Contest #530


Cartoon

530


Name Value
Submission deadline -
Voting started 2016-07-25
Voting ended -
Finalists announced -
Magazine(s) announcing finalists issued 2016-08-07 (estimated)
Number of captions 3429
Number of responses 218558
Number of participants 8918


Dashboard

In this table, the "mean" means the empirically measured average funniness score when the "unfunny", "somewhat funny" and "funny" receive a funniness score of 1, 2, 3 respectively. "Precison" is the standard error of the mean, the standard deviation of the mean estimate. With that, a caption with an empirical mean μ and precision σ has true mean in the range [μ - 2σ, μ + 2σ] with 95% probability by the 68-95-99.7 rule assuming the responses are indepedent and identically distributed.

Rank Caption Mean Precision Total votes "Unfunny" votes "Somewhat funny" votes "Funny" votes
0 Your overhead is going to kill you. 1.8242 0.04807 273 114 93 66
1 The consensus of your wise men is: move the chair. 1.7675 0.05063 228 99 83 46
2 According to the doctor, your longevity would improve dramatically if you'd get off the throne and walk more. 1.7636 0.04815 220 88 96 36
3 And the king lived happily severed after. 1.7225 0.05563 191 90 64 37
4 What's long and sharp and will make your nephew king? 1.7188 0.05447 192 89 68 35
5 In castle news, the queen and the royal rope maker have disappeared. 1.7158 0.05398 190 87 70 33
6 Yes, your majesty. So far we have 'Live by the sword'. Is there any more to it? 1.6963 0.05565 191 94 61 36
7 I'll be brief... 1.6882 0.05795 170 83 57 30
8 The queen has agreed to split everything fifty-fifty. 1.6839 0.05867 174 88 53 33
9 The latest polls show you hanging on by a thread. 1.6810 0.05687 163 77 61 25
10 I'll read fast. 1.6805 0.05715 169 82 59 28
11 While I have your undivided attention... 1.6778 0.05930 180 95 48 37
12 The Queen wishes to express her best wishes to you and your mistress. 1.6765 0.06109 170 90 45 35
13 Traditionally, you'd fall on the sword. 1.6601 0.05950 153 76 53 24
14 After careful consideration, we've determined it would probably be easier to just move the throne. 1.6564 0.05666 163 80 59 24
15 Let us hope your majesty, that the cord is mightier than the sword. 1.6522 0.06057 161 85 47 29
16 I'll be quick 1.6506 0.05912 166 87 50 29
17 I'll just skip to the end. 1.6474 0.06354 156 86 39 31
18 It will be 15 pounds to take it down and 50,000 to smelt it. Or we can move your chair. 1.6463 0.06013 147 74 51 22
19 Nay, thy whole-life policy dost not cover halves. 1.6452 0.06648 155 90 30 35
20 The Queen says she wants half of everything. 1.6392 0.05971 158 83 49 26
21 Sorry, Sire. You have been turned down for insurance because of what has been determined a preexisting condition. 1.6312 0.06399 141 76 41 24
22 Frankly, I would just move your chair. 1.6294 0.05673 143 69 58 16
23 Not afraid, sir - frayed! 1.6277 0.06553 137 75 38 24
24 A gift from the 99%. 1.6225 0.06143 151 82 44 25
25 Your Majesty, a rocking chair will increase your chances by 50% 1.6143 0.06132 140 74 46 20
26 It's a notice from your insurance company. They're raising your premiums. 1.6138 0.06506 145 83 35 27
27 You will succeed yourself your Majesty, but this time as Queen. 1.6101 0.05845 159 86 49 24
28 Have you considered the overhead costs? 1.6061 0.06520 132 73 38 21
29 A king divided cannot stand, Your Majesty. 1.6028 0.06356 141 79 39 23
30 Sire, this policy covers you for death and dismemberment, but excludes accidents that occur in the workplace. 1.6014 0.06209 143 79 42 22
31 It appears your character is getting cut from Season 7. 1.6000 0.05967 135 70 49 16
32 In conclusion, he who lives by the sword...um...the rest is kinda blurred. 1.5935 0.06616 123 68 37 18
33 Greetings! Happy Birthday, from your brother, second in line to the throne. 1.5899 0.06279 139 78 40 21
34 We could also go with a chandelier. 1.5891 0.05783 129 65 52 12
35 Troubling news my liege, your rival has apparently forged an enormous pen. 1.5873 0.06971 126 75 28 23
36 The good news is, yes, it'd be work-related. 1.5839 0.06272 137 77 40 20
37 It says "A king divided cannot stand" 1.5827 0.06561 127 72 36 19
38 When your cardiologist recommended that you go under the knife, I don't think this is what he meant. 1.5802 0.06588 131 76 34 21
39 Your Highness, the Council has decreed some very large cuts, one of which I'm sure you're not going to like! 1.5797 0.06325 138 79 38 21
40 Or, you could take what's behind the curtain. 1.5781 0.06525 128 73 36 19
41 Maybe I should skip ahead to the end. 1.5778 0.06173 135 75 42 18
42 May I suggest a higher thread count? 1.5772 0.06324 123 67 41 15
43 Oh, wait - it says the rope is not suitable for overhead installation. 1.5769 0.07191 104 59 30 15
44 The Oracle says not to worry about a death of a thousand cuts. 1.5746 0.06301 134 76 39 19
45 Regarding your command to cut overhead.... 1.5725 0.06322 131 74 39 18
46 It's bad feng shui, your majesty. 1.5725 0.06770 131 79 29 23
47 Apparently you're killed in Act 1. 1.5714 0.07017 119 71 28 20
48 Wherefore I pronounce you King for a Day. 1.5703 0.06809 128 77 29 22
49 In summary, short live the king. 1.5703 0.06243 128 71 41 16
50 Shall I speed read? 1.5682 0.05710 132 69 51 12
51 Well, it says here, someone ordered king size. 1.5680 0.06459 125 71 37 17
52 ... and finally, while the pen may be mightier than the sword, I suggest you move your chair, sire. 1.5680 0.06559 125 72 35 18
53 The rumor is your reign will be cut short. 1.5659 0.06112 129 71 43 15
54 The royal rope maker would like to know if Your Majesty will be renewing the maintenance contract. 1.5659 0.06497 129 75 35 19
55 The queen has asked me to read this last part very... very... slowly. 1.5652 0.06666 115 65 35 15
56 It's a recall notice from the rope company. 1.5645 0.06602 124 72 34 18
57 May I suggest that we dispense with today's reading of the royal horoscope? 1.5640 0.05541 172 99 49 24
58 ...and to conclude.. there is a penalty for early termination of your cell phone plan.. 1.5615 0.06643 130 78 31 21
59 I really don't think which way it is pointing is the big issue here your highness 1.5603 0.07065 116 70 27 19
60 Perhaps I should give you the good news first. 1.5600 0.06365 125 71 38 16
61 Do you mind if I read the proclamation from here, Sire? 1.5581 0.06595 129 77 32 20
62 The polls say you're hanging on by a thread. 1.5574 0.06273 122 68 40 14
63 Damocles writes, 'How's it hangin', Sire?'. 1.5546 0.06824 119 71 30 18
64 ...and last, but not least, is included a really big severance package. 1.5537 0.07037 121 75 25 21
65 ...and we still don't know how they suprise attack will be carried out! 1.5528 0.06652 123 73 32 18
66 I'm guessing you would like the good news first? 1.5492 0.06386 122 70 37 15
67 It's a recall notice from the Acme Twine and Rope company. 1.5487 0.07110 113 69 26 18
68 The Queen says ‘happy birthday’ and ‘hold still.’ 1.5484 0.06712 124 75 30 19
69 Says here "It slices, it dices, it juliennes ..." 1.5463 0.06884 108 63 31 14
70 The guarantee is for the hardware, not the installation. 1.5455 0.06639 121 72 32 17
71 Worst piñata ever. 1.5455 0.06320 121 69 38 14
72 Sire, keeping in mind that the simplest solution is usually the best, you could just move your throne. 1.5424 0.06442 118 68 36 14
73 It replaces the cloud of suspicion, sir. 1.5417 0.06788 120 73 29 18
74 That would be 32 feet per second per second, Your Highness. 1.5410 0.06998 122 77 24 21
75 The Earl of Sandwich is requesting a favor. 1.5410 0.06496 122 72 34 16
76 The Acme Cord and Rope company announces the recall of its sword suspension assembly... 1.5385 0.06485 117 68 35 14
77 Sire, I think it would have been safer to have left it in the stone. 1.5378 0.06622 119 71 32 16
78 The pen had a good, long run. 1.5378 0.06834 119 73 28 18
79 The oracle says relations are frayed, cuts are coming, and best to move in another direction. 1.5366 0.06761 123 76 28 19
80 You know what you did. Signed: The Queen. 1.5364 0.06795 110 65 31 14
81 The installation carries a life-time guarantee. 1.5351 0.06614 114 67 33 14
82 The people want to propose some cuts, your excellency 1.5333 0.06639 105 60 34 11
83 It says, 'Helmet sold separately.' 1.5328 0.06705 122 75 29 18
84 You're not gonna like this next part. 1.5321 0.06719 109 64 32 13
85 Sire, the Royal Physician reports this is not what he meant about you having to go under the knife. 1.5321 0.06844 109 65 30 14
86 Sire, what happens if it's not too big to fail? 1.5315 0.06628 111 65 33 13
87 And may I ask Your Majesty, how is it hanging? 1.5310 0.06660 113 67 32 14
88 And since you lived by the sword. . . 1.5310 0.06541 113 66 34 13
89 Yes, sire, I am reading as fast as I can ... 1.5299 0.05894 117 64 44 9
90 The pen won't stand a chance sir. 1.5294 0.06626 119 72 31 16
91 The Senate voted for a new rope and the House voted for a bigger sword 1.5289 0.06647 121 74 30 17
92 Lloyds of London passes, sire. 1.5273 0.06920 110 67 28 15
93 And finally, from maintenance... Your evaluation of the crew as 'lazy and undependable' has not gone unnoticed. 1.5263 0.06734 114 69 30 15
94 First off, we need to renew your life insurance policy. 1.5253 0.06787 99 57 32 10
95 It's another threatening note from the cable company, Sire. 1.5221 0.06171 113 64 39 10
96 It seems to be a recall notice from Henry, the ropemaker. 1.5214 0.05897 117 65 43 9
97 In other news, Sire, the fate of the kingdom is said to be hanging by a thread. 1.5214 0.06492 117 70 33 14
98 It's a gift from your eldest son. 1.5189 0.06995 106 65 27 14
99 No, sir, the pen is still mightier 1.5182 0.06801 110 67 29 14
100 Her Majesty asks that you wait for her here 1.5179 0.06081 112 63 40 9
101 And finally, the crown prince hopes you like the new mobile. 1.5175 0.06502 114 68 33 13
102 It appears to be a recall notice on the oversize sword suspension system for the years 1521 to 1523. 1.5169 0.06780 118 74 27 17
103 This message begins "He who lives by the sword...," but I can't make out the next line." 1.5149 0.06838 101 60 30 11
104 Have you tried not sitting under it? 1.5143 0.07176 105 66 24 15
105 Why yes, I do live by the sword. Why do you ask? 1.5140 0.07437 107 70 19 18
106 Do I know what's holding that sword up? A frayed knot. 1.5138 0.07212 109 70 22 17
107 I promise to be brief. 1.5135 0.06509 111 66 33 12
108 I doubt anyone will bring up the size of your hands again my lord. 1.5133 0.06899 113 71 26 16
109 I'm paraphrasing since our conversation is about to be cut short. 1.5122 0.07206 82 47 28 7
110 The ad is pretty clear: 'Scabbard sold separately'! 1.5096 0.07099 104 65 25 14
111 Many believe the budget cuts should start at the top. 1.5094 0.06601 106 63 32 11
112 Sire, another example of wasteful, impractical military spending 1.5093 0.06643 108 65 31 12
113 The royal psychiatrist believes he has come up with an explanation for your anxiety. 1.5091 0.06160 110 63 38 9
114 Oh, and one last item, the royal rope manufacturer has issued a recall. 1.5089 0.06467 112 67 33 12
115 The good news is, they got the sword out of the stone. 1.5088 0.06261 114 67 36 11
116 "King for a Day" takes on new meaning. 1.5086 0.06872 116 74 25 17
117 ...and death to all who greet you with, 'How's it hanging?' 1.5086 0.06872 116 74 25 17
118 I'm afraid they're advancing with a sizable pen, my Lord. 1.5054 0.07110 93 56 27 10
119 Are you sure you've looked for it everywhere? 1.5050 0.06840 101 61 29 11
120 It says here it should also be anchored to the wall. 1.5048 0.06917 105 65 27 13
121 And then there's this P.S. about not killing the messenger! 1.5047 0.06420 107 63 34 10
122 'Sire, now to the recent decision to out source rope making.' 1.5047 0.07318 107 70 20 17
123 The people say they're fine with you staying on the throne 1.5047 0.06281 107 62 36 9
124 According to the warranty, the sword is guaranteed, not the cord. 1.5046 0.06335 109 64 35 10
125 So, Damocles if I do, Damocles if I don't... 1.5046 0.06851 109 68 27 14
126 Sire, the rope guy says he'll be here this afternoon between one and five o'clock. 1.5045 0.06635 111 68 30 13
127 The men scheduled for knighthood have called in sick again. 1.5044 0.06547 113 69 31 13
128 ...and finally, Your Majesty, a resolution to institute term limits. 1.5000 0.07044 110 71 23 16
129 A gift from the Queen. 1.5000 0.06932 102 63 27 12
130 IKEA just recalled their sword hanging rope. 1.5000 0.06804 110 69 27 14
131 And let me remind the King, I'm just the messenger. 1.5000 0.06680 110 68 29 13
132 I'd like to see the pen that is mightier than that 1.5000 0.07125 106 68 23 15
133 The good news, Sire, is that only one Weapon of Mass Destruction has been located. 1.5000 0.06464 106 63 33 10
134 ...and 37% think you should continue to sit right exactly where you are. 1.4953 0.06139 107 62 37 8
135 Your loyal and devoted son offers the above sword as your birthday present. Long live the king! 1.4953 0.06689 107 66 29 12
136 Your horoscope says that something weighty will befall you. 1.4952 0.06647 105 64 30 11
137 The pen is mightier (clears throat) well maybe not. 1.4949 0.06941 99 61 27 11
138 On the plus side, no one is talking about your small hands anymore. 1.4909 0.06425 110 67 32 11
139 Your ladyship is asking for a separation. 1.4907 0.06772 108 68 27 13
140 Try to think of it as a metaphor, sir. 1.4896 0.06622 96 57 31 8
141 I'll make this short. . . 1.4889 0.06932 90 54 28 8
142 Your son hired the new decorator, Sire. 1.4865 0.06634 111 70 28 13
143 And the prince hopes that you will enjoy your Father's Day present. 1.4862 0.06467 109 67 31 11
144 Your safety inspectors have reported numerous building code violations. 1.4862 0.06724 109 69 27 13
145 It's not just the feng shui crowd, Sire, none of us think your throne should be there. 1.4860 0.06946 107 69 24 14
146 I'm going to cut this short 1.4860 0.06555 107 66 30 11
147 You misunderstand, Your Majesty, the concern is not about a threat. It is about a thread. 1.4857 0.06646 105 65 29 11
148 The good news is that the revolutionaries have agreed to allow you to occupy the throne indefinitely. 1.4857 0.06506 105 64 31 10
149 . . . and finally your horoscope says don't go to the office today. 1.4854 0.07017 103 66 24 13
150 I'll skip the ads. 1.4854 0.06880 103 65 26 12
151 More decorating ideas from your brother. 1.4835 0.07052 91 56 26 9
152 Your subjects in Australia query: "Knife? You call that a knife?" 1.4835 0.07553 91 59 20 12
153 The bylaws do describe a rather large severance package 1.4831 0.06672 118 77 25 16
154 Your sons have agreed to split the throne. 1.4815 0.06375 108 66 32 10
155 This letter is from the sword vendor. There's a recall on the thread. 1.4811 0.06995 106 69 23 14
156 I read it wrong. You wanted the Lord to watch over you. 1.4811 0.06866 106 68 25 13
157 Your insurance agent says that your premium will be increased because of a pre-existing condition. 1.4811 0.06177 106 63 35 8
158 Actually, the order does not say "three thousand one-pound daggers.' 1.4811 0.06599 106 66 29 11
159 And finally... are you up-to-date on your tetanus shots? 1.4808 0.06406 104 63 32 9
160 Granted, in your case the sword may be mightier than the pen. 1.4808 0.06550 104 64 30 10
161 Nope, it only says "die by the sword" 1.4808 0.06691 104 65 28 11
162 Evidently, Your Highness, it's only a metaphor. 1.4804 0.07068 102 66 23 13
163 I stand corrected; the sword is mightier than the pen. 1.4771 0.06332 109 67 32 10
164 And finally, your wife just cancelled the rope inspector's visit. 1.4757 0.07014 103 67 23 13
165 What's wrong with just thanking the messenger? 1.4757 0.06737 103 65 27 11
166 Sir Donald Trump has asked me to inform you that his is bigger. 1.4757 0.06877 103 66 25 12
167 Trump still says his is bigger. 1.4757 0.07014 103 67 23 13
168 By royal decree, the sword is mightier than the pen. 1.4747 0.07228 99 65 21 13
169 Further, it has come to our attention that you have not been circumcised. 1.4747 0.06937 99 63 25 11
170 Your Majesty, the Supreme Council says "Move the chair." 1.4742 0.06888 97 61 26 10
171 The people request for you to sit tight. 1.4712 0.06688 104 66 27 11
172 The Queen insists on adding an accidental death benefit to your policy. 1.4706 0.06185 102 61 34 7
173 Your Highness, the enemy has agreed to lower his weapon. 1.4700 0.06735 100 63 27 10
174 Sire, for an additional 100 pounds, would you like to include an accidental death benefit? 1.4700 0.06584 100 62 29 9
175 Yes, my lord, it is certainly best to be above the fray. 1.4700 0.07582 100 69 15 16
176 It's your penmanship, sire. Merlin granted your wish for 'an enormous dirk.' 1.4694 0.07839 98 69 12 17
177 It's a recall notice about rope.. 1.4694 0.06835 98 62 26 10
178 The royal astrologer predicts that whatever is troubling your majesty soon will end. 1.4694 0.06016 98 57 36 5
179 Shall I add duct tape to the shopping list? 1.4694 0.06679 98 61 28 9
180 You have a 10:15 with Damocles. I think you should see him. 1.4688 0.06779 96 60 27 9
181 It's from the Queen. "Be a doll and move two inches forward." 1.4681 0.07046 94 60 24 10
182 The Secret Service says threat level posed by decor is severe. 1.4674 0.07159 92 59 23 10
183 Game of Threads 1.4667 0.06500 105 66 29 10
184 Finally, your majesty, a gift from Lord Ginsu. 1.4660 0.06142 103 62 34 7
185 At the top of the list---succession planning. 1.4660 0.06444 103 64 30 9
186 My Lord, you're not going to like the season finale. 1.4660 0.06873 103 67 24 12
187 This one's a no-brainer. The riggers union would like a pay raise. 1.4653 0.06831 101 65 25 11
188 Don't sneeze. 1.4646 0.07080 99 65 22 12
189 Er, excuse me Sire, there seems to be a metaphor hanging over your head. 1.4646 0.06471 99 61 30 8
190 The order says 'king-sized', Sire. 1.4646 0.06782 99 63 26 10
191 Sire, the Queen has asked how long your mother will be staying. 1.4646 0.06628 99 62 28 9
192 Are you sure you want to go with "long live"? 1.4632 0.06989 95 61 24 10
193 There is breaking news ..... 1.4632 0.06491 95 58 30 7
194 Your pen must be very mighty indeed. 1.4624 0.06932 93 59 25 9
195 My lord, there's been a rope recall... 1.4615 0.07381 91 60 20 11
196 I hate to cut this short. 1.4608 0.07060 102 68 21 13
197 Says here you ordered the medium. 1.4600 0.07024 100 66 22 12
198 Great news from the rebels, sire—they say you may remain on the throne for the rest of your life! 1.4600 0.06730 100 64 26 10
199 Can you read a little faster? 1.4600 0.06730 100 64 26 10
200 Herewith a third and final notice from the cable company. 1.4592 0.06674 98 62 27 9
201 Sire, I would humbly advise a pen. 1.4592 0.06674 98 62 27 9
202 Is it me, or does this look lower than yesterday? 1.4583 0.06609 96 60 28 8
203 Badrick the Rope Maker has announced the recall of some of his merchandise. 1.4583 0.06773 96 61 26 9
204 Be frayed, be very fraid. 1.4583 0.07242 96 64 20 12
205 In conclusion, Your Majesty, I hereby resign my post as royal rope maker. 1.4574 0.07040 94 61 23 10
206 And tomorrow, sire, you're scheduled to circumcise the giant's new born son. 1.4565 0.07479 92 62 18 12
207 Sorry your majesty, it looked a lot smaller in the catalogue. 1.4563 0.06136 103 63 33 7
208 ...and the queen lived happily ever after. The End. 1.4556 0.07269 90 59 21 10
209 Your Majesty, I am reading their demands as quickly as I can. 1.4554 0.06529 101 64 28 9
210 She wants half milord. 1.4554 0.07109 101 68 20 13
211 Amazon would like to apologise for the product delivery mistake, the chandelier will now be expected to arrive between three to five business days. 1.4545 0.06303 99 61 31 7
212 We recommend that Your Highness reconsider the weapon suspension. 1.4545 0.06465 99 62 29 8
213 I do think you will be of two minds regarding this edict. 1.4545 0.07074 99 66 21 12
214 I'd better read fast. 1.4536 0.06877 97 63 24 10
215 Sire, this is a recall notice from the rope company. 1.4536 0.07032 97 64 22 11
216 And it comes with a matching fork and six matching steak knives. 1.4526 0.06654 95 60 27 8
217 Thy kingdom fears that it makes His Majesty's hands appear too small. 1.4516 0.07723 93 65 14 14
218 It just says, 'From your son, Damocles, with Love.' 1.4510 0.07054 102 69 20 13
219 Recall notice: Your recent purchase from Acme Ropes and Fibers..... 1.4510 0.06328 102 64 30 8
220 "Please tell my decorator that this is not the mobile we discussed". 1.4505 0.07373 91 61 19 11
221 Sire, there is concern among your subjects that you have too much hanging over your head! 1.4505 0.06678 91 57 27 7
222 And be it proclaimed hitherto, that forevermore ye shall be known as MacBeth The Knife. 1.4495 0.06834 109 74 21 14
223 In this case, the sword trumps the pen. 1.4493 0.08396 69 46 15 8
224 According to my feng shui chart, it belongs there. 1.4490 0.06975 98 65 22 11
225 It's a warning from your Economics Minister to watch your overhead! 1.4490 0.06666 98 63 26 9
226 A gift from your subjects, who say they love you. 1.4490 0.06666 98 63 26 9
227 Well, technically speaking, my lord, it would not be "falling" on your sword. But we do have to keep the ratings up. 1.4479 0.06765 96 62 25 9
228 On a final note the committee concludes that the rumor of a possible coup are unfounded. 1.4479 0.06433 96 60 29 7
229 Ouch! Paper cuts are the worst. 1.4479 0.06765 96 62 25 9
230 After personal inspection, your son is satisfied with the rope's condition. 1.4479 0.06925 96 63 23 10
231 Why do I feel like you're about to cut me off? 1.4479 0.07082 96 64 21 11
232 Now everyone will know you have a well-hung dagger. 1.4468 0.06868 94 61 24 9
233 Your Majesty before I read this proclamation, may I just mention, it has been an honor to have been your scribe 1.4468 0.06699 94 60 26 8
234 You live on the cutting edge, sire. 1.4468 0.06868 94 61 24 9
235 Your menu entree tonight, Your Majesty, is sliced crown roast. 1.4468 0.07351 94 64 18 12
236 The Prince has written that it's time to cut the cord. 1.4468 0.06868 94 61 24 9
237 All of your affairs should be resolved today, your majesty. I know that you don't like to leave things hanging. 1.4455 0.06671 101 66 25 10
238 The serfs chipped in and said you'd know where to stick it. 1.4455 0.06818 101 67 23 11
239 Need I remind you of the gravity of the situation. 1.4444 0.06457 99 63 28 8
240 According to the warranty the thread is good for 10 years or you get your money back. 1.4444 0.07430 90 61 18 11
241 And, lastly, quality issues in the rope manufacturing sector will have a negative impact upon your reign. 1.4444 0.07596 90 62 16 12
242 Your Highness, OSHA says you must take it down. 1.4444 0.06457 99 63 28 8
243 Your loyal health maintenance organization regrets to inform you that they consider your large sword a pre-existing condition. 1.4433 0.06869 97 64 23 10
244 And we thought a suspended sentence was good news. 1.4423 0.06384 104 67 28 9
245 They say the pen is mightier than the sword, but I'm not so sure about that rope. 1.4421 0.06811 95 62 24 9
246 Later today, the Prince has scheduled a Parade of Elephants on the second floor. 1.4409 0.06745 93 60 25 8
247 There's nothing in here about how to disarm it. 1.4409 0.06916 93 61 23 9
248 It says they had to ship the shield separately. 1.4400 0.07564 100 72 12 16
249 I don't know what actuary tables they used but your application for life insurance has been denied again. 1.4396 0.06849 91 59 24 8
250 This proclamation will make it official my Lord; size matters. 1.4396 0.07364 91 62 18 11
251 The Ropemakers' Guild has issued a recall. 1.4388 0.06657 98 64 25 9
252 Says here that it's king-sized. 1.4382 0.06771 89 57 25 7
253 Shall we go back to the wind chimes, sire? 1.4382 0.06180 89 54 31 4
254 Your children are quite anxious, Sire, for you to sign your will. 1.4382 0.06580 89 56 27 6
255 Actually, the instructions say it's supposed to be vertical 1.4375 0.06756 96 63 24 9
256 The sword swallower declined! 1.4375 0.06756 96 63 24 9
257 A gift from Queen Bobbitt. 1.4375 0.06916 96 64 22 10
258 And as an anniversary gift from the queen ... 1.4375 0.06423 96 61 28 7
259 The Feng Shui consultant has resigned, Sire. 1.4375 0.06072 96 59 32 5
260 Sire, you're missing the point 1.4375 0.06756 96 63 24 9
261 Your Majesty, being on the cutting edge has its drawbacks. 1.4375 0.06756 96 63 24 9
262 Sir, we haven't successfully knighted someone in years. 1.4368 0.07070 87 57 22 8
263 So the cable repair guy will be here Friday between 1-5pm. Will that work? 1.4362 0.06858 94 62 23 9
264 The Royal Mathematicians suggest moving your throne four cubits to the north. 1.4362 0.06516 94 60 27 7
265 It says "enlarged to show detail". 1.4353 0.06578 85 53 27 5
266 ...and nobody henceforth shall question the size of the king's hands. 1.4348 0.07775 92 66 12 14
267 A gift from the Queen, Your Majesty. 1.4348 0.06241 92 57 30 5
268 It says "Giant sold separately." 1.4348 0.07134 92 62 20 10
269 In lieu of alimony, your ex-queen offers this piece of installation art. 1.4348 0.06965 92 61 22 9
270 The End. 1.4348 0.07461 92 64 16 12
271 Good news sire: 60% of the people believe that the size of your sword does matter. 1.4343 0.06285 99 63 29 7
272 Damocles wants to know how it is hanging. 1.4343 0.07202 99 69 17 13
273 Damocles called. He wants his sword back. 1.4333 0.07250 90 61 19 10
274 The architect advises Your Highness to move said chair. 1.4330 0.06701 97 64 24 9
275 Balanced? Well, m'Lord, I think you're missing the point of the metaphor. 1.4330 0.06539 97 63 26 8
276 Goliath requests that you check Lost and Found once again. 1.4318 0.07191 88 59 20 9
277 Then at noon, the Queen has scheduled lunch with Liberty Mutual. 1.4318 0.06818 88 57 24 7
278 "Before I continue, might I suggest you slide your chair forward a bit? 1.4301 0.06377 93 59 28 6
279 Happy Birthday, Uncle. With love, Hamlet. 1.4286 0.06647 98 65 24 9
280 The peasants feel it's a reasonable alternative to a democracy 1.4286 0.07353 91 63 17 11
281 I'm reading it as quickly as I can. 1.4286 0.06081 91 56 31 4
282 Also, there's a wasp nest under your throne. 1.4271 0.07063 96 66 19 11
283 The rope weavers' union, Majesty, is asking for a raise in pay. 1.4270 0.07126 89 60 20 9
284 The calculations were correct, but the order was placed in feet instead of inches. 1.4270 0.07126 89 60 20 9
285 It's prophesied to hold forever, like our united kingdom. 1.4270 0.07645 89 63 14 12
286 Your horoscope reads: Don't become too set in your ways; consider rearranging your furniture and seeing things from a new perspective. 1.4270 0.07126 89 60 20 9
287 They say you must renounce the throne. Or you could scoot back three feet. 1.4255 0.06677 94 62 24 8
288 A note from the Rope Makers Guild- "Your rope insurance expires soon. Would you like to renew?" 1.4253 0.06865 87 57 23 7
289 The Queen writes to say "no hard feelings...." 1.4239 0.06778 92 61 23 8
290 I think, sir, you were supposed to fall on your sword. 1.4239 0.06778 92 61 23 8
291 We'll need to make some cuts, I'm afraid. 1.4222 0.06511 90 58 26 6
292 According to this historical scroll, sire, the last word your predecessor heard was "gezundheit." 1.4222 0.06700 90 59 24 7
293 My liege, intelligence reports the possibility of a coup 1.4222 0.06884 90 60 22 8
294 We regret to inform you that ACME Casualty and Life has denied your application for coverage based on our site visit. 1.4222 0.06884 90 60 22 8
295 Sire, per your edict, all pens have been confiscated. Your legacy is safe. 1.4222 0.07237 90 62 18 10
296 Legend says that if the sword cuts the sitter in two, it will prove that he is the rightful heir to the throne. 1.4205 0.07533 88 62 15 11
297 Excellent news, Sire. We have discovered a method to cut overhead in the Kingdom. 1.4205 0.06409 88 56 27 5
298 Caution, objects above you are larger than they actually appear. 1.4205 0.06609 88 57 25 6
299 This letter is from Trump, sir. He claims he has a larger sword. 1.4205 0.06993 88 59 21 8
300 We apologize for the delay in shipping. Your order of 'Oversized Fork and Spoon' will arrive Friday. 1.4198 0.07215 81 54 20 7
301 No worries, sire--just issue this proclamation: 'Swords don't kill people; people kill people.' 1.4194 0.06177 93 59 29 5
302 Wait , you haven't seen the fork we have hanging in the dining room... 1.4186 0.07108 86 58 20 8
303 There’s a lot of legalese. What it boils down to is they won’t insure your life 1.4186 0.07483 86 60 16 10
304 Sire, the manual indicates that the orientation should be in portrait mode. 1.4176 0.06823 91 61 22 8
305 Sire, the kingdom has gone without an accident for three hundred days. 1.4176 0.06456 91 59 26 6
306 As your majesty proclaimed, everything in your new kingdom would be HUGE. 1.4176 0.07000 91 62 20 9
307 It actually does look mightier than that pen we had up there earlier, but does it send the right message? 1.4167 0.06398 96 63 26 7
308 Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword hasn't seen my sword. 1.4157 0.07290 89 62 17 10
309 Damocles, Schmamocles. I just like the way it pulls the room together. 1.4157 0.07290 89 62 17 10
310 ...and as requested, we've fired the decorator. 1.4146 0.07352 82 56 18 8
311 My Lord, the future looks grim.....any way you slice it. 1.4138 0.07229 87 60 18 9
312 He who lives by the sword er you know the rest. 1.4138 0.06237 87 55 28 4
313 It says that your reign is hanging by a thread, sire. 1.4138 0.07042 87 59 20 8
314 And the queen says you're not fooling anyone about the size of your sword. 1.4138 0.07042 87 59 20 8
315 Sire, it’s a gift from the royal rope makers union negotiating committee. 1.4138 0.06850 87 58 22 7
316 If you're going to make that big of a deal about it, Damocles says keep the damn thing. 1.4130 0.06938 92 63 20 9
317 I see that it's mentioned here in the small print. 1.4111 0.06098 90 57 29 4
318 Castle Rope Company made a recall last week. 1.4111 0.07223 90 63 17 10
319 And a final note, the royal fork will be delivered by the end of the week. 1.4111 0.07048 90 62 19 9
320 What? My enemy at the gates! Anything more, messenger? Frayed knot, my lord! 1.4111 0.07048 90 62 19 9
321 And at 3:30, Damocles has asked for a little time. You have no appointments after that. 1.4091 0.07518 88 63 14 11
322 Methinks in this instance, the sword is mightier than the pen. 1.4091 0.07690 88 64 12 12
323 No, not Damocles. It's from your mother in law. 1.4091 0.06977 88 60 20 8
324 It looks like the blueprints were signed by your younger brother. Why do you ask? 1.4086 0.06878 93 64 20 9
325 A sharp rebuke cometh. 1.4070 0.06694 86 57 23 6
326 The good news is you've had a long an prosperous reign. The bad news is "shit happens". 1.4070 0.07281 86 60 17 9
327 It says here, RUN! 1.4070 0.07091 86 59 19 8
328 The people's request was for a trophy 'wife', sir 1.4070 0.07281 86 60 17 9
329 Your majesty, the interior decorator would like to be paid immediately. 1.4070 0.07281 86 60 17 9
330 And lastly, your approval ratings are hanging by a thread. No pun intended. 1.4045 0.07096 89 62 18 9
331 You're horoscope says you're going to have a close shave. 1.4045 0.06727 89 60 22 7
332 On the other hand, if the pen doesn't work.... 1.4045 0.07274 89 63 16 10
333 Any famous last swords? 1.4045 0.06727 89 60 22 7
334 Great news Your Majesty! Izzy the Giant had a baby boy--and you'll be doing the bris. 1.4043 0.06818 94 65 20 9
335 Maybe I should read the abridged version of the story! 1.4024 0.06911 82 55 21 6
336 ...and it comes with a lifetime warrantee. 1.4023 0.06832 87 59 21 7
337 With regrets, a safety recall has been issued for our giant Excalibur model hanging swords . . . . 1.4023 0.06428 87 57 25 5
338 Oddly enough, the candidates for Knighthood have declined your invitation 1.4023 0.07574 87 63 13 11
339 How's it hanging? 1.4022 0.06384 92 61 25 6
340 Goneril and Regan have decided to divide the kingdom equally. 1.4022 0.06568 92 62 23 7
341 You'll soon be worth half of what you are. 1.4000 0.06477 90 60 24 6
342 Your Majesty, Damocles would like to know "How's it hanging"? 1.4000 0.07031 90 63 18 9
343 One subject wants to know how the "swords into ploughshares" program is going. 1.4000 0.06281 90 59 26 5
344 Theatregoers have been missing our more subtle metaphors. 1.4000 0.06477 90 60 24 6
345 It's a gift from your Veep, Sire. 1.4000 0.06477 90 60 24 6
346 Your son insists it's 100% safe. 1.4000 0.06851 90 62 20 8
347 ... and don't for goodness sake sit underneath it. Yours, Damocles. 1.4000 0.07031 90 63 18 9
348 We focus-grouped the title. 'Game of One Huge Sword' did not test well. 1.4000 0.07031 90 63 18 9
349 It says your power is hanging on by a thread. I can't tell if it's a typo, or from engineering. 1.4000 0.06736 85 57 22 6
350 It's from the rope guild, sir. They say you never enrolled in their extended warranty program. 1.4000 0.06851 90 62 20 8
351 It was a gift from Monsieur Guillotine of France. 1.4000 0.06797 80 53 22 5
352 It says there has been a product recall on rope. 1.3977 0.07145 88 62 17 9
353 Are you sure Your Majesty wouldn't like to stick it in a giant stone instead? 1.3977 0.06959 88 61 19 8
354 The Gillette Co. says there is an easier way. 1.3977 0.07325 88 63 15 10
355 May I borrow your letter opener? 1.3977 0.06573 88 59 23 6
356 It's a recall notice for all hemp Damocles-brand sword hangers. 1.3976 0.07055 83 57 19 7
357 Do you accept iTunes terms and conditions? 1.3976 0.07460 83 59 15 9
358 The decree reads that the queen shall get half of everything,sir. Everything. 1.3976 0.07655 83 60 13 10
359 What if I just read the highlights? 1.3956 0.06608 91 62 22 7
360 Sire wake up! It says your monarchy is hanging by a thread! 1.3953 0.07072 86 60 18 8
361 Egbert of Codswallow sends his regrets. He, too, declines your offer of knighthood. 1.3953 0.06876 86 59 20 7
362 Want me to keep reading sire or should we just cut to the chase? 1.3953 0.06674 86 58 22 6
363 There is talk about splitting the kingdom. 1.3953 0.07072 86 60 18 8
364 Why don't I just paraphrase this for you... 1.3953 0.07072 86 60 18 8
365 It's king-size. 1.3933 0.07078 89 63 17 9
366 I think you're ok, it just says "live BY the sword," nothing about UNDER it... 1.3929 0.06779 84 57 21 6
367 The Royal Surgeon says this isn't what he meant by "under the knife". 1.3929 0.06779 84 57 21 6
368 The Queen inquires again if her mother may move in, just for a little while. 1.3929 0.07189 84 59 17 8
369 Hard to read, but I think it's either, Damn uncles, Darn these knees or Damocles. 1.3929 0.07386 84 60 15 9
370 I'm sorry your highness, the scabbard is on backorder. 1.3929 0.06779 84 57 21 6
371 Here's a tweet from @Dionysius: "How's it hangin'? #return throne #keepsword" 1.3929 0.07386 84 60 15 9
372 He says the fraying is not covered under the warranty and asks if you'd still like a repairman sent out. 1.3929 0.06779 84 57 21 6
373 No, really. You should see their pen. 1.3929 0.07386 84 60 15 9
374 Sire I fear you will regret the tax you put on rope. 1.3913 0.06905 92 65 18 9
375 And finally, the queen wishes to inform your majesty that, should you wish to summon her, you may simply pull the lever on your left. 1.3902 0.06888 82 56 20 6
376 The matching fork shall arrive next week 1.3902 0.07103 82 57 18 7
377 Sire, the interior designer replies that the Sword of Damocles is de rigueur throne accoutrement and its removal would upset the feng shui of the room. 1.3902 0.07713 82 60 12 10
378 They suggest you move your throne. 1.3902 0.06888 82 56 20 6
379 I think we're gonna need a bigger cloak. 1.3902 0.07312 82 58 16 8
380 Oddly enough, it says the axe is about to fall. 1.3902 0.07103 82 57 18 7
381 Great progress is being made, your highness, on acquisition of the giant fork and spoon. 1.3902 0.06666 82 55 22 5
382 Your Highness, the sheath is on back order. 1.3875 0.06535 80 53 23 4
383 Yes, Your Highness, I now see the wisdom in dropping the pen-is-mightier-than-the-sword line. 1.3871 0.07749 62 42 16 4
384 There is grave concern about Your Majesty's new weathervane. 1.3864 0.06939 88 62 18 8
385 I'm guessing that this 'pen is mightier than the sword' thing isn't going to fly with you. 1.3855 0.07033 83 58 18 7
386 Sire, Swords-R-Us has issued a recall. 1.3855 0.06602 83 56 22 5
387 And finally, sire, the people write of their concern that you can't take a hint. 1.3855 0.05896 83 53 28 2
388 I'm thinking the interior decorator might be a traitor. 1.3846 0.06638 78 52 22 4
389 Last of all, no matter what happens next, don't kill the messenger. 1.3837 0.06854 86 60 19 7
390 The Prince is eager to know how you are. 1.3827 0.06705 81 55 21 5
391 The people have demanded term limits. 1.3827 0.07570 81 59 13 9
392 "Dear King David, Please return my sword at your earliest convenience. Sincerely, Goliath 1.3827 0.06705 81 55 21 5
393 Good news your highness, the shield is almost done! 1.3827 0.07151 81 57 17 7
394 It's a letter from the Acme Twine Company thanking you for your endorsement. 1.3827 0.06932 81 56 19 6
395 It appears, Sire, that the wording is, "Fall on your sword," not the other way round. 1.3816 0.07001 76 52 19 5
396 Sire, your subjects humbly request that your throne be moved about six inches forward. 1.3810 0.07167 84 60 16 8
397 He who shall remove the sword from the cartoon shall be King! 1.3810 0.06964 84 59 18 7
398 A message from the queen, Sire: 'Sometimes, it's not good to be the king.' 1.3810 0.07364 84 61 14 9
399 My Lord, the opposition says their aim is not to split hairs. 1.3810 0.06755 84 58 20 6
400 Its a message from Mr. Trump; he says his is bigger. 1.3810 0.07556 84 62 12 10
401 Sire, we have here a recall notice from the Acme String Company. 1.3810 0.07556 84 62 12 10
402 Your Highness, the future of the kingdom hangs in the balance. 1.3810 0.06539 84 57 22 5
403 Right back at you... Best wishes, Damocles 1.3810 0.06755 84 58 20 6
404 And to further reduce the King's anxiety, we suggest replacing the Sword with the 'mighty Pen.' 1.3797 0.06814 79 54 20 5
405 There's no hurry, its not like you have a sword hanging over your head... 1.3797 0.06571 79 53 22 4
406 Damocles called again and said it was really important. 1.3793 0.06983 87 62 17 8
407 ...and at 4pm you're knighting Andre the Giant. 1.3793 0.06789 87 61 19 7
408 She says, quote, "It's not big enough". 1.3780 0.06863 82 57 19 6
409 And finally, it is now clear to me, despite some earlier confusion, that the sword is indeed mightier than the pen. 1.3780 0.07492 82 60 13 9
410 The good news is we found the sword but Damocles is still at large 1.3780 0.06409 82 55 23 4
411 Sir Gulliver respectfully requests the return of his belongings. 1.3780 0.06863 82 57 19 6
412 The next case your majesty involves two women who claim they are the mothers of the same child. 1.3780 0.07079 82 58 17 7
413 3% of scientists say the knife doesn't exist 1.3780 0.07288 82 59 15 8
414 The King of Pen has decreed that he is still mightier than you, sir. 1.3780 0.07079 82 58 17 7
415 The Queen suggests that you put it back in the stone. 1.3780 0.06640 82 56 21 5
416 Sometimes the Sword is Mightier Than The Pen! 1.3766 0.07404 77 55 15 7
417 The good news is that you will not need that colonoscopy. The bad news is that you will not need that colonoscopy. 1.3766 0.07404 77 55 15 7
418 Anyway, it says here castration anxieties are mostly psychological. 1.3766 0.06676 77 52 21 4
419 The good news is that your disgruntled staff located the giant's sword... 1.3766 0.07169 77 54 17 6
420 The latest polls suggest your favorability is hanging on by a thread 1.3765 0.06257 85 57 24 4
421 Quick, get me a pen! 1.3765 0.06896 85 60 18 7
422 The Queen further decrees that, if you continue to leave your hose on the floor, there will be consequences. 1.3765 0.06896 85 60 18 7
423 A message from the queen: "Its not the size of your sword; its how you use it!" 1.3765 0.07096 85 61 16 8
424 Your days, my Lord, are hanging by a thread. 1.3750 0.06258 80 53 24 3
425 Yours is definitely bigger than Macbeth's 1.3750 0.06975 80 56 18 6
426 The queen is replacing it with an Alexander Calder. 1.3750 0.07415 80 58 14 8
427 The Queen says you're overcompensating. 1.3750 0.06975 80 56 18 6
428 Prof. Newton wishes to remind you of his encounter with an apple. 1.3750 0.07199 80 57 16 7
429 I thought we agreed you wouldn't hang this over my head. 1.3750 0.07251 72 50 17 5
430 Next item: Circumcision. Something tells me this one is controversial. 1.3750 0.07103 88 64 15 9
431 Sire, your reign is hanging by a thread. 1.3735 0.07008 83 59 17 7
432 Alas, Majesty, it's right here in your position description. 1.3735 0.06795 83 58 19 6
433 Lord Damocles writes, "I think you've missed the point." 1.3731 0.07619 67 47 15 5
434 But wait, there's more! If you act now, we will hang a second sword over your head. 1.3721 0.06829 86 61 18 7
435 Therefore I proclaim the sword is mightier than the pen. 1.3721 0.06829 86 61 18 7
436 Tomorrow will be partly cloudy with a strong chance of impending doom. 1.3721 0.06416 86 59 22 5
437 First, the good news... 1.3718 0.07093 78 55 17 6
438 Sire, the people beseech you to remain in your seat. 1.3718 0.06607 78 53 21 4
439 You've got a bid for it on ebay. 1.3718 0.07093 78 55 17 6
440 Oh! And it says here it has a lifetime warranty. 1.3718 0.06607 78 53 21 4
441 And that's not all. This says it can also cut through a tin can. 1.3704 0.07124 81 58 16 7
442 A title search of the property indicates that the castle was once owned by the Damocles family. 1.3704 0.07338 81 59 14 8
443 It's from the giant mohel, Sire, he wants his knife back. 1.3704 0.07338 81 59 14 8
444 It really ties the room together. 1.3704 0.06677 81 56 20 5
445 The giant stone was backordered 1.3704 0.06904 81 57 18 6
446 Um, Your Highness, I'm afraid I have some bad news from the Physicists Guild regarding your royal edict against gravity... 1.3704 0.05943 81 53 26 2
447 Your enemy still protests his pen is mightier. 1.3704 0.07338 81 59 14 8
448 I see they installed the gift from your son 1.3704 0.06904 81 57 18 6
449 It's from Damoclese Knife & Sword......they say if you don't pay this bill immediately....... 1.3690 0.06938 84 60 17 7
450 Yes, size does matter 1.3690 0.07142 84 61 15 8
451 No sire, your policy doesn't cover death by a moral anecdote. 1.3690 0.06511 84 58 21 5
452 On the bright side, they also left a refrigerator and an above-ground pool. 1.3684 0.06969 76 53 18 5
453 Do you want the good news or the bad news? 1.3684 0.06446 76 51 22 3
454 Because 'the fluffy pom-pom of Damocles' just wasn't doing it. 1.3671 0.07246 79 57 15 7
455 Sir, people are saying our weapon of mass destruction is so 15th century. 1.3671 0.07246 79 57 15 7
456 Half the court requests your presence in the Hall in haste; the other half asks me to jump up and down with vigor beside you. 1.3671 0.07467 79 58 13 8
457 Very Truly Yours, Macbeth 1.3671 0.07019 79 56 17 6
458 Lastly, her majesty asked me to ask you if you've signed the life insurance papers and if you haven't, will you do so now. 1.3671 0.07019 79 56 17 6
459 "God Save the King" is simply our nation's anthem and does not guarantee divine intervention. 1.3659 0.06834 82 58 18 6
460 It's the bill from the sword sharpener. Wow! 1.3659 0.06834 82 58 18 6
