881 0.05392 134 92 32 10
454 I'm sorry but the company finds your management style too constricting. 1.3881 0.05597 134 94 28 12
455 How did he get past the second interview? 1.3881 0.05392 134 92 32 10
456 He's the new Director of Scales and Aquasitions. 1.3881 0.05597 134 94 28 12
457 now we put our logo on it and release back into the wild 1.3881 0.05495 134 93 30 11
458 Take it to Legal. Should feel more comfortable there. 1.3881 0.05794 134 96 24 14
459 I dont think that's what the plumber meant 1.3881 0.05392 134 92 32 10
460 Let's see how his background check goes before we make any final decisions. 1.3881 0.05071 134 89 38 7
461 The Rat's in his corner office. 1.3881 0.05696 134 95 26 13
462 Are you sure this is how you snake a toilet? 1.3881 0.05890 134 97 22 15
463 I appreciate your thought to save money for the company but I think it is best if we call a plumber to snake the drain. 1.3881 0.05794 134 96 24 14
464 We were told the toilet was clogged and to bring a snake quickly. 1.3881 0.05890 134 97 22 15
465 Can this wait? 1.3881 0.05696 134 95 26 13
466 I asked you where's our stake in this company! 1.3881 0.05794 134 96 24 14
467 Urban myth my ass. 1.3881 0.05392 134 92 32 10
468 But is your idea scalable? 1.3881 0.05071 134 89 38 7
469 We found him buried in the disclosure document. 1.3881 0.05597 134 94 28 12
470 30 years and all I get is a lousy snake? 1.3881 0.05597 134 94 28 12
471 Sorry, we've decided to settle. 1.3881 0.05495 134 93 30 11
472 Leave it beside the corporate ladder. 1.3881 0.05890 134 97 22 15
473 Let Wilson's wife know that he won't be home for dinner. 1.3881 0.05597 134 94 28 12
474 Rats in the board room again? 1.3881 0.05287 134 91 34 9
475 Put him in the corner office and feed him an intern once a day. 1.3881 0.05597 134 94 28 12
476 I thought I said no attorneys. 1.3881 0.05794 134 96 24 14
477 Have Inhuman Resources interview him 1.3881 0.05392 134 92 32 10
478 I know he's difficult, but he gets results. 1.3881 0.05287 134 91 34 9
479 They do this twice a week at Google. 1.3881 0.05794 134 96 24 14
480 I didn't realize you had invited Legal to this meeting. 1.3881 0.05180 134 90 36 8
481 Lawyers' suite down the hall on the left. 1.3841 0.05474 138 97 29 12
482 Legal's on 34. 1.3835 0.05413 133 92 31 10
483 No, what I said was, 'This office needs an electric feel.' 1.3835 0.05517 133 93 29 11
484 Sorry to see you go, Gary. Luckily, your COBRA benefits are pretty sizable. 1.3835 0.05413 133 92 31 10
485 Put him in sales...with the others. 1.3835 0.05517 133 93 29 11
486 There's a rat here in Internal Affairs, and we're going to find him. 1.3835 0.05517 133 93 29 11
487 Mr. Trump replaced our campaign manager again? 1.3835 0.06105 133 99 17 17
488 Life was so much easier when CEOs were warm-blooded creatures who could walk. 1.3835 0.05916 133 97 21 15
489 Place it by the door that says Customer Complaints. 1.3835 0.05517 133 93 29 11
490 I asked you to find me Anne and Rhonda. 1.3835 0.05517 133 93 29 11
491 Why don't you boys work from home tomorrow? 1.3835 0.05517 133 93 29 11
492 I could have sworn that my meeting with legal was tomorrow... 1.3835 0.05307 133 91 33 9
493 I see you have been ordering from Amazon again. 1.3835 0.05720 133 95 25 13
494 Can you also take care of that rat in HR? 1.3835 0.05720 133 95 25 13
495 I see you brought your lawyer. 1.3806 0.05275 134 92 33 9
496 Oh no! Don't tell me we're switching to Python. 1.3806 0.05484 134 94 29 11
497 I need someone who can be a little more hands-on 1.3788 0.05539 132 93 28 11
498 Don't tell me we're doing business with that snake again. 1.3788 0.05539 132 93 28 11
499 Is that the new COBRA specialist from HR? 1.3788 0.05744 132 95 24 13
500 Put him in a cubicle next to the corporate lawyers. 1.3788 0.05105 132 89 36 7
501 He's all right - he's just a little rattled. 1.3788 0.05643 132 94 26 12
502 When I told you to get rid of Fizby, I meant fire him. 1.3788 0.05434 132 92 30 10
503 Our toilet is fixed, boss! 1.3788 0.05434 132 92 30 10
504 Take him to legal - he'll find a rat or two. 1.3788 0.05643 132 94 26 12
505 Not quite the 800-lb gorilla we need, but it will have to do 1.3788 0.05217 132 90 34 8
506 What I said was we need a large 'shake' up to get the company back on track. 1.3788 0.05643 132 94 26 12
507 Drain clogged again? 1.3788 0.05643 132 94 26 12
508 What's the catch? 1.3788 0.05643 132 94 26 12
509 Let HR tell him that he has to pay for COBRA coverage. 1.3788 0.06039 132 98 18 16
510 This definitely isn't what Greg meant when he said "we need a snake for the men's toilet." 1.3788 0.05327 132 91 32 9
511 Maybe it was someone she ate? 1.3788 0.05539 132 93 28 11
512 Just put it in the boardroom with the other directors. 1.3769 0.05489 130 91 29 10
513 No, no! The kind you use in plumbing! 1.3769 0.05597 130 92 27 11
514 It's for the boss from his wife! 1.3769 0.05597 130 92 27 11
515 Put him under Eve's desk. 1.3769 0.05597 130 92 27 11
516 Oh good, you found him! Now we just have to find Miss Petry. 1.3769 0.05908 130 95 21 14
517 When you're done walking him I'm going to need you to let him eat you. 1.3769 0.05806 130 94 23 13
518 Eve's office is down the hall on the right. 1.3769 0.05489 130 91 29 10
519 That will teach you to put the seat down. 1.3769 0.06008 130 96 19 15
520 What's wrong with the boss? 1.3769 0.05908 130 95 21 14
521 His resumé left out one important detail. 1.3769 0.05489 130 91 29 10
522 When I said get me a BOA representative, I was talking about the bank 1.3769 0.05806 130 94 23 13
523 Eve, in HR, said she was expecting him. 1.3769 0.05597 130 92 27 11
524 No, no, no. That is not what I meant when I said snake the toilet in the men's room. 1.3769 0.05597 130 92 27 11
525 You drained the swamp, gentlemen, deal with the consequences. 1.3769 0.05702 130 93 25 12
526 Eve and her attorney are in the large conference room. 1.3769 0.05267 130 89 33 8
527 You can just leave it on Adam's desk. 1.3769 0.05806 130 94 23 13
528 We don't need legal at this meeting. 1.3759 0.05607 133 95 26 12
529 He's been working here how long -- and he still doesn't know his ass from his elbow. 1.3740 0.05666 131 94 25 12
530 So I see you guys figured out the plumbing problem 1.3721 0.05399 129 90 30 9
531 I meant C-O-B-R-A. 1.3721 0.05619 129 92 26 11
532 Legal is just down the hall, to the left. 1.3721 0.05619 129 92 26 11
533 Amazon is located on the third floor. 1.3721 0.05619 129 92 26 11
534 Ah, I see that Trump's new campaign manager has arrived. 1.3721 0.05726 129 93 24 12
535 The downsizing of the Law Department is going as we expected. 1.3721 0.05726 129 93 24 12
536 You've been caught embezzling, Jenkins. It's time to pay the viper. 1.3721 0.05726 129 93 24 12
537 Put him in the conference room with all the other snakes. 1.3721 0.05831 129 94 22 13
538 I said to, "seal the deal" not "steal the eel." 1.3721 0.05619 129 92 26 11
539 Put. It. Back. 1.3721 0.05726 129 93 24 12
540 That isn't the lying snake I was talking about 1.3721 0.05286 129 89 32 8
541 Then again maybe we'll skip the group hug this morning. 1.3721 0.05510 129 91 28 10
542 We've been acquired by Amazon. 1.3721 0.05399 129 90 30 9
543 He prefers a mouse instead of a trackpad. 1.3721 0.05510 129 91 28 10
544 I said I wanted to a large STAKE in the company. 1.3721 0.05831 129 94 22 13
545 "We'll need a replacement for Perkins in accounting". 1.3721 0.05619 129 92 26 11
546 That goes in the moat around the corner office. 1.3721 0.05619 129 92 26 11
547 Going in for the kill on the Patterson deal? 1.3721 0.05399 129 90 30 9
548 When I asked for an adder, I meant a calculator. 1.3721 0.05286 129 89 32 8
549 They're really going to grill him in personnel. 1.3721 0.05619 129 92 26 11
550 Put him in with the lawyers. 1.3721 0.05510 129 91 28 10
551 Is this the last of Ailes' personal belongings? 1.3721 0.05831 129 94 22 13
552 And be sure to add "Problem Solver" to your resumes. 1.3721 0.05619 129 92 26 11
553 It is a long story. 1.3721 0.04930 129 86 38 5
554 Thanks. My meeting with her divorce attorney is in the conference room. 1.3721 0.05399 129 90 30 9
555 Another hissy fit? 1.3721 0.05510 129 91 28 10
556 I understand, but you're supposed to order supplies from Amazon, not *the* Amazon. 1.3721 0.05619 129 92 26 11
557 When I said the new hire needs to be flexible, this is not what I had in mind. 1.3721 0.05170 129 88 34 7
558 I meant we need a lawyer. 1.3721 0.05934 129 95 20 14
559 The exterminator is missing. 1.3721 0.05510 129 91 28 10
560 We’re out of tranquilizer darts; use Billings’s PowerPoint presentation. 1.3692 0.05365 130 91 30 9
561 Sorry Neil, you just didn't have the backbone for the job. 1.3692 0.05475 130 92 28 10
562 Bring your pet to work day may not work out so well for Molly's rat in accounting. 1.3692 0.05253 130 90 32 8
563 Is it casualty Friday already? 1.3672 0.06062 128 96 17 15
564 I see you met our new hire, Anna Conda. Watch out, she's a hugger! 1.3672 0.05532 128 91 27 10
565 No Smedley - memo clearly says we need a big shake up here. 1.3672 0.05305 128 89 31 8
566 I can't wait for this audit to end. 1.3672 0.05419 128 90 29 9
567 He'll need a visitor pass 1.3672 0.05305 128 89 31 8
568 Take him back to his office, and get another attorney to take over his caseload. 1.3672 0.05856 128 94 21 13
569 This is not what I meant when I said we needed a coldblooded negotiator 1.3672 0.05419 128 90 29 9
570 That's a cold blooded response to the no dogs policy. 1.3672 0.05305 128 89 31 8
571 We'll get back to you as things evolve. 1.3672 0.05642 128 92 25 11
572 When I said a toilet needs to be snaked, this isn't what I had in mind. 1.3672 0.05419 128 90 29 9
573 we've never had to handle a problem of this scale before 1.3672 0.05305 128 89 31 8
574 Have you shown the IT guys how you're using Python? 1.3672 0.05856 128 94 21 13
575 We've covered the whole floor but we still can't find Harry in accounting. 1.3672 0.06062 128 96 17 15
576 It says here his name is Monty 1.3643 0.05385 129 91 29 9
577 Good morning. Eve in accounting speaks very highly of you. 1.3622 0.05664 127 92 24 11
578 Let 'em go boys. Apparently creating original sin isn't a crime. 1.3622 0.05881 127 94 20 13
579 This isn't another one of your stupid ice breakers, is it? 1.3622 0.05439 127 90 28 9
580 I completely forgot we had a meeting with our lawyer today. 1.3622 0.05773 127 93 22 12
581 I think it's about time we stopped with Bring Your Pet to Work Day. 1.3622 0.05204 127 88 32 7
582 Put him in Adam and Eve's cubicle. 1.3622 0.05664 127 92 24 11
583 I knew right away he was slippery. 1.3622 0.05083 127 87 34 6
584 The lawyers are in Conference Room B. 1.3622 0.05986 127 95 18 14
585 I assume that's the boss's kid? 1.3622 0.05439 127 90 28 9
586 Morning, Boss. 1.3622 0.05773 127 93 22 12
587 I said the Cobra Insurance Policy... 1.3622 0.05439 127 90 28 9
588 Bring Your Pet To Work Day was last Friday, guys. 1.3622 0.05204 127 88 32 7
589 On your way to express some venom? 1.3622 0.05204 127 88 32 7
590 You guys seen Frank? 1.3622 0.05553 127 91 26 10
591 Finally! A green solution to our rat problem. 1.3622 0.05323 127 89 30 8
592 I see you've met our legal counsel. 1.3622 0.05664 127 92 24 11
593 Put him in the conference room. Maybe that'll shorten our meetings. 1.3622 0.05553 127 91 26 10
594 He's my emotional support python. 1.3622 0.05323 127 89 30 8
595 "Legal" is on the top floor. 1.3622 0.05323 127 89 30 8
596 Legal is on 6. 1.3622 0.05664 127 92 24 11
597 It's okay, she's an emotional support animal. 1.3615 0.05238 130 91 31 8
598 You're gonna need a bigger cubicle. 1.3600 0.05495 125 89 27 9
599 Now I know why my mouse keeps disappearing. 1.3600 0.05495 125 89 27 9
600 Allow me to introduce the new manager of corporate drug pricing. 1.3600 0.05611 125 90 25 10
601 Gift it to our Florida office. 1.3600 0.05495 125 89 27 9
602 Morning, boss. Looking good. 1.3600 0.05611 125 90 25 10
603 You guys must be the new collectors from our predatory lending department. 1.3600 0.05725 125 91 23 11
604 He last worked for Bernie Madoff. 1.3600 0.05611 125 90 25 10
605 You say you got it from Amazon.com? 1.3600 0.05725 125 91 23 11
606 Corporate says having a common enemy in the office will increase productivity. 1.3600 0.05611 125 90 25 10
607 He never warmed up to the job. 1.3600 0.05255 125 87 31 7
608 Put him in Jake's office—his computer has some bugs. 1.3600 0.05611 125 90 25 10
609 We ended up going to Costco. 1.3600 0.05725 125 91 23 11
610 We've got to clean out the stock room more often. 1.3600 0.05725 125 91 23 11
611 Still cleaning out Roger's office? 1.3600 0.05495 125 89 27 9
612 He's sick of working on the Amazon account 1.3600 0.05946 125 93 19 13
613 Thanks guys for cleaning out the office fridge 1.3600 0.05495 125 89 27 9
614 Well, that should complete our diversity hiring program. 1.3600 0.05611 125 90 25 10
615 Careful--that's Mr. Trump's next campaign manager. 1.3600 0.05495 125 89 27 9
616 He was in the copier the whole time. 1.3600 0.05495 125 89 27 9
617 Keep that thing away from my mouse! 1.3600 0.05611 125 90 25 10
618 The whistleblower is in the last office on the left. 1.3600 0.05611 125 90 25 10
619 The toilet isn't THAT clogged! 1.3600 0.05946 125 93 19 13
620 "Good, now go fix the toilet. 1.3600 0.05495 125 89 27 9
621 I'm sorry, guys. We're firing your big lazy asp. 1.3600 0.05495 125 89 27 9
622 So this is the best candidate you could find on monster.com? 1.3600 0.05725 125 91 23 11
623 I guess we'll find the mole once and for all now. 1.3600 0.05376 125 88 29 8
624 It would have had legs, but the 3D printer ran out of ink 1.3600 0.05946 125 93 19 13
625 You can't believe a word he says. 1.3571 0.05459 126 90 27 9
626 How did he do in the interview? 1.3571 0.05221 126 88 31 7
627 Take him over to legal with the rest of them. 1.3571 0.05221 126 88 31 7
628 There's too much venom in this workplace already. 1.3571 0.05574 126 91 25 10
629 Sir, we now know why our interns go missing. 1.3571 0.04972 126 86 35 5
630 It was a metaphor. 1.3571 0.05459 126 90 27 9
631 The Legal Department is on the 3rd floor. 1.3548 0.05017 124 85 34 5
632 I knew there'd be a catch! 1.3548 0.05017 124 85 34 5
633 Eve's alibi checks out but Adam's does not. 1.3548 0.05272 124 87 30 7
634 When she kissed him he was supposed to turn into a frog! 1.3548 0.05515 124 89 26 9
635 Couldn't we just hire a lawyer... 1.3548 0.05515 124 89 26 9
636 When I said bring me back anything for lunch, I should've been more specific. 1.3548 0.05748 124 91 22 11
637 OK, now all we need is the oil and a salesman. 1.3548 0.05395 124 88 28 8
638 Well Google has one. 1.3548 0.05515 124 89 26 9
639 Glad to see our legal team is prepared. 1.3548 0.05515 124 89 26 9
640 Put him in with the other lawyers. 1.3548 0.05515 124 89 26 9
641 Good move, transferring Larry from PR to Collections. 1.3548 0.05395 124 88 28 8
642 Have him transferred to human resources. 1.3548 0.05748 124 91 22 11
643 Hurry. Mr. Trump is waiting. He's running low on venom. 1.3548 0.05861 124 92 20 12
644 Tell Mr. Trump we already have a penis for the statue. 1.3548 0.06396 124 97 10 17
645 Cake, guys, I said bring back a big cake. 1.3548 0.05633 124 90 24 10
646 When he sobers up, tell him he's fired! 1.3548 0.05515 124 89 26 9
647 And now, gentlemen, we squeeze the competition. 1.3548 0.05515 124 89 26 9
648 He's a long-time legend in Apple Marketing. 1.3548 0.05861 124 92 20 12
649 Mr. Trump says he no longer has time for old friends. 1.3548 0.05861 124 92 20 12
650 IT says we have to change our computers to Apples. 1.3548 0.05633 124 90 24 10
651 We're going to allow him to say he resigned. 1.3548 0.05861 124 92 20 12
652 Miller - you old snake! What are you doing here? 1.3548 0.05633 124 90 24 10
653 On second thought, I think you both deserve raises. 1.3548 0.05272 124 87 30 7
654 Scales person was a typo, Jeffrey. 1.3548 0.05146 124 86 32 6
655 So...I guess Marge WAS right about the copier. 1.3548 0.05633 124 90 24 10
656 He'll be perfect for the think thank. 1.3548 0.05515 124 89 26 9
657 I heard we merged legal and HR. 1.3548 0.06080 124 94 16 14
658 That is one serious computer bug. 1.3548 0.05633 124 90 24 10
659 We're lawyers. You're being redundant. 1.3548 0.05515 124 89 26 9
660 One more hissy fit and you're outta here! 1.3548 0.05515 124 89 26 9
661 When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a moray! 1.3548 0.05515 124 89 26 9
662 You guys came quick. The mongoose is in the conference room. 1.3520 0.05709 125 92 22 11
663 Wow. These darn computer viruses are getting scarier and scarier. 1.3520 0.05359 125 89 28 8
664 A gift from your wife. 1.3496 0.05654 123 90 23 10
665 I miss 'don't ask, don't tell'. 1.3496 0.05885 123 92 19 12
666 Now I see why most of your decisions were eel advised. 1.3496 0.05654 123 90 23 10
667 Per today's memo, we're going to adopt predatory pricing. 1.3496 0.05413 123 88 27 8
668 You must be the new hire from Amazon. 1.3496 0.05413 123 88 27 8
669 We do not need a totally organic paper shredder. 1.3496 0.05770 123 91 21 11
670 It's Sushi Tuesday. 1.3496 0.05535 123 89 25 9
671 Sushi for lunch again? 1.3496 0.05288 123 87 29 7
672 these computer worms are getting bigger 1.3496 0.05288 123 87 29 7
673 Finally some diversity on 'Bring your pet to work day.' 1.3496 0.05885 123 92 19 12
674 Can you please just send your Amazon deliveries to your home address? 1.3496 0.05770 123 91 21 11
675 Have we finally landed the Slytherin account? 1.3496 0.05535 123 89 25 9
676 Have him lick both the envelope and the stamp. 1.3496 0.05413 123 88 27 8
677 I was thinking more like a talking gecko. 1.3496 0.05413 123 88 27 8
678 Legal Department is down the hall. 1.3496 0.05654 123 90 23 10
679 Cobra insurance and that's not a cobra. 1.3496 0.05654 123 90 23 10
680 On the other hand, he does meet 99% of our criteria for president. 1.3496 0.05654 123 90 23 10
681 I said, 'Order me a large CAKE.' 1.3496 0.05654 123 90 23 10
682 They were out of California Rolls. 1.3496 0.05288 123 87 29 7
683 I didn't know our Legal Department was hiring again. 1.3496 0.05770 123 91 21 11
684 The exterminator's arrived, sir. 1.3496 0.05654 123 90 23 10
685 No, it can't go in the secretarial pool 1.3496 0.05161 123 86 31 6
686 I said pick me up a steak for lunch 1.3496 0.05413 123 88 27 8
687 I see you IT guys found the bug. 1.3496 0.05288 123 87 29 7
688 Adam, that goes in Eve's office. 1.3496 0.05535 123 89 25 9
689 The IRS guy is camped out in Cubicle 23. 1.3496 0.05654 123 90 23 10
690 You're kidding., out of the men's toilet? 1.3496 0.05885 123 92 19 12
691 you said it would be as popular as the Gekko! 1.3496 0.05413 123 88 27 8
692 Yes, you're fired. But you can apply for Cobra. 1.3496 0.05654 123 90 23 10
693 Assign him to the mailroom. He can lick stamps. 1.3496 0.05535 123 89 25 9
694 Nah, I'm good, I brought a sandwich 1.3471 0.05593 121 88 24 9
695 No you morons, I said I wanted a large steak. 1.3471 0.05715 121 89 22 10
696 Right now it's set on "vibrate". We can do "silent" when the meeting starts. 1.3471 0.05715 121 89 22 10
697 Find the printer jam? 1.3471 0.05077 121 84 32 5
698 He will be sitting in Legal. 1.3471 0.05469 121 87 26 8
699 That's great, guys, but it was just a metaphor. 1.3471 0.05593 121 88 24 9
700 Cleaning out the office fridge? 1.3471 0.05593 121 88 24 9
701 Have you seen Jarvis? 1.3471 0.05834 121 90 20 11
702 We talked to legal; it is probably better if you don't know. 1.3471 0.05834 121 90 20 11
703 'Jenkins, two cats and a hamster have gone missing on Bring Your Pet To Work Day. Any thoughts?' 1.3471 0.05077 121 84 32 5
704 We settled the case out of court. Please put the attorney back in his box. 1.3471 0.05834 121 90 20 11
705 This will be great for diversity. 1.3471 0.05341 121 86 28 7
706 Inhuman Resources is upstairs. 1.3471 0.05715 121 89 22 10
707 So, that's why Bill missed the meeting. 1.3471 0.05341 121 86 28 7
708 Bring him into the conference room for exit interviews. 1.3471 0.05951 121 91 18 12
709 That wasn't what I meant by diversity. 1.3471 0.05469 121 87 26 8
710 Sorry 'bout the typo, guys. Memo should have read, 'Order big, healthy SNACK for staff meeting.' 1.3471 0.05834 121 90 20 11
711 Put it in Ted's office with the others. 1.3471 0.05469 121 87 26 8
712 You were right. There WAS something fishy in accounting! 1.3471 0.05211 121 85 30 6
713 You guys going out for a bite? 1.3443 0.06243 122 95 12 15
714 Says right here on the invite: "Gag gifts only." 1.3443 0.05175 122 86 30 6
715 I said a big shake you idiots. 1.3443 0.05793 122 91 20 11
716 Pretty sure COBRA insurance doesn't cover that. 1.3443 0.05043 122 85 32 5
717 I said to bring me a "bid on a condo". Damn autocorrect. 1.3443 0.05909 122 92 18 12
718 Ah, another visitor from Corporate 1.3443 0.05431 122 88 26 8
719 I said ‘a nice big steak’. 1.3443 0.05675 122 90 22 10
720 So that's what the rattling noise in the air conditioning was. 1.3443 0.05175 122 86 30 6
721 Get him under the heat lamp before his 3:30. 1.3443 0.04907 122 84 34 4
722 It says stakeholders. 1.3443 0.05793 122 91 20 11
723 If this doesn't get him to sign the contract, then nothing will. 1.3443 0.05675 122 90 22 10
724 I said come back with a big deal, not eel. 1.3443 0.05675 122 90 22 10
725 Sorry guys, the boss is now thinking cuddly. 1.3417 0.05736 120 89 21 10
726 Ah, this must be the new head of litigation. 1.3417 0.05976 120 91 17 12
727 This company needs to shed its old skin if we want the business to achieve greater scale. 1.3417 0.05090 120 84 31 5
728 HR has some issues with your vetting process. 1.3417 0.05358 120 86 27 7
729 No, no, NO! I asked you to bring me a large SHAKE for lunch!! 1.3417 0.05736 120 89 21 10
730 Have you seen Jenkins around? 1.3417 0.05358 120 86 27 7
731 Really? You have to ask? Any bathroom he/she wants, okay? 1.3417 0.05736 120 89 21 10
732 We used to give a gold watch. 1.3417 0.05225 120 85 29 6
733 Hey guys! Great job getting the worm out of our IT system. 1.3417 0.05857 120 90 19 11
734 I'm not sure Brazil will believe we extradited the right swimmer... 1.3417 0.05857 120 90 19 11
735 No, No! It's a long feathery scarf for strippers! 1.3417 0.05976 120 91 17 12
736 On second thought, let's just dazzle them with our brilliance. 1.3417 0.05225 120 85 29 6
737 I asked for Anna Conda - the accountant! 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
738 We'll find the elephant in the room, next. 1.3417 0.05857 120 90 19 11
739 You can take it back, I'm licking the envelope myself. 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
740 I'm pretty sure the office-party memo said to bring your own SNACKS... 1.3417 0.05358 120 86 27 7
741 That explains all the hissing at the board meeting. 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
742 We caught him hissing up to senior management. 1.3417 0.05613 120 88 23 9
743 I see legal is moving offices again... 1.3417 0.05358 120 86 27 7
744 No I said 'Civil servant!' Not 'Serpent!' 1.3417 0.05487 120 87 25 8
745 I'll just go ahead and order a new mouse. 1.3417 0.05090 120 84 31 5
746 Is it Anaconda Wednesday already? 1.3417 0.05225 120 85 29 6
747 I said please bring me a snack. 1.3417 0.05225 120 85 29 6
748 I told you Johnson was a snake. Now get rid of him. 1.3417 0.05736 120 89 21 10
749 This is exactly why I distrust teams. 1.3417 0.05358 120 86 27 7
750 "Wolf" of Wall Street was trademarked. 1.3417 0.05736 120 89 21 10
751 We have a Cobra Plan but that's not it! 1.3417 0.05736 120 89 21 10
752 Good, right in time for the peer reviews. 1.3388 0.05321 121 87 27 7
753 Hey. The snake is out. They want a giant duck. 1.3388 0.05055 121 85 31 5
754 Any sign of the apple? 1.3388 0.05321 121 87 27 7
755 Excellent! You can dump the old CEO in the Everglades. 1.3388 0.05449 121 88 25 8
756 We'll need plenty of wiggle room on this issue. 1.3388 0.05321 121 87 27 7
757 Is that the new head of Legal? 1.3388 0.05574 121 89 23 9
758 But is it scalable? 1.3388 0.05574 121 89 23 9
759 Put him on the Trump account, I hear he's looking for a new campaign manager. 1.3388 0.05933 121 92 17 12
760 Thanks boys. He goes to the Hostile Takeover department. 1.3388 0.05321 121 87 27 7
761 There's no such thing as 'Bring Your Snake to Work Day'! 1.3361 0.05505 119 87 24 8
762 The pipes are all clear. You can go in now. 1.3361 0.06000 119 91 16 12
763 I always said this office needed fewer snakes and more sharks. 1.3361 0.05505 119 87 24 8
764 Is this the new lawyer? 1.3361 0.06000 119 91 16 12
765 No need to be vile. After all, I am a civil serpent. 1.3361 0.06118 119 92 14 13
766 New guy in Legal? 1.3361 0.05505 119 87 24 8
767 Sushi for a year. It’s part of your severance package. 1.3361 0.05758 119 89 20 10
768 I told HR we needed a cold blooded killer in sales. 1.3361 0.05240 119 85 28 6
769 If you should accidentally drop it from the roof, put me down for boots and a matching belt. 1.3361 0.05880 119 90 18 11
770 I think it's time we go back to mousetraps. 1.3361 0.05633 119 88 22 9
771 Thank goodness you're here! Our bathroom sink has been clogged for a week! 1.3361 0.05102 119 84 30 5
772 We're going to need a bigger mouse. 1.3361 0.06118 119 92 14 13
773 The boss says its forked tongue is perfect for customer service. 1.3361 0.05505 119 87 24 8
774 I'm beginning to think the "Thank You" card that came with might not be sincere. 1.3361 0.05758 119 89 20 10
775 No thanks. I brought a sack lunch. 1.3361 0.06000 119 91 16 12
776 It's weighty yes, but Frank says the story has no legs. 1.3361 0.05240 119 85 28 6
777 Make sure you take it to a gender neutral bathroom. 1.3361 0.05633 119 88 22 9
778 Says here that the boss wanted a burger and a SHAKE ... 1.3361 0.05880 119 90 18 11
779 Nabbed him in the lobby atrium, by the apple tree. 1.3361 0.05880 119 90 18 11
780 The corner office, of course. 1.3361 0.05758 119 89 20 10
781 Have either of you seen Florence from accounting? 1.3361 0.05240 119 85 28 6
782 I'm not sure if the discount sushi is worth the savings. 1.3333 0.05429 117 85 25 7
783 The birthday piñata's are getting weirder with each office party. 1.3333 0.05822 117 88 19 10
784 I don't think that's what the boss meant when he told us to scale up the project. 1.3333 0.05005 117 82 31 4
785 We need to scale back around here. 1.3333 0.05563 117 86 23 8
786 Now who did he swallow? 1.3333 0.05822 117 88 19 10
787 Excellent. Our marketing research shows that the American public will buy all of the snake oil we can produce. 1.3333 0.05822 117 88 19 10
788 Bring your pet to work day is getting out of hand. 1.3333 0.05336 120 87 26 7
789 It was out on the ledge, it's a vindow viper. 1.3333 0.05822 117 88 19 10
790 Our numbers show we're down 98% in customer service complaints since Phil here joined the team 1.3333 0.05067 120 85 30 5
791 Absolutely not! Who do you suppose will have to feed and walk him after you get tired of him? 1.3333 0.05291 117 84 27 6
792 Herbert,you gotta read the whole email. 1.3333 0.05291 117 84 27 6
793 it's too soon to bring in legal! 1.3333 0.05291 117 84 27 6
794 Just put it with the bigger one. 1.3333 0.05563 117 86 23 8
795 Bring him down to the legal department with the rest of them. 1.3333 0.05694 117 87 21 9
796 Big snack, I said I was in the mood for a big snack. 1.3333 0.05694 117 87 21 9
797 I don't know what's a paradigm either, but I'm pretty sure it's something else. 1.3333 0.05694 117 87 21 9
798 I knew we shouldn't have adopted a don't asp don't tell policy. 1.3333 0.05466 120 88 24 8
799 Pay him scale. 1.3333 0.04542 117 79 37 1
800 Why does it always have to be about Eve?! 1.3333 0.05822 117 88 19 10
801 They say he's a killer litigator. 1.3333 0.05563 117 86 23 8
802 "Sorry fellas, they just announced today is actually 'Take Your Pet and Go Home Day.' 1.3333 0.06070 117 90 15 12