461 Okay.. Here we go, pun #46: Knife to meet you, pun #47... Lookin sharp... #48... 1.3659 0.06379 82 56 22 4
462 Galileo has responded, he suggests you move the throne forward two feet. 1.3659 0.06610 82 57 20 5
463 And, as jester, I vow to suspend all castle pranks. 1.3659 0.06834 82 58 18 6
464 Fair and balanced. Nothing to worry about. 1.3659 0.06834 82 58 18 6
465 Well, Sire, the note says it slices, dices and makes julienne fries... 1.3659 0.07051 82 59 16 7
466 Unfortunately, Sire, the matching fork and spoon are on back-order. 1.3649 0.07346 74 53 15 6
467 It says: 'Dear King, Happy birthday. Love, The Trojans.' 1.3647 0.06663 85 60 19 6
468 Damocles would like his metaphor back, sir. 1.3636 0.07138 77 55 16 6
469 Your opponent says you are only compensating for your small hands 1.3636 0.07138 77 55 16 6
470 This should dispel the rumor about your small hands, sire. 1.3636 0.07138 77 55 16 6
471 Oh, and your rope warranty just expired. 1.3636 0.07138 77 55 16 6
472 Sorry, Sire. The warranty doesn't cover the rope. 1.3636 0.06642 77 53 20 4
473 We're going to need a larger sheath. 1.3625 0.06945 80 57 17 6
474 The contract is a little vague about how the sword was to be hung. 1.3625 0.06714 80 56 19 5
475 For God's sake man, come to the point! 1.3625 0.06945 80 57 17 6
476 Let me get to the point. 1.3625 0.06474 80 55 21 4
477 The people hope the king is well since he went under the knife. 1.3625 0.06714 80 56 19 5
478 The people of Watertown are grateful that you are selling their water to neighboring towns and keeping the money for yourself. They humbly offer you this ceremonial knife, hung with a thread from the finest of linens. 1.3625 0.07804 80 61 9 10
479 Game of Swords, Episode One.... 1.3623 0.07436 69 49 15 5
480 Congratulations your Majesty!""You were unanimously voted Man of the Year by all of the villagers again! 1.3614 0.06980 83 60 16 7
481 ...don't step on cracks, don't walk under ladders, don't break a mirror, don't open an umbrella indoors, if you spill salt... 1.3614 0.07389 83 62 12 9
482 Medicare part S does cover swords. 1.3614 0.06545 83 58 20 5
483 PS - I have reason to suspect an imminent threat to your life & crown. Be vigilant, dear brother! 1.3614 0.07187 83 61 14 8
484 The Boleyns insist you have it and installed it themselves. 1.3614 0.06766 83 59 18 6
485 According to the castle inventory, the very large spoon and fork reside in the scullery. 1.3614 0.06545 83 58 20 5
486 We appreciate your decision to not live by the sword, but living under one doesn't seem much safer. 1.3614 0.06317 83 57 22 4
487 I'll cut to the chase. 1.3600 0.07263 75 54 15 6
488 ... and the rebels are armed with a giant pen ... 1.3594 0.07509 64 45 15 4
489 A little note from some French doctor name Guillotine 1.3590 0.06573 78 54 20 4
490 I am told we are going to make some VERY big cuts around here 1.3590 0.07293 78 57 14 7
491 The Exchequer dutifully reports that the Queen arranged for some interior decorating by Sharper Image prior to her exile. 1.3590 0.06573 78 54 20 4
492 Your majesty, the people are concerned you're letting your big sword go to your head. 1.3580 0.07720 81 62 9 10
493 Frankly, I preferred the pen 1.3580 0.06645 81 57 19 5
494 The stone will be delivered next week 1.3580 0.06874 81 58 17 6
495 Your Highness, the Swiss army approaches. 1.3580 0.06645 81 57 19 5
496 The Christian Right requests it be renamed ‘The sword of Goshdarnacles.” 1.3580 0.07309 81 60 13 8
497 Do you want the bad news first? 1.3580 0.07095 81 59 15 7
498 Fair and balanced, your Highness. 1.3580 0.06874 81 58 17 6
499 It was either this or giving you enough rope to hang yourself 1.3580 0.07309 81 60 13 8
500 It's an Acme Wire Company recall, my lord. 1.3580 0.07095 81 59 15 7
501 Blah, blah, blah. Short live the King! 1.3580 0.06409 81 56 21 4
502 The people say that you don't get the point. 1.3562 0.07395 73 53 14 6
503 Your Xanax prescription is ready for pick up. 1.3562 0.07892 73 55 10 8
504 If you would prefer, Your Majesty, I could have it replaced with a dark cloud. 1.3562 0.07395 73 53 14 6
505 Petitioner humbly inquires if you might reconsider the understated qualities of the pen. 1.3562 0.07395 73 53 14 6
506 Get to the point! 1.3562 0.07892 73 55 10 8
507 It says, Dear John. 1.3553 0.06676 76 53 19 4
508 The owner's manual says the thread should have been replaced six weeks ago. 1.3553 0.06934 76 54 17 5
509 The pen will arrive next week 1.3553 0.06934 76 54 17 5
510 Your pipe, bowl and fiddlers are here. but your chair movers are stuck in traffic! 1.3553 0.06934 76 54 17 5
511 As your Royal Accountant I think I've figured out why your homeowner's insurance is so high. 1.3544 0.05985 79 53 24 2
512 Okay, I stand corrected about that whole pen being mightier thing, your grace. 1.3544 0.06251 79 54 22 3
513 Why don't I just cut to the chase? 1.3544 0.06750 79 56 18 5
514 The queen fears you are overcompensating 1.3542 0.06102 96 68 22 6
515 Your majesty, the royal florist suggest that the noble sword of truth be replaced by the hanging basket of geraniums. 1.3537 0.07021 82 60 15 7
516 Yea, maybe the pen isn't really mightier. 1.3537 0.06345 82 57 21 4
517 I'm supposed to keep reading until the rope breaks. 1.3537 0.06803 82 59 17 6
518 The revised Ikea instruction manual says "To prevent injury, the sword must be firmly anchored to a wall" 1.3537 0.06578 82 58 19 5
519 It's from the Giant; he wants his pocketknife back. 1.3537 0.06803 82 59 17 6
520 Let's see. There's something about a dude named Damocles, then a long bit about living by the sword, but essentially it's asking, 'Do you feel lucky?' 1.3537 0.07021 82 60 15 7
521 It says here it's a gift from a Mr. Damocles. 1.3529 0.07773 68 50 12 6
522 We are still searching for a fork and spoon, your Majesty. 1.3514 0.07310 74 54 14 6
523 The royal decorator says moving the throne would ruin the feng shui. 1.3514 0.06506 74 51 20 3
524 Sorry Sire, but their words are still mightier. 1.3506 0.06859 77 55 17 5
525 Yes sire, there actually is a fairly detailed section here on "Term Limits". 1.3506 0.07104 77 56 15 6
526 The people want to be heard about severance packages. 1.3506 0.06605 77 54 19 4
527 I think "live by the sword, die by the sword" may be a bit harsh. 1.3506 0.06341 77 53 21 3
528 By royal decree, from this day forward, the size of your sword DOES matter. 1.3506 0.07104 77 56 15 6
529 Sire, It appears ye olde warranty on the rope has expired. 1.3506 0.07104 77 56 15 6
530 It's from Regal Rope and Wire about the recall ... 1.3500 0.06680 80 57 18 5
531 The council fears you misconstrued the wisdom of Solomon. 1.3500 0.06680 80 57 18 5
532 The sheath is on back-order. 1.3500 0.06439 80 56 20 4
533 It's a list of demands from the ropemakers' guild, Sire. They await your decision. 1.3500 0.06913 80 58 16 6
534 I understand where you're coming from, Sire, but it's more of a safety issue. 1.3500 0.06913 80 58 16 6
535 The Queen liked the Calder mobile, but I think this is more 'me.' 1.3500 0.06680 80 57 18 5
536 Sire, the wizard predicts that you may be nearing the end of your rope! 1.3500 0.06188 80 55 22 3
537 It's a tribute by the National Sword Guild in honor of Your Highness' impending Open Carry Proclamation. 1.3488 0.06972 86 64 14 8
538 Sorry your highness but I think that big pen looked a lot mightier. 1.3467 0.06710 75 53 18 4
539 Your Highness, the serfs want to cut a deal. 1.3467 0.06973 75 54 16 5
540 The Queen includes yet another postscript, Your Majesty. 1.3467 0.07472 75 56 12 7
541 According to our polls, a yellow corvette would convey the same message without being as threatening. 1.3467 0.07472 75 56 12 7
542 Your policy specifically excludes acts of Damocles. 1.3467 0.06436 75 52 20 3
543 ...but if thee move thy throne but a little thy reign will become less stressful. 1.3462 0.06786 78 56 17 5
544 A gift from Sir Alexander Calder 1.3462 0.07260 78 58 13 7
545 The queen awaits your answer regarding her authority. 1.3462 0.06536 78 55 19 4
546 And...cut! 1.3462 0.07260 78 58 13 7
547 Our last item to discuss concerns your eBay listing for the sword. Since you still do not have any bids, perhaps we should consider including free shipping. 1.3462 0.07027 78 57 15 6
548 Homeland Security seems to have a concern your Excellency. 1.3462 0.06276 78 54 21 3
549 You have a point this time, the pen is not always mightier than the sword. 1.3462 0.06536 78 55 19 4
550 Sir Pranksalot is a-frayed you're a sword loser. 1.3462 0.07027 78 57 15 6
551 Ye Olde Insurance Company regrets to inform his majesty that his term life policy has been revoked with cause. 1.3462 0.06786 78 56 17 5
552 The royal decorator wants to know if you've decided on his request for a raise. 1.3462 0.06786 78 56 17 5
553 On the bright side, you're still within the margin of error. 1.3462 0.06536 78 55 19 4
554 Sadly, there's nothing in here about moving the throne. 1.3462 0.07027 78 57 15 6
555 A gift to you, from your loving peasants. 1.3462 0.06536 78 55 19 4
556 Should you opt out of this agreement... 1.3457 0.06373 81 57 20 4
557 The "Bristol Stomp" dance contest will begin overhead in three minutes... 1.3457 0.06373 81 57 20 4
558 Might your highness find it more relaxing to go for a dip in the alligator moat? 1.3421 0.06637 76 54 18 4
559 Just a little off the top then, your highness? 1.3421 0.06637 76 54 18 4
560 Going under the knife will not improve your appearance. 1.3421 0.06896 76 55 16 5
561 Why not a spoon of Damocles? 1.3421 0.06637 76 54 18 4
562 Good news, Sire! The earthquake watch has been lifted. 1.3421 0.06085 76 52 22 2
563 This is the final recall notice on rope purchased in the kingdom. 1.3421 0.07146 76 56 14 6
564 Sire, your kingdom hangs by a thread. 1.3421 0.06896 76 55 16 5
565 The King of Sheaths requests an alliance, Your Majesty. 1.3421 0.07146 76 56 14 6
566 The royal soothsayer predicts imminent change 1.3421 0.07387 76 57 12 7
567 Here's your problem. The instructions say that you should never place the throne directly under the sword. 1.3421 0.06896 76 55 16 5
568 Sire, the town has sent a message regarding your new tax policy. 1.3421 0.06896 76 55 16 5
569 The Queen wanted me to inform you that she's hired a new interior decorator. 1.3418 0.06951 79 58 15 6
570 It shall be proclaimed that the pen is mightier than most swords. 1.3418 0.06951 79 58 15 6
571 Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye. So long, your Majesty. 1.3418 0.06951 79 58 15 6
572 The only person left on the list is Damocles. 1.3418 0.07181 79 59 13 7
573 The cable service will be here next Thursday some time between 8 AM and 5 PM. 1.3418 0.06713 79 57 17 5
574 Good news, Sire, complaints are down 90%. 1.3418 0.06951 79 58 15 6
575 I'll take the good news first... 1.3415 0.06543 82 59 18 5
576 This time, I think the peasants are really serious, your majesty. 1.3415 0.06989 82 61 14 7
577 It's from Hamlet, sire. 1.3380 0.07491 71 53 12 6
578 Perhaps we should omit the phrase " the pen is mightier than the sword. 1.3380 0.07755 71 54 10 7
579 The sword should be pointing downward according to your feng shui consultant 1.3378 0.07270 74 55 13 6
580 Um, yeah, about that pen is mightier than the sword thing..... 1.3378 0.06742 74 53 17 4
581 The crown prince hopes that you like his present. 1.3378 0.06742 74 53 17 4
582 The lady replies "despite having gone under the knife, you still have a face that only a mother could love, so I won't marry you. And please don't kill the messenger." 1.3378 0.07270 74 55 13 6
583 Well, they are hungry, and it is quite a large cake... 1.3377 0.07066 77 57 14 6
584 Sir, if you please, survey results show it's 82% more effective than our previous "Exit" sign. 1.3377 0.06565 77 55 18 4
585 The Duke of Damocles inquires as to whether you have received his message of "heads up", sire. 1.3377 0.06820 77 56 16 5
586 It's name, of ancient lore, is Brexit, sire. 1.3377 0.07304 77 58 12 7
587 Hear ye! Hear ye! Duck! 1.3377 0.07066 77 57 14 6
588 You might want to change that line " what do I look like, chopped liver' 1.3377 0.07304 77 58 12 7
589 The Feng Shui master stopped by today. 1.3377 0.07066 77 57 14 6
590 The orange-headed clown prince says his is bigger. 1.3377 0.07758 77 60 8 9
591 Into our lives a little reign must fall. 1.3377 0.06565 77 55 18 4
592 ...and your mother-in-law is coming to stay 1.3377 0.06299 77 54 20 3
593 Be patient, your majesty. You're...er, I mean...I'm almost finished. 1.3377 0.07534 77 59 10 8
594 Her highness, the Queen, wishes to let you know she has moved her throne to the adjacent chamber. 1.3377 0.06299 77 54 20 3
595 Lloyds cancelled. 1.3377 0.06565 77 55 18 4
596 I here by promise to return the Queen, AND her throne, AND the Royal Golden Chandelier. But only after the King returns my pocket knife. Cordially, The Giant 1.3377 0.06565 77 55 18 4
597 It is hereby declared 'The King has the biggest dirk in all the Land.' 1.3375 0.06643 80 58 17 5
598 Sir, not to suggest that the pen is mightier than the sword, but the balance of power seems to be hanging by a thread. 1.3375 0.06877 80 59 15 6
599 Damocles wrote. He wants his sword back. 1.3375 0.07103 80 60 13 7
600 Looks like you're right Sire, we definitely ordered the light saber! 1.3333 0.06102 75 52 21 2
601 Why the sudden interest in succession? 1.3333 0.06667 75 54 17 4
602 Your premium goeth up. 1.3333 0.07132 72 53 14 5
603 I prefer Dagger of Damocles for the alliteration, but hey, you're in charge. 1.3333 0.06255 72 50 20 2
604 The consultants admire it, but question his majesty's ability to wield it effectively. 1.3333 0.07433 75 57 11 7
605 It's from the rebel peasants My Liege, now demanding big cuts in government... 1.3333 0.06932 75 55 15 5
606 They've responded, your majesty, with a tremendous display of forks. 1.3333 0.06667 75 54 17 4
607 Yes, I will make sure they get the point. 1.3333 0.06852 72 52 16 4
608 Statement piece or not, it does sort of tie the room together. 1.3333 0.07187 75 56 13 6
609 Speed it up. My time is about to be cut short. 1.3333 0.07661 72 55 10 7
610 Sire, a sort of justice is about to befall you. 1.3333 0.06667 75 54 17 4
611 We're winning the Arms Race. 1.3333 0.06852 72 52 16 4
612 The poll results also indicate that the people feel you are over-compensating for something. 1.3333 0.06941 66 47 16 3
613 It's a cease and desist order from a Mr. Damocles. 1.3333 0.07401 72 54 12 6
614 Death has written, sire, wanting his metaphor back. 1.3333 0.07450 78 60 10 8
615 Says here that the pen is on back-order. 1.3333 0.06746 78 57 16 5
616 Then at noon the decorator will be executed. 1.3333 0.06989 78 58 14 6
617 And...fare thee well on behalf of the staff. 1.3333 0.06852 72 52 16 4
618 Sire, your schedule for today is still up in the air. 1.3333 0.06391 75 53 19 3
619 Sire, are you sure you wanted it sharpened? 1.3333 0.06932 75 55 15 5
620 She demands half of your crown and throne, but says the sword is all yours. 1.3333 0.07187 75 56 13 6
621 It appears his majesty has earned a rating of A+ from the National Sword Association. 1.3333 0.07633 69 52 11 6
622 A letter opener, from the Crown Prince. 1.3333 0.06495 78 56 18 4
623 Sire, after two years of deliberation, the survival committee has determined that moving your throne backwards by 26 inches would be the best solution 1.3333 0.06667 75 54 17 4
624 It says, "With best wishes from William of Ockham." 1.3333 0.07187 75 56 13 6
625 Who's Damocles? 1.3333 0.06667 75 54 17 4
626 "It looks like there could be cutbacks soon". 1.3333 0.06233 78 55 20 3
627 Sire, if you can just bend over a little bit to sign this decree, I think the kingdom will be happy with the results... 1.3333 0.06932 75 55 15 5
628 Popularity polls are showing a sudden drop. 1.3333 0.07433 75 57 11 7
629 The Royal Philosopher says that you must regard the sword as a perfect symbol of the constant peril faced by those in power . . . or just move the damned throne. 1.3333 0.07052 69 50 15 4
630 According to your policy, the property owner assumes full responsibility. Damocles would be off the hook. 1.3289 0.07348 76 58 11 7
631 52% think that you should exit 1.3289 0.06037 76 53 21 2
632 All indicators suggest the majority favors Rexit. 1.3289 0.07583 76 59 9 8
633 The instructions say that it should be mounted vertically. 1.3289 0.06854 76 56 15 5
634 Sir, I don't think the pen is mightier than this sword. 1.3289 0.06854 76 56 15 5
635 The campaign will be called "BREXIT." We are cutting off ties with Feudal Europe. 1.3289 0.07105 76 57 13 6
636 Good news! The people now believe the sword is mightier! 1.3289 0.06854 76 56 15 5
637 Due to an error in production, your cord was accidentally woven of recreational hemp. 1.3289 0.07583 76 59 9 8
638 Parlament is considering your proposal to relocate the throne - but there is some opposition 1.3288 0.06486 73 52 18 3
639 But wait there's more! If you act in the next 20 seconds, we'll send you absolutely free the king-size knife sheath ... 1.3288 0.06773 73 53 16 4
640 A Mr Cruz gifted it, Mr. Trump 1.3288 0.07313 73 55 12 6
641 You could cut the tension with a knife. 1.3288 0.07313 73 55 12 6
642 Damocles says you're missing the point. 1.3288 0.07313 73 55 12 6
643 The scabbard is sold separately. 1.3288 0.06773 73 53 16 4
644 He says his pen is REALLY huge. 1.3288 0.06486 73 52 18 3
645 A gift from the E.U. for Brexit 1.3288 0.06773 73 53 16 4
646 There has been a recall of all Heavy Duty Horse Hair rope effective immediately. 1.3288 0.06773 73 53 16 4
647 The metalsmith passed the annual quality inspection, but the thread merchant failed. 1.3288 0.06773 73 53 16 4
648 It seems your nerves aren't the only thing fraying. 1.3288 0.05536 73 49 24 0
649 Occupational health recommended we hang the interior designer. 1.3288 0.06773 73 53 16 4
650 Wait...I have one more piece of bad news, well two pieces, really. 1.3286 0.06967 70 51 15 4
651 " I can't sign that. It would hang over my head forever". 1.3286 0.06967 70 51 15 4
652 The rigger's guild requests that his majesty reopen negotiations. 1.3286 0.07538 70 53 11 6
653 The Royal Mohel sends his regrets and says start the bris without him. 1.3250 0.07065 80 61 12 7
654 Sire, the Giants Mohel has arrived. 1.3247 0.07939 77 62 5 10
655 It's from Parliament Sire. They have denied your funding request for a helmet. 1.3247 0.07025 77 58 13 6
656 Sir-All details are complete for your circumcision tomorow 1.3247 0.07265 77 59 11 7
657 Sorry Sire. It is another letter from an insurance company that refuses to cover you. 1.3247 0.06778 77 57 15 5
658 If it's all the same to you, my lord, I'll remain standing. 1.3247 0.06253 77 55 19 3
659 The signing of your will is at 3:00. Would you, uh, like to move it up? 1.3243 0.06966 74 55 14 5
660 Sir, the Royal Rope Maker just announced a quality control recall of his last production batch. 1.3243 0.06966 74 55 14 5
661 Well Sire according to this, a Mr. Wile E. Coyote would ascend to the throne should you pass. 1.3243 0.07227 74 56 12 6
662 I’m going to stick to the short proclamations. 1.3243 0.06695 74 54 16 4
663 There's a rumor that there is a pen out there that is mightier than your sword. 1.3243 0.06966 74 55 14 5
664 ...and when thy rope breaketh, thy Kingdom shall fall. And down shall come Ruler, Big Sword and all. 1.3243 0.07227 74 56 12 6
665 The Prince asks that a “Leap for Joy Day” be declared to honor your Majesty. 1.3243 0.06966 74 55 14 5
666 It's a recall notice from the Damocles Rope Company. 1.3243 0.06695 74 54 16 4
667 Your Highness, I present to you a gift from your adoring public, in honour of your ...and I quote ..."20 long years living by the sword" 1.3243 0.07479 74 57 10 7
668 Your Highness, do prepare for a clean, close shave. 1.3243 0.06966 74 55 14 5
669 And last, your doctor suggests you get out more. 1.3239 0.06585 71 51 17 3
670 Sire, you might be especially interested in our new double indemnity option. 1.3239 0.06585 71 51 17 3
671 ...and Your Majesty agrees that Swords-R-Us is not responsible for death, damages or losses resulting from Your failure to... 1.3239 0.06272 71 50 19 2
672 Sire, it appears you are not getting the point. 1.3239 0.06884 71 52 15 4
673 And furthermore, father, I would like to thank you very, very, very, very much for naming me your successor, and... 1.3239 0.06884 71 52 15 4
674 This may not be the right time to discuss term limits. 1.3239 0.06272 71 50 19 2
675 ...and the rope makers are asking for a decrease in their taxes. 1.3239 0.06884 71 52 15 4
676 You have two options. Option one is to tell the Queen she doesn't look fat in the royal gown. Option two, Well let's just go with option 1 shall we. 1.3235 0.07087 68 50 14 4
677 Is there any gravity in this cartoon? 1.3226 0.07548 62 46 12 4
678 For your Take Out tonight, would you prefer one slice or two? 1.3210 0.06765 81 61 14 6
679 It's single edged. Why do you ask? 1.3205 0.06703 78 58 15 5
680 It appears Sir that no matter how big your sword is, his pen is still mightier. 1.3200 0.07631 75 59 8 8
681 The National Sword Association objects to any change in the throne room. 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
682 Skip to the end, please. 1.3200 0.06342 75 54 18 3
683 Your Majesty. We have word of a recall of several lots of rope........ 1.3200 0.06886 75 56 14 5
684 You can remain seated or choose what's behind door number one. 1.3200 0.06342 75 54 18 3
685 Unfortunately the warranty is void if not hung properly. 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
686 ...and the thread company has issued a product quality recall. 1.3200 0.07631 75 59 8 8
687 The new rope is on backorder, sir. 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
688 It's an invoice for a Royal Letter Opener. 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
689 If accepted, it comes with no strings attached. 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
690 Dear King: That's not what I meant when I said you need to go under the knife. Please call to make an appointment. Yours, Dr. Wenzagoogoo 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
691 The queen sends a gift, my lord. 1.3200 0.07391 75 58 10 7
692 The good news is the peasants love your tweets. 1.3200 0.07143 75 57 12 6
693 As your court jester, I hope to make you die laughing. 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
694 It's a collection notice from the Damocles Sign Company, and it says they're going to cut you off. 1.3200 0.07631 75 59 8 8
695 The Queen would prefer to stay above the fray. 1.3200 0.06620 75 55 16 4
696 And the Queen lived happily ever after. 1.3194 0.07355 72 55 11 6
697 Moving on to the infrastructure budget... 1.3194 0.06200 72 51 19 2
698 Our report suggests the possibility of a pending attack, sir. 1.3194 0.07355 72 55 11 6
699 Bad news, sire, Damocles doesn't want it back. 1.3194 0.06802 72 53 15 4
700 I'm sorry, but I have to cut you off. 1.3194 0.06802 72 53 15 4
701 Instead of knighthood, I prefer a tax cut. 1.3194 0.07084 72 54 13 5
702 and it's signed: Roger Ailes. 1.3194 0.07084 72 54 13 5
703 Is that your final answer? 1.3194 0.06802 72 53 15 4
704 I found the manual, Sire: "Dam-O-Kleez, Inc. grants no warranties, express or implied, as to the quality or merchantability of the horsehair strand enclosed with this unit." 1.3194 0.06802 72 53 15 4
705 By Order of the Royal Mohel.... 1.3194 0.06802 72 53 15 4
706 Damocles said he'd be back for it. 1.3194 0.06802 72 53 15 4
707 It's official, Sire. The winner of the Name That Sword Contest is Damocles. 1.3188 0.06999 69 51 14 4
708 Your Majesty, our scouts confirm that it is a very, very large pen. 1.3188 0.07584 69 53 10 6
709 Finally Your Liege, there's a recall on horsehair, something to do with tensile strength. 1.3182 0.07529 66 50 11 5
710 Scribe! Do you still think the pen is mightier than the sword? 1.3165 0.07103 79 61 11 7
711 You are a cut above the rest, sire! 1.3158 0.06546 76 56 16 4
712 And the blacksmith's bill is still outstanding... 1.3158 0.07305 76 59 10 7
713 Just the peasants' usual list of grievances, Sire, but this time they've omitted the bit about humbly requesting. 1.3158 0.07061 76 58 12 6
714 Damocles is upset that you didn't 'love' his last post. 1.3158 0.07542 76 60 8 8
715 It's going to be a very big knight. 1.3158 0.06272 76 55 18 3
716 Who do you know in Troy? 1.3158 0.06546 76 56 16 4
717 Bad news Sire. We cannot find anyone willing to take the throne. 1.3158 0.06546 76 56 16 4
718 Dear Sir: Thank you for upgrading to Damacles Sword 2.0... 1.3158 0.05986 76 54 20 2
719 Sire, you may find my next joke to be a bit edgy. 1.3158 0.06546 76 56 16 4
720 Your Majesty's interior decorator has been spotted consorting with the peasants. 1.3158 0.07305 76 59 10 7
721 Sire, this is a recall notice about the rope the palace purchased. 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
722 Please don't look up your majesty. I have news that could make you feel on edge. 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
723 'The taxpayers are complaining about the size of the overhead.' 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
724 Oh, King Donald, the Sword of Damocles is a present from King Vladimir. 1.3151 0.07000 73 55 13 5
725 Whilst the Lords appreciate your support of open carry, sire, the inner council fears your marketing campaign is unraveling. 1.3151 0.06433 73 53 17 3
726 ‘Tis a gift from your friends at Halliburton. 1.3151 0.06723 73 54 15 4
727 I asked for a huge throne made OF swords you idiot! 1.3151 0.07267 73 56 11 6
728 That completes the good news for the week, Your Majesty. And, once again, I am happy to report there is no bad news. 1.3151 0.07267 73 56 11 6
729 Does this sword make my crown look small? 1.3143 0.06286 70 50 18 2
730 The committee said we couldn't afford a Calder 1.3143 0.06914 70 52 14 4
731 Since it is written: "He who rules by the sword, dies by the sword", I would move your throne over 6 feet. 1.3143 0.07207 70 53 12 5
732 Your subjects just love this new location for your throne. 1.3143 0.06914 70 52 14 4
733 Number 17, thou proclaim "That's not a knife, this is a knife!" 1.3143 0.07489 70 54 10 6
734 The pen also happens to be heavier, sire. 1.3143 0.06914 70 52 14 4
735 It's from Donald the Trumpeter of Egoland.. he says , if you think his sword is huge, wait 'til you see how big his pen is . At least , I think I got that translation right. 1.3143 0.07489 70 54 10 6
736 You won't forget the way to the privy again, my lord. 1.3125 0.06999 64 47 14 3
737 High overhead is putting your business at risk 1.3117 0.06732 77 58 14 5
738 It's the Sword of Damocles -- Texas Edition 1.3117 0.06203 77 56 18 3
739 I call it the 'Editor-In-Chief'. 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
740 Your approval ratings with the people is at an all time low but we did just receive another gift from the sword lobby. 1.3108 0.06360 74 54 17 3
741 Sir, it seems that we taxed the people and granted them democracy in the wrong order. 1.3108 0.07180 74 57 11 6
742 Sire, your 3pm fencing opponent cancelled again. 1.3108 0.07434 74 58 9 7
743 Anyway you slice it the kingdom is about to become a republic. 1.3108 0.06360 74 54 17 3
744 This is from Mack, your Highness. He wants his knife back. 1.3108 0.06918 74 56 13 5
745 "Sire. I bring news of an attempt to overthrow you but they may be splitting heirs". 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
746 Right, just the high points. 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
747 No your Majesty, I haven't seen your great big sword and if I did, it certainly wouldn't be hanging by a shredded thread over your head. 1.3108 0.06645 74 55 15 4
748 In local news, the coup attempt has been completely squashed. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
749 Well sire, it certainly conveys your enthusiasm for cutting edge technology. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
750 So, Dionysius, still think it’s funny? Yours, Damocles 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
751 Good news and bad news, Sire. The bris is still on for tomorrow, but the mohel called in sick. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
752 from this point forward the sword is mightier than the pen 1.3099 0.07396 71 55 10 6
753 Sire the prophets said if you just move the throne 3 feet forward you'll have nothing to fret about. 1.3099 0.06213 71 51 18 2
754 Next item: we've received a huuuge bill from Damocles Decorating. 1.3099 0.07921 71 57 6 8
755 It says here that it comes with the job. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
756 You know my policy on bad news, right? 1.3099 0.07118 71 54 12 5
757 The people want more specific term limits. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
758 Moving your throne is number one on the "to do list," Sire. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
759 And then you'll end your speech with the words, "speak softly and carry a big sword". 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
760 maybe I should rethink this whole, pen is mightier, thing. 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
761 The decree is that the pen is still mightier... 1.3099 0.06529 71 52 16 3
762 The sheath will be done in two years. 1.3099 0.06830 71 53 14 4
763 The next visitor is Mr. Damocles, sir. 1.3099 0.07396 71 55 10 6
764 King Rothgar says his is bigger. 1.3088 0.07629 68 53 9 6
765 And finally, sire, the royal rope-maker seeks an immediate audience. 1.3088 0.07629 68 53 9 6
766 This message of spam further sayeth that whoever doth break this thread shall have bad luck befall unto them. 1.3088 0.07629 68 53 9 6
767 I present to you, the latest cutting edge technology. 1.3088 0.07030 68 51 13 4
768 Once again, there is absolutely nothing bad to report. 1.3088 0.06021 68 48 19 1
769 My liege, how's it hanging? 1.3077 0.06402 78 58 16 4
770 It says 'Do not use as a screwdriver or can opener.' 1.3067 0.05995 75 54 19 2
771 And, last but not least, you should consider paying the Damocles bill... 1.3067 0.06569 75 56 15 4
772 Your Majesty, "Monarchy Insurance" left a message earlier today. It seems the Queen has increased your life insurance coverage... 1.3067 0.06837 75 57 13 5
773 It's from Damocles. Says he's made it big. 1.3067 0.06288 75 55 17 3
774 ...and Damocles called in sick again. 1.3067 0.06569 75 56 15 4
775 Speak softly … 1.3067 0.06288 75 55 17 3
776 No matter how you slice it, you aren't going to like the news today. 1.3056 0.06141 72 52 18 2
777 How well do you know your interior decorator? 1.3056 0.06141 72 52 18 2
778 Your highness, it's another stern notice from the homeowners association. 1.3056 0.07032 72 55 12 5
779 The peasants respectfully decline to participate in your 'King for a Day' promotion. 1.3056 0.06748 72 54 14 4
780 Be wary, sire. Excalibur is a double-edged sword. 1.3056 0.06141 72 52 18 2
781 Furthermore, the Acme Rope Company will not be liable for injuries resulting from misuse, exceeding the rated weight limit, or royal hubris. 1.3056 0.06452 72 53 16 3
782 I don't care if you are the king, you can't be in two places at once. 1.3056 0.06748 72 54 14 4
783 You ordered the Gordian Knot, but they sent the Sword of Damacles by mistake. 1.3056 0.07568 72 57 8 7
784 Bad news, you've been denied for life insurance. 1.3056 0.06748 72 54 14 4
785 Brexit won 1.3056 0.07305 72 56 10 6
786 Is this like rock-paper-scissors? 1.3051 0.08110 59 46 8 5
787 You're trending again, and not in a good way. 1.3043 0.07531 69 54 9 6
788 No rush, but I've compiled a list of potential successors, sire. 1.3043 0.06298 69 50 17 2
789 I have here your request for a change of venue regarding the throne. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
790 ...and finally, Your Majesty, please don't kill the messenger. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
791 Relocation, relocation, relocation. 1.3043 0.06942 69 52 13 4
792 A recall has been issued for Acme's entire line of fiber products due to insufficient tensile strength. 1.3030 0.06818 66 49 14 3
793 Sire, tweet just in. Damocles Inc. have issued a recall on all their 2016 sword hanging threads. 1.3030 0.07151 66 50 12 4
794 The instructions say it only works with really big envelopes. 1.3030 0.06467 66 48 16 2
795 The Dragon Sword is a gift from Mr. and Mrs. Glenfinder of Flygrow Township. The goldbraid cord is a gift from Her Majesty the Queen. 1.3016 0.07024 63 47 13 3
796 Breaking news...the queen is heading to her hier appointment 1.3016 0.07718 63 49 9 5
797 Well, the specs say it is cutting edge. 1.3016 0.07024 63 47 13 3
798 Uh-oh, here it is. It turns out you consented to it on line number 432 of your end-user license agreement. 1.3016 0.07718 63 49 9 5
799 Plans for making the giant pen are on schedule, your majesty. 1.3014 0.06376 73 54 16 3
800 So, about those approval ratings... 1.3014 0.07216 73 57 10 6
801 You know how you're always talking about dividing up your kingdom, Sire? 1.3014 0.06376 73 54 16 3
802 Maybe you should rethink 'Off with his head' 1.3014 0.06376 73 54 16 3
803 It says, "Surrender! Sincerely, The King with the Giant Pen." 1.3014 0.06948 73 56 12 5
804 And that is why, Mr. Damocles, we can no longer insure you. 1.3014 0.06668 73 55 14 4
805 The NRA says they can't help 1.3014 0.06376 73 54 16 3
806 Dear Majesty, you may want to wake up for this. 1.3014 0.06668 73 55 14 4
807 Her Highness says she didn't literally mean for you to stick it sideways. 1.3014 0.07216 73 57 10 6
808 Dear Dad: Sit tight. I am on the way and will be there within a week or two. 1.3014 0.06376 73 54 16 3
809 Please don't stab the messenger. 1.3014 0.07216 73 57 10 6
810 Good news your majesty! Your subjects have voted 4311 to drop the sword and 4311 to wait. 1.3000 0.06547 70 52 15 3
811 The Queen is ready to polish your big sword. 1.3000 0.06856 70 53 13 4
812 And your brother Louie is sorry to hear you went under the knife. 1.3000 0.06547 70 52 15 3
813 And we installed the now required sire extinguisher. 1.3000 0.07151 70 54 11 5
814 Would you like to purchase life insurance today? 1.3000 0.06547 70 52 15 3
815 Your knife for the gun fight is ready, my lord. 1.3000 0.07151 70 54 11 5
816 Time for the royal colonoscopy, sire. 1.3000 0.06856 70 53 13 4
817 Milord, it is a gift from the people. Apparently, they were quite convinced by his Majesty's campaign speech. 1.3000 0.07973 70 57 5 8
818 Sorry, it was the smallest exit sign they had. 1.3000 0.07435 70 55 9 6
819 Don't worry; the same people did the original VW emissions tests. 1.3000 0.07151 70 54 11 5
820 Meetings run on a much tighter schedule since we switched to our new countdown clock. 1.3000 0.06547 70 52 15 3
821 Your Anti-Virus has expired! Do you wish to renew? 1.3000 0.07435 70 55 9 6
822 As your interior decorator may I submit a list of changes? 1.3000 0.06856 70 53 13 4
823 It's a message from Damocles. He says, "Payback's a bitch." 1.3000 0.07151 70 54 11 5
824 My Lord, you won't believe how 'Game of Thrones' ends this season. 1.3000 0.06222 70 51 17 2
825 Yes, Sire, it seems to be another recall notice from the Big Sword folks. Trash this one too? 1.3000 0.06547 70 52 15 3
826 Skip to the end, I haven't much time. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
827 The press wants common-sense knife control. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
828 Your twin sons have proposed to split their inheritance evenly. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
829 First, let me read the terms and conditions. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
830 Your loyal subjects beseech your majesty to move the throne just a couple feet forward. 1.2985 0.06730 67 50 14 3
831 I seeth why you are on edge, my Lord. 1.2985 0.06385 67 49 16 2
832 Your Majesty is not covered. Giant swords falling on your Highness are considered to be an act of God. 1.2973 0.07130 74 58 10 6
833 A split decision on Divine Right, Sire. 1.2973 0.06590 74 56 14 4
834 Love & hugs, Damocles 1.2973 0.06865 74 57 12 5
835 I'll read faster! Itisthewillofthepeoplethatyou... 1.2973 0.06865 74 57 12 5
836 The latest poll indicates that you may soon be replaced. 1.2973 0.06590 74 56 14 4
837 I'm trying to get to the point. 1.2973 0.05685 74 53 20 1
838 The blacksmith sends a riddle with his unpaid bill: "Your Magesty, what rhymes with 'greyed dope'?" 1.2973 0.06590 74 56 14 4
839 It says the ergonomic chair will extend your life. 1.2973 0.05685 74 53 20 1
840 The nobles have promised Your Highness that they will not stab you in the back. 1.2969 0.07612 64 50 9 5
841 His only demand is a pair of scissors. 1.2958 0.06771 71 54 13 4
842 Certainly, Your Majesty, but it still appears more feasible to carry a big stick 1.2958 0.07062 71 55 11 5
843 Long live the King! 1.2958 0.06771 71 54 13 4
844 The Court jester says, 'The pun is mightier than the Sword' 1.2958 0.06771 71 54 13 4
845 No matter how big the sword, your pen is still mightier! 1.2958 0.07342 71 56 9 6
846 Sire, is that our sole weapon of mass destruction? 1.2958 0.06467 71 53 15 3
847 The Rope Weavers Union has requested to meet you half way. 1.2958 0.06467 71 53 15 3
848 And, finally, the people declare your sword to be sharper than your wit. 1.2958 0.07342 71 56 9 6
849 Sire, Acme Cable Company has written to inform you that the warranty for your sword bearing device is about to expire. 1.2958 0.06467 71 53 15 3
850 No sire, there's no mention of it being symbolic of the dangers of holding power. It just says "do not clean in the dishwasher." 1.2958 0.06467 71 53 15 3
851 'it may look better over the mantlepiece , but it's up to you , happy birthday ' 1.2958 0.06467 71 53 15 3
852 Sire, the palace eunuchs vow payback! 1.2949 0.06350 78 59 15 4
853 A proposition for an alliance, from the House of Sheath. 1.2949 0.06350 78 59 15 4
854 Your brother is, yet again, the low bidder to redesign the palace interior. 1.2941 0.06306 68 50 16 2
855 Good news, Your Majesty. This season's 'Game of Thrones' comes with augmented reality. 1.2941 0.07276 68 53 10 5
856 Your Queen has given birth to a daugh . . ahem adorable son. 1.2941 0.06968 68 52 12 4
857 And because you asked Parliament to cut overhead... 1.2941 0.06306 68 50 16 2
858 It's from Damocles Sire, he says your sitting in his seat. 1.2941 0.07276 68 53 10 5
859 It's a second notice from Damocles. 1.2941 0.06306 68 50 16 2
860 My Lord, big things are coming your way. 1.2941 0.06968 68 52 12 4
861 As the technology advances, we plan to miniaturize the device for home use. 1.2941 0.07571 68 54 8 6
862 The Rope Maker's Guild wish to apologize in advance. 1.2941 0.07276 68 53 10 5
863 ...and the Royal Interns are up to their usual hijinks. 1.2941 0.06645 68 51 14 3
864 Or...you can choose what's behind curtain #1! 1.2941 0.07276 68 53 10 5
865 The knife sharpener will be passing through the kingdom on Wednesday. 1.2941 0.06306 68 50 16 2
866 And, last, your majesty, the jester sends his fondest regards from exile. 1.2941 0.06645 68 51 14 3
867 No one on the list has accepted your invitation to knighthood 1.2941 0.05948 68 49 18 1
868 I assure you the people do no feel like you are compensating for something, your highness. 1.2923 0.07507 65 51 9 5
869 The interior decorators are asking why you haven’t paid their bill. 1.2923 0.06093 65 47 17 1
870 Get to the POINT, Knave. 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
871 Hurry up and read the damn thing! 1.2923 0.07180 65 50 11 4
872 He says he's got a new and even mightier pen. 1.2917 0.06689 72 55 13 4
873 Your request for repurposing into a ploughshare has been denied. 1.2917 0.06689 72 55 13 4
874 This just in, Sire. The U.S. says they "fully support" your regime. 1.2917 0.07516 72 58 7 7
875 And we admit that the pen may not be mightier than the sword in all cases! 1.2917 0.06076 72 53 17 2
876 Well, no, Your Excellency, I wouldn't stake my life on it." 1.2917 0.06976 72 56 11 5
877 It just says, "Not for children under 3." 1.2917 0.06390 72 54 15 3
878 Ok. I give up. That is one mighty sword. 1.2917 0.06976 72 56 11 5
879 They're stalling for time, your highness. I sense a trap. 1.2917 0.06076 72 53 17 2
880 It was and remains my humble opinion that open carry constitutes a threat. 1.2917 0.06689 72 55 13 4
881 I told you to hang my wife! 1.2917 0.06689 72 55 13 4
882 It clearly says you can't switch to Xfinity as long as your Comcast cord is still intact. 1.2917 0.06689 72 55 13 4
883 Sire, have you ever thought about a running mate? 1.2917 0.06976 72 56 11 5
884 The interior decorator says it's all the rage in southern Europe. 1.2903 0.07411 62 48 10 4
885 They're bluffing. 1.2899 0.05876 69 50 18 1
886 Sir, it appears your Life Insurance policy has been cancelled... 1.2899 0.05876 69 50 18 1
887 My son installed it himself. 1.2899 0.06879 69 53 12 4
888 The rope makers union has sent its revised demands... 1.2899 0.05876 69 50 18 1
889 Fair and balanced, yes sir, that's it, fair and balanced. 1.2899 0.06879 69 53 12 4
890 Sorry for the slip up your majesty, but I'm a bit distracted by the size of your shaft! 1.2899 0.07753 69 56 6 7
891 Sorry, I assumed the measurements you gave me were in imperial units. 1.2899 0.06229 69 51 16 2
892 The good news is that the extra-strength thread was 60% off on Prime day. The bad news, it's on backorder. 1.2899 0.06229 69 51 16 2
893 The latest Trump tweet says: "The other rulers are losers who got bad deals on swords. I got a great deal on a sword from a guy names Damocles. #DIONYSIUSISOVERRATED." 1.2899 0.07753 69 56 6 7
894 I understand sir, heavy is the head that wears the crown, but be assured your staff is dedicated to easing your burden. 1.2899 0.06879 69 53 12 4
895 The guy from the NRA really, really wants to talk to you. 1.2899 0.06229 69 51 16 2
896 They were out of pens 1.2899 0.07182 69 54 10 5
897 We regret to inform you that our rope is being recalled, due to frequent premature failures. 1.2899 0.05876 69 50 18 1
898 The Oracle is warning of palace plots and increased seismic activity. 1.2899 0.07182 69 54 10 5
899 "Excalibur was not available". We got this from Vlad The Impaler 1.2899 0.06562 69 52 14 3
900 The Queen asked I read this to you. This will only take...5 minutes? 1.2899 0.06562 69 52 14 3
901 Perhaps it would be more intimidating, sire, if we had our guests sit under the sword. 1.2899 0.07473 69 55 8 6
902 ...Therefore, Her Highness requests total and complete separation, effective immediately. 1.2879 0.07406 66 52 9 5
903 The subjects want cuts in royal expenses. 1.2879 0.07406 66 52 9 5
904 The royal interior designer seems disgruntled. 1.2879 0.06747 66 50 13 3
905 Yes, it reads "hairs", but I think he meant "splitting heirs." 1.2879 0.06017 66 48 17 1
906 The High Court says it stays. Damocles be damned. They regard it as a 2nd Amendment issue. 1.2879 0.06392 66 49 15 2
907 Sire, it states that the sword sharpener is sold separately. 1.2879 0.07084 66 51 11 4
908 In short, the gun lobby is offended, my liege. 1.2879 0.07084 66 51 11 4
909 Ah....on second thought, I think I'll pass on that knighthood. 1.2879 0.07084 66 51 11 4
910 I've got good news and bad news. What do you want first? 1.2879 0.06747 66 50 13 3
911 ... and Damocles wants his sword back. 1.2879 0.06747 66 50 13 3
912 Bad news, Sire - the return policy says YOU are responsible for shipping and handling! 1.2879 0.07084 66 51 11 4
913 A gift from the knife lobby, Sire. 1.2879 0.06392 66 49 15 2
914 Your highness, your queen beseeches an amicable trial separation! 1.2879 0.06747 66 50 13 3
915 The pen is NOT mightier than the sword, the pen is not mightier than the sword... 1.2879 0.06747 66 50 13 3
916 It says that "those who live by the sword die by the sword." 1.2879 0.06747 66 50 13 3
917 The warranty on the Damocles sword is 1 year but the horse tail rope is only 30 days. 1.2879 0.06747 66 50 13 3
918 Let me cut to the chase, Your Majesty. 1.2877 0.06315 73 55 15 3
919 budget cuts .... 1.2877 0.06891 73 57 11 5
920 The pen is mightier, you say? 1.2857 0.07650 63 50 8 5
921 This joke'll slay you. 1.2857 0.05438 70 50 20 0
922 It says, not to worry, this is not at all like the horse. 1.2857 0.07091 70 55 10 5
923 According to our focus group research, our enemies see it less as "menacing" than as "cartoonish." 1.2857 0.06153 70 52 16 2
924 Her Majesty insists on a chandelier. 1.2857 0.06793 70 54 12 4
925 Sire, we've entered the fray. 1.2857 0.07091 70 55 10 5
926 Sir Rubio is mocking the size of your hands again, sire. 1.2857 0.07091 70 55 10 5
927 It slices both ways: You endorse her, you lose. You don't endorse her, you lose. 1.2857 0.06793 70 54 12 4
928 It suggests you move your throne a few inches forward. 1.2857 0.06153 70 52 16 2
929 And finally, the people request one wire cutter, your majesty. 1.2857 0.07091 70 55 10 5
930 Rather than cake, they want the rye sliced thin 1.2857 0.06153 70 52 16 2
931 Several members of your court suggest a less menacing symbol - perhaps a cheeseburger. 1.2857 0.06153 70 52 16 2
932 Your Majesty…the Royal Physician said you should be “circumspect,” not circumcised! 1.2857 0.06793 70 54 12 4
933 There are some pointed things in here, but they're not aimed at you. 1.2857 0.06793 70 54 12 4
934 Your 9:15 has cancelled. Your 9:16 has cancelled. Your 9:17 has cancelled... 1.2857 0.05438 70 50 20 0
935 Well.....the bottom line reads:-......"OR ELSE" 1.2857 0.06153 70 52 16 2
936 So it is written and so it shall be done and it shall be HUGE. 1.2857 0.07091 70 55 10 5
937 The Acme Sword Hanging Company disputes your claim of negligent installation. 1.2857 0.07091 70 55 10 5
938 Thy use of personal scrolls for communication was extremely careless. 1.2857 0.07977 63 51 6 6
939 Yes Sire, the inventory confirms that is a dagger you see before you. 1.2838 0.06531 74 57 13 4
940 Queen's request, sire: Stop watching Game of Thrones. 1.2838 0.06808 74 58 11 5
941 Our weapons production has been suspended. 1.2836 0.06991 67 52 11 4
942 "repeat after me...'our father who art in heaven..."' 1.2836 0.06660 67 51 13 3
943 According to the Soothsayer... you should be fearful for your life. 1.2836 0.06660 67 51 13 3
944 Weight for it.... 1.2836 0.07307 67 53 9 5
945 We hear the peasants are preparing "Fray Day" celebrations, Your Highness. 1.2836 0.06660 67 51 13 3
946 It says, "Danger lurks today Leo, stay indoors" 1.2836 0.05942 67 49 17 1
947 Let's rephrase that to 'The sword is mightier than the pen'. 1.2836 0.07307 67 53 9 5
948 Happy Birthday! Your pal, Damocles. 1.2836 0.07902 67 55 5 7
949 They like your idea for a new reality show! 1.2836 0.06311 67 50 15 2
950 The Queen feels like you're overcompensating and not prioritizing what really matters in a relationship. 1.2836 0.07902 67 55 5 7
951 It's from your official decorators, your majesty. Apparently this was supposed to be a large pen. 1.2836 0.06991 67 52 11 4
952 Be it known in the Realm, that the annual King for a Day Contest Winner shall commence his reign in .....4, 3, 2..... 1.2836 0.07307 67 53 9 5
953 Let me give you the CliffsNotes version. 1.2836 0.06991 67 52 11 4
954 Apparently the Damocles agent listed it as a 'fixture', so yes sire...it stays. 1.2836 0.06660 67 51 13 3
955 I regret to inform Your Highness that neighboring kingdoms have declared a ban of all massive weapons of destruction. 1.2836 0.06660 67 51 13 3
956 The Giant wants it back. 1.2836 0.07307 67 53 9 5
957 I do believe there is a sharpness in the air your majesty. 1.2836 0.06660 67 51 13 3
958 It's from Damocles. He wants his sword back. 1.2836 0.06991 67 52 11 4
959 Let's make Camelot great again! 1.2836 0.06311 67 50 15 2
960 Your Majesty, we have received a safety recall from the rope manufacturer. 1.2836 0.05942 67 49 17 1
961 Please don't say the secret word! 1.2836 0.06991 67 52 11 4
962 It says here, that if you don't remove the knife, your insurance rates will skyrocket. 1.2836 0.06991 67 52 11 4
963 And as a reminder, the Royal Circumcision Rite is scheduled for next Thor's Day. 1.2836 0.07307 67 53 9 5
964 Issue 37, inferior materials used by the Roping Guild. 1.2833 0.07551 60 47 9 4
965 So, your highness, in reviewing the results of the safety audit... 1.2833 0.06330 60 44 15 1
966 It's from your cousin Damocles; the note reads only "Enjoy." 1.2817 0.06708 71 55 12 4
967 For insurance reasons, your Council has suggested a second support rope. 1.2817 0.06079 71 53 16 2
968 You may not want to hear your recent poll numbers. 1.2817 0.06401 71 54 14 3
969 Accept our demands and we will provide pens for your protection. 1.2817 0.06708 71 55 12 4
970 Your majesty, your loyal subjects would like to borrow the giant knife so they can cut the giant cake. 1.2817 0.06079 71 53 16 2
971 Damocles says he doesn't want it back. 1.2817 0.06708 71 55 12 4
972 Note to self: Don't look at the sword when reading.... 1.2817 0.07002 71 56 10 5
973 Damocles is glad you like the gift. It had hung around his place for too long. 1.2817 0.06708 71 55 12 4
974 Your enemy is clearly overcompensating for something, your Highness. 1.2817 0.06708 71 55 12 4
975 There's no question about it, m'Lord. It did come with a lifetime guarantee. 1.2817 0.06079 71 53 16 2
976 As ordered sire, three feet longer than St. George's 1.2817 0.06401 71 54 14 3
977 Could I borrow 20 ducats, my liege? I'll pay you back tomorrow... I promise. 1.2817 0.06708 71 55 12 4
978 A frayed knot, your highness! 1.2817 0.07002 71 56 10 5
979 Sorry-- I see no loophole to get you out of the "Knife of the Month" club. 1.2817 0.06401 71 54 14 3
980 Your majesty, the SWAT team says to snip the green wire first. 1.2817 0.06708 71 55 12 4
981 It says: abdication or death, whichever comes first. 1.2817 0.06079 71 53 16 2
982 He says he'll remove it, but only if you say "Pretty please Damocles". 1.2817 0.06708 71 55 12 4
983 He says the greatest danger to your kingdom comes from within. 1.2817 0.06708 71 55 12 4
984 Merlin entreats you to abdicate your throne to avoid a sharp decline in your safety. 1.2812 0.06087 64 47 16 1
985 Wish he'd read faster, I haven't got all day... 1.2812 0.07206 64 50 10 4
986 Wait, I lost my place. I'll start over. 1.2812 0.07206 64 50 10 4
987 The Queen reports that her meeting with the Royal Ropemaker was fruitful. 1.2812 0.06853 64 49 12 3
988 And whereas the Queen put forth a rock and the King put forth a scissors . . . 1.2812 0.07542 64 51 8 5
989 Cutting edge technology will be your legacy. 1.2807 0.07406 57 44 10 3
990 Neighboring kingdoms request talks to limit the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction. 1.2807 0.07818 57 45 8 4
991 Apparently the pen is not always mightier than the sword. 1.2794 0.06574 68 52 13 3
992 The Queen wishes Your Magesty to understand the consequences should you decline to agree to remodel... 1.2794 0.07211 68 54 9 5
993 Shall I continue reading the end-user license agreement, your Highness? 1.2794 0.06900 68 53 11 4
994 ...and that your Highness is oblivious to the peril that is about to befall our kingdom. 1.2794 0.06574 68 52 13 3
995 Are you sure you want to hear the results of the latest poll Sire? 1.2794 0.06900 68 53 11 4
996 Says here that it is just a Pokémon Sword. 1.2794 0.06574 68 52 13 3
997 Sir, your Royal Designers suggest your throne be repositioned slightly. 1.2794 0.06231 68 51 15 2
998 Your faithful soothsayer bids Your Majesty beware that the loss of the royal family jewels appears imminent. 1.2794 0.06900 68 53 11 4
999 Your Majesty, when you call this proclamation a double-edged sword, are you trying to be funny? 1.2794 0.06231 68 51 15 2
1000 King Occam, I think the Razor might be a better option 1.2794 0.06231 68 51 15 2
1001 It appears that has been taken, Sire. What about Mack the Dagger? 1.2794 0.06900 68 53 11 4
1002 It's the new guillotine 2.0, sir. 1.2794 0.07211 68 54 9 5
1003 Not just mightier, but considerably more safe as well! 1.2794 0.06574 68 52 13 3
1004 The cease and desist letter is from some guy named Damocles. 1.2794 0.06574 68 52 13 3
1005 It says the queen knows about your mistress. So you've got to split. 1.2794 0.06574 68 52 13 3
1006 A gift from your brother, your Majesty. He sends his regards. 1.2794 0.06574 68 52 13 3
1007 Sire, your royal life insurance policy covers everything except: Death by giant sword while sitting on the throne. 1.2794 0.06231 68 51 15 2
1008 Your majesty, the queen beseeches you for a trial separation! 1.2794 0.06900 68 53 11 4
1009 And once again, no prince has come forward to duel with you for the hand of the princess. 1.2794 0.06900 68 53 11 4
1010 So where would you like the pen? It being mightier and all... 1.2794 0.07211 68 54 9 5
1011 Just hang in there. I'm almost done. 1.2794 0.06231 68 51 15 2
1012 On second thought, Your Majesty, silly of me to suggest a new throne room carpet in anything other than red. 1.2794 0.06231 68 51 15 2
1013 Damocles called. He wants to know if his sword is still hanging over your head. 1.2794 0.06574 68 52 13 3
1014 Size matters. 1.2794 0.06574 68 52 13 3
1015 It's from Damocles. He thinks he left his sword here. 1.2794 0.05869 68 50 17 1
1016 Damocles says hey. 1.2794 0.07211 68 54 9 5
1017 For your birthday, your son and future king, provided the gift of cutlery... 1.2794 0.06574 68 52 13 3
1018 Yes, your Highness, I get it that you're not risk averse. 1.2794 0.06900 68 53 11 4
1019 Your Majesty, it's from your insurance company. 1.2794 0.05869 68 50 17 1
1020 It's a petition, sir. The people want you to stop being the village mohel. 1.2794 0.07509 68 55 7 6
1021 Damocles says he wants his sword back ... or else." 1.2794 0.07211 68 54 9 5
1022 I'm happy to report His Majesty has again won 100% of the vote. 1.2794 0.06574 68 52 13 3
1023 Note from Damocles: Sword should point down. 1.2787 0.07799 61 49 7 5
1024 "Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown." King Henry the IV- Shakespeare 1.2769 0.07108 65 51 10 4
1025 The note says a large steak will follow shortly and you just need to sit tight. 1.2769 0.07108 65 51 10 4
1026 The unions want us to cut from the top. 1.2769 0.07108 65 51 10 4
1027 The citizens are upset about your plan to cut the budget. 1.2769 0.07438 65 52 8 5
1028 It's from Damocles. He says it's not about size 1.2769 0.06761 65 50 12 3
1029 Don't make me laugh. 1.2769 0.07108 65 51 10 4
1030 This should make the throne less palatable to the conspirators against your highness. 1.2769 0.06395 65 49 14 2
1031 The people would like a bigger slice of the pie. 1.2769 0.07108 65 51 10 4
1032 First off, I want a raise. 1.2769 0.07108 65 51 10 4
1033 Pardon me sire, but how large is your comfort zone? 1.2769 0.07108 65 51 10 4
1034 From this day forward Hemp will be smoked, and not used for sword hanging. 1.2759 0.07697 58 46 8 4
1035 Shoot, I should have brought a bigger pen. 1.2754 0.07117 69 55 9 5
1036 The textile workers' strike is expected to end any moment now. 1.2754 0.06491 69 53 13 3
1037 Due to a larger than normal work volume, the Royal Rope-makers cannot repair the Royal Sword Holder until some time next month. They apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. 1.2754 0.07117 69 55 9 5
1038 Your brother Claudius wishes to know how you like his interior decorating your Majesty. 1.2754 0.06154 69 52 15 2
1039 As usual, I have great news. 1.2754 0.07117 69 55 9 5
1040 John from Camelot asks "Do you regret letting your ex do the decorating?" 1.2754 0.06154 69 52 15 2
1041 Sire, may we negotiate the clause in small print before trading places? 1.2754 0.07117 69 55 9 5
1042 A gift from a political outsider. 1.2754 0.06491 69 53 13 3
1043 Your majesty, it's called a "gag gift." 1.2754 0.06491 69 53 13 3
1044 Sire, Damocles wishes to inform you that he hopes this time you will get the point. 1.2754 0.06811 69 54 11 4
1045 Once upon a time ... before the NRA ... 1.2754 0.06491 69 53 13 3
1046 Her Highness requests the King to remain seated for several hours of delightful entertainment... 1.2754 0.06811 69 54 11 4
1047 Your astrologer says, "Beware of a higher power!" 1.2754 0.07117 69 55 9 5
1048 It's not the size of the sword that matters although that is impressive. 1.2754 0.06811 69 54 11 4
1049 Damocles writes, "I feel your pain, brother." 1.2754 0.06491 69 53 13 3
1050 He goes on to say that, although your sword is fearsome, he is not convinced of your ability to wield it effectively. 1.2754 0.06154 69 52 15 2
1051 King Arthur challenges you to a gun fight, Your Highness. 1.2754 0.06154 69 52 15 2
1052 The next subject to be knighted is a fairly big chap. 1.2754 0.06811 69 54 11 4
1053 Would your Majesty care to bend forward just a little bit! 1.2754 0.06154 69 52 15 2
1054 Telegram from Damocles, Sire. 1.2742 0.06963 62 48 11 3
1055 Oh, yes Sire, I agree. There's never a dull moment around here. 1.2742 0.06963 62 48 11 3
1056 It says no returns once the package is opened. 1.2742 0.07685 62 50 7 5
1057 Your majesty, this might soon be moot ... 1.2742 0.07333 62 49 9 4
1058 Introducing our latest system update: Henry 8.5! 1.2727 0.06671 66 51 12 3
1059 I can see why you're having a strong sense of impending doom, sir. 1.2727 0.06312 66 50 14 2
1060 Says here, 'In case of constant peril, sit somewhere else.' 1.2727 0.05931 66 49 16 1
1061 Signed, "Your pal, Damocles" 1.2727 0.06671 66 51 12 3
1062 It says it will stay there until he gets weekends off and it's signed, Merlin. 1.2727 0.05931 66 49 16 1
1063 Sire, Damocles sends news that you may find pertinent.... 1.2727 0.06671 66 51 12 3
1064 On hindsight, maybe it was a mistake to hire Damocles as our interior designer. 1.2714 0.06725 70 55 11 4
1065 ...and Acme Insurance has raised your premiums substantially. 1.2714 0.06410 70 54 13 3
1066 Dear king, you're dead. It's signed Damocles. 1.2714 0.06725 70 55 11 4
1067 ...then at 10:30 we'll be executing the new decorator. 1.2712 0.06765 59 45 12 2
1068 I know your grace has not been terribly interested in the realm's crumbling infrastructure previously, but this next item should be of some interest. 1.2698 0.06866 63 49 11 3
1069 Nothing says security like double-diameter horsehair 1.2698 0.06866 63 49 11 3
1070 Your Majesty, it is a gift from King Bowie 1.2698 0.07229 63 50 9 4
1071 It's a dire letter from Damocles, Sire... 1.2698 0.06482 63 48 13 2
1072 Gillette says it'll give you a closer shave. 1.2698 0.06482 63 48 13 2
1073 Just says some dude named Damocles wishes you a Happy Birthday. 1.2698 0.06074 63 47 15 1
1074 Yes, Sire, I DO know what "literally" means. 1.2698 0.06074 63 47 15 1
1075 Five'll get ya ten old Macky's back in town. 1.2698 0.07229 63 50 9 4
1076 My Lord, a letter from your brother, the penman: You're overcompensating. 1.2687 0.06583 67 52 12 3
1077 We call it fair and balanced 1.2687 0.06918 67 53 10 4
1078 Apparently your request for a giant swordfish was truncated. 1.2687 0.07544 67 55 6 6
1079 And sadly, sire, Sir Galahad reports that his hernia is as yet unhealed. 1.2687 0.06918 67 53 10 4
1080 No takers for a duel, yet, your Highness. 1.2687 0.05856 67 50 16 1
1081 Dear Mr. Damocles, for a limited time, we are pleased to be able to offer an extended warranty ... 1.2687 0.06918 67 53 10 4
1082 Damocles sends his best wishes. 1.2687 0.06583 67 52 12 3
1083 Your royal decree has been enacted. The size of one's sword DOES now matter. 1.2687 0.06583 67 52 12 3
1084 This is to notify you that your decree banning assault weapons of all kinds has not been well received. 1.2687 0.06583 67 52 12 3
1085 So I suspect your not one to 'shoot the messenger'... 1.2687 0.06230 67 51 14 2
1086 Your horoscope, your highness, says to not let things hang over you. 1.2687 0.06583 67 52 12 3
1087 OK wait, here it says to make sure there are no microwaves or cordless phones in the same room. 1.2687 0.06583 67 52 12 3
1088 Partly cloudy with a chance of reign. 1.2687 0.06230 67 51 14 2
1089 Big John is at the gate. The knights advise you to return his knife. 1.2687 0.07238 67 54 8 5
1090 The instructions from Damocles is quite clear, your highness. The sword IS supposed to hang over your head. 1.2687 0.06583 67 52 12 3
1091 The cable guy had to reschedule. 1.2687 0.06583 67 52 12 3
1092 Just the headlines? 1.2687 0.06230 67 51 14 2
1093 And sneezing in the King's presence is now forbidden. 1.2687 0.06918 67 53 10 4
1094 I don't see anything in the warranty about that, Sire. 1.2687 0.06583 67 52 12 3
1095 Damocles called. He doesn't want his sword back. 1.2687 0.06918 67 53 10 4
1096 And finally sire, the guy upstairs holding a rope suggests you reconsider the benefits package. 1.2687 0.06230 67 51 14 2
1097 So you're telling me it's not so good to be the King? 1.2687 0.06583 67 52 12 3
1098 The origon of cut throat politics. 1.2687 0.06583 67 52 12 3
1099 A policy amendment, O King, from Risk Management. 1.2687 0.06583 67 52 12 3
1100 I just don't get the point! 1.2676 0.06330 71 55 13 3
1101 The king's sword is HUGE! It's incredible! Everybody loves it! It's ridiculous how much it's hugeness is incredibly loved by everybody! It's unbelievable! 1.2667 0.07078 60 47 10 3
1102 Let it be known, that in this kingdom the sword is mightier than the pen. 1.2667 0.07078 60 47 10 3
1103 The specs are thus, sir: steel blade by Hanzo, horse hair strap by Takata. 1.2656 0.07128 64 51 9 4
1104 Hide the tag; we'll return it after we slay the dragon. 1.2656 0.07468 64 52 7 5
1105 And we all know what they say about men with big daggers. 1.2656 0.06394 64 49 13 2
1106 A majority think you're a little too tough on crime. 1.2656 0.07128 64 51 9 4
1107 Is this a dagger which I see above me? 1.2656 0.07793 64 53 5 6
1108 It's signed by somebody named Damocles. 1.2656 0.07793 64 53 5 6
1109 Drumpf says his sword is bigger. 1.2656 0.06771 64 50 11 3
1110 The Queen now apologizes for saying "you might not hang the biggest sword in the kingdom." 1.2656 0.07468 64 52 7 5
1111 The TSA respectfully denies your exception request 1.2656 0.06771 64 50 11 3
1112 Damocles sends his regrets and hopes that you will enjoy this token of his esteem. 1.2656 0.06771 64 50 11 3
1113 I am here to clarify the news I delivered to you earlier about the time sensitive issue being a double edged sword, Your Highness 1.2656 0.07128 64 51 9 4
1114 And furthermore, be it known that His Majesty's sense of humor doth hang by a thread. 1.2656 0.05994 64 48 15 1
1115 I have a message from Damocles. Shall I go on? 1.2656 0.06771 64 50 11 3
1116 The peasants say their guy has a slingshot. 1.2656 0.06394 64 49 13 2
1117 And here's a third request for plowshares. 1.2647 0.05783 68 51 16 1
1118 Are you sure you still want to be king, Mr. Trump? 1.2647 0.07141 68 55 8 5
1119 And today's special is a crown roast. 1.2647 0.07141 68 55 8 5
1120 Make it quick. 1.2647 0.07141 68 55 8 5
1121 A Chicken Little to see you, Sire 1.2647 0.06498 68 53 12 3
1122 Good news: The people are eating cake. 1.2647 0.06151 68 52 14 2
1123 Would you like the good news, the bad news, or the really really bad news? 1.2647 0.05390 68 50 18 0
1124 Sire, your subjects LOVE the new directional signage. 1.2647 0.06151 68 52 14 2
1125 Your subjects wish to thank you for being on the cutting edge. 1.2647 0.06151 68 52 14 2
1126 It’s from the Royal Rapper. “If you don’t split, you be split.” 1.2647 0.07141 68 55 8 5
1127 The king doth decry he is not overcompensating for anything. 1.2647 0.06498 68 53 12 3
1128 ...the right of the King and the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed. 1.2647 0.06498 68 53 12 3
1129 It says, do not suspend with an aftermarket cable. 1.2647 0.06498 68 53 12 3
1130 it is written. the pen is mightier than the sword. 1.2639 0.07130 72 59 7 6
1131 Also, the giant is asking for his Letter Opener of Damocles back. 1.2623 0.07356 61 49 8 4
1132 The note is signed "Crocodile Dundee"! 1.2623 0.07718 61 50 6 5
1133 Your kingdom would like to express their sincere gratitude for the spoiled meat donated from the palace last week. 1.2623 0.06974 61 48 10 3
1134 and now in the figurative and literal news... 1.2615 0.05915 65 49 15 1
1135 Hear Yee, Hear Yee, your majesty will not fall on his sword, it will fall on He. 1.2615 0.07363 65 53 7 5
1136 No really, this seems like overkill. 1.2615 0.06678 65 51 11 3
1137 ...and here's a note from a Mr. Damocles who suggests that you move your throne a few feet to the right. 1.2615 0.06678 65 51 11 3
1138 Your therapist had to move the appointment to next Friday, unless it's urgent. 1.2615 0.06678 65 51 11 3
1139 The greatest threats are from within Sire. 1.2615 0.06678 65 51 11 3
1140 Sire, you can upgrade to a pen only when this contract expires. 1.2615 0.06678 65 51 11 3
1141 I don't like the line that the pen is mightier than sword. 1.2615 0.07683 65 54 5 6
1142 Another email from Hillary, "Trouble hangs heavy over your head." 1.2615 0.06678 65 51 11 3
1143 The numbers volunteering for castrati are down... 1.2615 0.06308 65 50 13 2
1144 Can we discuss your thesis on metaphor in the side room? 1.2615 0.07029 65 52 9 4
1145 Would you like to borrow my pen? 1.2615 0.07029 65 52 9 4
1146 This is, of course, an obviously tentative schedule. 1.2615 0.06678 65 51 11 3
1147 Sir, I fear your over-compensation could prove fatal. 1.2615 0.07029 65 52 9 4
1148 It says that the warranty on the thread is expiring. 1.2615 0.06678 65 51 11 3
1149 It's called a "Trojan Dagger," Your Highness. It's a gift from the Greeks. 1.2615 0.06678 65 51 11 3
1150 Your majesty, King Trump this is a gift, in your honor, from all the people on the other side of the castle wall. 1.2615 0.07029 65 52 9 4
1151 Highness, your father's will contains an heir cut stipulation. 1.2615 0.07683 65 54 5 6
1152 In this budget there will be dramatic cuts. 1.2615 0.07029 65 52 9 4
1153 Your predecessor was much larger. 1.2615 0.06308 65 50 13 2
1154 It's a voided warranty from your sword-hanging guy. 1.2615 0.06678 65 51 11 3
1155 Strong leader, 52%. Shares our values, 64%. Right on the economy, 42%. Don't want to die, 99.3% 1.2615 0.07363 65 53 7 5
1156 Now is the winter of our discontent... 1.2609 0.06073 69 53 14 2
1157 I'm reading too quickly? I just had a large coffee. That's probably it. 1.2609 0.06738 69 55 10 4
1158 I don't think there's time to have this notarized. 1.2609 0.06073 69 53 14 2
1159 Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear kingy, happy birthday to you. And it's signed 'Your loyal serfs.' 1.2609 0.06073 69 53 14 2
1160 The giant asks that you accept this as a wedding gift sire. 1.2609 0.07048 69 56 8 5
1161 It's a recall notice on your sword, Your Highness. The Damocles Model requires urgent safety improvements. 1.2609 0.06414 69 54 12 3
1162 They are peasant complaints regarding a lack of metal for their plows. 1.2609 0.06073 69 53 14 2
1163 It's a message from Goliath. 1.2609 0.06738 69 55 10 4
1164 So do you still think the word is mightier than the sword? 1.2609 0.06073 69 53 14 2
1165 Oh, and the sword installer says he'll be back to hang it properly next week. 1.2609 0.06414 69 54 12 3
1166 Sire: your new cutlery comes with a lifetime guarantee. 1.2586 0.07605 58 47 7 4
1167 Your ministers say there's no hurry... take your time 1.2586 0.06763 58 45 11 2
1168 Please do not reply to this message. 1.2581 0.06478 62 48 12 2
1169 Um, don't kill the messenger, but Guinness says it is only the third biggest... 1.2581 0.06874 62 49 10 3
1170 That takes care of that. Next on the scavenger hunt list is Occam's razor. 1.2581 0.06874 62 49 10 3
1171 Sire, the instructions warn not to sit beneath the display. 1.2581 0.06478 62 48 12 2
1172 I'm afraid this won't tip in your favor, your Highness. 1.2581 0.07605 62 51 6 5
1173 Polls indicate you hands look even smaller now... 1.2581 0.07249 62 50 8 4
1174 It's a letter from Damocles & Associates. Your mortgage is 90 days past due. 1.2581 0.06874 62 49 10 3
1175 Your Highness, we should Feng Shui your bedroom next. 1.2581 0.07249 62 50 8 4
1176 I'm sorry to report, your majesty, but it seems we have termites. 1.2581 0.05603 62 46 16 0
1177 Your doctor has advised that you go under the knife again... 1.2581 0.06478 62 48 12 2
1178 You voided the warranty. 1.2581 0.06056 62 47 14 1
1179 Lord Damocles, The first order of business is the contract talks with the rope weavers union. 1.2581 0.07249 62 50 8 4
1180 Sire, the note is from the Emir of Damocles: 'I know it's not your birthday, but I didn't want to leave this hanging." 1.2581 0.06874 62 49 10 3
1181 Did you want a quick cut, your majesty or just a bit off the top? 1.2576 0.06588 66 52 11 3
1182 Your subjects wish to play truth or dare, sire.......... 1.2576 0.06588 66 52 11 3
1183 The Pen is mightier than the Sword? Really? 1.2576 0.06933 66 53 9 4
1184 And the people hereby acknowledge that you are the cut above.... 1.2576 0.06933 66 53 9 4
1185 The Turkish President wishes to inquire if you are pleased with your new exit sign? 1.2576 0.06933 66 53 9 4
1186 As you know, the budget cuts to the Executive Branch are still looming. 1.2576 0.06588 66 52 11 3
1187 Brexit could have unintended consequences. 1.2576 0.05838 66 50 15 1
1188 According to the contract, your Highness, the warranty on the Throne-N-Thread expired yesterday. 1.2576 0.06224 66 51 13 2
1189 Number thirteen: Please remove crown before leaning forward. 1.2576 0.05838 66 50 15 1
1190 The sword hanger maintenance is next week... 1.2576 0.06933 66 53 9 4
1191 This Magna Carta thing will blow over - trust me! 1.2576 0.06933 66 53 9 4
1192 The new signage for the men's room, Your Majesty. 1.2576 0.06933 66 53 9 4
1193 Don't stand up. 1.2576 0.06224 66 51 13 2
1194 It's to scale 1.2576 0.05838 66 50 15 1
1195 It's a myth that we shoot the messenger. 1.2576 0.06933 66 53 9 4
1196 It seems your highness accepted this risk when he agreed to the terms of service. 1.2576 0.06933 66 53 9 4
1197 Well, you're never going to win the caption contest with lines like this, Your Highness. 1.2576 0.07262 66 54 7 5
1198 Hung directly overhead, this sword will bring you luck. Signed, a Secret Admirer 1.2576 0.06224 66 51 13 2
1199 Your Will, sire. 1.2576 0.05838 66 50 15 1
1200 "Your request for the return shipping label for the sword has been denied." ~Damocles 1.2576 0.06588 66 52 11 3
1201 Therefore be it resolved that the king shall sit under The Sword until The Sword decides that it is time for a new king. 1.2576 0.05838 66 50 15 1
1202 Item XIII: impending defense cut. 1.2576 0.06933 66 53 9 4
1203 Your Highness, please don't cut me off. 1.2576 0.06224 66 51 13 2
1204 I don't want to split hairs on this 1.2576 0.07262 66 54 7 5
1205 And lastly sire, Lancelot asks that you give one mighty tug on that bit of rope by your feet . . . 1.2576 0.06933 66 53 9 4
1206 In conclusion, you shall say to the peasants: "Trust me, my dagger is really, really big!" 1.2576 0.07262 66 54 7 5
1207 Edward of York would rather settle the dispute with a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. 1.2576 0.06933 66 53 9 4
1208 Well, you did cut the engineering budget. 1.2576 0.06588 66 52 11 3
1209 Speak softly but what? 1.2545 0.06972 55 43 10 2
1210 Your Highness, the invoice from Damocles Inc clearly states that sharpening services are not included! 1.2542 0.07488 59 48 7 4
1211 This is my edited version of "long live the king!" 1.2542 0.06662 59 46 11 2
1212 Sire, I had a few problems, writing your acceptance speech. Perhaps you might like to take a stab at it? 1.2542 0.07087 59 47 9 3
1213 It's a nasty gram from someone named Damocles. 1.2542 0.06662 59 46 11 2
1214 ...137 shillings for food, 124 shillings for the royal coat of arms, 67 shillings to clean the stables, 10,452 shillings for 'sword sharpening and polishing'. 1.2542 0.07087 59 47 9 3
1215 Today at Cafe Damocles we are offering roast boar, pickled pigeon, and fish soup. Would my Lord care for a beverage? 1.2542 0.06208 59 45 13 1
1216 Don't be a tit, Your Highness. Move your goddamned throne. There's a fucking massive sword that's hanging above you by a motherfucking thread 1.2540 0.07828 63 53 4 6
1217 Who is this Damocles you speak of? 1.2540 0.06776 63 50 10 3
1218 These are the quotes from the metaphor removal companies. 1.2540 0.05973 63 48 14 1
1219 Sire, the letter says, "We regret to inform you that the life insurance policy that you have with our company has been canceled." 1.2540 0.06387 63 49 12 2
1220 Her Majesty sends birthday greetings and a charming pet squirrel 1.2540 0.07494 63 52 6 5
1221 I believe you should proclaim you were misquoted on the Pen being Mightier... 1.2540 0.06387 63 49 12 2
1222 Yes, Sire. I like it too. "The first cut is the deepest." 1.2540 0.06776 63 50 10 3
1223 You look great. No need to go under the knife. 1.2540 0.07144 63 51 8 4
1224 The Structural Survey Committee chaired by Prince Hal has concluded that there are no items requiring immediate repair. 1.2540 0.05973 63 48 14 1
1225 On the upside, your highness, your horoscope says fortunes improve near the end of the month. 1.2540 0.06387 63 49 12 2
1226 ... in addition to Double Sword Indemnity, Monarchy Insurance covers Throne damages, Crown, Robe & Sandals... limb replacement... 1.2540 0.06387 63 49 12 2
1227 Who are we to question whether the pen is mightier than the sword? 1.2540 0.07494 63 52 6 5
1228 It says here that the warranty for your rope runs out today. 1.2540 0.06776 63 50 10 3
1229 Is this a dagger I see before me? 1.2540 0.06776 63 50 10 3
1230 It's from Mac. 1.2540 0.07144 63 51 8 4
1231 Almost done, my King, just a few more threads to unravel. 1.2540 0.07144 63 51 8 4
1232 It's from Damocles. He says, 'You win.' 1.2540 0.06387 63 49 12 2
1233 Further, by order of the King, pens shall be outlawed. 1.2540 0.06387 63 49 12 2
1234 Just a sec, Your Highness, I gotta nab that Pokemon. 1.2540 0.07144 63 51 8 4
1235 Compensating for something, are we? 1.2537 0.06501 67 53 11 3
1236 Is this Unfunny, Somewhat Funy, or Funny? 1.2537 0.07472 67 56 5 6
1237 Dionysius writes back that the sword should be pointed downward. 1.2537 0.06143 67 52 13 2
1238 Oyez! Oyez! Whereas Parliament hath enacted term limits.... 1.2537 0.06840 67 54 9 4
1239 Campaign promise #32: Cut Excess Spending...check 1.2537 0.06840 67 54 9 4
1240 The royal insurance broker doest suggest your higness decease thy deductibe on thou accident policy ... and he included this nifty quill pen. 1.2537 0.06501 67 53 11 3
1241 And Damocles says you'll be hearing from him soon. 1.2537 0.06143 67 52 13 2
1242 First the good news, then a longish intermission. 1.2537 0.06501 67 53 11 3
1243 Now what's mightier? 1.2537 0.06501 67 53 11 3
1244 This warranty is void in all cases of abuse, insurrection, natural disasters, or damage as a result of incorrect assembly. 1.2537 0.06143 67 52 13 2
1245 Whereas an atmosphere of intimidation pervades the royal chambers... 1.2537 0.06143 67 52 13 2
1246 The Queen has retained Damocles as her attorney. 1.2537 0.06840 67 54 9 4
1247 It comes with the crown. 1.2537 0.06143 67 52 13 2
1248 Bad news, Sire. We have not been able to find a contractor willing to move your throne. 1.2537 0.05763 67 51 15 1
1249 The lady agrees but would like a pre-nup... 1.2537 0.05763 67 51 15 1
1250 I see your point. 1.2537 0.06143 67 52 13 2
1251 This is from Damocles, Sire, he's pledging his support. 1.2535 0.05573 71 54 16 1
1252 Still no volunteers to take thy place m'lord. 1.2500 0.06118 60 46 13 1
1253 Your horoscope says you're a sword loser. 1.2500 0.07387 64 53 6 5
1254 My Dear King Damocles . . . 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
1255 It says Weapon of Mass Destruction. Keep away from children.... 1.2500 0.05893 64 49 14 1
1256 The Queen apparently ordered from Sharper Image prior to her exile. 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
1257 Sire, we've lost yet another Accidental Death and Dismemberment carrier. 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
1258 Defendants respectfully decline their right to a hearing before your majesty. 1.2500 0.06861 56 44 10 2
1259 This prenup could actually be shorter. 1.2500 0.06981 60 48 9 3
1260 Your contract includes a lifetime guarantee for fixtures and mounting. 1.2500 0.06299 64 50 12 2
1261 Your Majesty's new art piece, titled "Freudian Sword" 1.2500 0.07387 64 53 6 5
1262 Whatever you do, don't say Macbeth" 1.2500 0.06563 60 47 11 2
1263 For now, the pen is mightier than the sword 1.2500 0.06415 68 54 11 3
1264 He sends his regrets, but he has a conflict and cannot cover for you while you are on vacation. 1.2500 0.07043 64 52 8 4
1265 ... and finally, the ogres once again request that you return their knife, your highness. 1.2500 0.06299 64 50 12 2
1266 Finally, your humble servants request you move your throne three feet forward to be closer to your people. 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
1267 Father, I've taken the liberty of updating your Last Will & Testament. 1.2500 0.06299 64 50 12 2
1268 Before they address your complaint about the dull blade, sire, the contractors would like to be paid in advance. 1.2500 0.06118 60 46 13 1
1269 Gotcha. Change 'before' to 'above'. 1.2500 0.07043 64 52 8 4
1270 Whereas the armourer's bill is ninety days past due, certain punitive action shall occur by this eventide. 1.2500 0.06299 64 50 12 2
1271 Sir, I know you were hoping for good news but I'm afraid not. 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
1272 Damocles, sire...unfortunately I have more bad news. 1.2500 0.06563 60 47 11 2
1273 Public opinion of your hand size is unchanged. 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
1274 "It looks like your order for one Excaliber got super sized". 1.2500 0.07043 64 52 8 4
1275 To The Editor: Your Highness wishes to remind you that the sword is mightier than the pen. 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
1276 This next part is really funny... 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
1277 The NRA rep wants to discuss redecorating. 1.2500 0.05690 68 52 15 1
1278 I have a message from the Colossus of Rhodes: he wants his sword back. 1.2500 0.07374 60 49 7 4
1279 Sorry I could't attend the party. Do enjoy the sword as my gift to you. Sincerely, Damocles. 1.2500 0.06299 64 50 12 2
1280 I'm getting older so naturally it was time to go under the knife. 1.2500 0.07043 64 52 8 4
1281 Our researchers say there's nothing to worry about, it's just a metaphor. They do suggest you move your throne, though. 1.2500 0.06299 64 50 12 2
1282 The sword is mightier than the pen, yes I see that now Sire. 1.2500 0.06299 64 50 12 2
1283 But wait, Sire! Order ere the chimes of midnight and Your Majesty shall also receive the miraculous Giantslayer 2000! 1.2500 0.07387 64 53 6 5
1284 I think it is now safe to report that your subjects have considered you a royal pain in the ass. 1.2500 0.06371 56 43 12 1
1285 Guillotine blades so dull they've become nothing but a pain in the neck'? Well now, with the new Kinsu sword, slicing any neck is as easy as cutting through butter. 1.2500 0.07387 64 53 6 5
1286 ...and I regret to tell you that this will require larger cuts. Sincerely, Your King 1.2500 0.06415 68 54 11 3
1287 I'm happy where I am. Yours truly, Damocles. 1.2500 0.05893 64 49 14 1
1288 How fond are you of your legs, your majesty? 1.2500 0.07043 64 52 8 4
1289 I have to read the disclaimer. 1.2500 0.06299 64 50 12 2
1290 Apparently the optics are working, your majesty. No one wants your job. 1.2500 0.06299 64 50 12 2
1291 ...and two o'clock the Queen will come by with the new decorator. They think adding some throw pillows will make the room feel a bit more homey. 1.2500 0.06981 60 48 9 3
1292 Sorry Sire, "The kingdom expects you to die" is trending right now. 1.2500 0.06682 64 51 10 3
1293 Oh great and powerful Damocles, uneasy lies the crown... 1.2464 0.05986 69 54 13 2
1294 We have increased the size of our arsenal as commanded, Sire. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
1295 You know what they say about a man with big knives? 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
1296 Dear father, I appreciate the opportunity to succeed you in office. However, under the circumstances, I've decided to go into private equity. Your son, Norman 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
1297 Sire, 50% fewer subjects said 'the pen is mightier than the sword' after those who said so in the last survey were beheaded. 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
1298 Says here, `Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown,' your highness. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
1299 Damocles is on the short list. 1.2462 0.06944 65 53 8 4
1300 Sire, you were Benihana's ten millionth customer. 1.2462 0.05814 65 50 14 1
1301 Her Highness, the Queen, will be pleased to know that you are now covered under a special life insurance policy, which is independent of preexisting conditions. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
1302 It's a recall, sir. To avoid serious injuries it must be returned to the dealer immediately. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
1303 "Our relationship will never be frayed." Love, thy loyal Queen. 1.2462 0.05814 65 50 14 1
1304 We hold these truths to be self evident... 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
1305 Your Queen wishes you to know, the first cut is the deepest. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
1306 Sire, if you answer this question correctly, you can have either what's behind the curtain or what's behind the door. If not, best to lean forward slightly. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
1307 I don't know sir, these instructions don't show the rope in that condition, maybe we should call IKEA 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
1308 and finally your Majesty, the sword of Damocles exhibition has been extended for another week. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
1309 Your Majesty, Erdogan's is still bigger. 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
1310 The Health and Saftey Officer was beheaded as per your wishes your Grace 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
1311 Damocles asks, does his gift lift your spirits any sire? 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
1312 OSHA insists the frayed cord is a violation, Damocles or no Damocles. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
1313 Mr. Calder sent you this mobile, and wishes you a happy birthday. 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
1314 The bad news - the reinforced horsehair is on back order. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
1315 A message from the royal scientist, sire. He says he has invented something called a "pen" which he says should help. 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
1316 Read faster--I feel like I'm only hanging on by a thread! 1.2462 0.05814 65 50 14 1
1317 The Queen says she commissioned it as a reminder of her love for you... and what may occur if she catches you with another maiden. 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
1318 Your Highness, the royal throne and carpet movers send word that they are delayed and to please sit tight. 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
1319 The Commission on Royal Safety recommends. . . 1.2462 0.06214 65 51 12 2
1320 Next, a very interesting gift from Prince Gillette. 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
1321 Sire, it's message from Merlin: Watch your back. 1.2462 0.06944 65 53 8 4
1322 Don’t give me a list of excuses, if you don’t find a quick way to cut expenses the overhead is going to kill me. 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
1323 The queen says she would like you to jump up and pay her a visit. 1.2462 0.05814 65 50 14 1
1324 What kind of name is Damocles, anyway? 1.2462 0.05814 65 50 14 1
1325 Section 27b. Paragraph 8. Limitation of Liability. 1.2462 0.05385 65 49 16 0
1326 You knew that Gulliver would come back for it someday. 1.2462 0.07282 65 54 6 5
1327 . . . and finally, King Lear, Regan and Goneril send their love and hope that you are enjoying the super strong rope they sent over. 1.2462 0.06944 65 53 8 4
1328 Sire, this is a notification from the village smithy that the Hanging Sword kit you purchased last week? has been recalled due to inferior rope? Shall I pen a reply? 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
1329 And the mighty wizard foretells a bright white light appearing soon... 1.2462 0.06944 65 53 8 4
1330 This evening's dinner will include Burger King... 1.2462 0.06589 65 52 10 3
1331 Shrek demands his sword's return or the plague of sequels shall continue. 1.2459 0.06468 61 48 11 2
1332 Wouldst thou consider mediation? 1.2459 0.06877 61 49 9 3
1333 ...and in conclusion, I hope you will seriously consider my proposal to cease this senseless escalation - Sincerely, Damocles 1.2459 0.06877 61 49 9 3
1334 Be it proclaimed that the size of one’s sword reflects the size of one’s manliness – no one having a bigger sword than the King. 1.2459 0.06468 61 48 11 2
1335 The good news is your new clothes are indeed real. 1.2459 0.06031 61 47 13 1
1336 And lastly, Your Majesty, the Queen and the Crown Prince are pleased to report that they have completed re-decorating here in the throne room... 1.2459 0.06877 61 49 9 3
1337 Your Grace, I'm afraid your approval rating in the southern shires is showing some unexpected slippage. 1.2459 0.07631 61 51 5 5
1338 But your majesty, are you sure you want to send it out to be sharpened? 1.2456 0.06754 57 45 10 2
1339 ...And furthermore, we are not in the least concerned with how heavy is the head.... 1.2453 0.07574 53 43 7 3
1340 Gallop says the clear choice of the people is Off With His Head. 1.2424 0.06849 66 54 8 4
1341 Your majesty, he declares that the pen is mightier than the sword... 1.2424 0.06849 66 54 8 4
1342 I have an urgent telegram from Damocles. 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
1343 Damocles says he hopes you see his point. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
1344 'TRUE OR FALSE? YOU LOST THE CROWN'S TREASURY AT THE HORSE RACES?" 1.2424 0.06849 66 54 8 4
1345 The warranty on the horse hair expires in 3 minutes. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