803 I think the boss wanted giant STEAKS. 1.3333 0.05947 117 89 17 11
804 No, close, but that's not the one we're looking for. 1.3333 0.05429 117 85 25 7
805 So this is the new campaign manager. 1.3333 0.05947 117 89 17 11
806 Stow him under the anchor desk. We'll show a more human side of Dan Rather tonight. 1.3333 0.05947 117 89 17 11
807 Last week it was a whistle blower; this week it's a snake in the grass. 1.3333 0.05563 117 86 23 8
808 Revenue, Brian. Scaling was the 2015 goal. 1.3333 0.05717 120 90 20 10
809 I said it was ok to offer constructive criticism, not constrictive. 1.3333 0.05150 117 83 29 5
810 The new sushi place may be cheap but.... 1.3333 0.05717 120 90 20 10
811 You must be the new campaign manager. Welcome to the Trump campaign. 1.3333 0.05838 120 91 18 11
812 Just leave it coiled under my boss's desk. 1.3333 0.05947 117 89 17 11
813 Take your serpent to work day is tomorrow. 1.3333 0.05466 120 88 24 8
814 The trans-reptile restroom is occupied. 1.3333 0.06190 117 91 13 13
815 Not quite what I expected for my retirement gift. 1.3333 0.05694 117 87 21 9
816 Just let it slither back under the MBA program it came from. 1.3333 0.05563 117 86 23 8
817 Maybe 'Bring Your Snake or Daughter to Work' Day should be two different days. 1.3333 0.05694 117 87 21 9
818 I said red tiles, not reptiles. 1.3333 0.05822 117 88 19 10
819 Into the boardroom. We're doing salary negotiations. 1.3333 0.05838 120 91 18 11
820 Just what this company needs, another cold-blooded snake. 1.3333 0.06070 117 90 15 12
821 Legal is through the second door on the right. 1.3333 0.05717 120 90 20 10
822 Remember when being a pet-friendly workplace was a good recruiting tool? 1.3305 0.04971 118 83 31 4
823 Just put it in the corner, by the other one. 1.3305 0.05779 118 89 19 10
824 When I said bring me the snake in the grass I was talking about Johnson on the 2nd floor! 1.3305 0.05523 118 87 23 8
825 Take it back; it belongs in next week's contest. 1.3305 0.06025 118 91 15 12
826 No, I said that I would treat you guys to a shake. 1.3305 0.05114 118 84 29 5
827 Give him a desk in mortgage foreclosures. 1.3305 0.05390 118 86 25 7
828 Pete could really use a sick day. 1.3305 0.05390 118 86 25 7
829 Toilet's clogged again? 1.3276 0.05714 116 87 20 9
830 Sorry, we already have a campaign spokesperson. 1.3276 0.05714 116 87 20 9
831 Why didn't you just call a plumber? 1.3276 0.05844 116 88 18 10
832 We're bringing on ANOTHER lawyer? 1.3276 0.05714 116 87 20 9
833 Yes, I'm sure he said he likes big asps 1.3276 0.05445 116 85 24 7
834 At the very least you're going to have trust issues. 1.3276 0.05714 116 87 20 9
835 We need to rewrite the job description. 1.3276 0.05581 116 86 22 8
836 I guess we should have set his computer up with a trackpad, not a mouse. 1.3276 0.05581 116 86 22 8
837 The boss wanted a big deal not a big eel. 1.3276 0.05162 116 83 28 5
838 So that's how they plan to squeeze out more profit! 1.3276 0.05714 116 87 20 9
839 Oh, no.... I meant Ana Conda......in Accounting!!!! 1.3276 0.05581 116 86 22 8
840 The rest of the board is in the conference room already. 1.3276 0.05306 116 84 26 6
841 we needed someone who speaks with a forked tongue 1.3276 0.05581 116 86 22 8
842 "Mr. Trump said he wanted to "convict her", not a "constrictor". 1.3276 0.05306 116 84 26 6
843 Enough is enough! I have had it with these Motherf...ing snakes in this Motherf...ing office 1.3276 0.05970 116 89 16 11
844 Oh good, the auditor is here. 1.3276 0.05714 116 87 20 9
845 Take him to "Sales." 1.3276 0.05970 116 89 16 11
846 Next time, I will just call a plumber. 1.3276 0.05162 116 83 28 5
847 He's got a reputation for being cold-blooded. 1.3276 0.05162 116 83 28 5
848 Have you seen the office cat? 1.3276 0.05445 116 85 24 7
849 I have the pink slips. We're ready. 1.3276 0.05445 116 85 24 7
850 You must be the legal team. 1.3276 0.05445 116 85 24 7
851 You're taking the boss out to lunch? 1.3276 0.05306 116 84 26 6
852 I think maybe we could start him in sales. 1.3276 0.05714 116 87 20 9
853 Caught another auditor. 1.3276 0.05581 116 86 22 8
854 We're obligated to give you cobra with your severance. 1.3276 0.05970 116 89 16 11
855 O'Donnell in accounting is next for "early retirement." 1.3276 0.05445 116 85 24 7
856 Another motivational sales meeting,I presume. 1.3276 0.05714 116 87 20 9
857 Oooh, I see the judge for the New Yorker Caption Contest has decided to stop by. 1.3276 0.05844 116 88 18 10
858 Okay guys, you snake oil salesmen still have to comply with the dress code. 1.3276 0.05162 116 83 28 5
859 Hiring had something slightly different in mind when they asked whether you knew python . 1.3276 0.05445 116 85 24 7
860 Not my problem; I’m Human Resources. 1.3276 0.05445 116 85 24 7
861 Hello Mr. Trump 1.3248 0.05800 117 89 18 10
862 I'm not sure the new mascot is consistent with our branding. 1.3248 0.05406 117 86 24 7
863 You can tell it's an election year. - forked tounges everywhere. 1.3248 0.05406 117 86 24 7
864 We're being audited. 1.3248 0.05672 117 88 20 9
865 Try the hostile take-over meeting in 102. 1.3248 0.05268 117 85 26 6
866 Well, well, well… I see the two of you are still trying to beat the rat race. 1.3248 0.05672 117 88 20 9
867 The IRS guy is in room 12. 1.3248 0.05540 117 87 22 8
868 Legal is down the hall on the right. 1.3248 0.05540 117 87 22 8
869 Danny caught this while fishing in the stream outside the old nuclear plant. 1.3248 0.05672 117 88 20 9
870 Yes it's big, but does it have legs? 1.3248 0.06049 117 91 14 12
871 Looks like he needs a pit to hiss in. 1.3220 0.05230 118 86 26 6
872 I see you've met out downsizing consultant. 1.3220 0.05757 118 90 18 10
873 Research has shown that a pet in the work place increases productivity. 1.3217 0.05865 115 88 17 10
874 You got it from Amazon primal? 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
875 I warned you about his huge hissy fits. 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
876 It's time to talk about the elephant in the room. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
877 Meet the new head of HR. 1.3217 0.05024 115 82 29 4
878 Yeah, it's just another hissing fit . . . we've got it under control. 1.3217 0.05733 115 87 19 9
879 Put him in the back room with the other lawyers. 1.3217 0.05865 115 88 17 10
880 Pokemon Go has really upped its game. 1.3217 0.05865 115 88 17 10
881 Check Dawson's desk, I think I recognize the suspenders. 1.3217 0.05994 115 89 15 11
882 Sit him down at that desk over there, keep him away from my mouse. 1.3217 0.05599 115 86 21 8
883 I am not comfortable with HR's passive-aggressive approach to mandatory retirement. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
884 Glad to see you boys helping Johnson unwind. 1.3217 0.04870 115 81 31 3
885 That reminds me. I have an appointment with legal in an hour. 1.3217 0.05865 115 88 17 10
886 Get some coffee in him fast, his acceptance speech is in 5 minutes!! 1.3217 0.05174 115 83 27 5
887 Just for fun, throw it in the typing pool 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
888 Throw him in the back with the others. 1.3217 0.05733 115 87 19 9
889 Now that we don't have to lick stamps anymore, I think you can just let old Ethel go, into the woods out back. 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
890 He'll fit in with our legal department. 1.3217 0.05461 115 85 23 7
891 I meant a plumber with a big snake 1.3217 0.05599 115 86 21 8
892 Tempura...sushi...spicy tuna roll...who ordered the eel? 1.3217 0.05599 115 86 21 8
893 Steve just acquired another one of our competitors. 1.3217 0.05599 115 86 21 8
894 This is why we have a no pet policy. 1.3217 0.05599 115 86 21 8
895 Just got promoted. He is the brains behind the EpiPen price hike. 1.3217 0.05994 115 89 15 11
896 Tell the boss her lawyer's here. 1.3217 0.05174 115 83 27 5
897 Christ Roberts I said get a large cake 1.3217 0.05733 115 87 19 9
898 I guess that explains what happened to Arlene's comfort poodle. 1.3217 0.05599 115 86 21 8
899 Bring it straight to the negotiating room. 1.3217 0.05319 115 84 25 6
900 You dimwits! I wanted a big SHAKE. 1.3190 0.05421 116 86 23 7
901 Only three more days until the new hole punch arrives 1.3190 0.05821 116 89 17 10
902 "I suddenly regret creating "Bring your pet to work" day. 1.3190 0.05821 116 89 17 10
903 No, I said, 'an accountant'. 1.3186 0.05797 113 86 18 9
904 We found the spineless slitherer who's been spewing venom about us on sssocial media. 1.3186 0.05518 113 84 22 7
905 No, it's a meeting for the company's largest stakeholders! 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
906 Glad to see a two-pronged approach on the account. 1.3186 0.05223 113 82 26 5
907 New attorneys' offices down the hall. 1.3186 0.05223 113 82 26 5
908 On top one day, escorted out the next. 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
909 He says he's got backbone, but I just don't see it. 1.3186 0.05070 113 81 28 4
910 Didn't I ask for a large shake? 1.3186 0.05373 113 83 24 6
911 I see we have another Senator on the payroll. 1.3186 0.05797 113 86 18 9
912 This is Wallstreet, only two-legged, cold blooded creatures allowed here! 1.3186 0.04912 113 80 30 3
913 Please show the new CEO to his office. 1.3186 0.05373 113 83 24 6
914 Another escapee from Trump Tower? 1.3186 0.06063 113 88 14 11
915 Legal department is downstairs. 1.3186 0.05518 113 84 22 7
916 Well let's say when I heard the new head of marketing was a snake, I assumed it was a manner of speech. 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
917 Legal is on Floor 9. 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
918 Tell him he starts today but,keep him away from the desk where the rabbit is working! 1.3186 0.05373 113 83 24 6
919 You must be the transfers from our Everglades office. 1.3186 0.04912 113 80 30 3
920 Just park it in the boardroom, next to the corporate ladder. 1.3186 0.05518 113 84 22 7
921 Umm, I meant python the programming language! 1.3186 0.05518 113 84 22 7
922 I see you've met my Emotional Support Serpent. 1.3186 0.05797 113 86 18 9
923 I see we'll need to fine tune the "Bring Your Pet to Work Day" guidelines yet again, gentlemen. 1.3186 0.05223 113 82 26 5
924 Oh thank god, so the copier is fixed? 1.3186 0.05797 113 86 18 9
925 Good, and after he licks the envelopes, get an elephant for stamping. 1.3186 0.05070 113 81 28 4
926 There may be some lingering resentment. 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
927 Perhaps we'd better let the plumber snake the toilet? 1.3186 0.05518 113 84 22 7
928 It creeps me out when Larry orders the Unagi Supreme. 1.3186 0.05223 113 82 26 5
929 I hope you're not bringing that on the plane! 1.3186 0.05932 113 87 16 10
930 Oh, great, the new HR Manager has finally arrived. 1.3186 0.05518 113 84 22 7
931 His credentials were too good to pass up 1.3186 0.05373 113 83 24 6
932 But is it kosher? 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
933 The new hire in Legal? 1.3186 0.05518 113 84 22 7
934 The anger management seminar is in Conference Room B. 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
935 Boss changed her mind, she's going with the, "Elephant in the weeds" instead. 1.3186 0.05070 113 81 28 4
936 Shake Up fellas...I said we needed a Shake Up. 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
937 I meant install Python, the coding programme! 1.3186 0.05932 113 87 16 10
938 Perhaps we should temporarily suspend our child care program. 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
939 This is our third C.E.O. this year. 1.3186 0.05659 113 85 20 8
940 This isn't what I had in mind when I told you to learn Python. 1.3186 0.05518 113 84 22 7
941 He will fit in well with our legal team 1.3186 0.05373 113 83 24 6
942 It filed a harassment suit. HR says it stays. 1.3186 0.05070 113 81 28 4
943 Take her home. We caught the company mole. 1.3186 0.05223 113 82 26 5
944 He's the new expert on long positions. 1.3186 0.05373 113 83 24 6
945 Looks like the recruiters have been casting a wider net lately. 1.3186 0.05373 113 83 24 6
946 We should run this past legal. 1.3186 0.05373 113 83 24 6
947 I hope you didn't forget my fries. 1.3186 0.05797 113 86 18 9
948 Same price as the foot long? 1.3158 0.05033 114 82 28 4
949 Downsizing again? 1.3143 0.05296 105 76 25 4
950 It doesn't meet criteria for a therapy pet. 1.3125 0.05677 112 85 19 8
951 So, I'm guessing Hodges hasn't agreed to taking early retirement yet. 1.3125 0.05677 112 85 19 8
952 Put him in conference room D with the bankers. 1.3125 0.05677 112 85 19 8
953 I recommended against his campaigning in his true form, but he insists on doing everything HIS way. 1.3125 0.04917 112 80 29 3
954 We should let IT hire the Python developer next time. 1.3125 0.05953 112 87 15 10
955 Let's set it loose in HR first and legal after. 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
956 No, I would NOT like to join your Anna Conga line 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
957 Ummmm....I meant for the clogged sink. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
958 He's from Legal....he got lost, 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
959 Now we can show them exactly where we get the oil. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
960 Probably should have checked references first. 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
961 You say you've made progress in locating the computer worm? 1.3125 0.05953 112 87 15 10
962 Isn't that rather harsh treatment for the guy who wrote "less people" instead of "fewer people?" 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
963 Cleanup at the Clinton foundation. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
964 New house counsel? 1.3125 0.05677 112 85 19 8
965 You're sure the boss loves pranks? 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
966 The board said we need to find new innovative ways to squeeze out the competition. 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
967 I'll see most of you at the All-Hands meeting later. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
968 He says, “Go with the Apple. 1.3125 0.05953 112 87 15 10
969 Why can't we have a normal mascot like other newspapers? 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
970 I said to get a massive cake... 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
971 I see you two have met the new public relations manager. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
972 For the next part of the team-building exercise, bring it back to the Everglades and release it. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
973 He's here for the ethics training. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
974 Set him up in the customer service department. 1.3125 0.05953 112 87 15 10
975 Dawson made his numbers? Good, now squeeze a few more sales out of Jenkins. 1.3125 0.05817 112 86 17 9
976 I’m starting to re-think the ‘bring your pet to work day’. 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
977 Looks like a revisit of 'Bring your pet to work day' guidelines is in order. 1.3125 0.05953 112 87 15 10
978 You might want to run that past the boss. 1.3125 0.05078 112 81 27 4
979 Hey guys, taking the boss out for lunch? 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
980 I know it was your pet project but it had to go. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
981 Just put it in the attorney's office, they will get along fine 1.3125 0.05677 112 85 19 8
982 Take him over to sales. 1.3125 0.05234 112 82 25 5
983 We start coding with Python today. 1.3125 0.04917 112 80 29 3
984 Make sure he has a valid Green Card then assign him to security. 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
985 Get him upstairs. Accounting just asked for a new adder. 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
986 Marketing says that he skews a little TOO freudian. 1.3125 0.05817 112 86 17 9
987 Are you sure this is really virus protection? 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
988 Yeah, but does what you're proposing have legs? 1.3125 0.05386 112 83 23 6
989 Do you know who kept hissing during my presentation? 1.3125 0.05953 112 87 15 10
990 I said I needed a snake for the toilet! 1.3125 0.05533 112 84 21 7
991 Mr. Trump still prefers the GOP Elephant as his description! 1.3125 0.05953 112 87 15 10
992 I think Liz said she wanted fun "and a Conga" for her retirement party. 1.3125 0.05817 112 86 17 9
993 You sales guys are cold-blooded. Have I ever told you that? 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
994 Did your customer accept the apple? 1.3097 0.05907 113 88 15 10
995 Show him to the conference room. He's here for the deposition. 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
996 I see you've met our new attorney. Put him in Johnson's old office. 1.3097 0.04882 113 81 29 3
997 I see the Amazon acquisition is going smoothly. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
998 I guess we can stop blaming Bill for the backups. 1.3097 0.05195 113 83 25 5
999 Rats and fresh coffee in the dayroom. 1.3097 0.05491 113 85 21 7
1000 No, no. Financial wants a constrictor. 1.3097 0.05041 113 82 27 4
1001 It was a metaphor! The CEO has to be a human... 1.3077 0.05647 104 78 20 6
1002 No, I meant a plumber's snake. 1.3063 0.05548 111 84 20 7
1003 We're not *that* pet-friendly. 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
1004 Snakes and corporate ladders? 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
1005 So, last week it was your service dog? 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
1006 He gets the corner cubicle with the aquarium. 1.3063 0.05245 111 82 24 5
1007 Not now...he's having a hissyfit 1.3063 0.05694 111 85 18 8
1008 I know it ate the receptionist, but it's a service animal. 1.3063 0.05086 111 81 26 4
1009 You are being sued by Adam and Eve who claim that they lost everything after following your advice. 1.3063 0.05694 111 85 18 8
1010 This is not what I meant when I said we needed to promote diversity in the workplace. 1.3063 0.05836 111 86 16 9
1011 I think you guys carried the team-building exercise a little far. 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
1012 Yes, Mr. Trump ordered the fresh sushi. 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
1013 Well, Governor Pence, do you think you can carry him all the way to the White House? 1.3063 0.05694 111 85 18 8
1014 I'm pretty sure he wanted the Repp file, not reptile. 1.3063 0.05975 111 87 14 10
1015 Place the boa on the corner rack right next to the sequined gowns. 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
1016 No, we already have enough forked tongues in Marketing. Try Customer Service. 1.3063 0.05836 111 86 16 9
1017 He doesn't look like a team player. 1.3063 0.05548 111 84 20 7
1018 If you just learned to walk upright, you could cut your staff by 50% 1.3063 0.05694 111 85 18 8
1019 I'm starting to regret approving Take Your Pet to Work Day. 1.3063 0.05245 111 82 24 5
1020 I didn't know we were relocating HR. 1.3063 0.05694 111 85 18 8
1021 'Predatory lending' is just a saying. 1.3063 0.05548 111 84 20 7
1022 We should be mouse-free by Monday. 1.3063 0.05086 111 81 26 4
1023 Caught Fred in the water cooler again,eh? 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
1024 When the boss said, "do whatever it takes to win this case", I think he was thinking more along the lines of jury tampering. 1.3063 0.05694 111 85 18 8
1025 He gets the corner office. He's the bosses nephew. 1.3063 0.05086 111 81 26 4
1026 He's a cold blooded sales machine 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
1027 It looks smaller on my Pokemon GO 1.3063 0.05245 111 82 24 5
1028 No! I said I wanted a snack. 1.3063 0.05836 111 86 16 9
1029 Take him to Legal. He's not an invasive species there. 1.3063 0.05694 111 85 18 8
1030 It's not what it looks like. 1.3063 0.05399 111 83 22 6
1031 Take it back...turns out they said to bring a DEAL to the table... 1.3063 0.05836 111 86 16 9
1032 Hurry! His other advisers are already in the conference room. 1.3048 0.05761 105 80 18 7
1033 How are you gonna get that thing in her pencil drawer? 1.3036 0.05505 112 85 20 7
1034 Introduce the new guy to the rest of the sales staff. 1.3028 0.06044 109 86 13 10
1035 When I asked you to "land the big one" I was referring to the Shyzdrek contract. 1.3028 0.05453 109 82 21 6
1036 Careful boys, don't let anyone see Mr Trump without his wig on 1.3028 0.05607 109 83 19 7
1037 Blame spellcheck. I meant to write "I need a new monitor" and it changed it to "big scary python." 1.3028 0.06183 109 87 11 11
1038 Thanks for taking our new attorney out to lunch, fellas. 1.3028 0.05453 109 82 21 6
1039 Congratulations on winning the race to the bottom. 1.3028 0.05902 109 85 15 9
1040 Bathroom got clogged again? 1.3028 0.05453 109 82 21 6
1041 He's on a strict diet of corporate sheep and unhireable interns. 1.3028 0.05453 109 82 21 6
1042 Miss Coulter, you're on in five. 1.3028 0.05756 109 84 17 8
1043 When you're finished with him take him back to marketing. 1.3028 0.05607 109 83 19 7
1044 This message from the CEO says that the meeting is canceled. She never wants to see that lying snake again. 1.3028 0.05132 109 80 25 4
1045 He's here for the interview for campaign manager. 1.3028 0.05607 109 83 19 7
1046 So the new guy in Legal isn't working out, I take it? 1.3028 0.05756 109 84 17 8
1047 I think we've gone too far with some of these team building activities. 1.3028 0.05756 109 84 17 8
1048 Just what we need--another viper in the office. 1.3028 0.05756 109 84 17 8
1049 Well, sir, we are taking Bob's comfort animal to him. 1.3028 0.06044 109 86 13 10
1050 We can't let the voters know the candidate's real identity. 1.3028 0.06044 109 86 13 10
1051 No more clogged toilet, sir. 1.3028 0.05607 109 83 19 7
1052 I see you've met our new Compliance Officer 1.3028 0.05756 109 84 17 8
1053 Bill, I really think this is a disproportionate retaliation for Tom eating your chips. 1.3028 0.05295 109 81 23 5
1054 You fools, all our competitor needs to do is get a big mongoose! 1.3028 0.05295 109 81 23 5
1055 Put it in Bob's office. The cage won't be arriving till Thursday. 1.3028 0.05607 109 83 19 7
1056 So….Malware is literally a worm? 1.3028 0.05902 109 85 15 9
1057 Wow, that's really cold-blooded! 1.3028 0.05295 109 81 23 5
1058 Hold on! Don't you remember what happened last time you flushed one down the toilet? 1.3028 0.05295 109 81 23 5
1059 If that doesn't solve our mouse problem, nothing will. 1.3028 0.05295 109 81 23 5
1060 I don't care if he's inside a lizard. I need Jenkins at that meeting! 1.3028 0.05902 109 85 15 9
1061 That'll never fly. 1.3028 0.05453 109 82 21 6
1062 I thought we weren't scaling up until Q4 1.3019 0.06020 106 83 14 9
1063 Not macro fish you idiots . . . he said micro fiche! 1.3000 0.05996 110 87 13 10
1064 I was wrong. Let me say, categorically, we have no rodent problem whatsoever! 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
1065 That's not what I meant by 'Bring back a live one'. 1.3000 0.05093 110 81 25 4
1066 That item on your to-do list was actually an aconym for Employee Engament Lecture. 1.3000 0.05411 110 83 21 6
1067 put it back into the Pokemon Go tank 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
1068 You know the rules gentlemen, even our snake handlers are required to wear coats and ties. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
1069 Viewership is down; release the sea serpent into the sewer system. 1.3000 0.05563 110 84 19 7
1070 I though marketing wasn't coming to this meeting. 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
1071 Um, could you just call a plumber? 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1072 That explains the hissing. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
1073 Kevin, HR wants to talk about your behavior on that plane. 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
1074 Sales is the second door on the left. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
1075 Say, isn't that Finley's service serpent, and where is Finley anyway? 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
1076 Snack. I asked you to bring me a snack. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
1077 The snake oil business just isn't what it used to be. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1078 I guess we really are snake oil salesmen. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1079 We really need to hire some women. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
1080 I know you doubt his qualifications, but he did graduate from Trump University. 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
1081 If Jenkins is in there, can we have him sign Cindy's birthday card before he goes? 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
1082 Excuse us, we're just escorting Mr. Trump's new advisor to his office. 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
1083 On second thought, perhaps I can authorize a slight pay raise. 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
1084 When I said the successful candidate would need to be slippery as an eel, I was speaking metaphorically 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
1085 Not the snake from marketing - bring her the one from accounting. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1086 So long as you brought enough for everyone in the office . 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
1087 Sorry, guys. Trump just hired a new campaign manager. 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
1088 What the boss actually asked for was a 'servant.' 1.2963 0.05921 108 85 14 9
1089 And who is bringing the ladders? 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
1090 It may seem weird now, but trust me: it's way safer than bring your child to work day. 1.2963 0.04968 108 79 26 3
1091 We had to kick this one out of the focus group. He ate 4 of the mice. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1092 When I asked you to place the order, I said Amazon not the Amazon. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1093 We might want to rethink the team mascot idea. 1.2963 0.04968 108 79 26 3
1094 Guys, did you forget about Nancy's snake allergy? 1.2963 0.05921 108 85 14 9
1095 That's the new envelope moistener? 1.2963 0.05139 108 80 24 4
1096 DON'T BELIEVE A WORD HE TELLS YOU. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1097 I said bring me your best deal. 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
1098 Tell the customer no can do. After 90 days, absolutely no returns! 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1099 Have you guys seen my mouse? 1.2963 0.04968 108 79 26 3
1100 Hang on... Legal is on the 12th floor. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
1101 Ok, let's see...I believe his office will be between Ailes' and Bannon's. 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
1102 Did you check his references? 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
1103 You say Equal Employment Opportunity...I say SASHIMI! 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
1104 Good morning, sir. 1.2963 0.06066 108 86 12 10
1105 Larry, Scott, Kaa. I'll see you at the 3 o'clock. 1.2963 0.05921 108 85 14 9
1106 Uh oh, looks like six more weeks of stagnant growth. 1.2963 0.05921 108 85 14 9
1107 When I discussed increasing diversity, I had something a bit different in mind. 1.2963 0.04968 108 79 26 3
1108 No, a PLUMBING snake. 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
1109 No really guys. They say it's a good team-building exercise. 1.2963 0.05139 108 80 24 4