1346 And in appreciation of your donation at the peasant fundraiser... 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
1347 The ceiling fan repair man sends his regrets. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
1348 Damocles respectfully suggests you don't screw up. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
1349 The Bulletin of Royal Alchemists announces that the Doomsday Clock has been moved to one minute before midnight. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
1350 Once again, Majesty, your faithful messenger reports that all is good in the Kingdom. Very, very good. Excellent in fact. 1.2424 0.06499 66 53 10 3
1351 It's from Mr. Dumpty, your highness. It says you need to put him together again, or else. 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
1352 I get it. No more " cutting edge" metaphors. 1.2424 0.05316 66 50 16 0
1353 In your case, sire, the proverbial sword is not just metaphorical to your approval ratings. 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
1354 Sire, it's another unpaid bill from the Royal Decorator. It's marked "Final." 1.2424 0.06130 66 52 12 2
1355 Sire, a response from the AARP: 'We regret to inform his Majesty that his application for our endorsed unconditional life insurance has been denied.' 1.2424 0.07181 66 55 6 5
1356 May God grant you great bris. 1.2419 0.06777 62 50 9 3
1357 The peasants are behind you to the hilt. 1.2419 0.06777 62 50 9 3
1358 Mogg the giant would like to borrow it to carve his turkey. 1.2419 0.06375 62 49 11 2
1359 You call that a knife!? 1.2419 0.07157 62 51 7 4
1360 If you prick us, do we not bleed? 1.2419 0.06777 62 50 9 3
1361 ...and finally your highness, Goliath requests his open carry permit restored in order to attend next week's Trump rally. 1.2419 0.06777 62 50 9 3
1362 And so you see, Your Highness, the pen is indeed mightier than the... 1.2419 0.07157 62 51 7 4
1363 We don't want to hold this over your head, sire, but ... 1.2419 0.06777 62 50 9 3
1364 The UN wants to know if you have any weapons of mass destruction! 1.2419 0.05946 62 48 13 1
1365 It's a gift from your Nobles, Sire. They hope you have had a chance to consider their suggestions. 1.2419 0.05946 62 48 13 1
1366 It's HR. They're worried about your work-life balance. 1.2419 0.06777 62 50 9 3
1367 Technically speaking, it's still an assault weapon. 1.2419 0.06375 62 49 11 2
1368 Your highness, the queen has decided not to divorce you after all. 1.2419 0.06777 62 50 9 3
1369 Costco called, your scabbard is on back order . 1.2419 0.06777 62 50 9 3
1370 Twas a fine line, much like a thin rope, between Death and Life. 1.2419 0.07157 62 51 7 4
1371 Want to hear the final item in the thread? 1.2419 0.06777 62 50 9 3
1372 What ya mean, this is cutting edge technology! 1.2419 0.06777 62 50 9 3
1373 The End. Cut to black. 1.2419 0.06777 62 50 9 3
1374 No, he says: "Is this a dagger I see BEFORE me"? 1.2419 0.07517 62 52 5 5
1375 So that's one steel helmet, one heavy-duty lapboard, and all the Xanax in the kingdom. 1.2419 0.06777 62 50 9 3
1376 The Earl of Shafestbury wishes to inform your Highness that the Sword of Damaclese is an ancient myth and of no concern to Your Royal Majesty. 1.2419 0.06777 62 50 9 3
1377 Just keep calling it "The Scottish Play" and you'll be fine. 1.2419 0.07157 62 51 7 4
1378 Sire, do you know a Mr. Damocles? 1.2414 0.06650 58 46 10 2
1379 Regardless, my pen is still mightier. 1.2414 0.07898 58 49 4 5
1380 The pen having been deemed mightier than the sword, in future productions there shalt be an over-sized pen hanging over your highness' head 1.2414 0.06650 58 46 10 2
1381 'This replica of the Sword of Damocles is of the finest papier-mâché. Beware of paper cuts.' 1.2414 0.07090 58 47 8 3
1382 Your Highness, your exchequer declares that the fork and spoon should arrive by noon on Wednesday. 1.2414 0.07090 58 47 8 3
1383 Your Grace, your son is ill-equipped to succeed you. He lives in fear of going under the knife. 1.2407 0.06962 54 43 9 2
1384 Your Highness, the people fear you're compensating for something... 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1385 Hear Yee ! Hear Yee! Let it now be known .. Mack the Knife is Back In Town ! 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1386 Sire has more pressing concerns hanging over his head! 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1387 Damocles called wanted to know if you've seen his sword. 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1388 It's from Damocles. He humbly declines your offer. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1389 Your support contract expires soon. 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1390 Let's look at the bright side; at least you aren't king of the NRA 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1391 Sire, an urgent message from Damocles.... 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1392 Damocles, I come bearing a message from Dionysius, "Have you tried selling the sword on eBay?" 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1393 Bad news, the rope can not be repaired, and the Feng Shui master insists that the throne must not be moved. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1394 It's another blackmail note from Damocles sire. 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1395 According to the latest polling, 3% think it's the beard, 4% think it's the queen, and 90% think it's the giant dagger. 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1396 No noose is good noose? I'm a frayed knot? Sorry, Sire, I have nothing! 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1397 It appears your enemies have sent a gift of peace. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1398 Your tweet shall read 'I have the biggest sword of Damocles. Everyone says it's huuuge'. 1.2381 0.07053 63 52 7 4
1399 Do you still have 'half-a-mind' to resign, your Majesty? 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1400 Shall we continue to increase military spending, Sir? 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1401 Your Majesty has been charged with abuse of power. I think we can cut you a fair deal. 1.2381 0.05409 63 48 15 0
1402 Milk, bread, eggs, that good rope you saw on TV, orange juice... 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1403 Upon further consideration, the Prince has submitted his resignation. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1404 If I may add my own commentary, sire: No pressure. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1405 The contract doesn't specify metaphorical. 1.2381 0.07407 63 53 5 5
1406 Your Majesty, there are rumors Sir Lancelot disapproves of the "Make Camelot great again" policy 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1407 Sire, we've just gotten a huge bill from the decorator. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1408 Damocles sends his regards and hopes you're enjoying the Sword 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1409 Yes, yes tell Damocles I got his housewarming gift. 1.2381 0.05409 63 48 15 0
1410 It was installed by one of your faithful servants... Let's see... Here it is: Damocles. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1411 We're starting a lottery for when the sword will fall. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1412 It says: "Happy Birthday from Mr. Damocles" 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1413 The finding of the royal psychoanalyst is that you have a slight inferiority complex. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1414 By my calculation, in about 10 minutes. 1.2381 0.06680 63 51 9 3
1415 Sire, the Council is recommending that the throne's location be changed. 1.2381 0.05863 63 49 13 1
1416 Sire, your crackerjack security guards have received credible information regarding a possible attack. 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1417 First, Damocles says he forgot and left something here… 1.2381 0.06285 63 50 11 2
1418 Citizen Damocles ardently prays that your Majesty receive the eternal reward he so richly merits. 1.2373 0.06087 59 46 12 1
1419 Wikileaks has hacked into our infrastructure, Your Trumpiness 1.2373 0.07773 59 50 4 5
1420 He says that he has something mightier than your sword and it is not his pen. 1.2373 0.05586 59 45 14 0
1421 What's up, Your Highness? 1.2373 0.06549 59 47 10 2
1422 The inspector raised serious questions about that rope up there. 1.2373 0.06087 59 46 12 1
1423 And what should we serve for dessert, at the funeral? 1.2373 0.06981 59 48 8 3
1424 It's from the queen. She seems to have found out about what you were doing last weekend with her ladies-in-waiting and is very unhappy. 1.2373 0.06549 59 47 10 2
1425 The survey says the people want more Excalibur and less Democoles. 1.2364 0.05781 55 42 13 0
1426 Dear Sire: We regret to inform you that there is a recall on yada yada yada. Sincerely Yours 1.2353 0.05590 68 53 14 1
1427 Sire, it reads "It slices, it dices, it even cuts paper! Sharp! Handle Carefully". Best regards, Damocles Sword Company. 1.2353 0.07715 51 42 6 3
1428 So, highness, your answer hinges on what your definition of "is" is? 1.2344 0.06952 64 53 7 4
1429 Apparently the chandelier company has issued a recall. 1.2344 0.05783 64 50 13 1
1430 Furthermore, Mr. Damocles heirs insists your Highness desist in this clear act of copyright infringement. 1.2344 0.05783 64 50 13 1
1431 Your Highness. The court idiom writer is strongly protesting his dismissal. 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
1432 Strike that, the pen is not mightier than the sword 1.2344 0.06952 64 53 7 4
1433 Some guy named Damocles is still waiting to see you. 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
1434 Yes, Your Majesty, things are definitely looking up. 1.2344 0.06197 64 51 11 2
1435 Next on the To Do List: Circumcision. 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
1436 Sire, the royal twine binders have advised me that this brand of rope has been recalled. 1.2344 0.05783 64 50 13 1
1437 ...and the wife of Damocles requests that the old gym equipment of Damocles be removed from the attic of Damocles. 1.2344 0.06197 64 51 11 2
1438 ...and the pound has decapita--I mean, depreciated... 1.2344 0.06197 64 51 11 2
1439 I hate to have to cut and run, but it seems something has suddenly come up. 1.2344 0.06197 64 51 11 2
1440 We the people.... 1.2344 0.06197 64 51 11 2
1441 Damocles sends his regrets, as he's weekending at Mar-a-Largo. 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
1442 I'll just skip the last few bit, shall I? 1.2344 0.06197 64 51 11 2
1443 I hope my act doesn't end up on the cutting room floor. 1.2344 0.06197 64 51 11 2
1444 Brutus is here to see you. 1.2344 0.06952 64 53 7 4
1445 My Lord you are going to need a really big pen. 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
1446 Damocles says that you're totally ruining the intended effect. 1.2344 0.06197 64 51 11 2
1447 Your Royal Surgeon is next your Highness and I sure this time he will share your reluctance at "going under the knife!" 1.2344 0.06197 64 51 11 2
1448 The financials do not lie sire, this first cut is necessary to get the kingdom back on track. 1.2344 0.07300 64 54 5 5
1449 The entire kingdom agrees you are a cut above the rest. 1.2344 0.06197 64 51 11 2
1450 Announcing the new Calder Mobile has arrived! 1.2344 0.06585 64 52 9 3
1451 It may be time to consider abdication, sir. 1.2344 0.05337 64 49 15 0
1452 oh fuck 1.2333 0.07275 60 50 6 4
1453 Your Highness, the army respectfully asks you to abdicate. 1.2333 0.07275 60 50 6 4
1454 A certain Damocles here to see you, Sire. Says it's urgent. 1.2333 0.05997 60 47 12 1
1455 Oh wait! It's the "the Sword of Donald", not Damocles. 1.2333 0.06875 60 49 8 3
1456 We shall soon determine if the pen remains mightier than the sword 1.2333 0.05997 60 47 12 1
1457 It's tribute from Damocles 1.2333 0.06451 60 48 10 2
1458 Hillary or Donald? This is what it's like to live under the great sword of democracy. 1.2333 0.05997 60 47 12 1
1459 You've been Chopped. 1.2333 0.07275 60 50 6 4
1460 The sign will read "The only way to stop a bad man with a dagger is a good man with a dagger. 1.2333 0.06875 60 49 8 3
1461 From Damocles, your majesty: "So queasy feels the gut beneath the crown." 1.2333 0.06875 60 49 8 3
1462 The queen requests that the jester's show employ larger jumping elephants. 1.2333 0.06875 60 49 8 3
1463 ... consider this my final request. I await your response. Respectfully yours, etc., Damocles. 1.2333 0.05997 60 47 12 1
1464 yes your highness, everything is in place for your manicure. 1.2333 0.06451 60 48 10 2
1465 ...and your cousin Edward wishes you Godspeed going under the knife. 1.2333 0.05997 60 47 12 1
1466 His majesty does recall he ordered the 64 oz "King sized" Porter House special? 1.2333 0.07275 60 50 6 4
1467 Your Majesty, I recommend we continue to ignore these past due notices from the ropemaker Damocles. 1.2333 0.06451 60 48 10 2
1468 ...and on behalf of the Meat Cutters Guild, .... 1.2333 0.05997 60 47 12 1
1469 No entry this time. I believe this cartoon is in bad taste, considering the tragic reality of Arab incitement, and Israeli sacrifices it brings to mind for so many readers. 1.2333 0.08359 60 53 0 7
1470 I hereby proclaim the opening of King Henry's man cave. 1.2333 0.06451 60 48 10 2
1471 Nothing too serious, your Highness. The hordes are advancing from the west, your people are starving, Trump might win, and your queen seeks a divorce. Quite routine. 1.2308 0.07195 65 55 5 5
1472 IN other news: Parliament still refuses funds for a new rope. 1.2308 0.05267 65 50 15 0
1473 Your loving subjects now wish to entertain you with synchronized jumping jacks. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1474 Picked it up for a song at King Arthur's estate sale last weekend. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1475 The Queen requests your opinion of the new drapes. 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1476 My liege, indeed the sword is mightier than the pen. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1477 My Lord, the Blacksmith insists he measured twice. 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1478 Your people recommend that you fall on your sword before something really terrible happens. 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1479 Your scribe writes not to worry- the pen is mightier than the sword. 1.2308 0.06853 65 54 7 4
1480 Hear ye, hear ye! The grateful Great Unwashed present you with a letter opener fit for a king! 1.2308 0.06493 65 53 9 3
1481 Sir, are you sure this is good feng sui? 1.2308 0.06112 65 52 11 2
1482 Next up -- your pedicure. 1.2308 0.05705 65 51 13 1
1483 The sword lobby feels that more research is needed. 1.2295 0.06772 61 50 8 3
1484 Here, you say, "I'll be damned if Damocles...!" 1.2295 0.07165 61 51 6 4
1485 What knife? 1.2295 0.06772 61 50 8 3
1486 Lord Occam,today's polling shows you with a 50% favorable number and a 50% negative number 1.2295 0.06356 61 49 10 2
1487 According to the manual, there is no reset button. 1.2295 0.06356 61 49 10 2
1488 And Damocles sends 'regrets' on attending tonight's feast. 1.2295 0.06772 61 50 8 3
1489 Clearly Sire; the legend hath outgrown the man! 1.2295 0.05911 61 48 12 1
1490 My apologies, sire. But the knife of Damocles was all that they had in stock. 1.2295 0.06772 61 50 8 3
1491 It appears you've shot your last messenger 1.2295 0.06356 61 49 10 2
1492 Donald Trump wants to buy it. 1.2295 0.06772 61 50 8 3
1493 He died as he lived - on the edge....... 1.2295 0.07165 61 51 6 4
1494 Now that the sword is installed, I'll start with news from the US presidential campaign. 1.2295 0.07536 61 52 4 5
1495 The queen has instructed me to ask you the following questions. 1.2295 0.06356 61 49 10 2
1496 My eyes are down here. 1.2295 0.06356 61 49 10 2
1497 Your highness, the peasants would like to borrow a horsehair. 1.2295 0.07165 61 51 6 4
1498 The Prince also sends his best wishes. 1.2295 0.06772 61 50 8 3
1499 Your highness's schedule includes a 2:00 haircut by Jimmy 'the barbarian' ... Err, I mean Jimmy 'the barber'. 1.2295 0.06772 61 50 8 3
1500 It is a gift from Lord Entropy. 1.2295 0.06356 61 49 10 2
1501 It says here, your Majesty, that Damocles ordered it "super-sized". 1.2295 0.06356 61 49 10 2
1502 The Interior Decorator of the Realm sends his regards...and a bill. 1.2295 0.06356 61 49 10 2
1503 A Mr. Occam is here to see you.... 1.2295 0.06772 61 50 8 3
1504 The steak, excellent choice. Will you be needing a knife? 1.2295 0.05911 61 48 12 1
1505 And you shall choose me as a finalist in the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest, or else. 1.2295 0.06772 61 50 8 3
1506 The BFG hopes you like the present 1.2295 0.06356 61 49 10 2
1507 In other news, the village giant wants his sword back 1.2295 0.06772 61 50 8 3
1508 ...and, finally, to my usurper, I grant this Family heirloom--with no strings attached. 1.2281 0.06140 57 45 11 1
1509 The Fool's latest tweet - @YourMajesty Oops! I used the wrong rope!!! #jesterjokes 1.2281 0.07517 57 48 5 4
1510 Your eldest son sends his condolences. 1.2281 0.06631 57 46 9 2
1511 Your majesty, the people are growing tired of writing captions. Can we JUST remove the sword? 1.2281 0.07517 57 48 5 4
1512 The pen is still mightier with serfs, squires and women over 65. 1.2281 0.06631 57 46 9 2
1513 Sire, after a thorough review, the royal engineers have concluded that the sword of Damocles hangs over you and recommend that you move your throne two feet forward. 1.2281 0.06140 57 45 11 1
1514 Your Majesty, the village rope maker has filed another complaint about the taxes you have placed on his wares. 1.2281 0.07088 57 47 7 3
1515 Just quit the praise and sit on my lap. 1.2273 0.06403 66 54 9 3
1516 It says here we "shouldn’t" suspend the sword above the throne... 1.2273 0.06758 66 55 7 4
1517 Shakespeare said they ran out of pens 1.2273 0.06403 66 54 9 3
1518 And, finally, here is some news about Damocles. 1.2264 0.06942 53 43 8 2
1519 "Beneath the rule of men entirely great, the pen is mightier than the sword..." Scratch that. 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
1520 Here are the poll results, sire. 100% of the people in your kingdom think you are dumber than the chair you set in. 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
1521 And if your bill is not paid in 30 days.... 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
1522 Your majesty, Damocles, the people want you to remain on the throne just a little while longer. 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
1523 A gift from your brother, my lord. No, he didn't include a gift receipt. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
1524 "Sire, as this is your favorite epic poem, I would be happy to read it to you a few more times. 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
1525 I believe the stars portend a fair maiden in your life, sire -- surely, they foretell cleavage. 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
1526 Donald says he's happy to sit there since it'll fit in his hand perfectly. 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
1527 Are you sure you said 100 medium-sized daggers and not one dagger that was 100 times the medium size? 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
1528 It's from Damocles. He says you may keep it. 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
1529 The peasants want a change in direction. 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
1530 Your Grace, i don't mean to mock you, but your son's present is a double-edged sword. 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
1531 We will now negotiate the terms of the partition. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
1532 In turn all the people ask is you move slightly to your left. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
1533 To repair the worn out wiring would only cost a few bars of gold but, regrettable, the Landmarks Commission won't permit it. 1.2258 0.07058 62 52 6 4
1534 Your highness, your incentive plan for receiving shorter briefings is working. 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
1535 Let's cut to the chase! 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
1536 Oh...and your haircut has been...rescheduled. 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
1537 Damocles the decorator is demanding payment--- or else. 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
1538 Amazon informs your highness the sword will be delivered by drone. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
1539 It's from your surgeon: "You must go under the knife immediately" 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
1540 The note says: "Dear Damocles, My sword is magnificent! It is much larger than yours and it's gold plated! Believe me when I tell you it's fantastic! Best wishes, The Donald." 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
1541 And you have a two o'clock with someone who claims to have a mightier pen. 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
1542 Friar William of Ockham would like to discuss his simple, non-complex, efficient method for trimming your Royal Highness's beard. 1.2258 0.05353 62 48 14 0
1543 Would you believe the pen is ‘equally’ mighty, your highness? 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
1544 The royal dagger forger said he based it on the do it yourself hand measurements you sent him King Trump. 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
1545 It's a gift to your majesty from Edgar Allan Poe. 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
1546 Sire, Sir Marco doth still say thou hast tiny hands 1.2258 0.07058 62 52 6 4
1547 Your next appointment is Joe Guillotin from the process improvements department. 1.2258 0.07058 62 52 6 4
1548 Sir, this Damocles fellow wants his sword back. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
1549 I'll move the meeting with the sheath guild to the top of the agenda. 1.2258 0.05826 62 49 12 1
1550 When would you like the bad news? Is never good for you? 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
1551 I actually preferred 'Uneasy lies the head...,' but let's see where this one goes. 1.2258 0.06264 62 50 10 2
1552 Hear ye, hear ye. The knife for your son's circumcision has arrived, sire. 1.2258 0.06673 62 51 8 3
1553 The installation instructions were confusing, but we called Sir Damocles for technical support. 1.2241 0.06046 58 46 11 1
1554 Sure Damocles has a claim, but possession is 9/10th of the law. 1.2241 0.06976 58 48 7 3
1555 And in conclusion...the people would like you to be their seated ruler for at least the next 10 ...minutes, or so. 1.2241 0.07396 58 49 5 4
1556 The sword contract comes with no strings attached..except for one. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1557 Hear Ye, Hear Ye, by proclamation of the King, I declare that life hangs by a thread ! 1.2241 0.06976 58 48 7 3
1558 Sire, it says..."I would like to cut a deal with you" and is signed Donald J Trump. 1.2241 0.06046 58 46 11 1
1559 The Sword and Rope Guilds say it's a hoax. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1560 Regarding the latest dispatch from the Freudian Guild, Your Highness may wish to remind them that sometimes a sword is just a sword...." 1.2241 0.06976 58 48 7 3
1561 Sire, Mr. Oliver Cromwell awaits to be knighted. 1.2241 0.05523 58 45 13 0
1562 Don't worry, it's only forced perspective. 1.2241 0.06527 58 47 9 2
1563 Obviously you have more pressing issues... 1.2241 0.06976 58 48 7 3
1564 Dear Father. Stop. Happy Birthday. Stop. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1565 So I have milk, bread, eggs, and carbon steel extra-strength twine on the list. Will your Grace be requiring anything else from the market? 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1566 Chandelier compliments of your sworn enemy, who wishes to, as he says here, "Bury the hatchet." 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1567 Sire, there's new that someone's trying to kill you but nobody knows how. 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1568 Hear Ye, Hear Ye.. Be it known that the Robin Hood Rope Company is ordering a recall. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1569 It says that this model is being recalled, because no one has been killed or injured. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1570 I decree that the sword is definitely mightier than the pen!! 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1571 Nerves are not the only things that are fraying in the kingdom, sire. 1.2222 0.05280 63 49 14 0
1572 Your $19.95 meat tenderizer has arrived, Sire! 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1573 They don't care how big your knife is, they still you're a short-fingered vulgarian. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1574 I'm sorry sire, it says here no returns. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1575 They protest that your kingdom is only hanging on by a thread. 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1576 Giant pranksters spotted in the area, sire. 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1577 Damocles called but hung up before I could answer 1.2222 0.05711 54 42 12 0
1578 Truth or Consequences. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1579 There's a Mr. Damocles to see you. 1.2222 0.06293 54 43 10 1
1580 Hear Ye! Hear Ye! The weapons account is perfectly balanced! 1.2222 0.05744 63 50 12 1
1581 It says it was final sale. 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1582 It says here that your father's last words were "bless you." 1.2222 0.06174 63 51 10 2
1583 Tuesday you will knight Isaac, our grand mohel, whose shield will read "size matters" 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1584 Trumpocles says, "Fear is for losers". 1.2222 0.06954 63 53 6 4
1585 The Thought for the Day, Your Highness: "Pride cometh before the fall." 1.2222 0.06576 63 52 8 3
1586 Damocles Insurance has sent an invoice. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
1587 The Three Blind Mice respectfully decline your offer of employment as court entertainers. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
1588 In the end, both king and pawn have the same fate. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
1589 My Lordship, hang in there until I get to the punch line. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
1590 King Gordias sends his regards. 1.2203 0.05955 59 47 11 1
1591 We, the people of the Kingdom, give you two options... 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
1592 According to this, it comes with a sheath for display. 1.2203 0.05955 59 47 11 1
1593 And in a final action, the Royal Chamberlain has raised the Thread Level to DEFCON-1. 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
1594 Your grace, we got a message from Gulliver. He wants his dagger back. 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
1595 ...and the knife-guy called, assured me that everything is up to code. 1.2203 0.05442 59 46 13 0
1596 Finally, I'll need your signature agreeing to pay anything not covered under your plan. 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
1597 And your Magesty would like the Royal Pen to be how small? 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
1598 Your lordship, do you still wish to "tighten the strings" on our metaphor budget? 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
1599 We can't find the stone or the sword anywhere, sire! 1.2203 0.05442 59 46 13 0
1600 Word from Damocles, your majesty.... 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
1601 Sire, I have been assured that the first cut is the deepest. 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
1602 There's been a recall on those Cutco knives you bought, sire. 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
1603 But wait, there's more! 1.2203 0.06427 59 48 9 2
1604 Bicycle Playing Cards wants to know if they can use your image for the King of Hearts. 1.2203 0.06867 59 49 7 3
1605 Sire, Her Majesty instructs me to say that what she actually told you was to sit *on* it. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
1606 Disclaimer: Not responsible for dismemberment or decapitation. 1.2188 0.05665 64 51 12 1
1607 Don't worry, Your Majesty. It's plastic. 1.2188 0.06481 64 53 8 3
1608 Your brother wants to apologize for your split. 1.2188 0.06087 64 52 10 2
1609 If this does not contain the enemy, Sir, we shall raise our level of defense to a pen. 1.2182 0.06712 55 45 8 2
1610 Your Majesty, the people would like to see a kinder gentler message. 1.2182 0.07197 55 46 6 3
1611 ... subsection B, paragraph 3, "With great fortune and power, comes great danger". That's a little overstated, don't you think? 1.2182 0.05620 55 43 12 0
1612 And finally, I would like Merlin to make the royal shaft larger than Sir Lancelot's sword. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1613 Damocles wants to know if he may have an audience? 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1614 It's about commending your action on concealed weapons. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1615 What, he writes, do you know about the balance of power being a two-edged sword? 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1616 ...suggests thou move thy lazy butt forward one cubit... 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1617 The fork is in the mail. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1618 Damocles? No, it actually says Hercules. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1619 ...and finally, the sword makers union requests that you reconsider their request for a raise. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1620 You only get one chance to guess the correct answer 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1621 I now pronounce you King of Williams-Sonoma. You have all the rights and privileges that come with cutlery ware. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1622 Sire, the Union of the Serfs are presenting their demands for higher wages & better working conditions. As your lawyer, I advise you to accept. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1623 "It says 'Long Live the King'--I think that's good? 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1624 Rumor has it you were not a slayer of giants, but a raider of Applebee's wall art. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1625 Thy wife, Sire? In the tower, with a scissors. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1626 First up today, milord must decide the true mother of a newborn baby. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1627 Believe it or not, sire, it's from a man with little hands. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1628 Lark's tongue pie and a flagon of ale...and tell the cook to hurry. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1629 I know your sword SEEMS mightier, but hear me out here... 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1630 ...on the other hand... 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1631 Sir, Are you sure you want to include the quote, 'walk softly and carry a big sword'? 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1632 'Dear Dion, I highly recommend term limits.' Best, Barack 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1633 Their vote was for Instantaneously. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1634 Step forward if you really believe words are mightier than the sword 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1635 Sire - There has been a recall issued on all the suspension cable in the Kingdom. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1636 You know what they say about big swords, big sheaths. 1.2167 0.06761 60 50 7 3
1637 Not to put a fine point on it, your reign is under sharp threats. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1638 You did not please everyone all of the time. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1639 Someone named Damocles already filed for the patent. 1.2167 0.05867 60 48 11 1
1640 The Queen requests that you fire your Feng Shui consultant. 1.2167 0.07167 60 51 5 4
1641 Damocles REALLY suggested making his exhibit purely seasonal. 1.2167 0.06330 60 49 9 2
1642 'It's a gift from Damocles" 1.2143 0.07942 56 49 2 5
1643 Excuse me my King but there is a young boy named Arthur that says you may have his sword. 1.2143 0.07078 56 47 6 3
1644 Your Highness, this is a petition from the NDA, the National Dagger Association, for an open carry law. 1.2143 0.07522 56 48 4 4
1645 Damocles, Shmamocles? Really, your majesty? 1.2143 0.07078 56 47 6 3
1646 My Lord King Dionysius, I must decline your kind invitation to sit on the throne. Sincerely, Damocles 1.2143 0.06603 56 46 8 2
1647 Whereas, the king commands that, if the peoople want a bigger sword, they must provide a thicker cable. 1.2143 0.06603 56 46 8 2
1648 Message fromThe Pen: Let's negotiate. 1.2143 0.06603 56 46 8 2
1649 I told the castles interior decorator to hang a painting of a giant fjord. 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1650 Just wait 'til Arthur sees this one. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1651 But he proved that the pen was not mightier. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1652 Her Majesty the Queen wishes to speak with you about the proposed flower motif for the throne room. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1653 By Decree, pen, less mighty than sword! 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1654 Sir, perhaps we should finalize your Christmas list a little early this year. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1655 The proclamation will say "The pen is not mightier than this King's sword" 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1656 Sire, this last petition is a long one. Is it ok if I just skip right to the end? 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1657 Sire...Goliath respectfully requests the return of his sidearm by virtue of the kingdom's new law of open carry. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1658 Damocles advises you to abdicate or sit somewhere else. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1659 It's from Goliath, he''d like his sword back 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1660 Banquo will be a little late. 1.2131 0.07057 61 52 5 4
1661 Your Highness, the Queen insists that you sign this life insurance policy 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1662 Your younger brother, Eric, says he feels your troubled being may be cut short. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1663 Your subjects are concerned about excessive spending on weapons. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1664 This is not your sharpest idea, my lord. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1665 No, it's the Sword of Leroy. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1666 The catapult union has some choice words for you, my lord 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1667 "I received this gift from a dear friend and pass it on to you as a sign of my deep affection. Sincerely, Damocles 1.2131 0.05287 61 48 13 0
1668 The Proclamation beings with: "This is to inform all citizens that the old policy of death by a thousand cuts is being replaced." 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1669 Good news! You've made the final round of The Kingdom's Got Talent. 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1670 Merlin is now preparing your male-enhancement potion. 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1671 "Let me introduce you to my little friend!' 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1672 Your subjects simply wish to keep you honest. 1.2131 0.05780 61 49 11 1
1673 A Mr Damocles wishes to see you, Sir. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1674 Sire, Damocles says it's not his and to check with Dionysius. 1.2131 0.06235 61 50 9 2
1675 The king who possesses the giant’s dagger shall suffer his herculean wrath. The giant will crush each of the king’s limbs and… you know, I could keep reading, but this gets REALLY bad for you. 1.2131 0.06659 61 51 7 3
1676 Clairvoyantly speaking, Your Majesty, I suspect a swift ending. 1.2105 0.05995 57 46 10 1
1677 The winning entry for the "Name The New Sword" contest is Highcalibur 1.2105 0.06963 57 48 6 3
1678 Sire, the term limit provides leave now in peace or later in pieces. 1.2105 0.05995 57 46 10 1
1679 Lord & Lady Macbeth cordially invite you to their castle at Inverness. 1.2105 0.06963 57 48 6 3
1680 Your younger brother, Prince Damocles, hopes you enjoy his present. 1.2105 0.05995 57 46 10 1
1681 'Come on, chop chop!' 1.2105 0.06963 57 48 6 3
1682 This is a game of what now? 1.2105 0.07399 57 49 4 4
1683 Sire, it came for your estranged Queen with this note: "Don't bet on the pen being mightier than the sword." 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
1684 Stabbing the messenger is clearly a loophole. 1.2105 0.05995 57 46 10 1
1685 I am afraid, Your Majesty, they are instead calling you 'Mack the Big Prick'. 1.2105 0.06497 57 47 8 2
1686 The position of royal sword sharpener is only to be filled after the demise of the current occupant of the throne. 1.2105 0.06963 57 48 6 3
1687 Your employment contract looks pretty solid except for the job security clause. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
1688 In business news, sire, local hemp farmers have smoked 80% of this year’s crop, prompting the immediate recall of all royal rope. 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
1689 Urgent from the Royal Soothsayer… Duck and cover!!! 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
1690 It says Donald Trump has your back. 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
1691 Yes my Lord. I will send this message out to the realm immediately: "To all pen owners: No it's not". 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
1692 ...and to this treaty, there are no strings attached. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
1693 Allow me to summarize this, Your Majesty. 1.2097 0.05212 62 49 13 0
1694 Damocles writes to say he hopes you're enjoying your new chandelier. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
1695 Her Highness requests that you dispense with the doom and gloom. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
1696 But, sire, you just banned assault weapons. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
1697 Fr. William Ockham says to look up, then do the simplest thing. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
1698 No, I am afraid your insurance policy does not include any Damocles clause. 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
1699 I knew I shouldn't have ordered the economy priced rope. 1.2097 0.06560 62 52 7 3
1700 Yes, Sire, it is a replica of the Sword of Damocles once given to Hillary Clinton by James Comey. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
1701 One order of business is to inquire about the hanging mobile. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
1702 Trump wins, so what ? 1.2097 0.06560 62 52 7 3
1703 The rope maker's guild continues to strike Sire. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
1704 Your Majesty, It appears to be quite clear cut. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
1705 Sir Hoyle wishes to paint you as the King of Hearts for a new card game. 1.2097 0.06560 62 52 7 3
1706 The Steward regrets to inform you that he has run out of wire. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
1707 ...which brings us to the nuclear option. 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
1708 HEAVY IS THE SWORD THAT LIES OVER MY HEAD.REALLY HEAVY. 1.2097 0.06143 62 51 9 2
1709 Can you move it along? I have a short reign here. 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
1710 A minstrel's joke is in the execution. 1.2097 0.06560 62 52 7 3
1711 Center of gravity!? 1.2097 0.05697 62 50 11 1
1712 and in this divorce decree, the Queen receives half of the kingdom or ... 1.2075 0.06793 53 44 7 2
1713 Henceforth, you shall be known as Damocles. 1.2075 0.06236 53 43 9 1
1714 Your Majesty, I bring you the top ten responses to the royal poll asking, 'What would Damocles do?' 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1715 It says here your suspended sword schtick is too violent. The castle next door is using a tremendously bigger pen. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1716 may I please go now, sire? 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1717 Sire, the execution has been suspended. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1718 Let's make sure I have this spelled right before the press conference, D-A-M-O-C-L-E-S ? 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1719 And the rebels say that if you don't abdicate, your Highness, they have a plan to remove you. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1720 In other news, plowshares have hit a new low in the market today. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1721 Welcome to Cleveland your majesty. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1722 Remember in Spinal Tap when Nigel mixed up 18’ with 18”, we kind of had the opposite problem. 1.2069 0.07279 58 50 4 4
1723 The handyman says he can't get here until next week and there will most likely be no problems before he arrives. 1.2069 0.05365 58 46 12 0
1724 Damocles, this is to inform you that we have located your sword. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1725 From the oracle: "Beware of visitors bearing pens". 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1726 Damocles writes that he’ll accept your offer to try out the throne—but only if the sword is replaced by a piñata filled with soft candy and cold, hard cash. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1727 Basically, he just says he has a bigger pen than you. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1728 Let's see Sire. Damocles...?Damocles...? Nope, sorry Majesty,nothing in here. Just sit tight, we're working on it. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1729 Yes, I see it. If they wanted me to quote from Macbeth, why didn't they just say so? 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1730 According to Damocles.. "It's nothing to worry about"! 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1731 A yes, here it is. Sorry for keeping you waiting. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1732 Here's a nasty letter from some guy named Damocles. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1733 ....and the engineers are betting your crown hits the doorknob 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1734 Your speech of impending doom has frightened the people, my lordship. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1735 When he said "my SWORD is bigger than yours" I'm pretty sure it was a metaphor! 1.2069 0.06851 58 49 6 3
1736 Up next, fix the budget deficit. 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1737 The Royal Treasurer says nix to a new cord 1.2069 0.06394 58 48 8 2
1738 It's a letter, Sire, congratulating you on your acceptance into The Clichéd Metaphors Society. 1.2069 0.05902 58 47 10 1
1739 Rumors of an insurrection are greatly exaggerated and... highly tenuous. 1.2063 0.06463 63 53 7 3
1740 And the neighboring King says his sword is biggest in the land. He adds, yours looks big because of your small hands. 1.2063 0.06463 63 53 7 3
1741 Your loyal subjects are all demanding a big cut in your personal spending. 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
1742 Going once, going twice, 1.2063 0.05616 63 51 11 1
1743 The royal rope repair is pretty far down on the list. 1.2063 0.06054 63 52 9 2
1744 According to your last proclamation, the knife always goes to the left of the throne. 1.2059 0.06130 68 57 8 3
1745 The Royal Council says you can slice it any way you wish. 1.2037 0.06131 54 44 9 1
1746 Last chance. What is my favorite color? 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1747 Your son has volunteered to handle decorating, so that's not hanging over your head anymore. And that's everything on the list for today. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1748 It's an overdue bill from your interior decorator... 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1749 But you flatter me, your majesty, I would never dare sit on your throne . 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1750 If you don't like this one, I have an old Michelle Obama speech you can use. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1751 You're just paranoid! 1.2037 0.07652 54 47 3 4
1752 I seriously can't focus on reading this to you with you sitting under that giant sword. 1.2037 0.06677 54 45 7 2
1753 It seems that moving is the only way to avoid imminent death My Liege. 1.2037 0.07181 54 46 5 3
1754 Is that a ceremonial sword or does it serve a larger purpose? 1.2037 0.07181 54 46 5 3
1755 Come closer, boy! My ears aren't as good as they used to be. 1.2034 0.06743 59 50 6 3
1756 Your son wants to know if you like your birthday present. 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
1757 Funny you should say Cut to The Chase. 1.2034 0.06743 59 50 6 3
1758 And in closing your Majesty, may the farce be with you. 1.2034 0.06743 59 50 6 3
1759 We regret to inform you that the kingdom-wide search for your successor has found no volunteers. 1.2034 0.06743 59 50 6 3
1760 The queen, formerly princess, now testifies that it was non consensual 1.2034 0.07163 59 51 4 4
1761 Yes Sure, it's from someone named Damocles. 1.2034 0.06743 59 50 6 3
1762 The oracle says to beware of sharp objects. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
1763 Greetings, from the National Sword Association. 1.2034 0.05285 59 47 12 0
1764 No. 100 on ways to avoid being hit when the cord breaks: Move chair. No. 101: Get up and move. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
1765 "The Sword of Damocles"- perhaps this message can wait, Your Majesty. 1.2034 0.06743 59 50 6 3
1766 "Sire, they weren't crazy about a flat tax, either. 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
1767 Sword is mightier than pen 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
1768 Damocles sends his best 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
1769 'I don't get the point?' What is it you don't understand? 1.2034 0.06743 59 50 6 3
1770 It's another spam mail warning from Damocles. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
1771 Sire, we have had several complaints from people that your 'my knife is in the balance' joke is wearing thin. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
1772 Sire, the commoners say they hope you get back on your feet soon. 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
1773 . . . it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing but a big, fucking knife hanging overhead. 1.2034 0.07163 59 51 4 4
1774 Have you tried self-help to deal with you stress and anxiety? 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
1775 It's a gift from King Damocles, Sire, with clear installation instructions. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
1776 With all due respect your highness, I do not like this gift from the neighboring kingdom. 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
1777 The manuscript says. Sire: "Those who lived by this sward, will..." 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
1778 I think you should ABDICATE NOW!!!!! 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
1779 Sire, I believe it is the people who are delivering the message, not I. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
1780 It's a message from Damocles, your majesty. It reads, 'tag -- you're it!' 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
1781 Your giant pen is on it's way sir! 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
1782 IT'S A OVER DUE NOTICE FROM OUR ROPE SUPPLY COMPANY. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
1783 Wonderful news, Your Majesty: parliament has increased your living allowance, your ex-wife has died, so no more alimony payments, and your doctor has given you a clean bill of health. Long Live The King! 1.2034 0.05285 59 47 12 0
1784 Kingsbury Town wishes to severe relationships your majesty. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
1785 Your life lies in the balance of this decree. 1.2034 0.05285 59 47 12 0
1786 You're looking sharp, your majesty, but sadly today's news appears a tad ominous. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
1787 The powerless and envious strongly suggest an early retirement. 1.2034 0.05812 59 48 10 1
1788 So, caramel macchiato or iced green tea with splash of soy? 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
1789 Item 1: Non-Disclosure Agreement. 1.2034 0.06295 59 49 8 2
1790 M'lord, a peace offering from King Gulliver the Merciless. 1.2000 0.06389 50 41 8 1
1791 The giant wants his knife back 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
1792 It concludes, 'Try this on for size, Damocles.' 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
1793 He did say that he was a cutting edge interior designer. 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
1794 And—no, Sire—Damocles does NOT want his sword back. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1795 Your sword is huuge! 1.2000 0.06638 60 51 6 3
1796 Is that over me or you? 1.2000 0.06638 60 51 6 3
1797 It reads: 'I hope your majesty enjoys the gift.' Signed, Damocles 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
1798 Sire, a brief note from Jerry Damocles. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1799 And fifty-firstly, I hereby announce and proclaim that the rope overhead has been recalled by the manufacturer due to its great tendency to fail unexpectedly. 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
1800 D-A-M-O-C-L-E-S 1.2000 0.06198 60 50 8 2
1801 It's a cease and desist letter from Damocles. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1802 Lets assume you are wrong and the list is right 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1803 Your day has come, sire! 1.2000 0.06638 60 51 6 3
1804 You only have to speak softly if it's a big stick... 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
1805 And for the 5th and last question. If you cut a King in half what do you get? 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
1806 No, they said they are going to make you a gyro, not a hero. 1.2000 0.06198 60 50 8 2
1807 "....I'm afraid, sir, the time has come to choose a successor.... 1.2000 0.06198 60 50 8 2
1808 Thank you for agreeing to participate in our survey of Fear in a Trump Presidency. 1.2000 0.06565 55 46 7 2
1809 It's from a guy named Damocles 1.2000 0.06198 60 50 8 2
1810 The moral-of-the-story clause in your contract is quite clear. 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
1811 Get to the point, or I'll die of boredom. 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1812 The Giant requests his knife back! 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
1813 Damocles cancelled, he's taking an extended vacation. 1.2000 0.06198 60 50 8 2
1814 Well, Your Highness, based on this list of grievances and the size of that dagger, your subjects will terminate your reign tomorrow. 1.2000 0.05208 60 48 12 0
1815 it's from the prince, sir, and it reads FOLLOW SHITTY NEW YORKER CARTOON CAPTIONS ON INSTAGRAM @SHITTYNEWYORKERCARTOONCAPTIONS I FOLLOW BACK LIKE4LIKE NO FAT CHICKS 1.2000 0.07441 60 53 2 5
1816 Sire, the maintenance crew has been complaining about no petty cash for months. They're out of stain remover and rope. 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
1817 I THINK I followed the instructions correctly...unless. 1.2000 0.06198 60 50 8 2
1818 Item 56. Past due life insurance premium. 1.2000 0.05443 55 44 11 0
1819 It's from Trump. He wants us to pay for a wall. 1.2000 0.06198 60 50 8 2
1820 The sword excaliper was only a loaner. It is overdue and must be returned. Signed: Lady of the Lake 1.2000 0.07059 55 47 5 3
1821 Another warning from that damn Ocles! 1.2000 0.05724 60 49 10 1
1822 It's a list of demands, from the Royal Interior Decorator... 1.2000 0.06638 60 51 6 3
1823 OK. Let me read this back: Dear Damocles, in re yours of the fifteenth... 1.1972 0.05890 71 60 8 3
1824 We the below signed, feel that there is a novel or famous quote about to happen. 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
1825 Damocles asking for an audience. He's not happy. 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
1826 It says 'uneasy lies the head that wears a crown'. It's postmarked Stratford-upon-Avon and is signed 'Damocles'. 1.1967 0.05639 61 50 10 1
1827 Damocles says you can keep the throne but he'd like his sword back... 1.1967 0.06105 61 51 8 2
1828 It's simply a matter of perspective, your Highness. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
1829 Your majesty, the Lilliputian genealogists have confirmed your suspicions; Gulliver's middle name is indeed 'Damocles'. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
1830 It was either this, Sire, or a giant pony. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
1831 And the new hanging artwork in the throne room is from a Carl Ichan. He hopes you like it. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
1832 Telegram from someone called "Lady of the Lake." She's pissed. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
1833 The manual says the "single strand of horse hair" was propaganda for the peasants; this rig would support the Queen Mary. 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
1834 The lowest estimate is from Sword Removal Specialists, Ltd of East Dorset, but my cousin says they screwed up the Damaclese job something awful, My Liege. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
1835 Relax, sir. It's not as big as it looks. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
1836 Mr Damocles has asked for his sword back. He thinks America might need it if Mr Trump wins. 1.1964 0.06941 56 48 5 3
1837 Sire, Damocles is running a bit late today. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
1838 Therefore, we fear the Sword of Damocles is hanging over Pandora's Box. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
1839 I know that thread is weak, Sire, but there's still another thousand tales to go. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
1840 M'Lord, 'tis a petition of grievance from the rope makers' quild. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
1841 Happy Birthday, signed Damoclese. 1.1964 0.05932 56 46 9 1
1842 Damocles goes on to say... 1.1964 0.06456 56 47 7 2
1843 Mr. Freud says he is interested in your case in principle, but first he would like to know more about your mother. 1.1961 0.06871 51 43 6 2
1844 Sire, why can't you use a buzzer like they do on 'America's Got Talent'? 1.1935 0.06438 62 53 6 3
1845 Sword or no sword, Dionysius says if you don't abdicate his throne by the time he returns, he'll cut off your head with an axe. 1.1935 0.06014 62 52 8 2
1846 Damocles, stop! You're ignoring the elephant in the room. 1.1930 0.06827 57 49 5 3
1847 Oh it's from Dionysius: "Having a great time. Glad I'm not there!" 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
1848 There are reports of a fray in the Kingdom. 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
1849 When the dagger of truth points east, the trial of Taylor Swift will be upon us. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
1850 Damocles sends his regards for your continued health. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
1851 Your highness, I can assure you, we are indeed coming to the end of the line. 1.1930 0.06827 57 49 5 3
1852 Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown during an arms race. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
1853 The new One-Way signs are really working. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
1854 Your Majesty, Damocles says, "No thanks." 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
1855 All hail the great sword of compensation. 1.1930 0.06827 57 49 5 3
1856 They say it's time to cut ties. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
1857 Don't even move a inch or you will be the point of the joke. 1.1930 0.06827 57 49 5 3
1858 They conclude by suggesting that you take a step back and give yourself more time to think aobut it. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
1859 So if you and the little serf under your robes stay perfectly still, this trick should get us on America's Got Talent. 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
1860 ... and may the balance of power rest squarely upon your shoulders. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
1861 It has been proclaimed that Game of Thrones Season 7 will be cut, Your Majesty. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
1862 Unfortunately for Gustave the old adage only says don't shoot the messenger. 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
1863 Donald Trump has sent you a present. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
1864 And may I remind your majesty that those who live by the sword will perish by the sword. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
1865 Message from Down Under reads: That's not a knife... 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
1866 My Lord, they may resort to this nuclear option! 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
1867 About those proposed cuts, Sire. 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
1868 This wasn't what I had in mind when I said that I'd like to be king for a day. 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
1869 The fortune cookie says: " Sharp ideas are on your mind"....... 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
1870 I need a raise 1.1930 0.06352 57 48 7 2
1871 The good news, Your Highness: The Queen's order for silverware has arrived ahead of schedule. 1.1930 0.06827 57 49 5 3
1872 Dear King of Gaul, Surrender peacefully, Warm regards from nearby, Julius Scissor 1.1930 0.06827 57 49 5 3
1873 It's from King Solomon, sire. He wants to borrow your sword for a case about a baby. 1.1930 0.05838 57 47 9 1
1874 Your nephew wishes you well and says "Break a leg!" 1.1930 0.05274 57 46 11 0
1875 And lastly, we received the invoice from the Brutus Chandelier Company today, Sire. 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
1876 King Damocles, the entree for tonight's 11,435th last meal is beef bourguignon. 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
1877 Your royal highness the user agreement says 'seller assumes no responsibility for severe cuts if decoration is hung by a horse tail hair over obsequious pandas'. 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
1878 As your majesty decreed the word "overcompensation" has been stricken from the lexicon! 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
1879 Sire, you might like to get that chandelier repaired. 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
1880 And finally, in spite of the blade being against the rope, the sword is holding up well. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
1881 Yes, we had ten knighthoods scheduled for today. But for reasons no one understands, none of them have arrived. 1.1897 0.06716 58 50 5 3
1882 The Quinnipiac poll has you ahead by six points. 1.1897 0.06716 58 50 5 3
1883 Sire; there is a "new saying": He who sitteth neath the sword; dyeth by the sword. 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
1884 The original spam filter. 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
1885 ...on the plus side, ye Royal Health Insurance says you'll be covered. Downside is it's an HMO. 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
1886 It appears the XXXL sharpener has been backordered due to Prime Day, Sire. 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
1887 Alas Sire, the Royal Group Policy requires prior approval for any and all sword type injuries. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
1888 I see someone is feeling secure today. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
1889 And finally, the cable guy had to cancel his visit. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
1890 Dionysius' s interior designer recommends a chandalier instead. 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
1891 It says here sire that 'the pen is mightier than the sword', but under the circumstances, I'm going the your sword. 1.1897 0.07153 58 51 3 4
1892 Third time. Knife Sharpeners Inc is dunning you. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
1893 The good news is that the sword will be buried with you. 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
1894 Your Highness, Damocles is suggesting a smaller but sharper sword. 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
1895 My Lord, how do you define your manhood. 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
1896 ... and Damocles sends his warmest greetings... 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
1897 Apparently your order for the Enhanced Edition of the movie Sling Blade got a little mixed up. 1.1897 0.06716 58 50 5 3
1898 Your Majesty, another baron has declined to be the King-in-Waiting. 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
1899 Thirdly sire, there shall be no sneezing in thy kingdom. 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
1900 First order of business, secure the wires. 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
1901 The Nobles say there's no need to make a hasty decision 1.1897 0.06716 58 50 5 3
1902 And last but not least,the Queen has a headache. 1.1897 0.06716 58 50 5 3
1903 Not to dwell on the first item, would your Highness agree we just scroll ahead? 1.1897 0.05193 58 47 11 0
1904 Yes your highness, I realize the "Sword of Nerf-ocles" doesn't sound quite as good as the original metaphor, but for insurance purposes, ..., well , you know. 1.1897 0.06250 58 49 7 2
1905 This gift sire, is from a Mr. Damocles. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
1906 Your call is very important to us 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
1907 It's from Damocles--he says he'd like it back and he'll refund your ten dollars. 1.1897 0.05746 58 48 9 1
1908 Care to hear a charming backstory? 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1909 ... the unworthy peasants of Damocles, do humbly suggest that you might consider moving your chair, jez sayin' ... 1.1887 0.06630 53 45 6 2
1910 Sire, Jonathan Swift called. He said, "No wise man ever wished to be younger" 1.1887 0.07646 53 47 2 4
1911 What do you mean, my chandelier is ostentatious? 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
1912 Given your denial of payment for installation of the royal sword, we reply, "What does thy majesty know about rapidly disintegrating jute?" 1.1887 0.07156 53 46 4 3
1913 According to the GOP nominee for president, this "sword of Damocles," is HUGE. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1914 Occam says: Revenge is the simplest explanation. 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1915 Does 'abdicate' have one or two C's , sire? 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1916 Sire, regarding development of your Highness's newest fearsome weapon, the Royal Council of Smiths has goods news ... and bad news... 1.1887 0.06058 53 44 8 1
1917 These instructions that came with it try to explain why it doesn't fall off to the left from the way we hung it. 1.1875 0.07081 48 41 5 2
1918 " I don't care to split hairs on this" your majesty. 1.1864 0.05114 59 48 11 0
1919 At 9, the season finale of So You Want to be a King -- five stars, Highly Recommended -- followed by the news at 11. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
1920 Your beard trimming is scheduled for sometime later this week. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
1921 Your constituents are wondering: what's the point? 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
1922 No word yet on the extra-small codpiece you ordered. 1.1864 0.07038 59 52 3 4
1923 It's good news. Damocles wants his sword back. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
1924 It's a letter from Mr. Damocles, Sire. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
1925 It's a letter from Damocles. 1.1864 0.06609 59 51 5 3
1926 It's an invoice from Damocles 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
1927 Sir, your "giant slaying" celebration party is tonite. 1.1864 0.05114 59 48 11 0
1928 You have officially been invited to this year's knife fights, and you can bring your own knife. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
1929 M'lord, you are hereby made to more fully appreciate the meaning of : "BALANCE of power." 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
1930 Mr. Damocles says thanks but no thanks. 1.1864 0.05114 59 48 11 0
1931 This "Game of Thrones" is called "Chicken!" 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
1932 Lord Phillip apologizes for the small hands remark. 1.1864 0.07441 59 53 1 5
1933 Slay The Dragon," has been overdone. Let's say, " The King will castrate the Jolly Green Giant at noon in the square. That should bring them in. 1.1864 0.06609 59 51 5 3
1934 The soothsayer says you don’t have to worry about that until the Ides of March. 1.1864 0.06609 59 51 5 3
1935 The Royal Messenger's Union is currently on strike for a raise in life expectancy. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
1936 Proud new parents- Lord and Lady Jolly Green are requesting a royal circumcision 1.1864 0.06609 59 51 5 3
1937 Your subjects decree that the sword be replaced with a bucket of tar and a bag of feathers. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
1938 I will be brief and cut to the chase. 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
1939 You have 30 seconds. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
1940 Damocles suggests you don't put it there 1.1864 0.05114 59 48 11 0
1941 ...and finally, announcing recall #530 for 'Floating Dagger' from Pimp Your Throne... 1.1864 0.06151 59 50 7 2
1942 If the giant scabbard doesn't get here by next week, we coul try moving the throne six inches. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
1943 It might not be my place to say this but "Aren't you being a little dramatic?" 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
1944 This is the Queen's ultimatum: "Do you share of the household chores, or else!" 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
1945 It says here that it is a Damien Hirst installation entitled, “Damocles” 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
1946 And finally, your loyal, adoring subjects request that you continue to look down on everyone and everything. 1.1864 0.05114 59 48 11 0
1947 There's a HUGE Trump-meets-Damocles caption in here somewhere. 1.1864 0.05657 59 49 9 1
1948 You know, a lot of this edict is just boilerplate, so I'll just skip to the end. 1.1852 0.05336 54 44 10 0
1949 Your predecessor sends his regards and recommends the crown made of titanium. 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
1950 The court jester awaita outside with the giant wheel of cheese, your highness 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
1951 I'm not sure how big the tension is, but this is the largest we've got. 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
1952 Sorry about the wait. 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
1953 We hereby declare: the people are mightier than the sword. 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
1954 ... and so we'd like to thank you for your consideration. Sincerely yours, the Messenger family. 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
1955 Are you sure you want to put that to a vote, Mr. Cameron? 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
1956 Have you read the privacy statement? 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
1957 Sire, the rope meyvn says your bill is overdue. 1.1852 0.05336 54 44 10 0
1958 It says here that the chandelier was backordered but Amazon sent the knife instead. 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
1959 OK,Damocles. We'll trade places....Quickly! 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
1960 And now, the really Good News! 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
1961 Still no endorsement. 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
1962 It ain't just my patience that's wearing thin Damocles. 1.1852 0.05336 54 44 10 0
1963 By my interpretation this warranty covers any and all defects. 1.1852 0.06515 54 46 6 2
1964 Got a message from Damocles. 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
1965 How's this, your majesty? 'Live by the sword, die by the sword.' 1.1852 0.05336 54 44 10 0
1966 Your Majesty, I'm uncertain if a 'huge cloak' will fix the problem. 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
1967 And then you say: "“It is time to show the whole world that America is back — bigger, and better and stronger than ever before." 1.1852 0.07511 54 48 2 4
1968 It appears you have successfully changed the laws of physics. 1.1852 0.05955 54 45 8 1
1969 Good news, sire -- your austerity program has generated a 90% savings on infrastructure alone. 1.1852 0.05336 54 44 10 0
1970 And lastly your majesty ,the Australian government are requesting the return of Mr Dundee,s knife. 1.1837 0.06946 49 42 5 2
1971 Keep your hands and arm inside the throne for this one sire, but the blacksmiths union is requesting an audience. 1.1833 0.05038 60 49 11 0
1972 its from Damocles... 1.1833 0.06056 60 51 7 2
1973 They were fresh out of "cushion of Damocles". 1.1833 0.06506 60 52 5 3
1974 My liege, the King of Sumeria sends you this humble gift and suggests you take the hint. 1.1833 0.06926 60 53 3 4
1975 Your point is quite clear, your majesty. 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
1976 Please no more cutting remarks. 1.1833 0.05570 60 50 9 1
1977 Despite its incorrect orientation the weight of the sword alone will kill him. 1.1833 0.06506 60 52 5 3
1978 Here is the King’s news, fair and balanced. 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
1979 "Chopped" has come a long way since it first aired 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
1980 Why art thou reading so slowly? Pick up the pace, peasant! 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
1981 Dear King: I am fine. How are you? Is that sword still hanging over you? Love, The Prince. 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
1982 Its a commissioned gift from the townspeople in order for the sire to feel more adequate about his tiny package. 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
1983 And by the power vested in me by the Seven Kingdoms, I now pronounce you man and knife. 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
1984 Your service contract has expired. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
1985 The president of North Korea says his sword is bigger than yours. 1.1818 0.06910 55 48 4 3
1986 So the next line is just a bunch of emojis. Something about scissors, sword, skull and crossbones, a laughing smiley and then a picture of the Trump/Pence logo...? Tis weird, Sire. 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
1987 Is this a giant dagger that I see before me? 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
1988 We, the people of Damocles, in order to form a more perfect union... 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
1989 No duel challenges today, sir. 1.1818 0.07381 55 49 2 4
1990 He says the sword is not mightier than the word, but it does have one more letter, sire. 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
1991 Now Sir Donald, the final challenge of our "So You Think You Can Rule" competition ..., the recital of ALL of your Tweets. 1.1818 0.07381 55 49 2 4
1992 Sire, 'tis a gift from Damocles 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
1993 Great Damocles, sir, ah, nothing but good news. RUN! 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
1994 " Please accept this large knife as a gift even though you were unable to supply us with troops for our recent conquest". Sincerely, King Trump & Family. 1.1818 0.06404 55 47 6 2
1995 A ceiling AND a wall? Damocles, you're ahead of your time. 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
1996 It's called branding, Sire. 1.1818 0.06721 44 37 6 1
1997 When asked if she liked her majesty as more than a friend...'Sword of.' 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
1998 Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum! Bring back my dagger or you'll all be done! 1.1818 0.05249 55 45 10 0
1999 Finally, Your Highness, Mr. Damocles awaits you. 1.1818 0.05855 55 46 8 1
2000 Sire. The Royal Soothsayer has finalized his calculations. He says you have 24 hours to live. He apologizes for not getting back to you yesterday, but something unexpected cropped up. 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
2001 That would be Damocles with a capital D 1.1800 0.06188 50 42 7 1
2002 I'm not feeling the love, your highness! 1.1800 0.06815 50 43 5 2
2003 From the top, this time in a Cockney accent. 1.1786 0.06297 56 48 6 2
2004 I'm sorry, Your Majesty, the correct answer was: "The Children's Crusade"! One more miss, and you will be in the "Sword of Damocles Round"! 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
2005 I said Shakespeare, not shaking spear! 1.1786 0.06793 56 49 4 3
2006 Soothsayer says you shall die in this general vicinity your Highness 1.1786 0.06297 56 48 6 2
2007 A dispatch from your loyal servant Damocles, your majesty. 1.1786 0.07256 56 50 2 4
2008 Sire, it says in our chronicles that your power as king comes from Excaliber, not the Sword of Damocles. 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
2009 You must have a very small penis. 1.1786 0.06297 56 48 6 2
2010 No, Your Majesty. I still haven't found a better place to hang your sword. 1.1786 0.06793 56 49 4 3
2011 It says here they call it the sword of dam-that's big-ocles. 1.1786 0.05164 56 46 10 0
2012 "Your knights are beginning to wonder what you're compensating for". 1.1786 0.06297 56 48 6 2
2013 … and the network is passing on Medieval Cooking Nightmares. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
2014 Sire, a legal protest from the heirs of Dionysius concerning your name for the sword. They reject "Damocles," but will accept "Excalibur." 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
2015 Heavy crowns were back-ordered. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
2016 It is the will of the people that you rulexit. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
2017 Damocles insists on its immediate return. 1.1786 0.06793 56 49 4 3
2018 Your Highness, this scroll is signed by someone named Damoclese. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
2019 Damocles says you can keep it. 1.1786 0.06297 56 48 6 2
2020 Sorry, Macbeth. It says here it IS a dagger. 1.1786 0.05759 56 47 8 1
2021 And I respectfully withdraw my name from knighthood consideration. 1.1786 0.06793 56 49 4 3
2022 There are still some kinks in the cutting edge technology you decreed. 1.1778 0.05764 45 37 8 0
2023 He's demanding all your gold, your wife, two fast horses and your secret recipe for spit-roasted swan. 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2024 According to the story Damocles was pandering to his King,Dionysius when---should I go on. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2025 Having a great time. Wish you were here. Damocles. 1.1765 0.05391 51 42 9 0
2026 Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have really big intimidating swords made... 1.1765 0.06690 51 44 5 2
2027 It says here plowshares. I can't find anything about swords. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
2028 How do you spell chrysanthemum? 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
2029 I agree with you Sire. The giant hanging sword is way better than a picture of your mother-in-law. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
2030 Ted Nugent called. He wants his hunting knife back. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
2031 Your Majesty, your subjects are angered by your gallows humor. They demand that you stop cutting up. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
2032 "Don't make a move." It's signed, Damocles 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
2033 Just one word sire... Balance... 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
2034 Damocles is reporting a recent burglary. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
2035 After 'compensation' there's nothing written but LOLs. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
2036 I still think the pen is mightier than the sword. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
2037 Yer Majesty I bring ye the greatest news! The first 100 persons to order will get a free 2nd sword of Damocles and a sharpening stone at no extra cost to ye. But ye must act fast! 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
2038 Damocles will Brexit ! 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
2039 King Dionysius, you've been served. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
2040 Damocles hopes you like his coronation gift to you. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
2041 Sire, your new queen requires me to explain why she feels misled ... 1.1754 0.06681 57 50 4 3
2042 Your Majesty, Please return the knife I loaned you. It's not fooling anyone anyway. Your friend, The Giant 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
2043 The lady and the tiger both called in sick; this was the best we could do. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
2044 Your highness, I have a message from Damocles 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
2045 Signed, your friend Damocles 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
2046 Continuing on Your Majesty, Chapter 2 of your King Dagger owners manual... 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
2047 The Lords demand you either fall on your sword or... 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
2048 The Queen suggested that hung in this manner, instead of point down, the crossguard can swing down and knock some sense into you instead of the sword killing you. 1.1754 0.07134 57 51 2 4
2049 The following is a list of demands from the throne room staff. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
2050 The only woman we could get for Lady Macbeth is 7'6". 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
2051 Snacks will be provided after the PowerPoint presentation. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
2052 ... and so we hope you agree that there is no way out of the current budget crisis other than quickly making a king-size cut in one particular area. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
2053 Sire, in answer to your ‘who died and made you Pope?’ rejoinder, the Pope responds ‘Raise thy royal carcass from that throne and meet me at the cathedral.’ 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
2054 King Leopold writes to say that he selects "truth" this round. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
2055 It's supposed to provide a close shave. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
2056 Your highness, Damocles General Contracting would like to know if you're satisfied with your service. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
2057 Just give me the gist! 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
2058 Sire, we might want to think about re-writing the second act. 1.1754 0.05083 57 47 10 0
2059 Make Camelot Safe Again. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
2060 According to the law, Mr. President, Congress gets to decide how big the sword is. 1.1754 0.06194 57 49 6 2
2061 Damocles sends his regrets that he can't be here to help try out the new model. 1.1754 0.05665 57 48 8 1
2062 King Russia installed his, too - and so 'Mutual Assured Destruction' was created 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
2063 In just a moment, King Solomon, we'll know which half is wiser. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
2064 It's a gift from Domacles. There's no return address. 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
2065 And last but not least, Damocles... 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
2066 Long story short, it's a Weintraub, not a Damocles. 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
2067 The scabbard appears to be on back order, but it qualifies for free 2-year shipping! 1.1731 0.06569 52 45 5 2
2068 The Monty Python troupe left it behind. That damn Cleese thought it would be hilarious. 1.1731 0.07120 52 46 3 3
2069 The safety inspector suggested something other than rope. 1.1731 0.05967 52 44 7 1
2070 There is knife, I mean strife, among your subjects. 1.1731 0.05297 52 43 9 0
2071 Per your wishes, sir, all cable ties will be checked next week. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
2072 The Prince of Wales is asking how you like his gift." 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
2073 The Lady of the Lake wants Excalibur back. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
2074 Sire, it says it is time to pivot! 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
2075 a balloon dropping might be a lot prettier, jus sayin 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
2076 King Severed, be it known that the townspeople of the Parish of Segacity recommend that you moveth thy throne. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
2077 Your majesty, Inigo Montoya challenges you to a duel. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
2078 No matter how you slice it, I had better speed up this proclamation. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
2079 King Jack the Knife (he of the trenchant wit). 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
2080 More good news Your Majesty! 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
2081 ... and for our final demand, a large pair of scissors. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
2082 I understand, your highness, but the co-op board overruled your renovation plans 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
2083 Bad news, sire, the chosen one's hands are too small. 1.1724 0.06571 58 51 4 3
2084 Can't you see I'm under the sword? Hurry up! 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
2085 It's a gift from your cousin Damocles. 1.1724 0.05003 58 48 10 0
2086 ...and finally sire, that young Master Jack is here. He says his "friend" needs the dagger back. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
2087 ...and in business news, the guilder continued to gain strength against the florin again yesterday. 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
2088 The warranty says nothing about tensile strength. 1.1724 0.06571 58 51 4 3
2089 It's from the thread company, Sire. They are recalling this model as there have been some complaints by the survivors from once ruling families. 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
2090 It says absolutely no refunds on steak knives. 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
2091 The drone prototype is ready your Majesty. 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
2092 By your own orders, your kingdom shall be cut in half. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
2093 It's a revocation of the piece a cord. 1.1724 0.05575 58 49 8 1
2094 It was knife to know you my lord. 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
2095 'I hear it's one of Damocles' finest, sir.' 1.1724 0.06094 58 50 6 2
2096 Here are the options for your last meal, Your Majesty. 1.1698 0.06452 53 46 5 2
2097 Well, I'll be Goddamocles! 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
2098 Looks like the warranty does not extend to the horsehair, Sire. 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
2099 Kindly repeat what your scroll says about a royal circumcision ! 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
2100 Delivery from a Mr. Donald Trump 1.1698 0.06452 53 46 5 2
2101 The Back-stabbing Brothers in Arms send greetings my Lord 1.1698 0.06452 53 46 5 2
2102 From the dungeon, the court jester writes to clarify that he meant to say "all-conquering sword" and deeply regrets his reference to "all-compensating." 1.1698 0.06452 53 46 5 2
2103 this is a gift from your good friend Damascles. 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
2104 Do you want it fitted with incandescent or fluorescent bulbs? 1.1698 0.06992 53 47 3 3
2105 Her Royal Highness says, 'Move your thorn, you stubborn mule!' 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
2106 Sire, the horse whose hair you pulled to hang your sword has lodged a complaint. 1.1698 0.06452 53 46 5 2