1110 Rats in the lunch room again? 1.2963 0.05139 108 80 24 4
1111 Take him to Marketing. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
1112 OK, Harry can take a sick day. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1113 I think you misheard me, the boss wants "a big steak." 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
1114 Better tell building maintenance the snakes are back. 1.2963 0.05622 108 83 18 7
1115 Can you make it molt? We need more skin in the game. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
1116 Gary, you'll have to see someone in HR if you continue to eat your coworkers. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1117 Yeah, but we need the apple. 1.2963 0.05465 108 82 20 6
1118 Toilet trouble 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
1119 I guess we are scaling up. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
1120 I'm a bit concerned about the new CEO's emotional support animal. 1.2963 0.05305 108 81 22 5
1121 Of course he speaks with one, but HR says that’s an unfair stereotype. 1.2963 0.05139 108 80 24 4
1122 Nightmares? Third Floor. 1.2963 0.05773 108 84 16 8
1123 Are you guys from the IRS? 1.2936 0.05727 109 85 16 8
1124 Uhh...not what I meant when I said you need Python training. 1.2936 0.05422 109 83 20 6
1125 Looks like another case of 'What happens in Accounting stays in Accounting.' 1.2936 0.05727 109 85 16 8
1126 Phil always morphs just before ethics training. 1.2936 0.05263 109 82 22 5
1127 I apologize once again, but what are the dangers of investing in derivatives? 1.2936 0.06016 109 87 12 10
1128 It aptly embodies our corporate commitment to dishonesty. 1.2913 0.05455 103 78 20 5
1129 Your wasting our time...it says right here he won't have a leg to stand on. 1.2897 0.05477 107 82 19 6
1130 The boss will be in a better mood now that it's out of his system. 1.2897 0.05145 107 80 23 4
1131 Glad you're here, we're totally out of those. 1.2897 0.05477 107 82 19 6
1132 Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. 1.2897 0.05145 107 80 23 4
1133 I see human resources screwed up again. 1.2897 0.05635 107 83 17 7
1134 I look forward to November 9th when they all go back to the Capitol. 1.2897 0.05313 107 81 21 5
1135 'Bring your Snake to Work Day' is not a thing. 1.2897 0.05313 107 81 21 5
1136 It'll rattle the competition? I like it, Smith. 1.2897 0.05313 107 81 21 5
1137 I said I wanted to SHAKE things up. 1.2897 0.05635 107 83 17 7
1138 Wow, I only ordered a foot-long. 1.2897 0.05635 107 83 17 7
1139 I love 'bring your pet to work' Fridays. Have either of you guys seen my cat, Mr. Tickle Dumpling? 1.2897 0.05313 107 81 21 5
1140 You may have 12 foot poisonous snake but I've got this little piece of paper. 1.2897 0.05313 107 81 21 5
1141 Our two-pronged strategy is too obvious. 1.2897 0.05145 107 80 23 4
1142 Better hide it -- the SEC is on a fishing expedition 1.2897 0.05145 107 80 23 4
1143 Her instructions: prey, eat, leave. 1.2897 0.05313 107 81 21 5
1144 Yes he is a cold blooded killer, but can he close deals? 1.2897 0.05635 107 83 17 7
1145 Internal Affairs found the snake in the grass... 1.2897 0.05477 107 82 19 6
1146 New boss same as the old boss. 1.2897 0.05313 107 81 21 5
1147 Are you in there Mr. Harris? How was the trip to the Amazon? 1.2897 0.05635 107 83 17 7
1148 Make sure he gets the corner office in the legal department. 1.2897 0.05635 107 83 17 7
1149 We want viral, not invasive. 1.2897 0.05940 107 85 13 9
1150 It has to go! SHE ATE THE GECKO. 1.2897 0.05790 107 84 15 8
1151 Aquarium, not carry him. 1.2897 0.05145 107 80 23 4
1152 Wow ! Our top salesperson really is a snake! 1.2897 0.05477 107 82 19 6
1153 As if this office needed another snake in the grass. 1.2897 0.05790 107 84 15 8
1154 Are you deaf? I said "Bring me the biggest steak you can find!¨ 1.2897 0.05635 107 83 17 7
1155 Take him in the back he didn't finish licking the envelopes. 1.2897 0.05477 107 82 19 6
1156 Sorry, but unless this eel is electric, it won't reduce our carbon footprint. 1.2897 0.05477 107 82 19 6
1157 Reticulated python? No, I texted 'Bring a pen.' 1.2897 0.05477 107 82 19 6
1158 He's looking for some one with an apple. 1.2897 0.05635 107 83 17 7
1159 Put him in....Steve's office. 1.2897 0.05635 107 83 17 7
1160 I see you've located the source of that hissing sound. 1.2897 0.04970 107 79 25 3
1161 I see you've met the new senior partner. 1.2897 0.04970 107 79 25 3
1162 I see Mr. Shkreli has arrived for his deposition. 1.2897 0.05790 107 84 15 8
1163 Sorry, guys. The lizard Irene saw in the conference room turned out to be a Pokémon. 1.2897 0.05635 107 83 17 7
1164 Hold on. I said interns are supposed to have a bigger STAKE in our operations. 1.2897 0.05477 107 82 19 6
1165 This report is going to take you a while to digest. 1.2897 0.05145 107 80 23 4
1166 Your idea stinks and isn't scalable. 1.2897 0.05940 107 85 13 9
1167 Too much alcohol at lunch boys. 1.2897 0.05145 107 80 23 4
1168 Executive retreat? 1.2885 0.05744 104 81 16 7
1169 This should solve our rat race problem. 1.2870 0.05104 108 81 23 4
1170 Well, yes, I DID say we should crush the competition... 1.2870 0.05271 108 82 21 5
1171 Is it me, or are we opening the Chamber of Secrets too often these days? 1.2870 0.04753 108 79 27 2
1172 But you say it knows coding? 1.2870 0.05742 108 85 15 8
1173 Dog! Bring your dog to work day. 1.2870 0.05432 108 83 19 6
1174 You're gonna need a bigger boa. 1.2857 0.05696 105 82 16 7
1175 I thought the annual stockholders' meeting was next month. 1.2857 0.05365 105 80 20 5
1176 Is that the new H.R. director? 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
1177 They go next to the sharks in accounting. 1.2857 0.05365 105 80 20 5
1178 When I said to give the customer a killer deal, this is not what I had in mind. 1.2857 0.05365 105 80 20 5
1179 I was using a figure of speech saying to put the "squeeze" on him. 1.2857 0.05365 105 80 20 5
1180 He's our analyst. He really wraps his head around a problem. 1.2857 0.05365 105 80 20 5
1181 There's always a snake in the graph on Wall Street. 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
1182 THAT'S our new campaign manager? 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
1183 Boss says to get rid of that thing. Last time it was here, it threw a real hissy fit. 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
1184 Well, he slithers outside the box, which we need more of around here... 1.2857 0.05696 105 82 16 7
1185 I don't care if you are going to carrying him the whole time, he needs to have an ID badge. 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
1186 No, no, you idiots! I said get me a big STEAK! 1.2857 0.05696 105 82 16 7
1187 I think that's not the kind of Python the IT department requested. 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
1188 So the mole's taken care of , right? 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
1189 Where are all those stamps and envelopes? 1.2857 0.06009 105 84 12 9
1190 I'll tell Jenkins it's going to be another long one. 1.2857 0.05365 105 80 20 5
1191 Serpents prefer Apple computers. 1.2857 0.05855 105 83 14 8
1192 Relax. It's a birthday present for my mother-in-law. 1.2857 0.05696 105 82 16 7
1193 Always hard getting the CEO to move on after a merger. 1.2857 0.05855 105 83 14 8
1194 Welcome to Investor Relations. 1.2857 0.06009 105 84 12 9
1195 Put it in the fridge. 1.2857 0.06159 105 85 10 10
1196 In an effort to meet budget constraints, the company decided to scale down the legal department. 1.2857 0.06009 105 84 12 9
1197 We can try hiding it in assets, but I think we'll have to report it as a liability. 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
1198 Quick, get him back to his penthouse before the shareholders see him! 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
1199 I just don't see how he'll guard our Chamber of Secrets now that it's all digital. 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
1200 So how did our clients like the zoo? 1.2857 0.05696 105 82 16 7
1201 We found him out back mooching off the wifi. 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
1202 We're salesmen. We need to start outsourcing the actual extraction of the snake oil. 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
1203 Escort the snake back to the legal department. 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
1204 Again? 1.2857 0.05696 105 82 16 7
1205 Sea monster or not, everyone complies with the dress code here, Larry. 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
1206 No no I'm hungry, I said, "pick me up a big STEAK". 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
1207 Time to bring out the litigator. 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
1208 No! No! I said, "Move your big fat ass." 1.2857 0.05696 105 82 16 7
1209 put him in the office with the politicians 1.2857 0.05696 105 82 16 7
1210 Potluck AGAIN? 1.2857 0.05365 105 80 20 5
1211 Asp? I said "killer app"! 1.2857 0.05191 105 79 22 4
1212 Now you're certain you've used one of these before. 1.2857 0.05696 105 82 16 7
1213 I see you've met our new consultant. 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
1214 Agnes in Accounting complained to H.R. again...I'm afraid it's curtains for Monty. 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
1215 So THAT explains the clogged plumbing... 1.2857 0.05365 105 80 20 5
1216 See, we told you Bob in Accounting was a snake. 1.2857 0.06009 105 84 12 9
1217 Guys, actually the boss wanted Anne and Wanda in the meeting. 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
1218 Bring Your Pet to Work Day was last week! 1.2857 0.06009 105 84 12 9
1219 Are you guys calling me a liar or am I overly sensitive to metaphors? 1.2857 0.05533 105 81 18 6
1220 Gentlemen! This is very eel advised! 1.2844 0.05544 109 85 17 7
1221 I said, "reel in the giant DEAL." 1.2830 0.05805 106 84 14 8
1222 Oh wow, I thought you were going to call a plumber. 1.2830 0.05487 106 82 18 6
1223 Try not to sleep with this one. 1.2830 0.05805 106 84 14 8
1224 I distinctly told you to get a list of stakeholders! 1.2830 0.05648 106 83 16 7
1225 Not the long tail solution I had in mind. 1.2830 0.05805 106 84 14 8
1226 Put him in the grass labeled "Chief Financial Officer" 1.2830 0.05805 106 84 14 8
1227 Don't try to flush it. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1228 When do the ladders arrive? 1.2830 0.05805 106 84 14 8
1229 This merger might swallow us whole. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1230 We are running dangerously low on snake oil. Get him to Marketing immediately! 1.2830 0.05149 106 80 22 4
1231 I specifically asked for coiled. 1.2830 0.05487 106 82 18 6
1232 No, I ordered the sandwich. 1.2830 0.04972 106 79 24 3
1233 Ah yes, the new organic hole puncher. 1.2830 0.05487 106 82 18 6
1234 I like the initiative but I didn't realize this is what you meant when you said you had a "green" solution to our rat problem in the daycare. 1.2830 0.05805 106 84 14 8
1235 Same as last month ... extract the oil and put him in charge of sales. 1.2830 0.05487 106 82 18 6
1236 We've got bigger fish to fry. 1.2830 0.05487 106 82 18 6
1237 You idiots, I said I want to SHAKE things up around here. 1.2830 0.05648 106 83 16 7
1238 Paul Ryan said that he doesn't approve of his venom, but he won't withdraw his endorsement. 1.2830 0.05487 106 82 18 6
1239 Don't follow his advice if he starts talking about Apple. 1.2830 0.05648 106 83 16 7
1240 Wow, I didn't think downsizing the legal department would be this difficult. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1241 If you're looking for the Tree of Knowledge, it's two floors up. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1242 Impressive, but your job is to manage our human resources. 1.2830 0.05487 106 82 18 6
1243 Why do we keep making the same hires? 1.2830 0.05958 106 85 12 9
1244 I meant the toilet snake! 1.2830 0.05805 106 84 14 8
1245 You need to talk to human resources. 1.2830 0.05149 106 80 22 4
1246 He's ruined take your pet to work week. 1.2830 0.05648 106 83 16 7
1247 Honey what are you doing here? 1.2830 0.05958 106 85 12 9
1248 If you ask me, I'd take it to lost and found. 1.2830 0.05321 106 81 20 5
1249 I think the corporate branding department here at Amazon has gone too far. 1.2804 0.05277 107 82 20 5
1250 So this is what being an Equal Opportunity Employer has come down to. 1.2804 0.05442 107 83 18 6
1251 When I told you to go out and get BOA on our team, I meant Bank of America! 1.2804 0.05442 107 83 18 6
1252 Put him in charge of advertising. 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1253 Why don't you guys stop hissing and moaning and go back to work. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1254 We need to clarify the office pet policy. 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1255 You know , I was speaking figuratively about squeezing the competition . 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1256 Norman is throwing a hissy fit again 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1257 Gentlemen, are we perhaps taking our discussion about scalability a bit literally? 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1258 Does HR know whether we had key-man insurance on the gecko? 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1259 I thought we fired Ailes. 1.2788 0.06180 104 85 9 10
1260 How was court? 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1261 We have interns for that. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1262 Put him in the break room. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1263 I think the email asked you to bring a retirement CAKE. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1264 When I said we needed a big snake for the clogged drain in the men's room, I think you may have misunderstood me. 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1265 Got stuck training the new guy, eh? 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1266 Put him at the empty desk in the tax department. 1.2788 0.05870 104 83 13 8
1267 The ladies asked if you could put that thing away. 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1268 That's all I need, another forked tongue in this organization. 1.2788 0.06180 104 85 9 10
1269 We're gonna need another CEO. 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1270 Hey, Chief! We figured out what happened to all of our informants! 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1271 According to current polls, this will be the best third party candidate ! 1.2788 0.06180 104 85 9 10
1272 He asked to speak with Eve in the arboretum 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1273 That explains the high turnover in accounting. 1.2788 0.05870 104 83 13 8
1274 Guys, I know I said we need to take this to the next level, but did we really have to disturb our general counsel? 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1275 Good effort, but we need a mechanical snake to fix our stopped-up toilet. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1276 They say it's this year's version of the ice bucket challenge. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1277 They'll soon pay when we put the squeeze on them. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1278 I'll grab the oil and meet you in sales. 1.2788 0.05870 104 83 13 8
1279 Just put him over by Janet's desk for now. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1280 No animals were harmed in the drawing of this cartoon. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1281 Take him to Sales. He's on the 'Adam & Eve' account. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1282 This is not what I meant by scaling back. 1.2788 0.06027 104 84 11 9
1283 Hey, aren't you the guys who had the extra-long briefcase? 1.2788 0.05870 104 83 13 8
1284 Makes you wish Manafort was still in charge. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1285 That's not the 2-hole punch I had in mind. 1.2788 0.05012 104 78 23 3
1286 Make sure our new CEO feels right at home. 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1287 'He wants to buy more stock in Apple.' 1.2788 0.05870 104 83 13 8
1288 You idiots, I said I want a big STEAK ! 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1289 Just what this law firm needs. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1290 I'm afraid the snake oil we've been selling really works. 1.2788 0.05870 104 83 13 8
1291 I TOLD you to go and get me a big STEAK! 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1292 What we don't need around here is more snake oil. 1.2788 0.05012 104 78 23 3
1293 Bring Your Pet To Work Day is tomorrow, Higgins 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1294 Jeez Larry, after 20 years with the company you would think they would have the decency to let you just slide out on your own... 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1295 Was he tempting Eve in procurement again with those new Apple iMacs? 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1296 It's not because you're a snake. It's because you ate Vice President Whiskers. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1297 The Snake Oil account is now all yours. 1.2788 0.05870 104 83 13 8
1298 How badly do we want to win? 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1299 I told you it doesn't work without Eve. 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1300 I thought we all understood snake oil doesn't work 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1301 Careful. That's the candidate's spirit-animal. 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1302 I'll pass on the sushi. 1.2788 0.05870 104 83 13 8
1303 No. Get the one from Legal. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1304 I see we've got something new for our Lost & Found. 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1305 I'll tell the big man that his new campaign manager is here. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1306 Said only that in his past life he was a Republican. 1.2788 0.06027 104 84 11 9
1307 Depositions are in 206. 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1308 He's our new hire for the customer complaint department. 1.2788 0.05012 104 78 23 3
1309 Great, the therapy snake has arrived, get him up to legal right away. 1.2788 0.06027 104 84 11 9
1310 The accountants get more cold-blooded every year. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1311 Guess the office mascot wasn't such a great idea. 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1312 Good job. Printer's working now. 1.2788 0.04823 104 77 25 2
1313 I see the diversity program has moved beyond hominids. 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1314 Are you on the way out or on the way in? 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1315 Good work, Jenkins. Tell the girls it's safe to get back in the typing pool. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1316 I didn't realize there was such a push on to hire endangered species. 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1317 Is that the new CEO? 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1318 All I'm saying: you all could have sent me an email letting me know it was Bring Your Anaconda To Work Day. Now I look like the jerk. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1319 I said this suit needed a large 'rep tie'. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1320 The chairman specified a "new deal," not a nude eel. 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1321 It was an acronym! We need Better Overhead Administration! 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1322 Guys, the boss said he liked MONTY python. 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1323 Does it have experience with industrial sinks and toilets? 1.2788 0.05012 104 78 23 3
1324 Too bad--she was a darn good receptionist. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1325 Bad news, we just learned the FDA wants to regulate snake oil now, too 1.2788 0.05709 104 82 15 7
1326 Not a real snake, one that practices law. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1327 I see the new HR director has arrived. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1328 I see you're taking the boss out to lunch again. 1.2788 0.05543 104 81 17 6
1329 Don't leave it in the refrigerator. 1.2788 0.04823 104 77 25 2
1330 Is THIS why my unpaid interns keep going missing? 1.2788 0.05012 104 78 23 3
1331 That's our new corporate mascot? What happened to Hoppy the Bunny? 1.2788 0.05372 104 80 19 5
1332 It's our new organic, all-natural exterminator. 1.2788 0.05195 104 79 21 4
1333 I think we need to revisit our 'bring your pet to work' policy...... 1.2788 0.04823 104 77 25 2
1334 I said bake sale. 1.2762 0.05661 105 83 15 7
1335 I told you she was a snake when you hired her. 1.2762 0.05152 105 80 21 4
1336 Sushi again for the staff meeting? 1.2762 0.05496 105 82 17 6
1337 Envelope lickers are a dying breed. 1.2762 0.04972 105 79 23 3
1338 Actually, I told you to forget your giant mistake. 1.2762 0.05496 105 82 17 6
1339 In hindsight, we should have called it Bring Your Non-lethal Pet to Work Day. 1.2762 0.05496 105 82 17 6
1340 But does it scale? 1.2745 0.05771 102 81 14 7
1341 Uh . . . I said to bring me a rare steak. 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1342 I wish he'd go back to using PowerPoint. 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1343 Don't let the boss catch you playing with your snake in the office. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1344 No, I wrote construction. Construction not constriction, invest in, not ingestion. Okay, I don't remember what I wrote here. That does look like anaconda. 1.2745 0.05771 102 81 14 7
1345 I knew relocating to the Everglades was a bad idea 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1346 So that's the Souvenir you two got me from Rio Olympics 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1347 Oh. I thought your reference to our new client was metaphoric. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1348 Another new Lawyer?? 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1349 I didn't realize we actually sell their oil. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1350 I meant find a real lawyer. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1351 No, I said, "Bring me a snack," not "a snake." 1.2745 0.05771 102 81 14 7
1352 Forget the damn snake . . . what've we got on the candidate and the apple? 1.2745 0.05771 102 81 14 7
1353 I admit, our Burmese offshoring strategy comes with its own challenges 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1354 He can't type, speak, or do meetings, but he'll save us a ton in stamp moistening. 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1355 I don't think that's what the boss meant when he told us to scale up sales. 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1356 There’s a sushi chef downstairs looking for him. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1357 I meant bring in the 'Businness Operating Agreement' to the conference room. 1.2745 0.05937 102 82 12 8
1358 I know how you feel. The auditors were in my department last week. 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1359 A friend who used to work with him said he was a snake. This confirms it, I guess. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1360 You understand that we will need a longer table for our weekly meeting. 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1361 Make your own sushi day is next week. 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1362 Are you here for the stress test? 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1363 This is not what I meant by 'more exotic food at the office parties'. 1.2745 0.05771 102 81 14 7
1364 Let me guess, this is your pet peeve. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1365 HR is upstairs. 1.2745 0.05771 102 81 14 7
1366 We found her in the typing pool. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1367 You guys are getting a reputation as bottom-feeders. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1368 "Sorry guys, I guess she said get me the biggest deal you can find". 1.2745 0.05771 102 81 14 7
1369 Is that the same one you flushed down the toilet a couple of weeks ago? 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1370 sorry, legal department is on the 4th floor. 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1371 I think he'd benefit from speaking to Harmon in offshore accounts. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1372 Well, they did hesitate for a moment when I ordered sushi for 100. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1373 I thought we already made the sacrifice this month? 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1374 I know IT said we had a mice problem... I just think you misunderstood. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1375 I've got his resume right here, but I don't think he can type sixty words a minute. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1376 I'm glad we're finally getting this thing off the ground. 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1377 So, how many more are left in the pit? 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1378 I asked you to bring me back a snack 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1379 He always reverts to type at campaign headquarters. 1.2745 0.05771 102 81 14 7
1380 The executive training seminar is down the hall on the left! 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1381 The law department's on the 23rd floor, guys 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1382 Oh, I see you two have met the new HR manager. 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1383 Sorry to see Johnson called in eel today. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1384 I hate basilisk Mondays. 1.2745 0.05937 102 82 12 8
1385 And you guys feel confident this is a better solution than me licking my own stamp? 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1386 On rye after it's smoked. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1387 Put it in the room with the ladders. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1388 I said pick up some SNACKS for Bob's retirement party. 1.2745 0.05771 102 81 14 7
1389 You must be looking for claims. 1.2745 0.04858 102 76 24 2
1390 If it's Fred, I win the office pool. 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1391 I think Eve's been waiting for you. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1392 Acquisitions and mergers: Robbins, first door on the left. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1393 I'm still the only snake in a suit 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1394 I don't think a snake in the grass is a good mascot for our firm. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1395 The boss's office is 3 doors down on the left 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1396 Gentlemen, our clientele is getting a little too slimy for my taste. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1397 And here, I thought he'd fit right in... 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1398 About time you got your tired asp out of here. 1.2745 0.05937 102 82 12 8
1399 We found the source of your IT problem. 1.2745 0.04858 102 76 24 2
1400 I see you've met our new head of HR. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1401 His resume says he's proficient in Python. 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1402 This animal ate our work. 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1403 That forked tongue will ensure success around here. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1404 Thought you guys stopped drinking. 1.2745 0.05771 102 81 14 7
1405 Sushi sale at Costco? 1.2745 0.05771 102 81 14 7
1406 Put him in the conference room with Adam and Eve, our new interns. 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1407 So, it turns out Phillips really was a 'snake in the grass', after all! 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1408 I'm sorry, but only seeing eye snakes are allowed in the office 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1409 We need to talk about Casual Fridays. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1410 We're upgrading the mice at each work station. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1411 You know, boys, we don't need Legal for everything. 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1412 Sorry guys – just because you found him in Legal, doesn’t mean you can keep him in Accounts. 1.2745 0.05771 102 81 14 7
1413 I always knew Murphy's true colors would come out, but the forked tongue is a surprise. 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1414 New director of sssssssales? 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1415 So that explains why Cindy hasn't shown up for a few weeks. 1.2745 0.05601 102 80 16 6
1416 I knew IT would pass the buck on that mongoose problem. 1.2745 0.05424 102 79 18 5
1417 Find him an office down in advertising... doesn't need to be furnished. 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1418 Unfortunately, the time has come to constrict our budget. 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1419 Snacks. I said, "I'll get the drinks and you guys get the snacks". 1.2745 0.05054 102 77 22 3
1420 Any luck finding Eve in the garden? 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1421 Our new corporate counsel I presume? 1.2745 0.05242 102 78 20 4
1422 Well, it's cheaper than a mousetrap. 1.2745 0.05771 102 81 14 7
1423 Wouldn't it be easier just to fire Yardley? 1.2718 0.05198 103 79 20 4
1424 Here's the list of terminated employees. 1.2718 0.05378 103 80 18 5
1425 Finally someone around here more slimy than Mr. Ellis. 1.2718 0.05721 103 82 14 7
1426 Do we have the WORST cafeteria, or what? 1.2718 0.05012 103 78 22 3
1427 This wasn't what I had in mind for Bring Your Pet to Work Day... 1.2673 0.05783 101 81 13 7
1428 Guys, the term snake pit was purely figurative 1.2673 0.04644 101 75 25 1
1429 Is that the snake from accounting? 1.2673 0.05952 101 82 11 8
1430 I see you met the new head of HR. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1431 Yes, a forked tongue! A pre-requisite for our nominee. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1432 Tch! This always happens with eager new recruits... What I said was get a FEEL for the office! 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1433 Will somebody get Sam a Snickers? He gets slithery when he's hungry. 1.2673 0.05052 101 77 21 3
1434 Just getting the snakes out of the boardroom. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1435 Carefull boys, his name is still on the letterhead. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1436 OK, but don't make it a habit. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1437 When I said we need a real snake to manage the campaign ... 1.2673 0.05783 101 81 13 7
1438 Careful, he was just named CFO. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1439 Who's going to tell the boss that bring you pet to work day didn't fair well for his dachshunds? 1.2673 0.06116 101 83 9 9
1440 No, you're not going to wriggle your way out of this situation! 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1441 Sorry Ted, but what part of "steer clear of that witch Rhonda" didn't you understand? 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1442 I said "bring me a good deal"! 1.2673 0.05783 101 81 13 7
1443 I see the snakes from corporate are back. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1444 When they said they were going to give some snake the old heave-ho, I thought they were speaking metaphorically. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1445 Bill it to 'miscellaneous'. 1.2673 0.05052 101 77 21 3
1446 Great work, Mr. Slithersby! Forbidden fruit sales are up 20% this month! 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1447 Place in the Auditor's office. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1448 That explains the missing mouses! 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1449 Summer interns can be so hit or miss 1.2673 0.05052 101 77 21 3
1450 His online application said he was a VAPER, which now I can see was a typo. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1451 Peterson, I warned you about going to law school. 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1452 The rice and nori are in the kitchen. Now get rolling! 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1453 I'll tell Ernie his ten-o'-clock is a-writhing. 1.2673 0.05052 101 77 21 3
1454 That reminds me. There are donuts in the break room. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1455 I see corporate arrived early. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1456 Paid to scale? No way! 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1457 Maybe I haven't made myself clear: Ssstop ssstealing offisssce sssuppliesss. 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1458 We've put you in charge of reduction in force. Report to H.R. 1.2673 0.05052 101 77 21 3
1459 Has any of you seen my toy poodle? 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1460 I thought I said to scale back. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1461 We've out-sourced the down-sizing to a third-party constrictor. 1.2673 0.04852 101 76 23 2
1462 Give him the corner office. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1463 I said it was a two man stake out. 1.2673 0.05952 101 82 11 8
1464 Ls that the rep from Amazon? 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1465 Is speaking with a forked tongue a job requirement here? 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1466 I don't care if all the good ones were taken. That's the worst financial services mascot ever. 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1467 No... I said we needed to take a big STAKE in marketing. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1468 I'm sorry, but we're really looking for someone with at least five years of constricting experience. 1.2673 0.04644 101 75 25 1
1469 At my last job, we just used solar panels. 1.2673 0.05783 101 81 13 7
1470 I can't wait to see what he will drag in for the next office pot luck. 1.2673 0.05783 101 81 13 7
1471 So he's is our new slippery slope analyst. 1.2673 0.05952 101 82 11 8
1472 You clearly misunderstood 'put the squeeze on'. 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1473 Nice try. I invented that power move. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1474 The paper shredder might not be the right solution here 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1475 Ahh...the new Amazon paper shredder's arrived. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1476 No. I said, 'Find me an example of serpentine logic.' 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1477 Sorry, "legal" is one floor down. 1.2673 0.05783 101 81 13 7
1478 He's the new VP in charge of downsizing. Put him in the corner office. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1479 This is the replacement campaign manager. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1480 At least this candidate is honest about what he is. 1.2673 0.05052 101 77 21 3
1481 Again? Put it in Pence's office this time. 1.2673 0.05783 101 81 13 7
1482 Lunchtime already? 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1483 He would have been our best lawyer if it wasn't for all the backbiting. 1.2673 0.05052 101 77 21 3
1484 Ah, you must be the new social media intern. 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1485 I thought he said to bring him a big 'deal,' but maybe I heard wrong. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1486 Is it sushi grade? 1.2673 0.06116 101 83 9 9
1487 Let's head back inside the box now. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1488 Guys, guys, guys--not REAL snake oil! 1.2673 0.04852 101 76 23 2
1489 No! Get the one at our law firm. 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1490 Well, maybe we should rethink the mascot campaign to help our image here at the Bar Association. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1491 Last week it was a horse's head. I'm not going to cave in to extortion. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1492 Yeah, no need to worry, but accounting does have a few questions about your expense report. 1.2673 0.04852 101 76 23 2
1493 Is Customer Service done with the conference room? 1.2673 0.05952 101 82 11 8
1494 Good job, but the giant mixed nuts can won't be in till next week. 1.2673 0.05952 101 82 11 8
1495 I told you to keep the lawyers in the Legal department. 1.2673 0.05783 101 81 13 7
1496 There's no mention of trans-species limitations. The restroom is straight ahead, on your left. 1.2673 0.05783 101 81 13 7
1497 I suddenly feel very inadequate. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1498 Go right in, legal's been looking forward to your presentation. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1499 How do we get oil out of it? 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1500 Ah, the new legal assistants! 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1501 On second thought, maybe a pie chart would have worked out better. 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1502 He needs his service pet in the conference room. 1.2673 0.05610 101 80 15 6
1503 Looks like Bob drank his lunch again. 1.2673 0.05430 101 79 17 5
1504 No, I said get me a SNACK! 1.2673 0.05052 101 77 21 3
1505 Welcome to the Trump campaign. 1.2673 0.06276 101 84 7 10
1506 Okay. But I asked for the Repp file. 1.2673 0.05245 101 78 19 4
1507 I see you've met the new manager. 1.2647 0.05200 102 79 19 4
1508 Carl, bring your eel to work day is NEXT Friday! 1.2647 0.05561 102 81 15 6
1509 Send it back. We already have enough snakes in this office. 1.2647 0.05383 102 80 17 5
1510 Seen Bob? He stepped out for a smoke. 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1511 I think a simple Powerpoint would have been sufficient to illustrate our problems with economies of scale. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1512 Now, just as I complete our presentation and say "As you can see, we have our arms around the biggest snake oil concept in history," you walk in. They´ll never forget our pitch. 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1513 He almost slipped away 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1514 Thank you for joining our legal team. Welcome to our floor. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1515 That's not what I meant when I told you we needed to offer COBRA coverage. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1516 Tony Robbins motivation course gets more exiting each year. 1.2600 0.05794 100 81 12 7
1517 Has he eaten today 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1518 Looks like you got a huge tongue-lashing... 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1519 It's Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day. Pets are next week. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1520 I didn't say bring me 'a' slimy creature, I said bring me 'that' slimy creature - Boswell, in sales. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1521 Not quite what I meant by scaling down... 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1522 And you get two lunch breaks per month. 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1523 I was talking about the programming language. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1524 So that's your solution to the rodent problem? 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1525 Great, now I'm really rattled. 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1526 I said that I need to add a comma, not an anaconda. 1.2600 0.05794 100 81 12 7
1527 Uh-oh. Bring-Your-Serpent-To-Work Day is tomorrow. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1528 How's the Anaconda merger going? 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1529 We've hit our scales target this time, boss 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1530 Have either of you seen the boss today? 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1531 I thought I asked for a shark. 1.2600 0.05794 100 81 12 7
1532 Are you sssssserious? 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1533 You found it in the Daycare Center? 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1534 No snacks on the trading floor! 1.2600 0.05794 100 81 12 7
1535 Well that would explain why our rat infestation mysteriously solved itself last week. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1536 Those guys in Accounting are such snak... Oh hey Bob! 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1537 It's the legal departments outreach program. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1538 We’ve decided to wait on the snake—we’re still trying to figure out what to do with the two giraffes and the whale. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1539 The computer reports aren't ready, because he ate the mouse? 1.2600 0.05794 100 81 12 7
1540 We need you to stop that rattling. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1541 You guys leaving for lunch already? 1.2600 0.05966 100 82 10 8
1542 That's not the kind of boa I had in mind for the stag party. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1543 OK, if anyone votes "no" for my proposal, then let loose the snake. Got it? 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1544 Yes, this letter did ask you to consider a COBRA coverage plan. 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1545 I see you found the viper in our midst. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1546 I meant a plumber's snake - for the restroom. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1547 Not another intern for the legal department. 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1548 Gee Whiz, I knew the computer had a virus, but the worm...? 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1549 Get rid of that; the auditors are here. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1550 I said, "caption contest", not "capture contest" ! 1.2600 0.05966 100 82 10 8
1551 What part of ‘Go to Nobu and get the nigiri’ didn’t you understand? 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1552 Gentlemen, meet our new art critic. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1553 'Now that he has downsized the employee benefits department, does he have room for some auditors?' 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1554 Not really what I had in mind when I asked for new ways to squeeze the budget. 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1555 Not an appropriate mascot for this firm. 1.2600 0.05966 100 82 10 8
1556 Actually, I ordered a medium rare STEAK for lunch. 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1557 quick— now put it in Jerry's coffee mug before he comes back 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1558 Can it scent inefficiencies? 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1559 Well, no one's gonna steal your sushi from the fridge. 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1560 Oh, good. I see you've already met our new CEO. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1561 No, you're right. I did ask for unagi. 1.2600 0.05794 100 81 12 7
1562 We've heard you can turn this into oil and sell it. 1.2600 0.05966 100 82 10 8
1563 We will continue to scale down the workforce 1.2600 0.05794 100 81 12 7
1564 Our return policy is getting out of control! 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1565 You're gonna need a bigger apple. 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1566 I said ASAP! 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1567 No, I meant the active COBRA insurance files! 1.2600 0.05966 100 82 10 8
1568 So, that is the new HR director? 1.2600 0.05245 100 78 18 4
1569 There has got to be a slicker way to steal electricity. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1570 If anyone asks, she’s our mascot, not our retirement plan. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1571 The IT guy has said "No" to Apple, but I'm temped to try just one. 1.2600 0.06133 100 83 8 9
1572 Excuse me, but is that a Service Boa Constrictor? 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1573 Memo from Accounting: no more bartering. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1574 Looks like we hired a new attorney 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1575 Sorry, 'Garden of Eden' is down the hall 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1576 I said bring me the corporate SEAL. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1577 I didn't think he would literally be a snake. 1.2600 0.05435 100 79 16 5
1578 He's the new Director of Unhuman Resources. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1579 The mouse is in the storage room. 1.2600 0.05794 100 81 12 7
1580 Guys, guys, guys... it's "Bring-Your-Snake-to-Work-THURSDAYS, " not Wednesdays. 1.2600 0.05966 100 82 10 8
1581 It's smaller than I thought it would be. 1.2600 0.05617 100 80 14 6
1582 Thought you could slide in late again unnoticed? 1.2600 0.05794 100 81 12 7
1583 Hmm, Just put it in the lunch room for now 1.2600 0.05049 100 77 20 3
1584 Route 1 to exit 22, sign for Eden. When you get to the orchard, ask the gardener' wife to sign for it. 1.2574 0.05387 101 80 16 5
1585 No, no, no guys... I said we need a new new app, not asp! 1.2574 0.05743 101 82 12 7
1586 I didn't realize we were so under water. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1587 Just a couple of early birds with the proverbial worm, I imagine. 1.2551 0.04878 98 75 21 2
1588 Did you remember the extra wasabi? 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1589 Hey boss, it turns out that guy wasn't a rat. He was a snake! 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1590 The new campaign director's office is straight ahead. 1.2551 0.06035 98 81 9 8
1591 I heard that you guys were supporting Trump! 1.2551 0.06035 98 81 9 8
1592 Tell me you locked down the Ness account. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1593 since we started Bring your pet to work day.we've lost 2 dags,one cat and 3 chickens 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1594 No, I wanted you to pick up a FEATHER boa for my wife's birthday 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1595 Thanks for helping our new attorney find his desk. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1596 That's a moray, alright. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1597 Internal audit here again? 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1598 I take it that no one has accepted HR's severance package offer? 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1599 We should have let Barney go when he was just a snake in the grass. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1600 So are the plumbing problems getting worse? 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1601 Who ordered the Unagi? 1.2551 0.05858 98 80 11 7
1602 I said get me a big steak for lunch. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1603 You idiots. This is not the kind of snake I requested for clearing the plumbing in the bathroom. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1604 Check in with h.r. about special dietary needs. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1605 No, I said to bring Morrie to the meeting. 1.2551 0.04878 98 75 21 2
1606 'You captured Donald Trump?" 1.2551 0.06374 98 83 5 10
1607 Thanks for the Amazon gift card. 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1608 I said, buy a plumbing snake! 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1609 The lawyers said no to show-and-tell Tuesdays. 1.2551 0.06035 98 81 9 8
1610 As you requested, we've hired a new broker who better reflects company values. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1611 No, no! I said, "bring me a Steak sandwich!" 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1612 The memo said 'snacks' in the breakroom... 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1613 Whoa, whoa! I said you could bring a SNACK to the meeting... 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1614 Did we run out of snake oil again? 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1615 It's not about the idea, but how you scale it. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1616 Wait...isn't today pizza day? 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1617 Your mistake was looking for a mole. 1.2551 0.05858 98 80 11 7
1618 Is it Bring Your Snake to Work Day again? 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1619 Let's put him in the cubicle next to the lab rats. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1620 Guys, I said "STEAK" sandwich! 1.2551 0.05858 98 80 11 7
1621 No, no, no. I said "Bring me the deal, not the eel." 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1622 in the spirit of Roger Ailes: "Boys, it's not the size of your snake, it's how you leverage it." 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1623 Where's Barb? I thought I said stakeholders. 1.2551 0.04878 98 75 21 2
1624 I hope you brought enough A-1 Snake Sauce this time. 1.2551 0.05292 98 77 17 4
1625 That's not what I meant when I said we needed to get Python into our IT department. 1.2551 0.05676 98 79 13 6
1626 I think you misunderstood me, I said this company needs a new feel 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1627 So now we're against nepotism? 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1628 How long before the lobby aquarium is fixed? 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1629 No! I said we need to put the BRAKES on over-spending! 1.2551 0.05487 98 78 15 5
1630 I see Jones wasn't the only snake in the office. 1.2551 0.05089 98 76 19 3
1631 Says here we were expecting a pair of these things... 1.2525 0.04836 99 76 21 2
1632 Comfort viper? 1.2525 0.05245 99 78 17 4
1633 Sorry, but my CPR certification just expired about 5 minutes ago. 1.2525 0.05438 99 79 15 5
1634 Put him in the non-gender bathroom until he sheds... 1.2525 0.05624 99 80 13 6
1635 No, I ordered the eel. 1.2525 0.05044 99 77 19 3
1636 The lawyer is here. 1.2525 0.05438 99 79 15 5
1637 Did he abbreviate "Bank of America" again? 1.2525 0.05624 99 80 13 6
1638 Anything reptilian goes to the government relations department. 1.2525 0.05044 99 77 19 3
1639 If it runs third-party, we're in trouble. 1.2525 0.05624 99 80 13 6
1640 I think you guys are taking this fresh sushi kick too far. 1.2525 0.05044 99 77 19 3
1641 " I see you've gone quite far back in the archives ". 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1642 Didn't you get the email? 'Take-your-boa-constrictor-to-work' day is TOMORROW! 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1643 I am having second thoughts about this zoo merger. 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1644 They're downsizing the koi pond too? 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1645 Just let him down I am going to get rid of the Mole in this office once and for all. 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1646 Donald said he caught it with a paper clip. 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1647 I don't think that's what he meant by 'find the snake in the office' 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1648 And I thought our last boss was venomous. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1649 No no. I asked you to retrieve EEL - the Employee Evaluation List 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1650 I said " a large pie, Tom" 1.2474 0.05682 97 79 12 6
1651 Don't look at me. I ordered a jumbo milk shake. 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1652 Talk about cold-blooded in the workplace! 1.2474 0.04642 97 74 22 1
1653 He'll never wiggle out of this one. He hasn't got a let to stand on. 1.2474 0.05682 97 79 12 6
1654 ...but we ordered it WITH the bun. 1.2474 0.05868 97 80 10 7
1655 Take him down to Legal Affairs, he's the new hire. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1656 You forgot the wasabi again, didn't you? 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1657 I told you their sushi was fresh 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1658 Snail mail or Email only. No compromise. Take the eel back. 1.2474 0.05868 97 80 10 7
1659 Old Nessie is having trouble at home. Told him he could crash with us until he finds his feet. 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1660 So that's what was clogging the copier ! 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1661 OK, let's run it up the flagpole and see who salutes. 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1662 They'll be an opening for partner I guess 1.2474 0.04867 97 75 20 2
1663 Darrin, the clients are waiting for you!! Where's Mr. Tate? 1.2474 0.05682 97 79 12 6
1664 It's for the corporate retreat--we're playing 'Snakes and Ladders' to see who gets promoted. 1.2474 0.06048 97 81 8 8
1665 We already jumped the shark. 1.2474 0.04642 97 74 22 1
1666 Well, that will make a "striking" powerpoint presentation. 1.2474 0.04867 97 75 20 2
1667 I see your 10:00 o'clock has arrived! 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1668 Good morning Sir. After you're finished in Hair and Makeup, we have your coffee and Mr. Priebus waiting for you in your office. 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1669 Perfect timing. He just went in the third stall. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1670 After losing the bet, I thought we agreed I'd wear a feather boa around my neck? 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1671 Great work. Now put it in Johnson's cubicle. If he quits before noon, you'll get his job. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1672 What do you mean this is the new Epi-Pen? 1.2474 0.05682 97 79 12 6
1673 Sir, he said to pick the Apple but we only have PCs. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1674 Thanksss for the promotion bossss 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1675 Uhm, guys, thats not sushi. 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1676 Mr. Wiggles, I presume. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1677 No need to tell security about the office party. 1.2474 0.05682 97 79 12 6
1678 Paging Dr. Freud. 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1679 The corporate lawyer is needed in conference room 4. 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1680 I appreciate the accounting department's team spirit, but let's call some real plumbers. 1.2474 0.04867 97 75 20 2