2107 The Blacksmith would like to know if you've reconsidered 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
2108 It is a gift from the King of Prussia who wishes to thank you for the three ton saber. 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
2109 Sire, Damocles says thanks but he'll keep his day job. 1.1698 0.06452 53 46 5 2
2110 It's a metaphor. It's not a metaphor. Let me finish. 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
2111 And now for the post-mortem 1.1698 0.05862 53 45 7 1
2112 read the king protection act so I can revise it 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
2113 YOUR PROCLAMATION SAYS 'LIVE BY THE SWORD DIE BY THE SWORD' 1.1698 0.06452 53 46 5 2
2114 Do you want the long or the short version, Sire? 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
2115 Sire, two messages: Damocles called to say thanks, he got your point. And Goliath would like his sword back. 1.1698 0.06452 53 46 5 2
2116 It starts, Dear Damocles: 1.1698 0.06452 53 46 5 2
2117 And last sire is your morning affirmation which says "today I'm going to embrace everything the universe has coming my way 1.1698 0.06452 53 46 5 2
2118 It sayest, Thou art 'compensating'. 1.1698 0.05207 53 44 9 0
2119 A parting gift from your ex-barber. 1.1698 0.06452 53 46 5 2
2120 Stop reading me stories about this Damocles fellow. My body guards never heard of him. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
2121 Any minute now 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
2122 This a petition from Interior Decorators Guild warning you the latest renovation of your throne room was done with scab labor using inferior materials. 1.1695 0.05997 59 51 6 2
2123 They stopped fearing the axe. 1.1695 0.05488 59 50 8 1
2124 My apologies, sire, the latest issue of The Medieval Times predicts the pen will become mightier than the sword. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
2125 True or false, sire. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
2126 You are here respectfully requested to give up your throne. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
2127 Item 1: Goliath the mature has decided he would like a bris 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
2128 And finally, in this realm, items balance based on length, not mass. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
2129 Well sire, I wouldn't call it a pressing issue exactly. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
2130 It's from Damocles, Your Highness. He wants his sword back. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
2131 Do not look to a higher power now. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
2132 The report says there is no evidence of an immediate threat from ground weapons 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
2133 It is perfectly safe to keep weapons at home. 1.1667 0.07493 48 43 2 3
2134 The way his majesty decorates the castle is a cutlery above the rest, writes Moat Monthly. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
2135 Sir, the Donald says he just wants to win not sit in your seat. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
2136 All the news is good -- for the 13,978 consecutive day! 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
2137 It's from Damocles' lawyer. He's suing you for patent infringement. 1.1667 0.07359 54 49 1 4
2138 Dear King, Really its not like anybody's holding a knife over your head making you agree to anything... 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
2139 Interesting, it's not about humility at all. It's for cutting ribbons at supermarket openings. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
2140 Your Royal Highness, I am pleased to inform you that your schedule is rather light tomorrow. 9 o'clock, execution; 10 o'clock burial; 11 o'clock, wake. This leaves your calendar wide open after lunch. Enjoy your day! 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
2141 They mixed up your order so I revised your speech to read: "By royal decree, henceforth, the sword shall be mightier than the pen" 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
2142 Sir Guinness, the Edwards Castle claims to have a 18 ft sword. Do you have your book? 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
2143 And lastly...it does not appear thy social "security" is, uh, not so quite, uh..."secure." 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
2144 Now Mr. Trump, which of these ridiculous plans would you like us to cancel first? 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
2145 Begging my Lord's pardon, but Gwendolyn has replied, "It doesn't offset the other shortcoming." 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
2146 The sword swallower's union have sent another warning letter, sire. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
2147 Compensating? 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
2148 Hear ye, Hear ye! The Queen hath spoken. "Stick it to him!" 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
2149 My heir is into feng shui. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
2150 It's in pen and it's all caps. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
2151 In accordance with the non-proliferation treaty, we hereby surrender our weapon of mass destruction for conversion to plowshares and shovels. 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
2152 Sire, the Black Knight has forged a gigantic shield. The council recommends an even bigger sword. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
2153 We've heard from Madame Tussaud, your order is on its way. 1.1667 0.06339 54 47 5 2
2154 ... and the final item of news from the realm, sire, is Gargantua the Giant claims his sword has been stolen. 1.1667 0.05119 54 45 9 0
2155 Grievance #3 is about compensation issues 1.1667 0.05761 54 46 7 1
2156 The interior designer found your ideas to be severe. 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
2157 It's from the Pen kingdom, demanding your surrender. 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
2158 Sir, I will inform the barber you are ready 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
2159 Does my butt still look big? 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
2160 This is our stabby-chic collection which will be available in the fall. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
2161 Yes sir, it is from our new castle designer, Damocles. Do you like it? 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
2162 ...and if your are still hearing at this stage, I have to confess I plotted a failed coup. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
2163 New castle-code calls for emergency sire extinguishers, your majesty 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
2164 Sir Isaac sends his regards. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
2165 The Sword in the Throne. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
2166 its signed: Gordon Knot 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
2167 Parliament welcomes your concession regarding Division of Power. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
2168 The Bureau of Weighty Measures, Sword Suspension Safety Division, hereby certifies His Excellency's Application to be in compliance for a term of 26 fortnights, commencing immediately. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
2169 Sire, I've been going over the numbers and we can't afford your sword enlargement prescription any longer. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
2170 Sire, there have been complaints about replacing the big stick you carry... 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
2171 ".... finally, our fromagiere had detemined the Gruyere was harder than usual .... ' 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
2172 What do you mean-compensating for anything? 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
2173 I see you put up the Trump sword. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
2174 ...and the new rope for your giant dagger has been delayed until Tuesday. 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
2175 Sushi, what Sushi? 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
2176 Merlin is coming but Sir Damocles sends his regrets. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
2177 Lord Calder sends his regards. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
2178 The Royal Stationer can locate no mightier quill, sire. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
2179 That's ok. I'll just speak louder. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
2180 I got tired of the Calder and decided to go Old School. 1.1636 0.06749 55 49 3 3
2181 I've been instructed to inform you of this threat on your life, but clearly, the masterminds of this coup don't understand the immutable laws of physics; your life will be spared due to uneven distribution of weight. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
2182 The fire exit is the door to your left. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
2183 Your daughters are proposing a two-state solution. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
2184 The cleaner says no, she could not find your sword. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
2185 The Queen wants her knife back. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
2186 The people's pendulum has stopped swinging, sire. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
2187 Word has been going around that you found a replacement for me. Care to respond? 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
2188 Sire, it only deals with the fourth skin. 1.1636 0.06749 55 49 3 3
2189 A gift from a fellow called Bowie... Jim Bowie. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
2190 Item l: Giant pen . . . 1.1636 0.05034 55 46 9 0
2191 I feel like this company is moving in the wrong direction. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
2192 Great news, Mr. Trump! Everyone you've invited to speak at the convention has agreed to it. 1.1636 0.06230 55 48 5 2
2193 Rest assured, Your Majesty, there's a money-back guarantee on the rope. 1.1636 0.05664 55 47 7 1
2194 Sire, there's a Damocles here to see you. 1.1633 0.06080 49 42 6 1
2195 Your Highness, the people would like for you to switch to a democratic form of government. 1.1633 0.06743 49 43 4 2
2196 Article V states that the King's sword be commensurate to size of King's ego. 1.1633 0.06080 49 42 6 1
2197 I can assure you, Your Majesty, the Lady indeed understands quality to quantity. 1.1633 0.06743 49 43 4 2
2198 I hope this cut meets your approval 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
2199 The pen is mightier than the sword? Let see! 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
2200 I'm sorry, Your Grace. Damocles.com is not available. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
2201 The manufacturer has issued a recall on the swordeliers. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
2202 You're sure you want to hear the Comments? 1.1607 0.06634 56 50 3 3
2203 Damocles reports castle cost cutting is above target. 1.1607 0.06634 56 50 3 3
2204 President Trump, the packing list here says this is that golden sword you ordered that's been sized for your giant hands... 1.1607 0.06634 56 50 3 3
2205 The council won't approve any spending for new rope, sire. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
2206 The Queen replies for the King to "forget it" and that she shall henceforth refer to place it hangs as the King's "Man Cave." 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
2207 Most Honorable King, you are urged to go about your business as usual. It has been determined that the sword of Damocles is but a figment of your lively imagination! 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
2208 It says, "the pen is mightier than the sword". 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
2209 Gallop says the people's choice is Off With His Head. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
2210 And the main course is roasted elephant 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
2211 It's the Damocles model 2, Sire. It basically just falls and crushes you. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
2212 He said here, "you're hands are too small to yield such a weapon." 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
2213 Yes, my dear King Damocles, I have registered a complaint with the Acme Corporation about the design flaw in their sword mounting kit. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
2214 I'm sorry your majesty, Damocles called out sick. Shall I summon a temp? 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
2215 It states you can make one mistake BUT you'll never make a second one! 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
2216 Congratulations:You have won a 10 foot Perma-Cut knife.Enjoy it everyday as it hangs over your throne. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
2217 The studies are in and, contrary to what we told you earlier, it's not a stage prop. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
2218 Your Royal Highness: I know you have a killer week ahead of you, but... 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
2219 The First Filibuster 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
2220 The army says that your sword may be bigger but it's not better. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
2221 It says here it's made of the finest plastic in all the lands. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
2222 It's a gift from the half wit, Damo-clueless. 1.1607 0.06634 56 50 3 3
2223 Your Majesty’s back-ordered fork will arrive anon. 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
2224 Henceforth, His Majesty has outlawed gravity 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
2225 It's a recall notice. Apparently it may explode if dropped. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
2226 It says here they were all out of ear poison. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
2227 The Queen is making a swift recovery. 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
2228 The note just says "Hey, look over here!" 1.1607 0.05569 56 48 7 1
2229 Your days are numbered...and so are mine! 1.1607 0.06125 56 49 5 2
2230 If the pen is mightier than the sword, then what is this dam thing hanging behind me for? 1.1600 0.05966 50 43 6 1
2231 ...furthermore, it should be noted, the king has not knighted anyone for years. 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
2232 Your subjects support it, but the National Dagger Association is opposed. What say you, my liege? 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
2233 Damocles sends regards. 1.1600 0.05237 50 42 8 0
2234 Your Majesty, the chronicle seeks an answer, 'When does Big and Huge come to be too Big and too Huge?' 1.1600 0.05966 50 43 6 1
2235 And the Queen hereby declares her Lordship can perform the first vasectomy if he wishes to have no more children. 1.1579 0.04873 57 48 9 0
2236 He said that his name was Damocles, and it is a gift for you, my liege. 1.1579 0.06023 57 50 5 2
2237 Unfortunately, your highness, it doesn't include a return address... 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
2238 Sure it provides shade, but we'll get you a retractable awning! 1.1569 0.06491 51 45 4 2
2239 A fellow named Damocles seeks an audience with you. 1.1569 0.06491 51 45 4 2
2240 Dionysius cancelled, he's extending his vacation 1.1569 0.06491 51 45 4 2
2241 There are six listings under Dagger Removal, your highness. Do you have a preference? 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
2242 No, I'm sorry, wrong again. The correct answer was "Merlin," not "Marvin." 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
2243 the peasants want to know if you are going to raise taxes. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
2244 As soon as the new king arrives, you will know him. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
2245 How about this? I, Donald J Trump, Most Holiest Ruler of the Universe and Supreme Negotiator with the Underworld - and let me tell you - I got a tremendous deal . . . 1.1569 0.06491 51 45 4 2
2246 Shave and a haircut, two bits sire. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
2247 Can we keep 'benevolent' in front of your name? 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
2248 It's from Damocles. It says: "How'd you like the sword I left you? 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
2249 You know what they say about a king with a big sword. 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
2250 It's another invitation to a gun fight. 1.1569 0.06491 51 45 4 2
2251 ...The end user further agrees to use the application strictly in accordance with the Terms and Conditions of said non-transferable, non-exclusive and revocable license agreement... 1.1569 0.05856 51 44 6 1
2252 And to your son you've willed your humility and self-confidence. 1.1569 0.05143 51 43 8 0
2253 The King begs to know whether you would care to repeat your remark about his hand and foot size, Lord Trumpus. 1.1552 0.06415 58 52 3 3
2254 What makes you think I censor the news? 1.1552 0.05924 58 51 5 2
2255 It says here that it's actually just the dagger of Damocles, Sire. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
2256 Proclamation: any worthy knight who passes the test of removing this sword, gets the pick of the princesses. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
2257 Sire I really want to thank you for the opportunity, but I've decided I'm not cut out for your job. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
2258 Sire, the King's rope maker wishes to assure you that the two ton razor sharp dagger hanging from his rope above your head is completely safe. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
2259 It's from Mr.Occam. He says it's being recalled 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
2260 Our wizard reports it's from a 21st Century cybergame 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
2261 True, your majesty, the 'Dagger of Damocles' would have had a nice ring to it 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
2262 A commission from Claus Oldenborg sire. 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
2263 Game of Thrones, season 72. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
2264 Good news Your Majesty, the custody case is next ! 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
2265 And if you get this one wrong... 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
2266 In a word, sire, the Queen says you're nuts 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
2267 It reads - Dear Damocles, Your loving people wish to bequeath upon you a gift! 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
2268 Your brother did that thing again. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
2269 It says they still can't hear any rattling. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
2270 King Kong, King of the Jungle called. He wants his knife back. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
2271 It is decreed: we shall be great again. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
2272 …in choosing the two reigns rule, the King may further end it at any time. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
2273 Your danger is, Your Majesty, still the most immediate. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
2274 That's right, King Trump. It says right here it's called the sword of Cruzocles. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
2275 The Prime Minister has the monopoly on all the chord reinforcing, unfortunately. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
2276 Having drawn the short straw, I'm here to replace Damocles. 1.1538 0.06372 52 46 4 2
2277 We've been trying to simplify the plotlines. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
2278 GET THAT FUCKING THING DOWN FROM THERE YOU STUPID CRAZY SHIT 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
2279 Additionally Sire, you can make no more loans from the Royal Treasury 1.1538 0.05052 52 44 8 0
2280 We have hanged one of the older Duggars, you know the head of the Duggar clan, as directed by your minister of over population. 1.1538 0.06939 52 47 2 3
2281 We've Lived under your Sword for too Long!!! 1.1538 0.07463 52 48 0 4
2282 And so it is decreed that the king hath grown tired of jokes about over-sized objects. 1.1538 0.05750 52 45 6 1
2283 Tonight's menu features soup, salad and a thick-cut steak. 1.1525 0.05829 59 52 5 2
2284 But that's where the urgent message stops... something about 'sworn' or 'swarm'... 1.1522 0.06191 46 40 5 1
2285 We've cut the armor budget 12% this quarter. 1.1522 0.07593 46 42 1 3
2286 Budget cuts, my Lord. 1.1522 0.06191 46 40 5 1
2287 And finally...the Queen states she is at the end of her rope in this relationship, and happily sends her condolences in advance of your impending demise. 1.1522 0.06191 46 40 5 1
2288 Well, besides not funding the budget for roads and bridges infrastructure, no money has been allocated for the rope infrastructure. I'm sure you won't mind that either. 1.1509 0.06813 53 48 2 3
2289 Sire, your military advisors recommend new technologies to reduce the size of our swords.. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
2290 And the gift of the day is from Damecles 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
2291 First, let me take a stab at cutting the budget in half, then we'll see about a raise. 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
2292 I'm sorry, my liege. But the warranty doesn't cover normal wear and tear. 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
2293 Hear ye, hear ye, the king hereby freezes all infrastructure spending for the remainder of his reign. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
2294 One huge sword coming right up! 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
2295 Its a post-Brexit trade deal. England wishes to barter ploughshares for your Highness's sword. 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
2296 Your audition tape for Game of Thrones was rejected as too trite... 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
2297 They categorically deny ever having said that you were not the sharpest knife in the drawer. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
2298 And 400 British pounds to fix the fraying rope dangling the large sword above your head, so long as feel that's necessary, Your Excellency. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
2299 It says here: "Not suitable for children under 5 years old." 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
2300 I know it's on my resume but those were my carny days. 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
2301 THE SWORD IS MIGHTIER THAN THE PEN 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
2302 ...and lastly, Sire, Camelot Cabling regrets to inform us that...Mercy! 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
2303 Damocles would like to see you next. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
2304 And, finally My Lord, your fiefdom received a 2 star rating for the serfs' work to life balance ratio. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
2305 No, Sire, I can't find the number for "Gordian Knots" 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
2306 You're right, your majesty, nowhere in the charter does it say the sword has to point down. 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
2307 Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye, life hangs but by a thread! 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
2308 The last king had a fancy for rather large letters, my lord 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
2309 Behold, the pendulum of death. 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
2310 No worries you Trumpness, your opponent has a smaller sword. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
2311 Apologies, Your Highness... the decree sayeth no bathroom breaks. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
2312 Oh-and your plan to increase taxes is a non starter! 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
2313 Sword Control Filibuster 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
2314 It's from a Lester Damocles. Looking for work. Says he's your cousin? 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
2315 King Henry VIII unknowingly laid the foundation for Medieval interior design. 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
2316 Your majesty, other kingdoms have bigger swords. 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
2317 Users Manual. This seemingly ornamental sword is the perfect weapon to dispatch a tyrant. Its center of gravity is such that while the enthroned monarch is looking up at the tip in fear, the handle swings down swiftly to terminate the sovereign. 1.1509 0.05648 53 46 6 1
2318 You don't speak softly, but the rest of the line about going from a "big stick" to a "huge shiv" is not plagiarism. 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
2319 Either submit to periodic inspection of your blacksmith forge or we will be forced to declare war against you for you weapons of mass destruction. 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
2320 Said Donaldcles I: 'The sword just got ten feet longer, believe me.' 1.1509 0.06813 53 48 2 3
2321 Ok, your Majesty. Do you remember that scene in Spinal Tap? 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
2322 And so, my people, with malice aforethought I do herewith cheerfully abdicate the throne and dagger to my illegitimate nephew, The Donald. 1.1509 0.06258 53 47 4 2
2323 It's from Mr. Damocles. He says he wants his sword back. 1.1509 0.04964 53 45 8 0
2324 (Permanent) Exit Stage Right 1.1489 0.06067 47 41 5 1
2325 A Mr. Damocles is here to see you, sir 1.1489 0.05249 47 40 7 0
2326 "Your Majesty, I've gone to the Weights and Measures lab to have one of these hairs tested for tensile strength, back in an hour." Signed, Damocles 1.1489 0.06787 47 42 3 2
2327 Your horoscope says 'Be here now.' 1.1489 0.06067 47 41 5 1
2328 The latest poll shows the court jester is leading you 87 per cent to 13 per cent, sire. 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
2329 Did I mention how regal you look? 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2330 Forget I said it starts with a "K" and let's try again. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2331 Am I going too fast for you? 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2332 I think I need clarification, how much of your beard did you want trimmed again? 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2333 We have a lot of people that need to be knighted. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2334 It's a note from your brother, "who has a small sword now?" 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2335 "Prime will deliver the Sword of Damocles momentarily". 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
2336 Apologies for the decor, my lord. We Lord Trump would win the election. 1.1481 0.07195 54 50 0 4
2337 Damocles wishes you long life and happiness. 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
2338 Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear, and it shows them pearly white. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
2339 I still envy your pension and benefits package. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2340 Don't despair, Sire. Come November, there'll be a new Damocles. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2341 Your Majesty, the arms budget of the land is more than adequate, but the infrastructure is reported to be sorely neglected. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2342 It may feel like we are pressing you for a response and, we are, for after all there is a sword over your head 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2343 All of your subjects love you, the Treasury is full, your enemy's cower in fear, the Queen adores you... 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
2344 Can you get to the point before my patience unravels? 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
2345 We regret to inform you that your appeal for clemency has been found to have been plagiarized. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2346 It's from the Sheath Makers' Guild. They're on strike. 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
2347 So the queen wants a divorce, does she? Read the prenup! 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
2348 It says you should make haste to get yourself a huge pen, Sire. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
2349 Your majesty, Macbeth suggested upward thinking rather than forward thinking. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
2350 ...and, finally, your subjects think you are compensating too much. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
2351 The prince and the princess... Line! I forgot my line. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2352 And finally, Your Majesty, Damocles sends his regrets, but will be unable to occupy your throne this evening. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2353 The Kingdom of Northumbria petitions that we both cease our escalating arms race. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
2354 They want to know if you'll be Trump's vice president. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2355 Sir: 1) Guinevere wants to know who's picking up the kids 2) Lancelot is requesting next weekend off 3) Merlin said he thinks he knows where is sword is.... 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
2356 It's signed Democles ! 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2357 I'm sorry sir, but I have to say it. Either you're preparing for Donald Trump's visit next week, or you're definitely overcompensating for something. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
2358 Why do you have Randy Jackson's autograph on a sword??! 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
2359 There's a bit of talk in the kingdom regarding the size of your sword and compensating... 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
2360 Pieces imminent your Majesty. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2361 Your ad will read: King seeks matching fork from Goliath Collector Set manufactured in 352 BC by The Philistine Corp. of South Gaza. Will trade for gold or spare life of choice. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
2362 We have a Trump asking for his name to be engraved in helvetica caps, my Lord. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2363 Sire, after your spat last night, the Queen hath ordered extra security over the royal jewels. 1.1481 0.06691 54 49 2 3
2364 Please don't kill me, Sire. I only bring a message from Damocles. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2365 It's from Damocles. He says he can't make it tonight; his horse was stolen. 1.1481 0.06147 54 48 4 2
2366 Good news, your highness. The sword is just a theory. 1.1481 0.04880 54 46 8 0
2367 It was a dark and stormy night. 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2368 Your interior designer has sold his life insurance business 1.1481 0.05550 54 47 6 1
2369 The Chairman of the Royal Pen Company strongly urges you to negotiate. 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
2370 As you predicted, Damocles is a no-show. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
2371 King Leopoldo says that his is bigger than yours. 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
2372 Well, they never said I couldn't stab the messenger, did they? 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
2373 I'm afraid it's frayed and Lancelot will not knot it and suggests you move your lazy ass. 1.1458 0.06651 48 43 3 2
2374 How did you get that out of The Stone? 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
2375 Fee Fi Fo Fum 1.1458 0.06651 48 43 3 2
2376 Your rival wishes to apologize for his 'small hands' remark. 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
2377 Where's the point? 1.1458 0.05947 48 42 5 1
2378 It's a letter from Damocles. He's at the end of his rope and needs his sword back. 1.1458 0.06651 48 43 3 2
2379 Hear ye, Hear ye. From henceforth, the King will be called King Mack! 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
2380 Simply put, the kingdoms weapons budget is bankrupt. 1.1458 0.05148 48 41 7 0
2381 All windows must be closed until further notice. 1.1455 0.04798 55 47 8 0
2382 We retained the drama. The tungsten still looks like a hair. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
2383 It sayth, "Please sire, your boots are unlaced . . ." 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
2384 And finally, Olaf the Giant demands the return of his sword. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
2385 The polls say the sword is fine, but you could walk a little softer. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
2386 Looks like we better put a "RUSH" on this edict, Sire. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
2387 Have a great day and enjoy life to the fullest. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
2388 The decree now reads, 'Henceforth, all subjects shall become Jewish.' Last chance, are you absolutely sure? 1.1455 0.06040 55 49 4 2
2389 Your neighbor wishes to recommence fracking. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
2390 That's all Your Highness, let's plan next month if we get there. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
2391 Gulliver bequeathed it to you. 1.1455 0.04798 55 47 8 0
2392 Prior, the King had no idea of a Royal Pain. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
2393 Your Highness, I just got the report from Rope QA/QC -- you're gonna want to be sitting down for this. 1.1455 0.04798 55 47 8 0
2394 No, your highness, "Crocodile" Dundee's lawyer has not responded yet. 1.1455 0.06040 55 49 4 2
2395 Sir, as requested, binge watching of GoT has now been banned. 1.1455 0.06040 55 49 4 2
2396 Don Trump has made an offer for your kingdom that he says you can't refuse. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
2397 Tell me when you've found the name of the interior designer. Let's just say that they are in big trouble. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
2398 It says here, your Highness, that it's from someone named Macbeth. 1.1455 0.04798 55 47 8 0
2399 I know that you are not one to make a decision based on fear, but just look at Damacles' track record. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
2400 Whereas, we your vassals and serfs get your point, we acknowledge size does matter and pledge our allegiance on this first ballot 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
2401 He said lose the sword and you got a deal. 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
2402 And there's this from Damocles... 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
2403 Let it be on your head 1.1455 0.04798 55 47 8 0
2404 WHAT IF WE GET THE IDEA OUT THERE THAT THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD? 1.1455 0.05455 55 48 6 1
2405 Before I read the vote on banning weapons in the monarchy...I humbly request a bathroom break. 1.1455 0.04798 55 47 8 0
2406 Damocles demands your daughter's hand. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
2407 Sire, Your reign is over. 1.1429 0.05937 56 50 4 2
2408 Sire, Damocles is next. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
2409 It says here that the Sword of Damocles is an old wives tale and myth. 1.1429 0.05937 56 50 4 2
2410 And further proclaim that the boys' choir as enough altos. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
2411 Here is your official decree endorsing Donald Trump. 1.1429 0.06521 49 44 3 2
2412 Henceforth, the King shall rule at the mercy of that rope up there...that appears to be fraying. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
2413 The big sword IS cool, your majesty; however, we think a big pen would play much better, especially among the revolting peasents. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
2414 Did you want to reschedule your meeting with Damocles for earlier? 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
2415 FYI that is not a dagger you see before you. Warmest wishes, Macbeth. 1.1429 0.06521 49 44 3 2
2416 King Leo writes to say, "Mine is bigger than yours." 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
2417 It says his name is Damocles, sire, and he brings news from Greece. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
2418 Your present from Damocles should arrive today. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
2419 ... and for dessert tonight, we have a gigantic chocolate layer cake. 1.1429 0.05832 49 43 5 1
2420 The one-year limited warranty excludes using it as a guillotine. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
2421 A stitch in time saves Thine. 1.1429 0.05051 49 42 7 0
2422 My King, the Great Big Birthdsy Cake has finally arrived. 1.1404 0.05838 57 51 4 2
2423 It's a gift from a Mr. Damocles. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
2424 Hear ye, Hear Ye, to the former King of Bishel 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
2425 Your Highness, Macbeth is here to see you! 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
2426 The decorator thought we should go for the Sword of Damocles look. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
2427 You have one more guess before the blade comes down. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
2428 Now no one wants the Iron Throne 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
2429 These are our non-negotiable demands. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
2430 Henceforth her majesty shall hold court in her chambers, hashtag not a drama queen. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
2431 Your Highness, Lord Damocles presents this gift of tribute... 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
2432 The latest polls suggest that the Sword of Damocles is an ineffective coup deterrent. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
2433 ...and the Queen left a message that she is at the end of her rope and good look with Excalibur, whatever that means. 1.1400 0.07004 50 46 1 3
2434 I just get this odd feeling that someone is trying to hurt me. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
2435 "I suggest you don't say only I can fix it". 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
2436 Your Round Table has sent you a message. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
2437 There's a "Damocles," waiting in the lobby. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
2438 Yes, Sire, it seems to be a gift from some chap named Damocles. 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
2439 ..and last but not least Sire, I would like to add that your request for a rope replacement cannot be fulfilled.. 1.1400 0.06395 50 45 3 2
2440 I've checked twice your majesty; it can't be returned for being "too great and awesome." 1.1400 0.06395 50 45 3 2
2441 Not fazed, eh? A sword is too cliche, you say. Ok, Damocles, ok. Now suppose I were to beat that sword into a plowshare? Yep. A clunky, CRIPPLING plowshare. How 'bout THAT for symbolism dangling over your head!? - or so says this redemption clause. 1.1400 0.06395 50 45 3 2
2442 M. Guillotin’s instructions just say suspend a giant blade. 1.1400 0.06395 50 45 3 2
2443 According to this, Sire, ‘Damocles was an obsequious courtier in the court of Dionysius II of Syracuse, 4th-century BC.’ 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
2444 Your Majesty, I get the point but... 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
2445 I'm no court jester, but I've seen more secure lines at the Watergate Hotel. 1.1400 0.05721 50 44 5 1
2446 Hear ye, hear ye! Reality Kingdom is about to begin 1.1400 0.04957 50 43 7 0
2447 We hereby let you eat cake. 1.1400 0.06395 50 45 3 2
2448 Say the secret word, something you find around the castle, then the bonus sword is yours. 1.1400 0.06395 50 45 3 2
2449 The peasants are sick of sushi your Majesty. 1.1400 0.06395 50 45 3 2
2450 It is imperative that you use black ink, not blue ink, when completing this questionnaire. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
2451 The Imp sends his regards. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
2452 Your majesty, the request from last month for additional rope still looms above you 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
2453 Thankfully our kingdom is based on an orderly succession. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
2454 Damocles says he would like to give it a try. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
2455 My Liege, the Royal Sharpener insists there is no need for Your Highness to vacate the throne. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
2456 Unfortunately, Macbeth's dagger is not only real, it's way bigger than we figured. 1.1373 0.06275 51 46 3 2
2457 Ye Olde Proclamation Addressing the Ridiculous Rumors of the King Being Suicidal... 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
2458 Damocles would like to know how you like the sword he gave you. 1.1373 0.06275 51 46 3 2
2459 No, Sire, you did not decree that the rope be replaced until next year. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
2460 It seems Excalibur has been completed, your highness, however I think they misread the schematics. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
2461 A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
2462 ...and endorse Hillary before the Convention. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
2463 At the current enrichment rate, we are 3 to 5 years from an A-bomb of Damocles. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
2464 Let's sue this guy Damocles. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
2465 Are you sure those cuts are wise, your grace? The Throne Room Security budget is already rather threadbare. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
2466 "Did you mean, sire, that sword for a pen? 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
2467 Damocles regrets to inform your Majesty that he will not be able to accept your kind and generous invitation. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