1681 I specifically asked for a ladder. 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1682 Sushi for lunch? 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1683 We need to revisit the company's Casual Friday policy. 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1684 Oh my god, NO! I said a giant cake, not a giant snake. 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1685 Remember, company policy forbids long lunches... 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1686 Must I remind you, that we have a no-gift policy. 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1687 No, damn it, I told you to haul MOREY into the office. 1.2474 0.05682 97 79 12 6
1688 'Sorry,fellas -- Bring-your-pet-to-work-day is tomorrow. 1.2474 0.04642 97 74 22 1
1689 No," I said ,"Get the accountant,Anna Conda! 1.2474 0.05682 97 79 12 6
1690 The new lawyer joke is here. 1.2474 0.04867 97 75 20 2
1691 Let's try to squeeze our client. 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1692 I think your pitch is too aggressive. 1.2474 0.04642 97 74 22 1
1693 Loch Ness is old news 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1694 Rats! 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1695 Obviously you didn't bother to read the memo about what not to bring to the meeting. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1696 I knew Johnson was a snake in the grass! 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1697 Get Mr. Trump to make-up right away. He looks awful! 1.2474 0.05682 97 79 12 6
1698 I did say we need to frighten the competition. 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1699 He's fired, and exactly how did he sexually harass Ms. Gordy? 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1700 Your replacement sir! 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1701 Send the survivors to Conference Room B. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1702 People just don’t appreciate a good practical joke anymore. 1.2474 0.05682 97 79 12 6
1703 I'm not sure this is what she meant by "animating your data presentation". 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1704 When I said get that snake out of here I meant the lawyer... Go put Leon back in his office... 1.2474 0.05868 97 80 10 7
1705 We've got to hire a new cleaning lady. 1.2474 0.05682 97 79 12 6
1706 I think that's the adder they have been looking for in accounting. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1707 That is not an excuse for not wearing your jackets in the office. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1708 Is that the new applicant for legal? 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1709 I wrote that I wanted a Poisson distribution... 1.2474 0.05682 97 79 12 6
1710 Head straight to compliance. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1711 He'll be finished with Jeff in time for the board meeting. 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1712 It's about time someone got their hands on that snake in accounting. 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1713 We'll make him "of counsel". 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1714 Well, I guess she's better than Trump... 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1715 First office on the left, for the New Yorker cartoonist. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1716 I always heard your boss could be a real snake. 1.2474 0.05682 97 79 12 6
1717 Ummm, legal is on the second floor. 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1718 team meeting in 5, lose the fish 1.2474 0.04867 97 75 20 2
1719 Ah, yes. Deliver the snake to the office of the Vice President-who-must-not-be-named. 1.2474 0.05490 97 78 14 5
1720 Hey guys, "Tread Upon" claims go to the fourth floor. 1.2474 0.05083 97 76 18 3
1721 Updating Python again? 1.2474 0.05290 97 77 16 4
1722 This is not what I meant when I said we need to shake up our Monday morning meetings 1.2449 0.05242 98 78 16 4
1723 When I said, "Fresh Sushi", this was NOT what I had in mind. 1.2449 0.04824 98 76 20 2
1724 Well, you can tell the boss we have a message for him too. 1.2449 0.05037 98 77 18 3
1725 Don't tell me, he ate another accountant. Well, pull him out and file a worker's comp claim. 1.2449 0.05629 98 80 12 6
1726 Com'on, guys. It's the new guy's first day. 1.2449 0.05629 98 80 12 6
1727 We lost another one to team-building. 1.2449 0.05439 98 79 14 5
1728 Recruiting poached from Amazon as requested sir 1.2449 0.05991 98 82 8 8
1729 You make a wonderful couple, but this "bring-your-pet-to-work-day" has gone too far. 1.2449 0.05813 98 81 10 7
1730 No, I ordered the pastrami. 1.2449 0.05037 98 77 18 3
1731 Bold thinking, boys, but a hundred and twelve batteries? 1.2449 0.05242 98 78 16 4
1732 Yee Haa! Take-out sashimi for the whole office. 1.2449 0.05629 98 80 12 6
1733 That won't work. Only a live snake can apply for the CFO position. 1.2449 0.05629 98 80 12 6
1734 Bring Your Pet to Work Day is tomorrow. 1.2449 0.05037 98 77 18 3
1735 It's okay, Morrie. I felt like a fish out of water my first day, too. 1.2449 0.05037 98 77 18 3
1736 You'll be surprised at which of you interns is being kept on. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1737 The paper jam is over there. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1738 Guys, Frank brought in sushi for last week's staff meeting. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1739 Great, sushi Friday! See you in the break room. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1740 He's looking for Apple's headquarters. 1.2421 0.05933 95 79 9 7
1741 Fine. One more week, but not in my office. 1.2421 0.05741 95 78 11 6
1742 Bring me one that can stand on its own two feet. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1743 I think he asked if you wanted to sell your stake in the company. 1.2421 0.05933 95 79 9 7
1744 This isn't what the boss mean by 'building a better mousetrap." 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1745 Oh, I'd heard a new CEO was being brought in. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1746 So you're representing Cobra, Corral & King? 1.2421 0.04418 95 72 23 0
1747 Our research indicates the market wants more snake oil. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1748 Yes, Mr. Chairman. Right away, sir. 1.2421 0.05741 95 78 11 6
1749 We didn't literally mean we need our new CEO to be a snake. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1750 Who knew snake oil would boom again. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1751 They don't call it The Big Apple for nothing! 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1752 Throw him in the executive office. That place is a viper pit. 1.2421 0.04665 95 73 21 1
1753 We don't let the C.E.O. out of his cage until after lunch. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1754 Welcome, Sir. It's always nice to meet a new CEO. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1755 I see the deli's expanded their menu. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1756 Is that our new tort expert? 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1757 Boss says to get The Donald into hair and makeup right now! 1.2421 0.05933 95 79 9 7
1758 I asked for somebody who knows [underline knows] Python. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1759 When I said "We need to scale up the business", this isn't what I meant. 1.2421 0.04899 95 74 19 2
1760 Corner office... 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1761 Good morning gentlemen, you can show Jake to his new office in sales. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1762 Your final interview is with Mr. Mongoose. 1.2421 0.05741 95 78 11 6
1763 You've been sss-served. 1.2421 0.06119 95 80 7 8
1764 No, you got it wrong. The Donald said, "Bring in Sir Pence for an interview." 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1765 Don't forget to recycle the giant, fake can of nuts. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1766 Um, the boss sent you out to get new 'wipers.' 1.2421 0.04899 95 74 19 2
1767 Your right. He IS our last best American hope for this year's Presidential election! 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1768 Put him in Accounts Receivable. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1769 Meet our new expert on sliding scales. 1.2421 0.04665 95 73 21 1
1770 He looks hungry, stick him in the manager’s office. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1771 Is it Take-Your-Anaconda-To-Work-Day already? 1.2421 0.05741 95 78 11 6
1772 And tell the zoo they get their snake back when we get paid in cash. 1.2421 0.04899 95 74 19 2
1773 Quick! Get Stanley back to research and development immediately! 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1774 So THAT'S why they put mice in the vending machine. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1775 Now, that's an aggressive choice. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1776 I don't care if he's exhausted from leading the forked-tongue strategy. It's working and we need to keep scaling up. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1777 Did he pass the background check? 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1778 Do you think you can just slither in here any time you feel like it? 1.2421 0.05741 95 78 11 6
1779 We need to narrow down the applicants somehow. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1780 This place is officially a rat trap. 1.2421 0.05741 95 78 11 6
1781 It does seem you have exposed a snake in our midst, but I was speaking metaphorically. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1782 That's one idea that I DON'T think should be outside the box! 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1783 Take him to our Legal Department ! 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1784 If I wanted you to bring me a politician, I would have asked for one. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1785 This is not an ad for a civil serpent? 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1786 Well, the interns listened, I did order unagi. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1787 Sales meeting over? 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1788 I told you guys to get the boss a big "Cake" for his birthday. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1789 The audit is in the conference room. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1790 Good - maybe now Edwards will get out of that rabbit's costume and get back to work. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1791 Collections? To the right. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1792 If that's for me, you two are lousy at surprises. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1793 I'll miss the Finance Department. 1.2421 0.05933 95 79 9 7
1794 Third party candidate, sure, why not. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1795 I've had it with these motherf@$!$@ snakes on my motherf@%#!*# campaign. 1.2421 0.05933 95 79 9 7
1796 Now remember, don't come in until you hear me say, "My anaconda don't want none unless you got funds, hun." 1.2421 0.05741 95 78 11 6
1797 No more catching Pokémon on company time. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1798 Says here he's the new head of HR. I'd say it's time to update that LinkedIn profile. 1.2421 0.05741 95 78 11 6
1799 Yes,I said fresh sushi,but.... 1.2421 0.04665 95 73 21 1
1800 Meet Wanda. The property management's answer to rising pest control costs. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1801 What is the genesis of this? 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1802 You guys scared me... I thought that was my ex-wife's lawyer! 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1803 I know a good salesman when I see one. Let's interview in conference Room A. 1.2421 0.05741 95 78 11 6
1804 No one beats you guys when it comes to novel birthday cakes. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1805 Put him in forbidden fruit sales 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1806 You guys really need to learn to take things less literally. 1.2421 0.04665 95 73 21 1
1807 The snake we need is for the clogged drain! 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1808 Now, squeeze more out of our customers. 1.2421 0.04899 95 74 19 2
1809 Where do you want us to loch Nessie? 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1810 We only allow service snakes in this office. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1811 I said a pithy presentation, not a python presentation. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1812 Put that thing down and find out where our interns disappeared to! 1.2421 0.04665 95 73 21 1
1813 Not what I had in mind when I said we'd strangle the competition... 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1814 Tempting! 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1815 Pet Day problem finito, Boss. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1816 These tax codes are getting harder and harder to understand. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1817 Wait! Did it get a chance to bite Mallory? 1.2421 0.04665 95 73 21 1
1818 Under "S" for "snake" with a cross reference under "R" for "reptile." 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1819 What's that guy's name in the Mail Room? 1.2421 0.05741 95 78 11 6
1820 By the snake, I meant Jim... 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1821 Try to be more subtle. The interns' parents are starting to ask questions. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1822 That goes to the arbitration room. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1823 Bring Your Pet to Work Day is NEXT Friday. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1824 Oh, I see you got the memo. 1.2421 0.04665 95 73 21 1
1825 Umm, we need to reconsider "Bring Your Pet to Work Day" 1.2421 0.04899 95 74 19 2
1826 On second thought, I'm not comfortable working in Python. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1827 This was sent from a dissatisfied customer who accused us of "speaking with a forked tongue" 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1828 Big plumbing problem? 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1829 Fairly sure that's not what the boss meant when she told you guys to think outside the box. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1830 Yes, I know he's a snake; that's why he was promoted. Take him up to his new top floor office. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1831 Sushi for Today's Lunch & Learn 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1832 To be clear, your termination was not a result of you refusing to identify with a gender. 1.2421 0.05741 95 78 11 6
1833 Gentlemen, I think the Monday sushi special has run its course. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1834 That thing doesn't belong here! Take it right up to the executive suite. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1835 I called corporate. Just put him in the grass. 1.2421 0.04899 95 74 19 2
1836 I asked you to pick up a birthday CAKE. 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1837 I see the diversity training is working. 1.2421 0.05122 95 75 17 3
1838 Even if he is well-mannered, you still should have spell checked the part about "qualified civil servants." 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1839 I said : "Bring in a big deal"! 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1840 Jim and Steve felt it necessary to resort to a visual aid to demonstrate their level of trust in the team leader. 1.2421 0.05337 95 76 15 4
1841 But I asked for a lawyer! 1.2421 0.05542 95 77 13 5
1842 Sales is down the hallway on your left 1.2396 0.05075 96 76 17 3
1843 Believe me guys, I am certain that he said "Bring me a "DEAL" that I can't refuse." 1.2396 0.05490 96 78 13 5
1844 Not another campaign director! 1.2360 0.05767 89 73 11 5
1845 I said "turpentine!" 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1846 This is Miss Hissy from the secretarial pool. 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1847 Do not hire that sorcerer again for office parties. 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1848 Don't be such an asp about it. 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1849 Bring your eel to work was last week 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1850 I came to sign the deal, not an eel. 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1851 Our new Vice-President of Acquisitions--Monty Something. 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1852 Oh no, not another 'power lunch' 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1853 I said I plan to tell the shareholders this afternoon that I have the largest stake in this company. 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1854 We're scaling down our business 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1855 Is that one of those Pokemon thingies? 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1856 I see you've found the problem! 1.2340 0.05745 94 78 10 6
1857 That must be the new customer service manager. 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1858 Are you sure he's the best stock picker you can find for our hedge fund? 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1859 Is he friendly? 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1860 I'm not sure performing 'Anaconda' is the best choice for the office talent show. 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1861 No one else is voting Trump? 1.2340 0.05745 94 78 10 6
1862 Impressive. Does your congregation speak in tongues as well? 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1863 Why the long snake? 1.2340 0.05941 94 79 8 7
1864 Bring him straight to the debate room. 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1865 Quick, get Mr. Trump into his office before the press see him. 1.2340 0.05745 94 78 10 6
1866 The boss says his baby goat is missing. 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1867 That's for his retirement party? I would have chosen a barracuda! 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1868 Bring your boa to work Friday is it? 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1869 I wondered how they were going to break up the banks. 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1870 "He gets the corner office". 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1871 What do you mean this is part of our ADA compliance program? 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1872 Just flush it down the toilet 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1873 I recommend binding arbitration. 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1874 What did I say about pets at work. 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1875 'Go home snake, you're drunk.' 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1876 We've combined our pest control and security budgets. Besides, I'm allergic to cats. 1.2340 0.04884 94 74 18 2
1877 ...and human resources thought we were exaggerating. 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1878 Is it customer service training day already? 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1879 Sticking your tongue out won't make us change our minds about laying you off. 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1880 Just tell him we'll forward his resume to HR, and they will get back to him. 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1881 That looks like a white-fanged creature. This purchase order specifies Bluetooth. 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1882 He wasn't being politically correct. He ate the Boss. 1.2340 0.05745 94 78 10 6
1883 This is the last time I come into work on Saturday. 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1884 It's his current choice to head up his campaign! 1.2340 0.05745 94 78 10 6
1885 I see the new VP speaks with forked tongue, Kemosaba! 1.2340 0.05941 94 79 8 7
1886 Here are the Senator's revised talking points. 1.2340 0.04884 94 74 18 2
1887 How in the Sam Hill could you possibly misunderstand "Assign one of the interns to feed the snake"? 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1888 The boss says he's found a new way to scare off competition. 1.2340 0.04884 94 74 18 2
1889 There's one in the men's room too. 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1890 You guys didn't get the memo? 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1891 That's not what I meant by running a snake through the pipes. 1.2340 0.05113 94 75 16 3
1892 We think it originally belonged to Eve. 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1893 Good work men! I thought you'd find it on Hillary's server. 1.2340 0.05332 94 76 14 4
1894 Is that a female snake? The board says the next snake must be female. 1.2340 0.05542 94 77 12 5
1895 I asked you to bring me a STEAK. 1.2340 0.05745 94 78 10 6
1896 No,I said I wanted to see Beau Strichter. He's in accounting. 1.2316 0.05281 95 77 14 4
1897 Now we may be able to get rid of all those mice. 1.2316 0.05065 95 76 16 3
1898 ....first time I've ever seen a winner of the primaries looking THIS bad.... 1.2316 0.05689 95 79 10 6
1899 Secret Santa is less fun since we let the lawyers in. 1.2316 0.05689 95 79 10 6
1900 No! I asked for a large steak. 1.2316 0.05065 95 76 16 3
1901 This must be the applicant from the monster posting. 1.2316 0.05689 95 79 10 6
1902 What did I tell you guys about bartering? 1.2316 0.04838 95 75 18 2
1903 Obviously, you don't understand the 'Bring your Pet to work day' concept. 1.2316 0.04601 95 74 20 1
1904 I know it works for Loch Ness, but surely there's a better way to raise our profile. 1.2316 0.05489 95 78 12 5
1905 We may have solved the mystery of the disappearance of that clerical in cubical 16. 1.2316 0.05281 95 77 14 4
1906 Just make sure Legal doesn't see it. 1.2316 0.05489 95 78 12 5
1907 The ol' snake in the can gag! You guys in Creative crack me up 1.2316 0.05489 95 78 12 5
1908 YOU THE GUY WITH THE MOUSE PROBLEM ? 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1909 We thought an office pet would improve morale. 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1910 There has to be a better way to get rid of our rat problem. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1911 The new VP! Get him a rock in the sun -- quick! 1.2283 0.05804 92 77 9 6
1912 The basilisk gets Manafort's old office. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1913 Thanks, men. It's the mascot for our new slogan: "the thrill of victory, the agony of no feet." 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1914 Another executive at Fox bit the dust. 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1915 Be gentle with him. He may have made a mistake or two, but he's been a loyal employee. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1916 So you're taking him to Legal? 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
1917 No, i said find the big fissure in the corporate firewall. 1.2283 0.05804 92 77 9 6
1918 Will she play nice with the furry ones? 1.2283 0.04400 92 71 21 0
1919 Is this his new political advisor or was it just fired? 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
1920 We found him in the office having lunch with Adam and Eve. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1921 I know we are in the business of selling snake oil, but not the whole snake. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1922 I said "on accounta" not anaconda. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1923 Our new mascot? 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1924 No, sir, I’ve never been tempted. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1925 Welcome to the Marketing Department! We were all super impressed with your Garden of Eden campaign. 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
1926 A serpent? Not cold-blooded enough for our campaign. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1927 I always get nervous when our lawyer visits. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1928 I heard there was a snake in the boardroom. 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1929 This isn’t what I meant when I said we need more backbone 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1930 We discontinued "Show and Tell" around the water cooler. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1931 I see your candidate really does speak with a forked tongue. 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1932 You're up to something fishy. I can smell it. But your plan is eel-conceived. 1.2283 0.05804 92 77 9 6
1933 Couldn't hold your licker last night, huh fellas? 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1934 I'm pretty sure Mr. Hutchins wanted a rare "steak", guys. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1935 I know I said fresh shushi for our meeting, just not that fresh. 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
1936 Try taking it to "Lost and Found. 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1937 Did anyone order an investment banker?? 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1938 I'd help you carry that but I just washed my hands. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1939 Hasn't Cooper finished clearing out his cubicle yet? 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1940 Have you seen the CEO's capybara? 1.2283 0.06007 92 78 7 7
1941 Too late, the inspectors have left. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1942 It's confirmed. The cage won't be here before tomorrow. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1943 Well, I don't care if it *is* casual Friday. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1944 Another campaign shakeup? 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1945 Tim's requested a treadmill desk wide enough for slithering. 1.2283 0.05804 92 77 9 6
1946 Our sustainable toilet is clogged. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1947 Diversity hire... 1.2283 0.05804 92 77 9 6
1948 Whose turn is it to feed the company mascot? 1.2283 0.04663 92 72 19 1
1949 We're going to have to replace all of the mice again. 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
1950 Our lizard will outdo their gecco. 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
1951 Who's getting severed today? 1.2283 0.04663 92 72 19 1
1952 I thought we did away with hazing. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1953 On behalf of Fred & the team, although he still considers you friends and hopes your snake recovers, he finds your practical joke ill-timed and extremely unprofessional. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1954 Boys! Reminder of how it would come across in a deposition transcript: 'The guys constantly took their giant snake out to proudly parade it around the workplace.' 1.2283 0.05804 92 77 9 6
1955 The President would like this one released along the Arizona border. 1.2283 0.05804 92 77 9 6