2468 The knife is from "mom's new favorite". 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
2469 Sir, Groucho says 'You Bet Your Life!' Say the magic word and win 100 dollars! 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
2470 It's non-refundable after 30 days. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
2471 So many wannabees would take the throne of Damocles. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
2472 Decree: All male elephants must be circumcised. 1.1373 0.06871 51 47 1 3
2473 Apparently you earned enough points from last week's pillaging to unlock the Megashield of Damocles. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
2474 The Queen demands you get out of her chair and put her crown back. 1.1373 0.06275 51 46 3 2
2475 Is it sharp? 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
2476 Royals 'R' Us is having a sale on Kevlar crowns. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
2477 Let it be known that "Harold the Soft Spoken" is now "Harold the Unusually Large Handed". 1.1373 0.06871 51 47 1 3
2478 Sir, I think Damocles is looking for something 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
2479 ...and further more, the contractor regrets the attachment of the super-sword isn't sufficient. 1.1373 0.06275 51 46 3 2
2480 Sire, Cicero is suing you for copyright infringement. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
2481 Sire, you have it backwards. It won't be my head. 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
2482 There's a PS. "Don't make me come over there and take it back." 1.1373 0.04867 51 44 7 0
2483 Your rule is hanging by s thread , Sire. 1.1373 0.05615 51 45 5 1
2484 Oh yes, sir. King Damocles was very insistent about the sword. 1.1364 0.06161 44 39 4 1
2485 Squire, I still can't understand how the knife is held up by a single rope. Read me today's physics paper. 1.1364 0.05233 44 38 6 0
2486 To Be or not to Be 1.1351 0.05698 37 32 5 0
2487 Following directions, sire, vertical is the point. 1.1346 0.04779 52 45 7 0
2488 His Majesty, therefore, has proven once and for all that the sword is mightier than the pen. 1.1346 0.06743 52 48 1 3
2489 It's from someone named Malcolm Gladwell. 1.1346 0.06158 52 47 3 2
2490 Damocles sends his regards. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2491 It says, "beware of the Sword of Damocles." 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2492 ...and Donald Trump wants to know if your majesty likes the sword he sent you. 1.1346 0.06158 52 47 3 2
2493 Two halves make a whole, right? 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2494 Request to send in your future son-in-law, Your Majesty. 1.1346 0.06158 52 47 3 2
2495 ... Signatories pledge to work towards complete disarmament and an end to the armaments race. 1.1346 0.04779 52 45 7 0
2496 "My keen knife see not the wound it makes." Gosh, Shakespeare's confusing. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2497 Your Majesty, it's not legal to open-carry your sword. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2498 Next on the agenda, I recommend that you fire the decorator for being a bit too cliché. 1.1346 0.06158 52 47 3 2
2499 Don't worry. Waterboarding is strictly prohibited. 1.1346 0.04779 52 45 7 0
2500 ....and so your presence, is therefore requested at the Game of Thrones Red Wedding. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2501 Yes, go on, you were saying something about the pen being mightier...really? 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2502 And finally, the court jester requests a moment of your time. 1.1346 0.06158 52 47 3 2
2503 Your liege, Damocles wants his sword back. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2504 It's from Damocles. He's had second thoughts. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2505 Dionysus says you're not allowed to scoot the throne. 1.1346 0.04779 52 45 7 0
2506 To: King Lear. From: W. Shakespeare. Subject: Ratings: Our ratings doth wallow in the dust. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2507 I do not believe that human activity is causing these dramatic changes to our climate the way these scientists are portraying it. 1.1346 0.04779 52 45 7 0
2508 So, the huge sword did arrive, but I'm afraid the the uneasiness is on backorder along with the humility and self-reflection. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2509 Your new sword is here, Prime Minister Cameron. 1.1346 0.06158 52 47 3 2
2510 Prescience 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2511 The king of Spain says he has a pen he'd like to show you. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2512 Your Majesty, Damocles sends his warm regards and adds that there is a fine balance as well as a thin sharp edge between life and death. 1.1346 0.04779 52 45 7 0
2513 All decrees shall be observed at ye’s beheadst. 1.1346 0.06158 52 47 3 2
2514 Paul Bunyan is plotting his revenge, sire. 1.1346 0.06158 52 47 3 2
2515 I'm with stupid. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2516 They want to know if you endorse Trump or simply support him. 1.1346 0.06158 52 47 3 2
2517 'Heavy, heavy, hangs over thy head. . . ' 1.1346 0.06158 52 47 3 2
2518 For this trick to work, both of you have to stay perfectly still for the next few days. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2519 I can see the end! 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2520 The king was stranded on the throne. 1.1346 0.06158 52 47 3 2
2521 ...And that Mr Damocles has been in touch again, Sire, to ask if we're sure we haven't seen his missing item..." 1.1346 0.06158 52 47 3 2
2522 The Sword of Damn Old Cheese could, of course, melt. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2523 They've rejected your proposal of trial by combat. 1.1346 0.04779 52 45 7 0
2524 Sire, may I opine why the people no longer call you 'Ethelrod the Kind?...' 1.1346 0.04779 52 45 7 0
2525 Your Highness, it's another notice from OSHA about the working conditions around here. Some guy named Damocles keeps complaining. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2526 Cut to the chase. 1.1346 0.04779 52 45 7 0
2527 To be known as the King - Mightier - Than - The - Sword , hide the Wizard's magnet and cut the rope. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2528 You are the best king ever. I know what happened to that page who disagreed with my evaluation! 1.1346 0.06158 52 47 3 2
2529 In conclusion, there will be 'huge' consequences for any citizen opposing the Wall. 1.1346 0.04779 52 45 7 0
2530 Damocles writes, "Please keep the sword and the crown, after all." 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2531 I like the way you have featured Excaliber 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2532 King Henry VIII, I Think your first wife is back to haunt you. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2533 Good News Sire - The horsehair comes from a thoroughbred! 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2534 Where's your sling and stone now? Your old pal, G. 1.1346 0.06158 52 47 3 2
2535 Your Majesty,David returns Goliath's sword so you remember this day. 1.1346 0.06158 52 47 3 2
2536 The royal barber writes: "Sire, I have devised a new scheme to deal with your fly-away beard hair." 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2537 Sharpening instructions, Your Honer. 1.1346 0.05512 52 46 5 1
2538 With all due respect sir, I would not make a decision about the repair based on a poll of your subjects. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
2539 Good thing we got Amazon Prime! 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
2540 The people say your metaphorical conscience isn't cutting it. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
2541 The point which I'm trying to make is that I don't want to be in the line of succession, because I don't want to see that hanging over me. 1.1333 0.05125 45 39 6 0
2542 A slice of life 1.1333 0.06030 45 40 4 1
2543 Sir, this is the final question, all your competitors hope you make the final cut. 1.1321 0.04695 53 46 7 0
2544 Be aware that my new time-management system has an automatic cut-off period. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2545 The chef has prepared [gulp] swordfish. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2546 "Prince Theo says, 'While I'm deeply honored by your offer of the throne, I regret that my current schedule is just jam packed.''' 1.1321 0.06046 53 48 3 2
2547 I'm just the messenger, the Queen has run off with a young knight. 1.1321 0.06046 53 48 3 2
2548 Sire, the polling results of the citizenry absolutely confirm that you are a wise and courageous man who cares more about his people than his own well-being. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2549 Is he still worth two in the bush? 1.1321 0.06046 53 48 3 2
2550 Damocles accepts the raise. 1.1321 0.06046 53 48 3 2
2551 The King of Clubs has requested your presence, along with 3 Queens, Your Highness. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2552 Mr. Damocles had to cancel his appointment. 1.1321 0.04695 53 46 7 0
2553 A brief epistle from Dionysius. It reads "You're a doofus, Damocles. I can't believe you fell for this setup, dork." 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2554 We couldn't find the sword of Damocles your majesty. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2555 "No worries. It's not the sword of Damacles." "No worries. It's not the sword of Damacles." Gaye Fontoura, Mahwah, NJ 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2556 wn The legions like your idea of testing the new hardware 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2557 High fives, O King, and don't leave me hanging! 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2558 Your majesty, George R. R. Martin has sent a gift for your recent coronation. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2559 Our wizards call it "shaving", Sire. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2560 Last slice of life, Sire 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2561 Your ex- wife hopes the sword falls on you. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2562 You must indicate that you agree to the terms set forth before proceeding to the next step. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2563 ....Finally, Lancelot requests your signature on the castle deeds immediately, sire! 1.1321 0.06046 53 48 3 2
2564 The threat level is largely Damocleish. 1.1321 0.04695 53 46 7 0
2565 Reports show this recent defense project is over budget and doesn't meet our knights' needs. 1.1321 0.06046 53 48 3 2
2566 I hope Your Majesty finds the mystery birthday gift pleasing. Your loyal subject, Damocles. 1.1321 0.04695 53 46 7 0
2567 Hear Ye HereYe, to our King who is always a "Cut Above"the rest. 1.1321 0.04695 53 46 7 0
2568 The architect reminds you that you did request the authentic Versailles package. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2569 "It is hereby proclaimed that His Majesty's Throne will be known as Her Majesty's Throne from this day forward. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2570 It says here if you tell a lie the knife will fall. 1.1321 0.06046 53 48 3 2
2571 Your likability numbers have tanked but 34% are impressed that you made the other guy pay for it. 1.1321 0.06046 53 48 3 2
2572 The Gong Show reunion is next door. 1.1321 0.06619 53 49 1 3
2573 They don't care how big your knife is, they still think you're a short-fingered vulgarian. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2574 The petition says this is a one-time offer. 1.1321 0.04695 53 46 7 0
2575 And lastly , your wife no longer wants to be the royal rope weaver. 1.1321 0.04695 53 46 7 0
2576 Your Majesty, by proclamation, we bestow you the biggest slice. 1.1321 0.06046 53 48 3 2
2577 And, finally, we demand that your meet all of our previous demands or stay seated until the sword falls. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2578 In other words, Goliath wants it back 1.1321 0.04695 53 46 7 0
2579 And a final note, the odds are now at 5-1 for a concluding fraying tomorrow morning. Treasury is asking whether you want in on the action right now or would like to wait. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2580 Sire, the cooking school asks that you return its advertising sign. 1.1321 0.04695 53 46 7 0
2581 The people say that you are definitely a cut above the rest. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2582 We didn't realize the Spinal Tap set designers were now crafting letter openers. 1.1321 0.06046 53 48 3 2
2583 P.S. Sire, I forgot to include the sword in your job description. 1.1321 0.06046 53 48 3 2
2584 Romulus says the throne needs to be moved back six inches. 1.1321 0.05413 53 47 5 1
2585 Your first appointment today is with Penn & Teller, per your request. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
2586 You are always being trumped by the sword issue. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
2587 It's from the International Criminal Court - don't slay the messenger. 1.1304 0.05020 46 40 6 0
2588 Sword of Trump! 1.1304 0.05905 46 41 4 1
2589 and Parliament has again rejected your request for some rope, 1.1304 0.05905 46 41 4 1
2590 He says "The bigger the sword, the smaller the wienie"...... 1.1304 0.06673 46 42 2 2
2591 I see you've gotten my point. 1.1296 0.04614 54 47 7 0
2592 Why, yes sir, as a matter of fact I WOULD like a super-sword for Christmas! 1.1296 0.05318 54 48 5 1
2593 Sorry, Mr. D, the attorney says renaming it the Sword of Melvin does not void the agreement. 1.1296 0.04614 54 47 7 0
2594 But Sire.. it says right here: 'One Giant Slayer'. 1.1296 0.05318 54 48 5 1
2595 It clearly states 'Don't shoot the messenger.' Stabbing is clearly a loophole. 1.1296 0.05318 54 48 5 1
2596 No more money for armaments that can't be used. 1.1296 0.05938 54 49 3 2
2597 You have been accused of "living in the moment". 1.1296 0.05938 54 49 3 2
2598 Here's a good one, Sire - 'Dear King Damocles...' 1.1296 0.05318 54 48 5 1
2599 Finally, your majesty...and let me say this is kind of ironic...the leader of the giant people writes you. King Magnus says he knows we stole his lucky sword and he wants it back. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
2600 Sire, Damocles says he can't do the work until Thursday. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
2601 Heavy slice the head that wears the crown. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
2602 Sire, just how large is this Sword of Damocles supposed to be anyway? 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
2603 A message for you, King Damocles...... 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
2604 It's a message from Damocles, sire. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
2605 Your majesty's decree that the giant hath been slain hangs by but a thread. 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
2606 Forgive me as the print is exceptionally small but I did not find any dismemberment rider. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
2607 Are you voting for Trump? 1.1277 0.04920 47 41 6 0
2608 Is it "open sesame"? 1.1277 0.06535 47 43 2 2
2609 ... and finally, you have to choose the toppings for the kingdom pizza party. 1.1277 0.05784 47 42 4 1
2610 I hereby dub you retired. 1.1273 0.05225 55 49 5 1
2611 The throne room has been sharply decorated. 1.1273 0.05225 55 49 5 1
2612 Macbeth Incorporated has issued a recall for 'Floating Dagger' effective immediately. 1.1273 0.05225 55 49 5 1
2613 It says if it doesn't fall on November 8th we're good for at least another four years. 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
2614 Sire, it's from the Queen regarding your plans for reimplementing the "Right of the First Night". 1.1250 0.06403 48 44 2 2
2615 It says " Sorry we were out of large round tables in stock, please accept the large sword in its place," 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
2616 Would you like to cut the deck, Your Highness? 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
2617 Mr. Trump, sir,...it's...um...from the IRS... 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
2618 Sir. That non-licensed contractor is still seeking payment of his bill for the hanging sword. 1.1250 0.06403 48 44 2 2
2619 Get to the point - I'm on a knife edge 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
2620 Again, the general concensus is that Your Highness stay the course. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
2621 Murphy's Law: The Year in Review 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
2622 It says, 'Art,baby, we want our sword back.' and it's signed, 'The Stones' 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
2623 Directions say to extend the foreskin and expect only mold bleeding. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
2624 And whoever lifts thee shall be dubbed Sir Mack the knife. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
2625 Your Majesty, the receipt for the flactchet says 'no refunds or returns'. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
2626 The Knights are jealous and the ladies say that its really not about the size or the angle but everyone agrees it needs re-adjusting 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
2627 Your Majesty, I bring greetings from Damocles. 1.1250 0.04824 48 42 6 0
2628 The last of the prisoners' demands is for better rope. 1.1250 0.05669 48 43 4 1
2629 It's from Damocles - a request he hopes you'll seriously consider. 1.1250 0.06403 48 44 2 2
2630 OK go through the instructions again Damocles because it sure looks dangerous to me 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
2631 "Speed up or I'll cut it short". 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
2632 The origins of the phrase, "I've got your back." 1.1224 0.06276 49 45 2 2
2633 Your name on it? In huge letters. In Gold? Sure. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
2634 Lastly, Your Majesty, the FTC is recalling all dangling over-sized daggers. Something to do with 'faulty rope.' 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
2635 I know that the rope holding the giant sword above your head is about to break, but I still think that immigration is the key issue here. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
2636 King Dionysius: "What has the oracle written this time?" Damocles: "She says the same danger you are experiencing will occur again two thousand four hundred years from now in an as yet undiscovered nation called USA." 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
2637 The nobles say, 'Wait. Everything will be fine.' 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
2638 Your majesty, your chief rival says he has a magic pen that will best your sword. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
2639 So you're telling me they're recalling the rope? 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
2640 Sire, it says here that The Pen is NOT mightier than The Sword 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
2641 This decree thereby declares thee the king of the powerpoint. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
2642 Sire, the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog awaits. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
2643 Your bagel order, Sire - sliced or unsliced? 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
2644 My bad, Your Highness, but this is the Sword Double-X-Calibur. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
2645 The ropemaker went to the Bahamas because winter aggravates his gout, and the rat-catcher is passed out from the ale at the feast. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
2646 ``I'll be home soon so your flirtation with bachelorhood will soon be over. I expect things to be in order. A list of things to do is attached. Love, your one and only.'' 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
2647 The sword was sent as a gift from Damocles. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
2648 Yes, Sire, completely lead-free. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
2649 Don't sneeze.If you do you're a goner. 1.1224 0.06276 49 45 2 2
2650 It appears there is a lifetime warrenty on it not cutting through and killing you sire 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
2651 The sharpening bill, your highness, exceeded 100 gold pieces this past month. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
2652 The Kingdom of Shield requesteth a rematch. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
2653 Be it known to all, hence forth the King is hanging up his dagger and ruling by executive orders. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
2654 The Royal Council urges Your Majesty to worry not about overblown threats to His Person 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
2655 I'm not sure the optics are right for the part that says "The Pen is Mightier than The Sword." 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
2656 The giant demands his sandwich pick back. 1.1224 0.04731 49 43 6 0
2657 The king was exceedingly bored with the reading of the OSAH guidelines on the government requirements for the proper way to hang a knife. 1.1224 0.05558 49 44 4 1
2658 Your Majesty I have bad news about this years projected budget deficit. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
2659 This is way better than the sword of Damocles! 1.1200 0.06154 50 46 2 2
2660 Don't worry, it falls on 99% of the people 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
2661 There's some focus group rumbling over the militarization of the royalty. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
2662 Sire, your doubling of taxes has led your subjects to believe there's been a doubling of kings. 1.1200 0.06154 50 46 2 2
2663 King Abramovic. The museum requests that you end your charade of peril. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2664 Priority Mail from Dionysius! 1.1200 0.06154 50 46 2 2
2665 ...and finally, if you need to go to the bathroom, you need to take the sword with you. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2666 The results are; The sword is properly placed. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2667 I take that as disapproval of the proposed sliding pay scale. 1.1200 0.06154 50 46 2 2
2668 It was an original idea by Melania Trump. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
2669 Of your own volition, you sought the office; the Sword of Damocles is held at your voters' discretion. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2670 Curious how today's petitions were all submitted in writing, Your Highness. 1.1200 0.06154 50 46 2 2
2671 A list of demands from the anarcho-syndicalists, your majesty 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2672 I think this one's a no-brainer: Damocles wants his sword back. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2673 I don't see a point, here. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2674 Ummmm, yeah, it's another beautiful day in the neighborhood. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2675 Do you feel a draft? 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2676 In exchange for running for Vice President, Mr. Trump promises HUGE rewards. Simply fabulous benefits. Really, really good stuff. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
2677 I still think that the "fluffy kitten of Damocles" will play better with the electorate. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
2678 Your Highness, may we start with the adjustments you have eluded to in your will ? 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2679 OK, I'll read that back you... 'The word compensate shall be stricken from the kingdom' 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
2680 Your majesty this letter from the queen clearly states that the big sword is missing 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
2681 Mightier than the sword. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2682 You don't look any different, my king. Perhaps it means something different in America. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
2683 It has a warranty that runs out in the first week of November. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2684 Hear me out my King. I'm only going to say this one time! 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
2685 Undoubtedly, there is some meaningful, philosophical point being made here, but I'm afraid it's all Greek to me. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
2686 "The sword the body wounds, sharp words the mind." -- Menander 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2687 Hear ye! Hear ye! Bidding is up to $2 million for this piece of junk. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2688 I saw an infomercial on TV and just had to have it! 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
2689 The renovation is nearly complete Damocles. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
2690 The royal compensator. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2691 Intelligence from the colonies, Sire. No, nothing here on independence... 1.1200 0.06154 50 46 2 2
2692 Here ye, hear ye, Ye Big Cheese is about to be cut . . . er . . . dubbed . 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2693 Still no reports of the royal sword "making up for something." 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
2694 Your majesty, the King of Clubs has requested your presence with 3 Queens. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2695 They say it's payback for the dinner prank yesterday. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2696 According to this week's Gallop, the clear choice of the people is Off with His Head. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2697 and in conclusion, we art quite pleased yond thee couldst s'rve as temp'rary monarch f'r our humble kingdom h're. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2698 You know what they say, big hands, big.... 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
2699 January 20th, Sire. 1.1200 0.04642 50 44 6 0
2700 The Tax Collector says you're NOT exempt, Sire. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
2701 A Lord Roosevelt has filed a copyright infringement action against you, something about speaking softly but carrying a big stick. 1.1200 0.05451 50 45 4 1
2702 Headline: Insurrection Imminent. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2703 Text from Damocles: "Humble thanks for last night's feast. Did I, by any chance, leave my sword behind? 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2704 It is written that an evil King who shows no remorse at all shall... Sorry King, did you know that a gift came with this note? 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2705 Live under the sword, possibly die under the sword or move one's throne! That is the question. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2706 It didn't pass the fire code. 1.1176 0.06037 51 47 2 2
2707 The sword is mightier than the word! 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2708 But the royal focus group ranked it higher than anything for use in your coat of arms. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2709 ...and one half of the castle. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2710 Three- We, the peasants, find your so-called 'magical powers' to be laughable. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2711 And at 4pm Prince Hamlet arrives for brief home visit. 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2712 And Damocles says further........ 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2713 Sir - It says beware of the Gordian Knot 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2714 Pursuant to your directives on budget pressures, Your Highness, the sword will now hang by a thread, and I am directed to occupy the throne. 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2715 Confirmation, your highness... it is perfectly balanced. 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2716 Sire, the coalition for the pen requests your attention. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2717 What do you mean, "Can you be my vice-president"? 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2718 The stars say 'pride goeth before the fall',sire. 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2719 Tonight's dinner menu better include brussels sprouts. No pressure. 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2720 Yep, you're dying. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2721 Bad news sire, King Dionysius has rejected your purchase order for a pen. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2722 Sire, a Mr. Donald Trump says he is envious of your great fortune and hopes he may someday enjoy such magnificent wealth and power. 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2723 Yes sire, I'll rush this summon to Damocles. 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2724 And you shall be King forever...oops! 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2725 Quelle surprise; what fresh hell is this?! 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2726 The "Excalibur Matters" people are planning on dropping in and are calling for your head! 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2727 ....and a Mr. Edgar Allen Poe says that you are the inspiration for his new story involving a pit and a pendulum. 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2728 From this day forward, your piece of Roast Beef shall be named the "King's Cut". 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2729 It's a razor blade promotion. You get all the royalties. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2730 Kingdom's Got Talent - Season 1 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2731 It's from Cruz the Hun. The message reads; Dear King Donald, In response to your plea for the Party's unity behind you, GO S-WORD YOURSELF. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2732 Odds Bodkins! That's one odd bodkin! 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2733 Sir, we cannot seem to locate Damocles anywhere in the kingdom. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2734 "...and as bestowed by Emperor Ginsu". 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2735 Excuse me your Highness, your Royal seismologist said there is a 60 percent chance of a very strong quake within the next 24 hours! 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2736 We tanked in the primary. 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2737 The colonies are asking to return 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2738 I see the problem. How big is your foot, your majesty? 1.1176 0.06037 51 47 2 2
2739 Mr. Damocles has a, uh, minor aesthetic request. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2740 Dionysius sends his regards. Stay as long as you want. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2741 Your lordship, "The Sword of Damocles" watches over you, so don't look up! 1.1176 0.06037 51 47 2 2
2742 This next message brought to you by Damocles... 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2743 It's supposed to be the melon-baller of Damocles. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2744 We, " The People" get the point. We find this type of symbolism redundant. 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2745 There's a one-year warrantee on Valyrian steel 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2746 Sire, your subjects object to the new punishment for jaywalking. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2747 ....in the event your do not perform your duties of your reign, well..... 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2748 Damocles, unbalanced! 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2749 In conclusion, your majesty, I am happy to report that, in the wake of our ink embargo, the enemy’s ballyhooed ‘pen’ technology is no match for our tried and true ‘sword’ technology 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2750 He says he's coming to pick up his sword and he doesn't like kings. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2751 We all have one. Bigger job bigger sword. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2752 Your Majesty, we're swapping out the Big Dagger in the cloud with Big Data. 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2753 Winter is here. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2754 Sword? I don't see any sword, Sire. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2755 Sire, there *is* one last codicil in the tontine... "chew softly." 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2756 The last person to sign out the scissors was one Donald Trump... 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2757 Oh, and a message from Merlin, “Don’t stand up too quickly” 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2758 I'm sorry, Sire, but according to the contract with Damocles, the sword is non-returnable. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2759 It incentivizes. We bought it on line. 1.1176 0.05348 51 46 4 1
2760 You know what they say about a big sword, right? 1.1176 0.04556 51 45 6 0
2761 Your Highness, as requested, your special sword has been installed for your protection 1.1163 0.04946 43 38 5 0
2762 The Council has decreed it essential that no ruler should feel at ease in his position. And since it's too late to re-design the throne itself.... 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2763 His Highness has decreed that The Sword of Damocles shall be removed until further notice 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2764 And always remember to speak softly and carry a big knife. 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2765 It's from Angry Green Giant, says he's changing his name. 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2766 Sire, I know you have a lot over your head but Trump is the GOP's candidate. 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2767 King Solomon died as he lived. 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2768 This castle was once owned by Goliath 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2769 The oversized fork does come in bronze however, perhaps a better solution would be to reflect on ones obsession with size... 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2770 Yada yarda yarda, get to the point already 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2771 Bad news; Brussels needs the sword back. 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2772 Ok Emperor, that's get some new clothes, polish your scepter and return this sword for a big one. 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2773 Damocles says you've already made your point. 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2774 Well, Roger, we'll just have to get a bigger stone then - won't we. 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2775 And lastly, Martha Stewart said 'this is how Donald Trump has one hanging in his house.' 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2776 Sorry, Your Highness, but it's right here in paragraph five of the Trump licensing agreement. 1.1154 0.05924 52 48 2 2
2777 Your majesty, I bring news that the knife-releasing ceremony will happen tomorrow at precisely 3 o'clock pm. 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2778 For splitting hairs over key issues, we sentence ... 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2779 Your Hugeness, Little Damocles officially withdraws his pretense to the throne. 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2780 Total power trip. 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2781 I'm sorry your Majesty, it was the French fries that were to be "super-sized". 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2782 Damocles is outside. 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2783 ….and so, as your long suffering Royal advisors, we conclude by informing you that 50 years ago we were not really sincere when we said “Long live the King!” 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2784 In response, he sends his giant, to challenge your champion in a game of mumblety-peg. 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2785 The Queen reports that her time in the country has served her well. 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2786 They claim that it is for opening something called the Magna Carta. 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2787 I will sword it out. 1.1154 0.05924 52 48 2 2
2788 No worries, you have second amendment coverage. 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2789 AND I SAY "THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD" 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2790 Your Highness, the Kingdom of Feloria would like to negotiate a treaty to deescalate the arms race. 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2791 I BEG YOUR HIGHNESS TO RECONSIDER, THE PEOPLE ARE NOT PLEASED WITH YOUR DECREE OF CANCELING , POKE MON' GO . . . 1.1154 0.05924 52 48 2 2
2792 Fuck Trump, tho. 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2793 A new quatrain from Nostradamus, "In the year of the Great Trumpius; A contest with great reward; Remembered will be the perils facing the mighty Dionysius (hey, that's you!); But credit given instead to the gadabout Damocles (wtf!?!) and the sword." 1.1154 0.05924 52 48 2 2
2794 Pokemon Go during medieval times 1.1154 0.05924 52 48 2 2
2795 Thou shalt need a bigger throne room! 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2796 Mr. Mankoff writes that you will understand the sword online in the August 1st issue. 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2797 Something's been weighing on me 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2798 ...in conclusion, all items can now be shipped in two days. 1.1154 0.05924 52 48 2 2
2799 My lord, the blacksmith says he shall not remove thy dagger until thou hast provided thee with a pension. 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2800 I like the pinata party idea. Got all my enemies on your invitation list? 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2801 ...and his reign introduced 'cutting edge' ideas and practices... 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2802 There's seem to have been a typo in the plans sent to the smith. 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2803 According to the tarot you're an air sign 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2804 Proving the law of gravity at the center of gravity. 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2805 It's from your publisher. He says your proposal isn't sharp enough. 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2806 Sire, the giants have declared war...and your mother wants her sword back. 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2807 OHSA just wrote a memo, that it is NOT advisable to have a large knife over your throne. 1.1154 0.05249 52 47 4 1
2808 Sire, your Knights at Arms state that their arms are not strong enough for your new arms. 1.1154 0.04474 52 46 6 0
2809 But sire, the 15% discount at Costco was only valid for the "Giant Longsword." 1.1132 0.04394 53 47 6 0
2810 ...And furthermore the contract states that the uttering of the phrase "Out, out, damn spot" shall have no bearing on the outcome of said apparitions, real or imaginary... 1.1132 0.05154 53 48 4 1
2811 The king says the decoy program is all the more important while he's out investigating all these pesky earthquakes. 1.1111 0.04738 45 40 5 0
2812 Your proclamation reads as follows " all who oppose the King will be given the Sword of Damocles test". 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
2813 How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? 1.1087 0.05585 46 42 3 1
2814 And the Tinker will be here at 10 today. 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
2815 Damocles? Just ask the Wall Street boys--it's purely decorative. 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
2816 Pepperoni or sausage? 1.1087 0.04640 46 41 5 0
2817 However, should the council decide to severe ties to the monarchy ... 1.1064 0.04546 47 42 5 0
2818 Medical Times regrets to inform you that the guests did stay for the piñata. 1.1064 0.05470 47 43 3 1
2819 The small council recommends you use the pointy end. 1.1064 0.04546 47 42 5 0
2820 Ye will dispose of ye WMD or face a thousand years cold war. 1.1064 0.05470 47 43 3 1
2821 Henry Tudor pronounced you guilty of treason, but the weight of the sword will make the final decision! 1.1064 0.05470 47 43 3 1
2822 Arthur means war, your Majesty. We're going to need a bigger sword. 1.1064 0.04546 47 42 5 0
2823 The results are in Your Highness. Your successor is Donald Trump. 1.1064 0.04546 47 42 5 0
2824 I, Damocles the Magnificent, do hereby declare that the laws of gravity . . . 1.1064 0.04546 47 42 5 0
2825 Damocles, need I say more sire 1.1064 0.04546 47 42 5 0
2826 Today on Medieval Shark Tank, an economic solution to beheading 1.1064 0.04546 47 42 5 0
2827 Sire,we the people are tired of your histrionics. 1.1042 0.05359 48 44 3 1
2828 Is the spelling of your name P-E-N-C-E? 1.1042 0.05359 48 44 3 1
2829 This letter says you need to pay Damocles now or else he'll release it from the suspense account. 1.1042 0.05359 48 44 3 1
2830 Your reign is up, Highness. Lord Trump has staged a coup. 1.1042 0.05359 48 44 3 1
2831 The Congressional Democlese will block your budget request for sword suspension improvements unless you abandon your line item request for tax cuts for the top one-percent. 1.1042 0.06131 48 45 1 2
2832 Your Majesty, it appears thou art on Mrs. Clinton's hit list. Thou may want to switcheth allegiance. 1.1042 0.06131 48 45 1 2
2833 Dionysius says hi. 1.1042 0.04456 48 43 5 0
2834 ...one more thing your Highness. Your moon is in Scorpio today and that is generally considered to be an icky thing. 1.1042 0.05359 48 44 3 1
2835 So saith he: 'I shall assume the throne and build a wall. And it shall be truly, truly awesome.' 1.1042 0.04456 48 43 5 0
2836 It says, 'A dagger for your thoughts, Sire?'...and if I might be allowed to refresh his Majesty's recollection, Sire, I am but the messenger. 1.1042 0.04456 48 43 5 0