1956 I'm assuming you've filled out form ES5B for your emotional support pet. 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1957 So this is your big idea to squeeze more money out of our investors!? 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1958 If only he wasn't so reptilian, even he could survive these allegations. 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1959 I meant for you to take Speaking With A Forked Tongue , figuratively 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
1960 Boys, I already told you we have a rule against political canvassing in the office 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1961 Make sure Inhuman Resources signs off on his suspension. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1962 Impressive. But I still don't think the media are going to buy a story about an e-mail eating snake. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1963 Take it to marketing on the fourth floor; they think they're so charming. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1964 That is not what we meant by extreme vetting. 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1965 I said the vending machine needed more snacks! 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1966 Pet day is next week. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1967 No thanks. I'm sick of sushi. 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1968 Wow! I always thought that was just another conspiracy theory. 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1969 Hey, nobody told me that we could use props in our presentation! 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1970 Is that a snake under your arm, or are you happy to see me? 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1971 I said we needed a civil servant, not a sea serpent! 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1972 Another downsizing? 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1973 ... pens, paper clips, staples, ASAP. Not ASP! 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1974 Time to show him the door. None of his marketing campaigns ever had legs. 1.2283 0.04663 92 72 19 1
1975 We may not have big hands, but we've got this. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1976 He got in on an H1B visa. We couldn’t find anyone who could handle an Apple as well as he can. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1977 "The emergency defibrillator is down the hall on your left". 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1978 Oh my, that app sure went wrong. 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1979 Boss says we'll rethink the Amazon project. 1.2283 0.04663 92 72 19 1
1980 I said an electable heel ! 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1981 That's not what I had in mind when I asked for sushi for the whole group. 1.2283 0.05804 92 77 9 6
1982 They ran out of therapy dogs, but I have a feeling she'll 'boost' office morale. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1983 Take him back; this campaign has enough forked tongues. 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1984 You finally caught Julian Assange? 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1985 Wait. What are the details of the Early Retirement package again? 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1986 Put it in the kitchen. It should cut down on "extra long" coffee breaks. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1987 Today's computer viruses are at a whole new level. 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1988 He speaks with forked tongue, but drunk is drunk! 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1989 Pet-friendly workplaces are shown to have a significant impact on employee satisfaction. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1990 Look I said Trump polls as a snake-oil salesman, but I didn't say we were doing live testing! 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1991 Oh I forgot, it's take your pet to work day. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1992 Slytherins, room 3. 1.2283 0.04663 92 72 19 1
1993 Sorry guys, the CEO has changed his mind. Turns out a giant leech is not a good symbol for a financial services company. 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
1994 It doesn't take a trade school graduate to know what a plumber's snake is ! 1.2283 0.05804 92 77 9 6
1995 Don't get rid of it until we find Throckmorton. 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
1996 Yes, bring him to internal audit with the others. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
1997 Change of plans; We're going to sell crude oil instead. 1.2283 0.05804 92 77 9 6
1998 Tongue lashing needed in accounting. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
1999 Now it's time to put the squeeze on marketing. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
2000 We caught him smoking in the Men's Room. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
2001 They did say the new intern was going to be a lot to handle... 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
2002 Sushi prep - room 4 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
2003 Did you catch him going door-to-door again? 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
2004 The toilet backed up again! 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
2005 Who are we suing? 1.2283 0.05804 92 77 9 6
2006 That's not what I meant when I asked you to find the office rat. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
2007 Clearly you two aren't plumbers. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
2008 Sheesh! I thought when the boss wrote 'eel-mail' it was just a misprint! 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
2009 No! You give him mouth to mouth resuscitation. 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
2010 Oh, and we're also going to need the Yeti, Loch Ness, and Sasquatch accounts as soon as you can wrangle them. 1.2283 0.05595 92 76 11 5
2011 Good news. The new guy in legal says he can also fix the plumbing. 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
2012 When I said "we'll get that snake" I didn't mean it literally! I was talking about Donaldson! 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
2013 I know this office is a zoo, but now you're being silly. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
2014 So that's our our new campaign manager. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
2015 Welcome to the million dollar sales team - your terrarium's on the left. 1.2283 0.05804 92 77 9 6
2016 I told you to use Python to build the application...not to use a python! 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
2017 So you guys are presenting on COBRA? 1.2283 0.05804 92 77 9 6
2018 Don't let the media see that. They already think we sell snake oil. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
2019 No question, this will dissuade the sweet children from entering the water fountain. 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
2020 First it's the wolf of wall st., now its the snake of silicon valley? 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
2021 No, I told you to order enough STEAK for everyone in the office. 1.2283 0.05804 92 77 9 6
2022 Molting again are we, Ed? 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
2023 Whoa, guys, I thought you knew I meant "Find me the snake in the grass" metaphorically. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
2024 Velcome vindow viper. 1.2283 0.05377 92 75 13 4
2025 Tell the people in shipping to be sure to mark the package, Handle With Care 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
2026 Uhhh,...I'm not even going to ask. Carry on 1.2283 0.05150 92 74 15 3
2027 Just because I said you should check your sources I didn't mean for your to bring them in. 1.2283 0.04913 92 73 17 2
2028 He has just been hired in legal. 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2029 Wilson in sales missed his quota. 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
2030 You asked for fresh Sushi! 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
2031 This is your new secretary boss. Her name is Anna Conda. 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2032 Uh, Reptile Tuesday is next week. 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
2033 He has been acting strangely since we went gluten-free in the lunchroom. 1.2258 0.05540 93 77 11 5
2034 Why does it take two of you to do that? 1.2258 0.05100 93 75 15 3
2035 Are you sure that make enough sushi for the whole office? 1.2258 0.05325 93 76 13 4
2036 Tread lightly, it's election season. 1.2258 0.05540 93 77 11 5
2037 Wait! We found him in the hedge fund! 1.2258 0.04866 93 74 17 2
2038 You'll have to hold on awhile longer. I'm completely out of stamps. 1.2247 0.05478 89 73 12 4
2039 Couldn't you get one without a forked tongue? 1.2247 0.04728 89 70 18 1
2040 So this is the guy who spoke with a forked tongue 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2041 Auto-correct strikes again... I meant to say, get the office a big snack. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2042 Thanks, but that's not the kind of boa I need for the precinct costume party. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2043 You can forget promotion, Butterworth, if your pet keeps eating everyone else’s on “Bring Your Pet to Work Day” 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2044 Two-foot steak. Steak. And where's Billy? 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2045 OK, I'll predict it right now: we're not winning the Chinese New Year Dragon contest. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2046 The grass is ready in Conference Room C. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2047 You have the right to remain ssssssssssssilent. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2048 Sorry guys, the new boss said the lunchtime snake fighting on the loading dock has gotta go. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2049 That's not going to help our image. 1.2198 0.04636 91 72 18 1
2050 Escort him out. We have enough snakes on the payroll already. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2051 Gary's run up the corporate ladder had been great while it lasted. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2052 Well, that’s one way to put the squeeze on 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2053 Find out what he knows about where Adam and Eve disappeared to.... 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2054 We thought it was "Bring your pet to work day!" 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2055 May I remind you two that we aim to be a viperless office by the end of this quarter? 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2056 I said increase "sales" not "scales"!!! 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2057 Let me know when the boss is done digesting. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2058 Put it next to Eve, but leave room for a very large apple. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2059 We need to think of another way to downsize the legal department. 1.2198 0.04636 91 72 18 1
2060 Sorry gentilmen, but we've had to scale back. 1.2198 0.05806 91 77 8 6
2061 Put him in an empty office for now and tell everyone to hide their comfort pets. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2062 Our new lawyer. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2063 Oil! I said oil! 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2064 A bigger server, not serpent, you idiots. 1.2198 0.05806 91 77 8 6
2065 He gets one more trip around. Then back to Hillary's office. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2066 Marketing billed it, they can keep it. 1.2198 0.04636 91 72 18 1
2067 Is that an applicant to interview for the head of HR? 1.2198 0.05806 91 77 8 6
2068 Guess we won't be needing it after all. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2069 We've had complaints. Can't use the break room microwave anymore. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2070 So… is the 40-foot serpentine sea-monster not working out? 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2071 Your underground source? 1.2198 0.04636 91 72 18 1
2072 Tell Joe's wife he's going to be home late tonight.... 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2073 You'd be the new team in HR? 1.2198 0.04636 91 72 18 1
2074 We've been called to the situation room. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2075 Now that we have elevators, you and the ladders are redundant. 1.2198 0.05806 91 77 8 6
2076 Basement wet again? 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2077 What were the rules on bringing your pet to work day? 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2078 I'm sorry but I don't think he's the right candidate for the position. He's kind of slithery. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2079 If you're done with Megyn Mr. Ailes would like it back in his office. 1.2198 0.05806 91 77 8 6
2080 Take him to our collections division on the second floor, they've been expecting him. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2081 I've seen worse snakes around here. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2082 No, we're selling snake oil. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2083 This hunt for diverse hires is going to be the end of us. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2084 Um, Tony - I didn't mean "show me your snake" literally. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2085 Did the File Cabinet of Secrets open again? 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2086 Jackets are to be worn at all times. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2087 I received a note saying you found a virus on your computer. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2088 I guess I'm not the biggest snake here anymore. 1.2198 0.05806 91 77 8 6
2089 I'm positive I said snack, not snake. 1.2198 0.04636 91 72 18 1
2090 So, the interns weren't quitting? 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2091 Never mind. I won't have time for lunch today. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2092 No no, I said I would like to have a Pie-A-Thon. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2093 I can't believe we went to Harvard for this. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2094 We're putting him in charge of advertising. 1.2198 0.05806 91 77 8 6
2095 Is this the new turnaround manager? 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2096 Is it electric? 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2097 We found him in Trump's office, writing his speeches. He also told Adam and Eve to eat the apple. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2098 I SAID BRING ME A BIG LADDER! 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2099 The boss just can't take a joke! 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2100 Guys, I think we need to re-think our perceived strangle-hold on our clients. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2101 Feeding the company mascot again? 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2102 Sorry. The serpent whisperer is out today. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2103 Not that Fang Shui for the office. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2104 Well... this is awkward. Bob from Accounting brought in the same thrashing serpent. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2105 Great catch, but I said find the office rat. 1.2198 0.05806 91 77 8 6
2106 Thanks for coming so fast. That Viper Pit was killing our HR Department. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2107 I'm thinking you took "Go get that snake" a bit literally 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2108 Did you get rid of the Mole? 1.2198 0.04365 91 71 20 0
2109 No, No, No. Not serpents. I said bring me the head of merchants. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2110 So the sound I was hearing was actually more of a buzzing. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2111 You do know it's bring your kid to work day right? 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2112 You’re celebrating with a ‘conger’? 1.2198 0.06012 91 78 6 7
2113 Just drop it. I'll check with Creative. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2114 Actually, it's culturally insensitive to refer to him as "snake." He's a"Lampropeltis getula nigrita." 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2115 Hurry up! Hillary's waiting to debate the Trump stand-in. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2116 Please escort our efficiency expert to the conference room. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2117 You can just leave that in my inbox. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2118 We should get a trans-species washroom. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2119 He, unfortunately, goes with the rest of my failed attempts at team building. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2120 Sssso, this is our new marketing manager? 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2121 Better hurry; break room's almost out of deer. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2122 Looks like someone's got a case of the Mondays. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2123 Our 'no shedding' policy is strictly enforced. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2124 So you two are gonna feed him, you know, like every day, right? 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2125 You must be the budget committee. 1.2198 0.04636 91 72 18 1
2126 I said " try and snake your way into the meeting" 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2127 'Bring Your Python To Work Day' isn't until tomorrow. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2128 He needs a coat and tie if he is going to work here. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2129 I´d planned to show the shareholder conference this afternoon that we have the biggest STAKE in the corporation. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2130 thank you for the doctor's note for your therapy snake 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2131 Our new CEO is here , where should we put him? 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2132 Get her to make-up and remember, we are WITH HER. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2133 The shareholders were wondering whether we could manage this fiscal year with just one snake wrangler. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2134 Apparently it's been locked in the SEC Compliance Office since the firm opened. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2135 I asked you to get the feel of the American voter, not the eel. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2136 I said, "Carpe diem"; not "Seize the carp!" 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2137 He's here for an interview. Has he been 'vetted'? 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2138 I'm sorry, but you guys breezing in here for the fourth Friday morning in a row with an anaconda tucked under your arms has lost all of its wow factor. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2139 "I see we have found the company a new lawyer". 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2140 We got your memo about the toxic workplace environment. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2141 Welcome to the Trump campaign staff. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2142 'Well, it's easier to explain than layoffs' 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2143 I see the new manager is here. I'll clean out my desk. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2144 It's just that I think a pink slip and a constrictor is a bit too much. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2145 He doesn't look well. Better give him some 'asp-rin'. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2146 You programmers are so literal. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2147 Gentlemen, please escort our new HR Director to the adjoining office of CEO Voldemort. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2148 That looks worse than a phishing attack! 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2149 The other vendors are in the conference room. 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2150 This trading eelgorithm could make us the new Salamander Brothers. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2151 Go put it under Trump's desk. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2152 The Chinese New Year isn't until February! 1.2198 0.04636 91 72 18 1
2153 This must be the new HR guy! 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2154 Oh, is it time for the Biodiversity in the Workplace training? 1.2198 0.04893 91 73 16 2
2155 Hey, guys "Bring Your Pet to Work" day is next week. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2156 True, artisanal always DOES sell better, but are we even sure snake oil is a thing? 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2157 I know I asked you to clean out the break room refrigerator, but that's mine. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2158 I don't care what he's promising, I'm not changing phones. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2159 They asked for transparency on Wall Street, they got it. 1.2198 0.05591 91 76 10 5
2160 This is just what we need to improve the security of our firewall. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2161 What do you mean, I should have seen the one that got away? 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2162 Okay, just one sick day. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2163 Let's name him Ryan Lochte. 1.2198 0.05369 91 75 12 4
2164 The collaborative meeting is rescheduled for tomorrow, but I will need him for the investor meeting at 3:30 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2165 Bring him to the conference room then go get the Hyena. 1.2198 0.05136 91 74 14 3
2166 And how exactly is he going to help us with our spyware problem? 1.2188 0.04730 96 77 17 2
2167 Well, okay, as long as the resume clearly claims sixty words per minute. 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2168 How many canaries in the coal mine did he eat? 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2169 Are you two sharing lunch again? 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2170 Lab 4, next to the thankless child and man's ingratitude. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2171 This is the third time this week you've slithered in late! 1.2174 0.04845 92 74 16 2
2172 He wants to run for president, and he needs someone to write his speeches. 1.2174 0.05315 92 76 12 4
2173 Sorry boys, but HR refused the transfer request. 1.2174 0.05535 92 77 10 5
2174 No. The list said 'and a condom,' not anaconda. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2175 You've got a killer instinct, I like that. 1.2174 0.05086 92 75 14 3
2176 I'm thinking now that Mr. Long's office just might be the better destination. 1.2174 0.05951 92 79 6 7
2177 What's that old saying about "geeks bearing gifts"? 1.2159 0.05225 88 72 13 3
2178 I told you he was a snake in the grass. Now do you believe me? 1.2159 0.05469 88 73 11 4
2179 I believe he ordered steak. 1.2151 0.04798 93 75 16 2
2180 You must be the new CEO. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2181 Fine. You can have the standing desk. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2182 I told you guys to order a feather boa . . . 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2183 Put him in with O'Donnell, he speaks with forked tongue, too. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2184 I can't wait to see the headcount report next month! 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2185 Advertising is the second door on the right. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2186 Are you seriously going to bring that thing to every quarterly review? 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2187 We acquired this critter in the merger. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2188 NO I said to anticipate a "SHAKE UP". 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2189 Serpentine, Shel, serpentine! 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2190 Bob took some time to digest the news of his dismissal. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2191 That was just a figure of speech. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2192 I have to let you know that this does bring into question the rest of your resume... 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2193 Cold cuts will do for tomorrow's meeting. 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2194 UGH...I meant our competitor when I said "Get that big fat snake in the grass" 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2195 Tell Harry the Chamber of Secrets is open again. 1.2135 0.05865 89 76 7 6
2196 More oil for the sales department? 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2197 So that's the break-room thief who's been taking all the employee lunches... 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2198 Turns out it's a six-foot sub we need for that meeting. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2199 R&D have some splaining to do. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2200 I said pastrami on rye 1.2135 0.05865 89 76 7 6
2201 Sushi my ass. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2202 Sushi again? 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2203 Oh, good, you're free. 1.2135 0.04651 89 71 17 1
2204 Which political campaign ad is this intended for? 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2205 Is that from Legal? 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2206 You nitwits, the memo asked you to help me "SHAKE things up around here". 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2207 How are we going to wiggle out of this one? 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2208 Yes, the boss is in. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2209 So you 're told this was the most environmental-friendly way to fight office rodent. 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2210 He's part of the boss's plan to make our workspace a little more edgy. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2211 No, I distinctly said, Fondue Fork. 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2212 Just put him in procurement services. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2213 That better be a Pokémon because that's what I'm telling corporate. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2214 It's Sushi Day already? 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2215 It looks bad. I don't think he can swallow any more CNN. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2216 So this is a disruptor. 1.2135 0.04651 89 71 17 1
2217 I'll miss you interns. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2218 I am fed up with you guys and all of your hissy fits! 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2219 Looking for Eve? She's at the hairdresser. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2220 Never allow yourself to be subject to the whims of a pop star. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2221 He's dangerous, but we could use more cold-blooded billers around here. 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2222 You know, it's still sexual harassment even if you take the joke literally. 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2223 Have you met the new CEO yet? 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2224 When you warned me about Bob acting like a snake, I thought it was rhetorical. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2225 So, since Python didn't work out, I guess we're coding in Eel now? 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2226 Wrong floor. The call-center is on eight. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2227 I said it was o.k. to go out for a quick bite, not to bring it back. 1.2135 0.04368 89 70 19 0
2228 For the record, I voted against the employee sushi bar. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2229 There must be an easier way to get rid of the mice 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2230 I see that our Wal-Mart to Volde-Mart rebranding is coming along nicely. 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2231 Next time call Maintenance. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2232 Lunch? 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2233 Coming or going? 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2234 Idiots! I said servant, not serpent! 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2235 I'll call Poison Control. Looks like the boss bit his lip again... 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2236 Again? I keep thinking thursdays are "Bring your snake to work day". 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2237 But I brought my lunch today. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2238 idiots!!! my voicemail said bring a big SNACK to the party 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2239 Oh great, a new legal guy. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2240 When the brochure promised 'Natural Rat Extermination,' I was expecting something--well--a little less slithery. 1.2135 0.04651 89 71 17 1
2241 HR says it's gotta be stuffed and mounted before you put it on the wall. 1.2135 0.06286 89 78 3 8
2242 Another candidate for chair of the DNC? Right this way... 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2243 No matter that he's slippery Fred, HR just needs to know his native tongue. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2244 The new cafeteria chef is from China. He says they taste like chicken. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2245 Hold on, ee'll be with you in a moment. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2246 You thought a foot-long wouldn't be enough? 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2247 "Python" is the name of a programming language! I need you to pick THAT up on the side. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2248 I guess we are increasing diversity in the K9 workforce 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2249 Great for show and tell, but fellas, this is the Times. 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2250 This isn't what I envisioned for the Emotional Support Animal initiative. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2251 I told you! I don't want another snake working here. 1.2135 0.04651 89 71 17 1
2252 No, fellas. Murray. I said I wanted to see MUR-ray. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2253 This is not what she meant by a large boa. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2254 Yes, I've already been introduced to our new CEO. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2255 Join, or Die. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2256 Guys, when I said your presentation lacks originality, this is not what I meant 1.2135 0.04651 89 71 17 1
2257 The CEO position has already been filled. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2258 The lasagna in the fridge is mine, guys, so hands off...no offense, Cecil. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2259 Couple of early birds, I see. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2260 So, he wants to deny any relationship with Trump too. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2261 Sorry that the Heimlich method didn't save your boa constrictor. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2262 No, no, I said there was a problem with my wireless mouse. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2263 Are you the plumbers? 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2264 We'll need a mighty big hot dog bun. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2265 So it's takeaway sashimi, for the party? 1.2135 0.06079 89 77 5 7
2266 Nessie has a few words to say to our gossip columnist 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2267 No! I said, 'Bring me the rept file,' the one with the reports. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2268 Uh, that comment was about Larry in accounting, and it wasn't meant to be taken literally. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2269 I would make a penis joke but women have ruined the American workplace. 1.2135 0.05643 89 75 9 5
2270 The show-and-tell staff meeting is over. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2271 Good work boys. This fellow has thwarted me every time I climb the corporate ladder. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2272 According to the new policy, snakes belong in marketing not business affairs. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2273 Trump headquarters: "With a trouser snake like that they'll never make fun of his hands again!" 1.2135 0.05865 89 76 7 6
2274 If he suggests lunch at an all-you-can-eat buffet, don't be surprised when he plays the "I'm digesting" card. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2275 I forgot today is Take Your Mythical Creature to Work Day. 1.2135 0.04651 89 71 17 1
2276 Hold on fellows--bad vibes, tongue flicks and hissing mean he's close to calling the election. 1.2135 0.04651 89 71 17 1
2277 We got the Anaconda Copper account? 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2278 For goodness snake! 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2279 No, no, you idiots, I said I wanted a snack, not a snake! 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2280 It might be time to scale back on a few of our clients. 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2281 Guys, guys ! When I said "our new product is "snake oil"" I didn't mean that literally. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2282 Just another day at the off hiss. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2283 I don't care if his tongue is a divining rod, tell the genetics lab that we already have too much trouble with sexual harrassment. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2284 THERE he is. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2285 A drug sniffing snake! It only points... right? 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2286 A Coelacanth? That's so 400 million years ago. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2287 I meant Python the programming language. 1.2135 0.04918 89 72 15 2
2288 Feeling eel? 1.2135 0.05412 89 74 11 4
2289 I see dead people. 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2290 It's right here on his lunch order. The boss wanted a large shake! 1.2135 0.05171 89 73 13 3
2291 Yes, Mr. Voldemort, I do agree that an ex-wizard with your skill set would fit in quite well here at Goldman Sachs. 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2292 You've got our entire staff behind you . 1.2111 0.05805 90 77 7 6
2293 impressive resume` but we sell a different type of apple. 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2294 The office wanted to wish you happy birthday. 1.2111 0.05585 90 76 9 5
2295 Bring Your Pet to Work Day? 1.2111 0.05585 90 76 9 5
2296 He's not the only one with a forked tongue in this election. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2297 You incompetents, I said 'get real', not 'eel' 1.2111 0.04869 90 73 15 2
2298 I should inform you that 'bring-your-pet-to-work-day' is scheduled for tomorrow. 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2299 You're not gonna slither out of this one boys! 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2300 We're all wearing the same color pants! 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2301 He warned you not touch the "apple" 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2302 We'll have to rethink our approach to office pest control. 1.2111 0.05119 90 74 13 3
2303 So, we're not going out for sushi? 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2304 Where have you guys been?! Mr. Trump was due in hair and makeup ten minutes ago! 1.2111 0.05357 90 75 11 4
2305 Sure looks like the world's greatest Python programmer 1.2069 0.05206 87 72 12 3
2306 Stan went a little heavy on the champagne when he found out he made partner. 1.2045 0.05863 88 76 6 6
2307 always knew he was a snake in the grass 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2308 Thanks guys, I can finally drop this into the complaint box. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2309 I know I said your work needed more 'bite,' but this isn't what I meant. 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2310 I suppose his cold-blooded sales tactics were bound to catch up with him eventually. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2311 I'll see if that job in marketing is still open. 1.2045 0.05636 88 75 8 5
2312 Tell me you didn't catch him again with the new intern, Eve. 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2313 Meet the new Head of Corporate Communication 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2314 Where do you want this? 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2315 No no no! It's "bull by the horns", not "serpent by the neck!" 1.2045 0.05863 88 76 6 6
2316 They say productivity jumps with scale 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2317 Trying to deceive Eve again? 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2318 I told you he was in the grass. 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2319 Move it guys. Snakeskin boots are back ordered. 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2320 Sorry Becker. Bring-Your-Pet-to-Work Day was last Friday. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2321 Is that from the new sushi place? 1.2045 0.05636 88 75 8 5
2322 No! The memo says we cannot fire him just because of the forked tongue! 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2323 Genesis team from Apple? See Eve in the Eden Room please. 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2324 Umm... Not sure, but I may have to report you boys to H.R. 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2325 Not exactly what I meant by 'the full monty.' 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2326 Seriously? It’s nonvenomous and you still hired him? 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2327 I guess it can't be any worse than "Snakes on a Plane. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2328 Dump it in the stream out back, and I'll try to get the kitchen staff back to work. 1.2045 0.05636 88 75 8 5
2329 All right, boys, if you say he works harder than Gunderson, we'll give him a shot. 1.2045 0.04617 88 71 16 1
2330 This is our new employee relations coordinator? 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2331 Take it back. That's a Small. The order was for a Large. 1.2045 0.05636 88 75 8 5
2332 Yes, the toilet in the men's restroom needs to be snaked. What makes you think this one would even fit? 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2333 So, we need a new lead negotiator. 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2334 Bring it over to product development 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2335 We are going to sell snake oil and make a fortune. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2336 This goes on the wall over my desk. 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2337 Somehow, it seemed smaller in the store. 1.2045 0.04891 88 72 14 2
2338 Bob considered his big sexual harassment speech a success, until he found Dave petting Phil's big snake in the office. 1.2045 0.05636 88 75 8 5
2339 We'd better switch to touchpads. 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2340 I didn't take it literally when Bob referred to his co-worker as a snake. 1.2045 0.05399 88 74 10 4
2341 I know Bob brought his dog to work for Pet Friday but your pet has eaten Bob's pet. 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2342 Tell McGurk to put it in the suggestion box. 1.2045 0.05152 88 73 12 3
2343 I see that bring your pet to work week began. 1.2024 0.04724 84 68 15 1
2344 Perhaps the takeout sushi is a bit too fresh. 1.2024 0.05297 84 70 11 3
2345 The mice are in the cafeteria. 1.2024 0.05561 84 71 9 4
2346 Which of you is strong enough to carry him alone, after he's eaten? 1.2022 0.04570 89 72 16 1
2347 Okay, here's another shocker...you're fired! 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2348 I was referring to our boss when I said "I'd do anything to carry that snake out of here". 1.2022 0.04842 89 73 14 2
2349 Please show Mr. Snake to his office. It's the one with the grass carpet. 1.2022 0.04570 89 72 16 1
2350 Let's stick with the trash compactor we have. 1.2022 0.05343 89 75 10 4
2351 The presidential candidate you're grooming for 2020 has arrived. Where should we take him? 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2352 This is our new communications director. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2353 E'll have to find a desk somewhere in the back 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2354 I told you this would happen when we got rid of the glass ceiling. 1.2022 0.05099 89 74 12 3
2355 Whatever you do, don't let the chicken see it. 1.2022 0.05343 89 75 10 4
2356 Sorry guys. Snake mail is even less efficient than snail mail. 1.1977 0.05183 86 72 11 3
2357 No, when I said our office had a snake in the grass, this is not what I meant. 1.1977 0.04912 86 71 13 2
2358 Tell Lost And Found to watch themselves 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2359 Britney is no longer with the label. 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
2360 You idiots. The executive washroom sink is plugged up and I said I needed a plumbers snake. 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2361 Where you goa with that boa? 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2362 Not until I run it by legal counsel. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2363 I know he's slimy, but did he break the law? 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2364 The new guy in marketing? 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2365 He just ate the payroll clerk! 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2366 Sushi lunch again? 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2367 Sushi to go? 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
2368 "Please accept my resignation" signed - Anna Conda 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
2369 Now, if we can just locate Adam and Eve. 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2370 It was in one of those packages from a reader. 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2371 I actually said get a photocopier, but I can understand the confusion. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2372 When I said I expected the next quarter to be a monster one, I didn't mean this. 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2373 Forked tongue... must be the new Republican mascot. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2374 This Pokemon Go business is getting out of hand. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2375 Someone left a bunch in the conference room. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2376 Playing Corporate Snakes and Ladders is really making me nervous. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2377 Yep, this is what the interns do every summer to the boss, put it in is office, he will get a kick out of this. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2378 We're expanding into the Chamber of Secrets. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2379 We just won the pokemon find. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2380 You misunderstood, I said 'Pythagorean Theorem' 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2381 The Olympic 2 person eel relay was last week. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2382 Gosh, Mr. Trump, it's an honor. 1.1954 0.05626 87 75 7 5
2383 rectangular pylon ! 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
2384 looks like I better get over to the breakfast bagels before they run out of the good lox. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2385 No, I said let's seal the deal with a handshake. 1.1954 0.04276 87 70 17 0
2386 I thought we were going to bring in a mutually agreed upon arbitrator. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2387 "Tell Mr. Putin, 'No thanks.' Mr. Trump already is one. 1.1954 0.05858 87 76 5 6
2388 He's our new man down in collections. 1.1954 0.04276 87 70 17 0
2389 I hope our next company mascot doesn't live for twenty-five years. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2390 I smell a pink slip there, boys . . . 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
2391 Carl, I ordered the unagi HANDROLL! 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2392 Is that our new live lie-detector? 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2393 How many phones can we charge at the same time? 1.1954 0.05626 87 75 7 5
2394 What?! Yet another mid-career transfer from the DEP? 1.1954 0.04276 87 70 17 0
2395 Don't worry, we'll order you an ergonomic work station. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2396 That’s not exactly what I meant when I said our campaign needs a real "snake in the grass". 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2397 Damn!... I completely forgot it was Bring-Your-Anaconda-To-Work Day. 1.1954 0.05858 87 76 5 6
2398 Nope. 1.1954 0.05626 87 75 7 5
2399 Snake? I said I wanted a shake. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2400 Sorry guys, he failed the polygraph. 1.1954 0.05626 87 75 7 5
2401 The 'Best Weird Chef' Show's on the second floor, Guys! 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2402 Nice ssssynergy. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2403 Put him on my desk. We'll see if he can squeeze out a profit. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2404 Whoa, you guys stealing office supplies again? 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2405 Did you use the HOV lane? 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2406 Okay, so, this is going to increase our sales how? 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2407 Now we will have a fighting chance at the interoffice picnic 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2408 I keep telling the boss that there are no feral pigs running around in the basement, but he won't listen. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2409 Even her body bag is snakeskin! 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2410 Fred from HR ... just returned from a lengthy South American recruiting trip. 1.1954 0.04276 87 70 17 0
2411 Don't let the EPA see that's what is swimming in our retaining pond. 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2412 No-Fish-in-the-Microwave. Period. 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
2413 This settles it. Our water system is contaminated. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2414 Great, the ladders are already in the game room. 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
2415 Worming your way in isn't gonna work. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2416 I knew we shouldn't have kept his cage next to the microwave. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2417 I told you not to feed the goldfish. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2418 They're really enforcing the diversity quotas, huh? 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2419 I don't know why he swallowed that fly 1.1954 0.05626 87 75 7 5
2420 Now THAT'S eatin' fresh. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2421 Our snake oil sales are soaring. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2422 Give the bosses "nephew" that desk in the corner... I don't want him sliming up the office. 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
2423 Oh, good, Mr. Fletcher the efficiency consultant is here. 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
2424 He ate their CEO. . . give him a bonus and 5 gallons of Pepto-Bismol. 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2425 Huh, this whole time I thought that sound was the building's old pipes. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2426 Take it to the Board Room, they're expecting a response to their offer. 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2427 Put it in the Board Room....bon appetit little one! 1.1954 0.04578 87 71 15 1
2428 Honestly, Henderson; it takes both of you to carry a simple reptile? 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2429 I asked you to reel in a giant deal. 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2430 I'm so disappointed in you guys. You two swore to me...no more bathroom pranks. 1.1954 0.05383 87 74 9 4
2431 Obviously you didn't see the memo about not bring pets to work. 1.1954 0.04861 87 72 13 2
2432 I said "Shake Shack" for lunch, fellas 1.1954 0.05128 87 73 11 3
2433 You said, "No shellfish." 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2434 Damn autocorrect! Smithers wants it "A.S.A.P" not "Asp." 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2435 That’s so awesome, guys! Now, when Dave comes in, I’ll pull down his pants and you stuff it in there. Then Deb from Accounting comes in and says “Wow, Dave! Is that a snake in your pants, or are you just happy to see me??” Boom! Classic office prank! 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2436 Your last Herculean task is to balance the budget. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2437 Ah, we caught another hacker! 1.1932 0.05566 88 76 7 5
2438 You psychos think it'll swallow Zuckerberg whole? 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2439 I thought "Mega Sushi" was just a catchy name.. 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2440 So, how'd it go in there? 1.1932 0.04810 88 73 13 2
2441 Was I somehow unclear about our team building challenge? I distinctly said a boa constrictor, not a python. 1.1932 0.05326 88 75 9 4
2442 The boss feeling ok? 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2443 I said I wanted to see you asAp. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2444 Tell Eve her strategic planning method needs to be updated. 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2445 I realize you're new here, Jenkins, but we at Mutual of Omaha no longer think of ourselves as the Wild Kingdom! 1.1932 0.05075 88 74 11 3
2446 So I’ve got to be honest. I’m a bit surprised as it says right here on your resume that your major was anthropology. 1.1905 0.04310 84 68 16 0
2447 No—we're a construction company. 1.1905 0.05738 84 73 6 5
2448 At least it's not crabs. 1.1905 0.04631 84 69 14 1
2449 Let's just hope this one doesn't get away from you. 1.1905 0.04631 84 69 14 1
2450 I said bring me a big "deal". 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
2451 They want the purchase order to be more specific. 1.1905 0.05214 84 71 10 3
2452 Spencer, Bruce — No, you cannot share an emotional-support animal. 1.1905 0.04931 84 70 12 2
2453 I modified his office with an extra long sofa. 1.1905 0.04631 84 69 14 1
2454 Sorry guys, no boas allowed in the boardroom. 1.1905 0.05214 84 71 10 3
2455 Is it Bring Your Komodo Dragon to Work Day, again? 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2456 Assign her to the Sherwood case; the trial is next week. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2457 Good! That will keep the creditors away. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2458 Where should we put the new campaign manager? 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2459 The grass is on the third floor. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2460 I said buy Amazon, not anaconda. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2461 Sorry, but we've modified our bring-a-pet-to-work policy. 1.1882 0.05674 85 74 6 5
2462 I said "an accountant". You heard "anaconda"! 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2463 I think it's time we talked about your pet peeve! 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2464 I said we needed an office "boy", not an office "boa". 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2465 Great, we are all set for our appearance on Shark tank. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2466 On behalf of our team, let me welcome our new legal counselor. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2467 I think "Don't Tread On Me" doesn't quite represent our company's best interest, Chirpley's Tire and Auto is more of a business where the rubber meets the road ! 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2468 I thought they were being figurative! 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2469 Have we discussed your severance package? 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2470 That reminds me, have you guys seen my missing pet frog Felicity? 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2471 Hold it! I ordered a Serpent hard-drive 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2472 Just putting the bite on the the Johnson account. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2473 You're sure this was sponsored by the Clinton Foundation? 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2474 A gift from our corporate partner in South America? 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2475 It must have heard we sell snake oil. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2476 Now go see Smithers in accounting and give him a real tongue-lashing. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2477 I see you've met the new legal intern. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2478 We'll bring it to the meeting only for shock value. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2479 J.K. thanks you for clearing out Voldemort's desk. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2480 Sorry boys. Research is in. Effective immediately, we're out of the snake oil business. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2481 Careful, the employee of the year must be sunned every 2 hours. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2482 The squeaky eel gets the grease. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2483 It's going to 1313 Mockingbird Lane. Ask for Herman. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2484 You must be our new car salesman. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2485 Where's the grass? 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2486 Put the tail in the vice-presidents office and the head in the mail room. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2487 It tastes like chicken 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2488 You two are not snaking your way out of it this time! 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2489 I thought you said you landed a whale. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2490 The sushi chef is waiting in the back room. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2491 I guess you should put it in the grass. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2492 I guess we better stop feeding the koi. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2493 You caught Neely slithering home early, again? 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2494 Look fellas, the boss's memo clearly says 'I welcome constructive criticism" - with a 'u'. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2495 You two SHOULD be rattled by those second-quarter earnings. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2496 Be sure to hide him back in the grass when the shareholders show up! 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2497 We're taking him where he'll fit in--The New Yorker 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2498 Meeting's cancelled; Bob forgot the ladder. 1.1882 0.05674 85 74 6 5
2499 So, THAT is the new corporate mascot? 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2500 LEAVE IT UNDER BOARD ROOM CONFERENCE TABLE AND CLOSE THE DOOR.. 1.1882 0.05674 85 74 6 5
2501 Why does it always take both of you to "drain the snake"? 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2502 Put him over there - next to the mouse trap. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2503 Um, Salazar, I'm not sure Basilisks are appropriate for bring your pet to work day... 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2504 I said Sub-prime lender, not Sub-primate! ... Wait ... Ok this could work. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2505 That's the last time I order omakase. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2506 The boss wants you on the floor right away. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2507 That should help our chances in the Shark Tank. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2508 Don't tell me that my former boss has been reincarnated. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2509 Good job guys, that forked tongue will fit right in with tonight's presidential debate coverage. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2510 Sorry, fellas. The boss changed her mind. Get her an aardvark sample, asap! 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2511 I said we'd need to get some snacks for the recruiting function. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2512 I thought we weren't hiring any more Slytherin's. 1.1882 0.05674 85 74 6 5
2513 Our snake oil is made from all natural ingredients. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2514 So that's snake eyes. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2515 When I said you had to land a big fish, I didn't think you would take it literally! 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2516 I actually said public servant roles hold different pay scales, not publically hold a serpent with grey scales. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2517 Put it back where you found it. Now! 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2518 I warned him about the tuna salad. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2519 Put it in charge of the slush fund. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2520 We Found The Snake That's Been Causing All The Sin 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2521 We will use it to squeeze and crush the competion. 1.1882 0.05674 85 74 6 5
2522 He just started in the Law department. 1.1882 0.05916 85 75 4 6
2523 Ahhhh, the new Vice President of HR. Welcome aboard! 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2524 I just knew the mail order reptile business was a mistake. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2525 Gentlemen, what I actually sad was "We need a new 'feel' for this project!" 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2526 Tell the Bronx Zoo they can have their boa back, but let's hold off on releasing the news that it swallowed our CEO. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2527 Sir, the mail room guys are threatening to strike... 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2528 That dragon roll looks a little TOO fresh. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2529 I don't this is a good solution to bugs in the break room 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2530 Replacing the power strips with electric eels for "green energy" should really get corporate's attention. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2531 Hang in there Higgins, we're going to execute a Python-Heimlich maneuver. Plan B: suppositories. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2532 I said I wanted the ten foot sub deal, not eel. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2533 They weren't kidding when they said they had the freshest sushi in town. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2534 And you say that he feeds on spam 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2535 That's it, this is the last horcrux we are insuring for him! 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2536 Venom …check. Now get some vim and vigor. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2537 'Yes, but can she type?' 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2538 Those aren't exactly the scales of justice Leo was asking about. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2539 No! I said bring me Dr. Millmoss. He's inside the hippo. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2540 Guys, take your sea serpent to work day is next week, not today. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2541 I know it's "Bring Your Pet to Work Day" but.... 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2542 Every Florida vote is going to count in November! 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2543 Oh, thank goodness, it's not a mole. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2544 When I said we needed more salesmen who could sell snake oil, I didn't mean it literally. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2545 Since when is sales training a two man job? 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2546 When you're done with that, can you take a look at the Johnson account? 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2547 Slap a 'Made in America' sticker on it. 1.1882 0.05674 85 74 6 5
2548 Since it has a forked tongue, add it to the sales team. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2549 If it tells you to eat one of the apples on the tree outside then I'd give it a miss... 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2550 This water snake says its name is Ryan Lochte 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2551 Hell of a performance review, Doug. 1.1882 0.04265 85 69 16 0
2552 How should I know it was a typo? The memo just said 'service animals now allowed'. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2553 Every year the food's worse here. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2554 I said snack not snake. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2555 My apologies...turns out she said a large stake in the business. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2556 looking for a charger. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2557 OK, now bring in a fowl. 1.1882 0.04265 85 69 16 0
2558 Hurry up -- they need him for JP's peer review. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2559 When you said you were doing a "Dragon Drop" I thought it was something you were doing on your computer. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2560 Is it bring-your-pet-to-work day *again*? 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2561 Ms. Spears' office is the third on the left. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2562 Give him the office between Samuels and Franks. One's a shark and the other's a whale. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2563 Sushi deliveries are on the main floor. 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2564 I didn't know the Summer Interns were already leaving. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2565 You can't claim that on expenses. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2566 Yes, it's a fine specimen of Cylindrophiidae, but we don't need it at Hartsdale Publishing. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2567 I'm concerned there is something is fishy down in accounting. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2568 I asked for a Healthy Shake 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2569 Wow, nice pencil case! 1.1882 0.05674 85 74 6 5
2570 Perfect boys, if this doesn't get Trump off the front page, I don't know what will. 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2571 I recall requesting a Monty Python video as a grab bag gift. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2572 Double the tartar sauce. 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2573 I asked for a "boat constructor". This is a "boa constrictor". 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2574 Are you sure this will get us Samuel L Jackson? 1.1882 0.04878 85 71 12 2
2575 Blame the shrinking applicant pool. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2576 Yes, Frank, I already TOLD you that Tom in accounting was a snake in the grass! 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2577 Send out a memo that no one's allowed to eat at their desk! 1.1882 0.05157 85 72 10 3
2578 I told you guys to put that thing in the long briefcase where it belongs! 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2579 Guys - we've discussed this. Budget meetings do not include 'Show and Tell' time. 1.1882 0.04582 85 70 14 1
2580 Another suspect Russian athlete, eh, Ponderby? 1.1882 0.05422 85 73 8 4
2581 Becky said she wanted my big, fat anaconda. 1.1860 0.05851 86 76 4 6
2582 I said, Python training, Bob! Not a trained python. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2583 New Yorker writing tip #1: Show, don't tell. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2584 I thought corporate wanted us to transition away from snakes. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2585 Wow...you guys are glad to see me. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2586 The board room is full of snakes. 1.1860 0.04533 86 71 14 1
2587 It was a typo. It was supposed to say steak for the company cook out. 1.1860 0.04826 86 72 12 2
2588 I don't think this is what the boss meant when he said he wanted a new viper. 1.1860 0.05101 86 73 10 3
2589 So, how did he do on the lie-detector test? 1.1839 0.05047 87 74 10 3
2590 That's not quite what I meant about integrating Python into our office. 1.1839 0.04775 87 73 12 2
2591 Down the hall and to the right 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2592 'It's bring your pet to work week sir.' 1.1807 0.05723 83 73 5 5
2593 Are you men feeling eel? 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2594 Who am I to question my two top salesmen? 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2595 oh wait...it says bring your STEPCHILD to work day....not Reptile....my bad. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2596 Looks like Human Resources respects the equal opportunity principle. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2597 No! No! I said: Go for a cig break, not go for a big snake. 1.1807 0.05460 83 72 7 4
2598 Oops. Wrong model. There's no antidote for that one. Did you keep the box and receipt? 1.1807 0.05460 83 72 7 4
2599 Boss- come join the friday office party conger line ! 1.1807 0.05460 83 72 7 4
2600 Donald, stop by my office after team-building. 1.1807 0.05460 83 72 7 4
2601 We don't need another lawyer in the office. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2602 Great, no more unpleasant downsizing announcements. Start him in 'Marketing'. 1.1807 0.05460 83 72 7 4
2603 I said we had a mouse problem. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2604 No smoking regardless of species. Get it out of here! 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2605 Sir, the eel you requested for lunch. 1.1807 0.05974 83 74 3 6
2606 I suppose I did request fresh sushi for the department conference. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2607 No, no! I said we need more servant leadership. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2608 Not right now. He's had a hell of a flight. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2609 That's not exactly the kind of merger I had in mind. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2610 Sushi again Ted? 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2611 There's some leftover venison in the break room. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2612 Take him to HR. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2613 That's not what we meant by an eel wrap. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2614 Been phishing? 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2615 This is a meeting out This is a meeting about emails, not mail eels! 1.1807 0.05723 83 73 5 5
2616 I said we could use a good servant around here, not a serpent. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2617 Are you in the snake oil sales division? 1.1807 0.05723 83 73 5 5
2618 I'm sorry. The role of the anaconda has already been cast. 1.1807 0.05460 83 72 7 4
2619 I don't care if she feels she was supposed to be born a human, she still needs to dress business casual. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2620 We have ferreted out the office mole. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2621 I hate to be the one to address the 800 pound serpent in the room. 1.1807 0.05723 83 73 5 5
2622 What about the tartar sauce? 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2623 Ohhh,last time I checked, snakes were in management's floor 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2624 Hold on, gents. You are not going to snake your way out of things this time! 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2625 Ah, you found the last XP user! 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2626 Sell the sizzle, not the snake! 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2627 Oh -- so THIS is what you meant when you said our legal department is full of snakes. 1.1807 0.05460 83 72 7 4
2628 The "snake in the grass" turned out to be in the office! 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2629 Where is my EpiPen? 1.1807 0.05460 83 72 7 4
2630 I got the memo, you really like the letter 's' huh? 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2631 We just want to show the boss our adder-ation. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2632 Just act natural, maybe he won't notice. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2633 Excellent Gentlemen. She's gone to lunch, and Snookums is all alone. Just follow the infernal yapping. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2634 I thought this was a pet friendly office. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2635 No, he cannot have his own cubicle. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2636 Conference room B; the coiling is at 3PM. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2637 Actually, no, sir, He said that fruit is forbidden. I have the transcript right here. What happened to your limbs? 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2638 Works like a charm, with your pet, the meeting was adjourned in no time. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2639 Oh, is it snake time already? 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2640 Sorry. My emotional support snake sometimes has a taste for other service animals. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2641 Relax. I just got Gila monster added to the approved list of emotional support animals. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2642 I was kidding. 1.1807 0.05460 83 72 7 4
2643 This focus grouper didn't think much of the new product? 1.1807 0.05460 83 72 7 4
2644 Am I the only one in the office not feeling eel? 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2645 We found him out back in the grass. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2646 I want that up my ass 1.1807 0.05974 83 74 3 6
2647 I got a complaint of a hostile-work environment that says the new employee is a snake. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2648 Damned spellcheck -should have been "Make a Wish" foundation. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2649 I told you guys no more Harry Potter pranks in the office!! 1.1807 0.05460 83 72 7 4
2650 He can stay, but only if he promises not to eat anyone else. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2651 You have made a huge mis-snake. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2652 I never thought they'd fire you either, Nate. 1.1807 0.05460 83 72 7 4
2653 I said stimulating deal, not slithering eel. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2654 He became our newest mascot when he ate the other warm and friendly one. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2655 You were sent on an assignment to find and write about the Loch Ness monster, not find and capture him! 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2656 Thanks for fixing the printer. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2657 The cable company is here. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2658 He really is a snake in grass! 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2659 You guys from R&D? Huh. So. I guess the new Tarnhelm worked. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2660 I don't care what the snake says; this is a Gryffindor office. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2661 I said to take a long position, but this is too much 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2662 Put it in the conference room for now. I'll call Animal Resources. 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2663 That's the third one this week, isn't it? 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2664 Take Harry to health services and get our CEO back pronto. 1.1807 0.04582 83 69 13 1
2665 Our new advertising slogan: "Our mascot ate our competition's mascot." 1.1807 0.05184 83 71 9 3
2666 That explains the missing files. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2667 Has anyone seen Laocoon? 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2668 They're not ready. Can you bring him back at two-thirty? 1.1807 0.04249 83 68 15 0
2669 Is this going to be a second amendment issue? 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2670 I had no idea someone from the C-Suite was visiting today! 1.1807 0.05723 83 73 5 5
2671 Looks like toxic management syndrome. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2672 Look right here! I specifically ordered a extra-large SHAKE with my burger. 1.1807 0.04892 83 70 11 2
2673 Why didn't anyone tell me the corporate attorney was here today? 1.1807 0.05460 83 72 7 4
2674 Take him to the typing-pool. 1.1807 0.05460 83 72 7 4
2675 "Sorry fellas, 'Bring Your Pet To Work Day" was last week". 1.1786 0.04204 84 69 15 0
2676 Are you giving us the raise we asked for? 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2677 Anacondas are done. We're looking for alligators and dragon lizards this week. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2678 Careful with our new speechwriter. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2679 Take it back to the Accounting Department. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2680 Orientation for new Marketing Interns is in the second conference room on the right. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2681 Is that really a snake or are you just happy to see me? 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2682 Is it 'Take Your Pet to Work Day,' already? 1.1786 0.04204 84 69 15 0
2683 When I said Cary Forktong I was referring to our new department head. 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
2684 I see the new intern program has begun. 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
2685 It has Guinness all over it for surprise parties. 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
2686 Thanks, but I'll pass on the sashimi. 1.1786 0.05399 84 73 7 4
2687 I told you Louis was a snake. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2688 My birthday isn't until next week! 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
2689 Now get rid of the snake in the front office. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2690 You said you wanted a plan that would devour the competition. 1.1786 0.04204 84 69 15 0
2691 Yes, this is the hedge fund where our new therapy pet is to be delivered. 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
2692 We have to stop bring your pet to work day 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2693 No dessert if it doesn't eat the whole thing> 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2694 Let's go with solar panels instead. 1.1786 0.05399 84 73 7 4
2695 Make sure you get him back in time for debate prep. 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
2696 uh-oh. Trumped again! 1.1786 0.05399 84 73 7 4
2697 Gentlemen, you hold in your hands Jim Johnson, our new vice president of marketing & public relations. 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
2698 He never thought he would see her again after he flushed her down the toilet. 1.1786 0.05399 84 73 7 4
2699 I don't know how else to squeeze a little profit out of you. … 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2700 I thought we needed to increase the intensity of our management trust exercises. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2701 On second thought, he might have meant 'an accountant', after all. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2702 Quick - get him back to Sales! He can't do actual work for very long. 1.1786 0.05658 84 74 5 5
2703 But he can't type. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2704 I don't think that's going to work - it's much bigger than what the plumber used last time the drain backed up. 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
2705 Looks like we're for another budget squeeze. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2706 Are you sure there isn't an easier way to transfer my Roth IRA funds? 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
2707 Of course marketing needs me; I made "Apple" a household name. 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
2708 Boys, I think your idea for a company mascot won't be well received by management. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2709 Reminds me of me in the early days. 1.1786 0.04204 84 69 15 0
2710 That goes in the other vice-president’s office. 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
2711 Gentlemen, I thought I told you last week that we do not recognize 'service snakes' as an accommodation. 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
2712 In retrospect, I should have been more specific when adding Python to your job requirements. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2713 When I said 'carpe diem' I didn't mean it literally! 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
2714 Sorry fellas, no snaking out early this week. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2715 You should've seen the one that got away. 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
2716 Having a forked tongue isn't a crime Frank. 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
2717 Guys, I said it was a jump the _shark_ moment. 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
2718 Gentlemen, meet your new boss. 1.1786 0.05399 84 73 7 4
2719 We feel you're a little out of your depth here. 1.1786 0.05399 84 73 7 4
2720 Hey guys... I told you no T-rumps in the office... A snake in the grass needs to be kept outside in the grass 1.1786 0.05658 84 74 5 5
2721 To Legal with the rest... 1.1786 0.05126 84 72 9 3
2722 Adam, you know this is not our new COBRA policy. 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
2723 Nice work, fellows. The women have had a sense all week that something was trying to look up their skirts. 1.1786 0.04532 84 70 13 1
2724 The IT guys want you to put that with the other computer viruses next to the scams and phishing section. 1.1786 0.05399 84 73 7 4
2725 You know the rule:No pets in the office. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2726 What's with the snake pits? 1.1786 0.05399 84 73 7 4
2727 Oh good, the unagi is here. 1.1786 0.04838 84 71 11 2
2728 You guys have got to get with the office lingo! That's not what I meant by "Fish or cut bait!" 1.1765 0.05339 85 74 7 4
2729 I forgot it was take-your-giant-sea-eel-to-work day. 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
2730 That's not what I meant when I told you to go fishing for new ideas. 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
2731 No fair! I was supposed to help carry the boss's demon penis today. 1.1765 0.05840 85 76 3 6
2732 You three are cold blooded. 1.1765 0.04786 85 72 11 2
2733 Guys, I said we needed to scale down 1.1765 0.05070 85 73 9 3
2734 I'm sorry, he can't go to the hearing. Serpents don't have standing. 1.1765 0.05339 85 74 7 4
2735 Hey this venimous viper said he could make this place great again! 1.1724 0.05223 87 76 7 4
2736 Interns truly are the heart and soul of this business. 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
2737 Welcome to this week's Trump campaign, sir. You're on CNN in five. 1.1707 0.05962 82 74 2 6
2738 Yes the water cooler is down the hall. 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
2739 It's our new takeover defense. It goes to legal. 1.1707 0.05149 82 71 8 3
2740 Drop everything! There's a report of a giant snake in the ladies room. 1.1707 0.05149 82 71 8 3
2741 No more Harry Potter Time Travel . . . And STOP Bringing Back Souvenirs! 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
2742 It's conga line, not conger line. 1.1707 0.04848 82 70 10 2
2743 Trump Brand snake oil? Ok, just put it over there in the cage next to the bulls. 1.1707 0.05149 82 71 8 3
2744 Ten more laps without anyone dying and you both get promoted. 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
2745 So you're the reason all my employees started wearing clothes? 1.1707 0.05149 82 71 8 3
2746 His future here is a slippery slope at best. 1.1707 0.04527 82 69 12 1
2747 Oops, sorry, it wasn't the "lying asp" he wanted us to bring him. 1.1707 0.05149 82 71 8 3