2837 O Mighty King, a belated message from thou Secret Service... 1.1042 0.04456 48 43 5 0
2838 THE SURGEONS ARE READY FOR YOUR SURGERY, SIRE. 1.1042 0.05359 48 44 3 1
2839 ....being the principal reason that most of your subjects resist coming before you to pledge their allegiance. 1.1042 0.05359 48 44 3 1
2840 Damocles, Sir! You can Thank Cicero 1.1042 0.04456 48 43 5 0
2841 And lastly king Dionysius, Damocles sends his regrets 1.1042 0.04456 48 43 5 0
2842 So you said, "I will build a great wall." Bad idea. 1.1042 0.05359 48 44 3 1
2843 Doctor Damocles called--he said your valium prescription has expired. 1.1042 0.04456 48 43 5 0
2844 By royal proclamation, throne rooms shall be made safe again 1.1042 0.05359 48 44 3 1
2845 You mean there's more to the expression 1.1042 0.04456 48 43 5 0
2846 Damocles, you can thank Cicero for the allegorical gift. 1.1042 0.04456 48 43 5 0
2847 ...And thus my lord, I have spake my first filibuster. 1.1042 0.05359 48 44 3 1
2848 Sooner or later, lover or hater. 1.1026 0.04922 39 35 4 0
2849 Still no cake large enough to cut your Highness... 1.1020 0.05253 49 45 3 1
2850 The other king would simply like to know, for what this obsession with castration? 1.1020 0.05253 49 45 3 1
2851 Your Majesty, how would you like me to rate your your DIY Booby Trap™ experience? 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2852 So? Damocles had small hands, too. 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2853 Don't worry, your highness, just another petition from the guild for castle maintenance. 1.1020 0.05253 49 45 3 1
2854 No, I'm not sure the whole point of this either Damocles but for some reason Dionysus the Second just told me to tell you not to look up... 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2855 The way justice isn't served. 1.1020 0.05253 49 45 3 1
2856 That's the benefit of a single party system! 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2857 How about cutting a long story short. Do I get the point? 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2858 Your loyal subjects chose to leave their taxes at the gate rather than pay in person! 1.1020 0.05253 49 45 3 1
2859 ... and your subjects complain the whale sushi is not what it was. 1.1020 0.05253 49 45 3 1
2860 Others feel there's a simpler way to deal with your limp. 1.1020 0.05253 49 45 3 1
2861 I'm ready for my circumcision now. 1.1020 0.05253 49 45 3 1
2862 They also complained about your exclusive amenities. 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2863 Uh, no, your sire, I don't know how they balanced it? 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2864 Your Majesty, polls still show you in a dead heat with Sir Beaver the Cleaver. 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2865 There's a little something hanging over your head. 1.1020 0.05253 49 45 3 1
2866 Long live King Damocles the First. 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2867 Are you sure there's nothing else you need from the hardware store Lord Damocles? 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2868 You already know this but confirming that the final cut is the hardest one! 1.1020 0.05253 49 45 3 1
2869 Two problems: 1. We can not move the sword to Cleveland; and 2. I am the King. 1.1020 0.05253 49 45 3 1
2870 He says it's too big for your bris. 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2871 It's a pain now, but I promise you'll be an immortalized as an overused cliche in no time flat. 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2872 They say that "Game of Thrones" is not a reality show, and, no, they are not accepting applications for contestants. 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2873 if king kong storms the castle, we're ready. 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2874 I am pleased to report your Heiness' approval rating has reached 100% 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2875 Sorry boss, but the only other options were knife, rock, and club of Damacles. 1.1020 0.05253 49 45 3 1
2876 This way I don't get the point. But maybe that's the point. 1.1020 0.05253 49 45 3 1
2877 He says he won't be your heir unless you get rid of the Sword of Damocles. 1.1020 0.05253 49 45 3 1
2878 Houdini will arrive tomorrow. 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2879 All you soothsayers are all alike-is there one in this kingdom that doesn't predict upcoming doom or calamity? 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2880 Your Majesty, another dozen cows have been located so the sheath and shield will be completed shortly. 1.1020 0.04369 49 44 5 0
2881 In summary, 'Cicero sucks.' 1.1020 0.05253 49 45 3 1
2882 We now appoint you as the King of Spades! 1.1020 0.05253 49 45 3 1
2883 Dear Sire. If you do not give 50,000 ducats to this loyal servant you will be cut off from your kingdom. 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2884 Can you get me in touch with the "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" guy? 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2885 "Dammit Cleese, speak up! What was that about a sword? 1.1000 0.05151 50 46 3 1
2886 This is more than just ‘stare daggers’, isn’t it? 1.1000 0.05890 50 47 1 2
2887 Damocles has some serious sword envy. 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2888 And lastly, from a Mr. WmS, "Exeunt left. Forthwith." 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2889 Well, Macbeth's vision has been going lately. 1.1000 0.05151 50 46 3 1
2890 Boil two hearts of serfs,one dragon tooth and half a king then stir slowly. 1.1000 0.05890 50 47 1 2
2891 'Is this a dagger which I see before me?' 'A weapon has no name, Your Majesty.' 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2892 Beneath the rule of great men, the pen is still mightier than the sword. 1.1000 0.05151 50 46 3 1
2893 The Swords Section of the Society of Literary Allusions will meet solstice morning in Camelot. 1.1000 0.05151 50 46 3 1
2894 Don't act like you're not impressed. 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2895 The people reject your request for a private "slip and fall" on the sword. 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2896 I can't quite make out who sent it, sire. Might be Dammit? 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2897 your Holiness, you are supposed to be reclined for this chapter. 1.1000 0.05151 50 46 3 1
2898 Damocles, henceforth you will sit under my knife. 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2899 How many S's in 'Damocles'? 1.1000 0.05151 50 46 3 1
2900 I hereby proclaim a kinder, gentler kingdom. 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2901 Your highness, Gulliver regrets he told you of the Sword of Damocles and now wants his knife back. 1.1000 0.05151 50 46 3 1
2902 Your Majesty's nobles are pleased that you have promised them "a cut of the spoils." 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2903 I'm with her 1.1000 0.05151 50 46 3 1
2904 Scrolling for a monarch's butterfly knife. 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2905 Mr. Damocles, your driver, can't make it in today because of illness. 1.1000 0.05151 50 46 3 1
2906 I got a deal on it 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2907 And your presence is requested at this year's crumpet cook-off. 1.1000 0.05151 50 46 3 1
2908 Your minions have risen up against you, effective immediately! 1.1000 0.05151 50 46 3 1
2909 As you requested, Dionysius has been found vacationing at the beach and is now returning here. 1.1000 0.05890 50 47 1 2
2910 The occupants of the dungeon suggest that with the price of scrap metal up, this might be a profitable time to recycle THE knife. 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2911 It's a note from Prince Damocles: Hey Dad! Where do you keep the garden shears? 1.1000 0.05151 50 46 3 1
2912 "I dagger, uh, digress, yes, digress is what I mean . . . . 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2913 IKEA swords hang that way, Damocles 1.1000 0.05151 50 46 3 1
2914 Sire, as the Risk Management advisor to the throne, I summize that this policy presents a two-edged sword. 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2915 And inform your leader that he has nothing at all to fear from our nuclear deterrent. 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2916 The Alchemy Department wishes to report that in order for the dagger to remain in equipoise the handle must be made of negative matter. 1.1000 0.05151 50 46 3 1
2917 Her majesty declines to be a drama queen. 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2918 The Legend of Sir Filibuster. 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2919 "In conclusion, the pen is mightier than the sword." Signed, Donald Trump 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2920 I, your humble subject, who drew the short straw, beseech you sire,... 1.1000 0.05151 50 46 3 1
2921 ...in recognition of your undubitably large hands, yours sincerely, Dionysius. 1.1000 0.04286 50 45 5 0
2922 And the specials for tonights are... 1.0980 0.05053 51 47 3 1
2923 We further demand... 1.0980 0.05053 51 47 3 1
2924 And in closing, Mr, Poe hopes you like his token of appreciation for your kind remark regarding his work, The Pit and the Pendulum. 1.0980 0.04205 51 46 5 0
2925 It's a royal execution, sir. 1.0980 0.04205 51 46 5 0
2926 Damocles sends his regards and asks... 1.0980 0.04205 51 46 5 0
2927 Make sure that Hillary understands that I don't like losing. 1.0980 0.05053 51 47 3 1
2928 King Dionysius, the prop department respectfully apologizes for their incorrect positioning of the sword. 1.0980 0.05777 51 48 1 2
2929 In other news: King remains oblivious to immediate threat. "Don't blame us", says head of Messenger's Local 198. 1.0980 0.05053 51 47 3 1
2930 The people wish to know when dost thou expect the dragon. 1.0980 0.04205 51 46 5 0
2931 This is a gift form the King of Damocles. He signed - With all my best wishes! 1.0980 0.05053 51 47 3 1
2932 ...Sincerely, the Ace 1.0980 0.04205 51 46 5 0
2933 The sword is mightier than the scribe. 1.0980 0.04205 51 46 5 0
2934 Damocles hereby requests the return of his sword. 1.0980 0.05053 51 47 3 1
2935 By decree, His Royal Highness replaces the current sword with one of augmented reality. 1.0980 0.05053 51 47 3 1
2936 Your Highness, the bank is foreclosing on your empire. 1.0980 0.05053 51 47 3 1
2937 Dionysius proclaims he is going to be 'down the shore' for a couple extra weeks. He says enjoy the throne. 1.0980 0.05053 51 47 3 1
2938 A trial by dagger shall determine your highness's guilt or innocence! 1.0980 0.04205 51 46 5 0
2939 It says thank-you for spearheading the new tax plan enjoy your new decoration. Sincerely The Chopacockoffs. 1.0980 0.05053 51 47 3 1
2940 If it's all the same to you, I'd just as soon do my own editing. 1.0980 0.04205 51 46 5 0
2941 Damocles cancelled once again. 1.0952 0.04584 42 38 4 0
2942 The Smaug turkey is ready for carving sire 1.0943 0.04867 53 49 3 1
2943 ... and your official motto will be Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
2944 Your Queen says she appreciates hyperbole but begs you to stop using your words like giant daggers. 1.0930 0.06499 43 41 0 2
2945 ... and this is the updated 'Sword in the Stone' user interface... 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
2946 Your Majesty, The People shall soon speak. 1.0930 0.04482 43 39 4 0
2947 I'll take the throne so move out. No one knows horse hair like I do 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
2948 Damocles ends by saying "rule by your conscience." 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
2949 You're positive that this Damocles guy was a protégé of Warhol's? 1.0909 0.05458 44 41 2 1
2950 The council also wants you to make budget cuts in a big way 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
2951 We've sent your regrets for the Lean In event. 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
2952 We should have the bugs out of the guidance system in a month or so. 1.0909 0.04384 44 40 4 0
2953 The warehouse responds: “Rope is backordered, would you like a parasol?” 1.0909 0.05458 44 41 2 1
2954 Oh yep, you did originally say "Giant Knight." 1.0889 0.05339 45 42 2 1
2955 And lastly king Sanders the Dorne nominating committee says the rope is fine. 1.0889 0.04290 45 41 4 0
2956 This official scroll announces that Damocles is now a giant Benihana steak chef. 1.0889 0.05339 45 42 2 1
2957 O.K, Fool! Get to the point. 1.0889 0.04290 45 41 4 0
2958 PS: It seems you have a rather loose handle on the throne. 1.0889 0.05339 45 42 2 1
2959 Have you considered augmentation of your Highness' income by placing an advertising slogan on Excalibur, your grace? 1.0889 0.05339 45 42 2 1
2960 The queen say; "For this is the last thing you shall ever hold over you" 1.0889 0.04290 45 41 4 0
2961 And after dinner father, Mariah Carey will be here to perform her rendition of "Lovin' You" 1.0889 0.04290 45 41 4 0
2962 A message for Sir O. Verr Kompensate... 1.0889 0.04290 45 41 4 0
2963 Zorro sends his regrets. 1.0889 0.05339 45 42 2 1
2964 Say the secret word and the sword will come down. 1.0870 0.04200 46 42 4 0
2965 On the negative side, Lord Damocles, the amount budgeted for horse hair is woefully insufficient. 1.0870 0.04200 46 42 4 0
2966 . . . sort of what? 1.0870 0.04200 46 42 4 0
2967 Oh yea, oh yea, my dearest, smartest, most fearless King Dionysius: I, Damocles your humble courtier, do wish to clarify a comment made in haste. I was just messing with you last week. I have no interest in being king. It's all good. Really. 1.0870 0.04200 46 42 4 0
2968 People want to know how you intend to restore law and order. 1.0870 0.04200 46 42 4 0
2969 Mr. Dionysius, sir, my contract clearly states that I get a fifteen minute break every two hours... With your permission I'd like to take that right now. 1.0870 0.04200 46 42 4 0
2970 The King asks Damocles not to soil his robe on the way out. 1.0870 0.04200 46 42 4 0
2971 Not "this" sword. 1.0870 0.05225 46 43 2 1
2972 And lastly King Dionysius, Mr.Trump sends his regrets. 1.0870 0.05225 46 43 2 1
2973 Apparently it was left over from the Iron Throne. 1.0870 0.04200 46 42 4 0
2974 Damocles, with great fortune and power comes also great danger. 1.0870 0.04200 46 42 4 0
2975 Sire, it indicates that support system is 10 years out of warranty. 1.0870 0.04200 46 42 4 0
2976 It was the best of times. It was the worst of times... 1.0870 0.05225 46 43 2 1
2977 Don't worry... It's just CGI. 1.0870 0.04200 46 42 4 0
2978 Yes, Mr. Macbeth. That's exactly what it is. 1.0870 0.04200 46 42 4 0
2979 Gosh darn, still can't find the fine print. 1.0870 0.04200 46 42 4 0
2980 Dionysius says he'd sooner have his perilous throne back right now than spend one more minute slumming it amongst the great unwashed. 1.0870 0.04200 46 42 4 0
2981 Damn, Damocles. 1.0870 0.05225 46 43 2 1
2982 lol u have gotta be kidding me rn w/ this 1.0870 0.04200 46 42 4 0
2983 When the Pied Piper of Hamlin was in my position, he led everybody, including the king to their deaths! 1.0870 0.04200 46 42 4 0
2984 The enemy has responded, your highness, and he says: "Touché!" 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
2985 Your Majesty; due to the unreconcilable divide in your kingdom it is advised you cut your overhead and seek the high middle ground. 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
2986 There's a policy revision from your insurer Damocles Associates requiring your attention. 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
2987 Lastly, it says that you will die the same day I do. 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
2988 I agree, it should be sharper. 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
2989 Your Highness, it is your turn to cut the deck. 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
2990 Of course it's horrible that these people are threatening you, sir, but I'm much more curious about how large the stone must have been. 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
2991 99 bottles of beer on the wall 99 bottles of beer... 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
2992 Welcome to the throne, King Henry CCVII. Despite the recent rash of accidents, the council of nobles has decided not to increase the rope budget. 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
2993 And now for the store of Damocles sword. 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
2994 Jamie Lannister sends his regards, My Lord. 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
2995 Left! Right! Left! Right!! All they could agree on was that it had to be BIG. 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
2996 Let me read this back "I Damocles, being of sound mind and body......" 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
2997 Oh mighty King Dionysius, your humble Hebrew subjects beseech you to beat that big sword into a plowshare. 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
2998 I've checked the figures....there's only one missing, sire. 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
2999 Sire, someone named Crowdsourcing asks you grant them a royal seal of approval to raise funds for a maker of improved thread. 1.0851 0.05116 47 44 2 1
3000 You are hereby sentenced. 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
3001 Dear King, My brother thinks it would be funny if the knife fell on your head. Your Loyal Servant, Jordy 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
3002 The enemy is at our gates, but you do not have to worry much longer! 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
3003 Oh yeah, Oh yeah... Oh crap! 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
3004 Do not kill the messenger, huh Spencer. 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
3005 We asked them to be extra careful with the pick-up. 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
3006 ...And furthermore, we make one this size in hopes that we will never have to use it. How's that? 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
3007 Looks like your annual sharpening is due. 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
3008 I've got good news and I've got good news.... 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
3009 hey bro 1.0851 0.05116 47 44 2 1
3010 How the guillotine was invented 1.0851 0.05116 47 44 2 1
3011 It says, "Move your chair two feet forward, dear Scorpio". 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
3012 Sagittarius, right? 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
3013 I suggest taking out the part that says "in a spirit of mutual respect and cooperation." 1.0851 0.04114 47 43 4 0
3014 Here's the Act 2 challenge of Reality TV Macbeth. 1.0833 0.05012 48 45 2 1
3015 Signed, The Royal Council of Equity Market Short Sellers 1.0833 0.05012 48 45 2 1
3016 The good news is that two of you will rule the land twice as well. 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3017 Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, and that's it. 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3018 'Have you chosen a running mate? ' 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3019 There was some minor grumbling, but the merchants will accept the new tributes. 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3020 ...hope you enjoy the gift, signed...King Othello. 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3021 sire, Damocles respectfully suggests you do some serious rethinking before November. 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3022 The ancient scroll says "thou shall serve until the knife falls." 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3023 But, Your Majesty, killing the messenger will not make your kingdom great again! 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3024 Your doting brother, Prince Ferdinand, humbly entreats you to put down the sword and divide the realm, so to speak. 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3025 Got my point! 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3026 Lo and behold!... 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3027 The Jester School called...they've run out of candidates for our job opening! 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3028 Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Bragging about your big "sword" may not have been such a good idea! 1.0833 0.05012 48 45 2 1
3029 The original suicide King. 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3030 Sire Damocles, just arrived is an urgent message from the king: your gig is up. 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3031 Hear Ye! Hear Ye! A reward of one crown shall be paid to the descendants of anyone foolish enough to find the missing dagger. 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3032 Be it known that His Majesty is now the sharpest knife in the drawer. 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3033 The National Bow Association demands that you not ban high-capacity quivers. 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3034 I like it. But tell the speech writers I want to close with: ‘A steak. A steak. My kingdom for a YUGE! steak.’ 1.0833 0.05012 48 45 2 1
3035 The next item presents a unique opportunity for your Majesty to join the latest innovation in shave clubs. 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3036 And the next man to be knighted is the BFG. 1.0833 0.05012 48 45 2 1
3037 Dear Sameocles, 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3038 My lord wishes to express sharp dissent... 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3039 Aardvark. Aardvark. Aardvark. Aardvark. . . 1.0833 0.05012 48 45 2 1
3040 Your majesty, due to budget problems we may not be able to repair the rope above you. 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3041 BOY IF U DONT GET OUT THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!! BOY I SHIT 1.0833 0.05012 48 45 2 1
3042 Its for a really big, bad messenger. 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3043 Its a letter from HBO...heeeeeyy how about we stretch out legs your majesty. 1.0833 0.04031 48 44 4 0
3044 Mirabiliter et extremum auriculae sunt aequalia. 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3045 But Sire, the rope came with only a 30 day warranty. 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3046 This is not the knife your family wished you to go under!! 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3047 Let the pokeman games begin!!!! 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3048 And so the script goes, "and this can be yours, if the price is right." 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3049 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3050 Dear King Damaclease... 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3051 " Your excellency, I'm rereading the instructions for hanging a sword overhead, but I'm still not entirely clear on anchoring and support. 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3052 The Queen thought this way whoever replaces you only loses his legs. 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3053 The royal taster would like to trade jobs for a day. 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3054 As the palace accountant lists the monthly expenses, Dionysius regrets ordering such a large sword for his little experiment. 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3055 His majesty decrees a new start-up! Shilling Shave Club. 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3056 I am hoping they are referring to my sense of humor 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3057 take your time. i won't feel a thing. 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3058 It's to be a constant reminder that circumcision will always be allowed in England! 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3059 Sire, Damocles has declined your offer to also try sitting upon this throne. 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3060 New rules for Pokémon Sword Dangle: Cut the cord/Sit still/ Deal the cards. 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3061 The majesty should not pay any attention to objects hanging from the palace ceiling. 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3062 You think your sword is so mighty 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3063 Sir Williamsbury would like to offer his majesty big props on your latest military campaign. 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3064 "And finally Your Highness, the Big Guy beseeches you to reject our enemy's 'Death by Limbo' challenge. 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3065 Oh great king, due to a slight clerical error thine mighty sword doth wield much great anger and might, much greater in fact than the original specifications called for. 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3066 Since you refused our horse... 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3067 ... And there's broad scientific consensus. But popular pundits and several polls indicate it is a dagger of the mind you see before you, so don't sweat it. 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3068 May I suggest skipping the baked Alaska. 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3069 We're running out of L's, X's and V's my Lord. 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3070 I put two words together to define your reign. The first word is Bull. 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3071 He says it is augmented reality hangman with a twist. 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3072 For the horsehair, he says wash, rinse, repeat. No blow dry. 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3073 It shall be hereby proclaimed that it IS the size of the boat, and not the motion of the ocean. 1.0816 0.05712 49 47 0 2
3074 Jack the Giant Killer wants his sword back. 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3075 ...and, if Your Majesty ever farts in court, your nether regions will be cut asunder. 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3076 That you work hard for what you want in life;that your word is your bond.... 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3077 It does not fit in my pocket. 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3078 A gift from Troy, for the birthday piñata the Greeks sent you, they say. 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3079 Highness, Damocles can't make it for dinner. 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3080 Basically he says he thought this was going to be more of a short term switch. Blah, blah, blah. He'd like to have his power back. 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3081 How could you possibly send the CGI guys to lunch now? 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3082 Sire, it appears the robe makers guild is in rebellion! 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3083 I do not see these problems as a threat. 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3084 The people are demanding more walls, Sire 1.0816 0.03952 49 45 4 0
3085 Yes Sire, Goliath's sword is on the spoils of war list. 1.0816 0.04911 49 46 2 1
3086 A certain Damocles has sent an inquiry on HomeExchange.com. 1.0800 0.04815 50 47 2 1
3087 dont be afraid im always open to new ideas 1.0800 0.03876 50 46 4 0
3088 i want it to cut my dick off 1.0800 0.04815 50 47 2 1
3089 They're threatening further action for non payment for the hanging dagger 1.0800 0.03876 50 46 4 0
3090 Your decree to make the doorway wider will be obeyed 1.0784 0.04722 51 48 2 1
3091 Damocles is sure he doesn't want to switch with you again. 1.0714 0.04022 42 39 3 0
3092 Easy may lie the head that has become a lame duck. 1.0714 0.04022 42 39 3 0
3093 now do you believe that this sword has become very dull, my lord? 1.0698 0.03931 43 40 3 0
3094 The Thane of Brobdingnag will be in attendance, King Duncan. 1.0698 0.03931 43 40 3 0
3095 Wilkshire: 4 sheep, 3 chickens; Blackshire: 2 cows, 4 chickens; Upshire... 1.0698 0.05150 43 41 1 1
3096 Dear valued customer, due to the unforeseen popular demand of the QuillPen (r), we have a 6 week delay in your order. Please excuse any inconvenience. 1.0682 0.03844 44 41 3 0
3097 The people seem to want their cake and eat it to Sire...So so sorry. 1.0682 0.03844 44 41 3 0
3098 "Welcome to Damoclesy, King Trump, and may the sword fall soon and save us all". 1.0682 0.03844 44 41 3 0
3099 The good news is GAME OF THRONES will be taking it's sweet old time to wrap up. 1.0682 0.03844 44 41 3 0
3100 The King says, O brave Damocles, "Don't bother me! I'm on the second green, and have a tricky downhill putt!" 1.0682 0.05034 44 42 1 1
3101 Your Majesty TRUMP, your subjects are not impressed with your new defense system. 1.0682 0.05034 44 42 1 1
3102 Delphi is forecasting an earthquake 1.0682 0.03844 44 41 3 0
3103 Instead of the Sword of Damocles, it's the Dagger of Hamlet hanging over your head, King Claudius. 1.0682 0.03844 44 41 3 0
3104 According the guidelines this does still count as a dagger before you. 1.0682 0.03844 44 41 3 0
3105 Yes sire, Damocles says hello. 1.0682 0.05034 44 42 1 1
3106 Galahad writes he'll miss Thanksgiving this year, but that Lancelot can help you round out the table and represent the castle in the knife-throwing competition at the annual holiday talent show. 1.0682 0.03844 44 41 3 0
3107 ...Well that should get you caught up on your favorite soaps...by the way if you don't get your fat butt off that throne soon you are going to be in a world of hurt...on a lighter note...all's well at the... 1.0667 0.03761 45 42 3 0
3108 The hair trumps the risk of breakage, given it's of no known natural material. 1.0667 0.03761 45 42 3 0
3109 Don't worry, its just a publicity stunt. 1.0667 0.03761 45 42 3 0
3110 Mr. Trump asks that you to remove the sword and replace it with a fog machine. 1.0667 0.03761 45 42 3 0
3111 Mrs. Damocles accepts your invitation to spend the weekend with you. 1.0667 0.03761 45 42 3 0
3112 Sire, I have the bid from the roofing contractor. 1.0667 0.03761 45 42 3 0
3113 O King Damocles.... 1.0667 0.03761 45 42 3 0
3114 Your bad credit is no issue, Dionysius. Here we have a our subprime option for you. 1.0667 0.03761 45 42 3 0
3115 Sorry for the delay your majesty, here are the last 28 pages... 1.0667 0.03761 45 42 3 0
3116 We demand that the "Game of Thrones" continue for at least another season. 1.0667 0.03761 45 42 3 0
3117 You were never circumcised. 1.0667 0.03761 45 42 3 0
3118 Despite your attempts to appear funny, you still seem to have communication problems, but an ironic death could help you keep your name out there. 1.0667 0.03761 45 42 3 0
3119 It is henceforth decreed: on the eighth day, not on the eightieth year... 1.0667 0.03761 45 42 3 0
3120 And then the Big Mac called your son the little Whopper... 1.0667 0.04924 45 43 1 1
3121 I call it the sword of Damotwitter. 1.0667 0.03761 45 42 3 0
3122 It's more comfortable than it looks. 1.0667 0.04924 45 43 1 1
3123 In this article they said, 'All sword no spunk.' which I thought was a bit much. 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3124 Inspired by the Trojan horse, the French realized they could easily cut the head, or rather, torso, off the snake. 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3125 . . . and the King agrees to a generous, tax-free Grant to the Island known as 'Land of the Very Big' in exchange for immediate removal of their Scroll Opener! 1.0652 0.04818 46 44 1 1
3126 The Americans suggest you "sue your architect or move your damned chair, loser." 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3127 Anyone who may wield my new sword, Extracalibur, will dethrone me and become king. 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3128 Stand up for our cause! 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3129 It's from the Philistines, they want Goliath's sword back. 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3130 The people unanimously acknowledge Your Highness as winner of the bass sweepstakes. 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3131 Sire, I'm sorry, the Cincinnati edition was sold out, I had to buy you the real thing. 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3132 Your wife wanted to remind you as soon as possible that SHE told you to hang the pen. 1.0652 0.04818 46 44 1 1
3133 Your majesty's late uncle's also refused to listen to the spinner's and sword smith's warnings about unfilial bribes they've been offered. 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3134 "Section II, Article One: 'no souvenir of war shall be larger than actual size' Sir, your accomplishments should begin to speak for themselves" - end - 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3135 The steward wants to know if he can remove the invisible giant yet. 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3136 Come what may, your Highness is a bold pioneer in the art of telesurgery. 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3137 The plastic surgeon has accepted your job offer. 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3138 I've been informed he somehow survived the stabbing. 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3139 Isn't this ironic, dontcha think? 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3140 . . .and nothing up His Majesty's sleeves. 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3141 We the people....appealing to the supreme judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions...... 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3142 I'm afraid, Sire, that Brexit means Brexit. 1.0652 0.03681 46 43 3 0
3143 Adam Smith's giant is demanding a raise. Or he lets go. 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3144 And, while once again pledging our loyal obedience, in eternal gratitude, we humbly beseech . .. 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3145 "Are you hereby endorsing this proclamation with good conscience! 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3146 Hear ye! Hear ye! Theft from the middle class shall be punished with the loss of one's hands by sword. 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3147 I'm sorry, Sire, but you clearly wrote a (') instead of an (") abbreviation. 1.0638 0.04716 47 45 1 1
3148 Sire, your son, the Prince, suggests to his Royal Father, that a role of paper towels hanging over the throne would be better, so said Damocles, his royal tutor. 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3149 Your Highness, with this gift from your loyal subjects the glorious day is at hand when you will slay the dragon. 1.0638 0.04716 47 45 1 1
3150 The Donald or Hillary. Bad luck for you. 1.0638 0.04716 47 45 1 1
3151 Great, Please step closer. 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3152 You can now afford to remain utterly silent, sir. 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3153 Earl of Onion is here for the slicing ! 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3154 My liege, the RNC wants its party back. 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3155 Just to confirm, you want them to pay for the wall AND the moat? 1.0638 0.04716 47 45 1 1
3156 " Sir! It says here : ' Try not to think of a sword ' ". 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3157 I realize, my lord, that the entire kingdom's survival depends on your acceptance speech this evening, and I assure you that not a single word has been knowingly plagiarized. 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3158 Hail Caesar! No, wait.....wrong script! 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3159 We the people, in order preserve...blah blah blah, buffoon...blah blah...misogynist...Oh Donny Boy, you're fired. 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3160 I just thought I'd drop in. 1.0638 0.04716 47 45 1 1
3161 Watch that the knife doesn't fall in November! 1.0638 0.04716 47 45 1 1
3162 No worries my lord! The cable company reversed that $3.95 movie charge. 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3163 Oh how I wish I were you... 1.0638 0.04716 47 45 1 1
3164 “Merlin wishes you a swift and successful campaign your Majesty.” King Arthur falls victim to the Wizard's sense of humor. 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3165 About that Sword of Damocles... 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3166 And finally, market experts assure your majesty there is no sword bubble. 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3167 The kitchen staff is requisitioning sharper knives. 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3168 The horse came from one of Donald Trump's stables. 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3169 ..and what is the punishment for using 'their' incorrectly? 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3170 I'm afraid the tests confirm it sire, that is the Sword of Damocles. 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3171 Good New Sir: 'Monarchy' is not polling a solid 15% above 'Democracy,' 25% over 'Socialism', and a full 40% over 'Peasant Revolt.' 1.0638 0.04716 47 45 1 1
3172 This decree states "anyone Man enough to remove the royal Armour will win win 4 free tokens at chunky cheese", signed, surely you jest ! 1.0638 0.04716 47 45 1 1
3173 I Goliath being of sound mind, bequeath to you my sword. 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3174 When it no longer pays to say anything nice, don't say anything at all. 1.0638 0.03604 47 44 3 0
3175 The court regrets to inform you that given your unhealthy obsession, your application to change your name to King Julius has been denied. 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3176 The guys that did the popemobile can have a throne-on-wheels here by Wednesday. 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3177 check with the kitchen & see if they are missing any steak knives 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3178 And Emperor Donocles Trump doth decree, 'Make America Greek Again.' 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3179 .... And finally this: the royal weather minister is calling for a heavy cloud cover today. 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3180 M'lord, thy will be done? 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3181 ...And here today, we commiserate King OvaCompensate 1.0625 0.04619 48 46 1 1
3182 Sire, the court is concerned about this new form of hangman. 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3183 Don't just stand there. Throw me that rope! 1.0625 0.04619 48 46 1 1
3184 "Hear ye hear ye...Camelot Insurance company claims 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3185 Life under the sword of Damocles 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3186 The knight accusing you of having an inferiority complex has just been captured. 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3187 Damn! Ol' Swordocles really wants to teach you a lesson. 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3188 Your Majesty, Damocles seeks your counsel on catching swords. 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3189 Damocles had the Republican Convention in mind. 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3190 OUR ENGINEERING STUDY SHOWS WE WILL GET A NET 150 PLOW SHARES AFTER CONVERSION 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3191 It states, my Lord: "Arthur, I AM your Father!" 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3192 . . . and they want time-and-half on weekends, too. 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3193 M'lord, it appears father John has "Papa Sized" your cutting utinsil rather than your order of 37 pies. 1.0625 0.04619 48 46 1 1
3194 It seems your friends have declined your dinner invitation, King Brute. 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3195 Your highness, the committee on responsible kingdom management is asking you cut 15 % from the fiscal 1520 budget ... NOW. 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3196 Sire, Lord Wolf sends Breaking News; standby. 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3197 Make sure that surfboard and table don't come unglued!!!!!! or I will be screaming "CUT" 1.0625 0.04619 48 46 1 1
3198 ...and, therefore, as President of the Foundation for the Preservation of Future Elections, we are reluctant to bury this double-edged sword in our current time capsule. Please try again next year. Thank you. 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3199 And it ends, 'thank you in advance for return of my sword, best regards, Damocles.' 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3200 New King and Crown of the Realm, I have an important dispatch from Cicero. 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3201 Yes, it is a knife you see above your face 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3202 As heir apparent, I thought it best to use a teleprompter. 1.0625 0.03531 48 45 3 0
3203 It sayeth: "Your lordship no longer pleases". 1.0612 0.04525 49 47 1 1
3204 It's a letter from Damoclese. He says you're too old for his sword and he wants it back. 1.0612 0.03460 49 46 3 0
3205 Enunciate each word very, very slowly 1.0526 0.03671 38 36 2 0
3206 For unlawful carnal knowledge. 1.0488 0.03406 41 39 2 0
3207 The Sword of Damocles is alive and well, your highness. 1.0488 0.03406 41 39 2 0
3208 No worries, I've reinforced the thread with the latest high-tech polymer. 1.0488 0.03406 41 39 2 0
3209 The giant demands that you stay in under armor. 1.0488 0.03406 41 39 2 0
3210 Sorry, the Prime Minister has the monopoly on all the cords for reinforcing. unfortunately. 1.0488 0.03406 41 39 2 0
3211 The tailor is requesting your inseam, Your Highness. 1.0488 0.03406 41 39 2 0
3212 You'll have to sign all these proclamations. Remember, the pen is mightier than the sword. 1.0488 0.03406 41 39 2 0
3213 Apparently. "gutsy" becomes you, Your Majesty. 1.0476 0.03326 42 40 2 0
3214 Your replacement ordered it. The other one encouraged too many small hand jokes. 1.0476 0.03326 42 40 2 0
3215 Yes I see Longshanks, but where does it say HAMMER of the Scots? 1.0476 0.03326 42 40 2 0
3216 Report from the torture room, you Majesty: the traitor still refuses to see reason. 1.0476 0.03326 42 40 2 0
3217 And this dirty tax evader deserves to get the Super Blade. 1.0476 0.03326 42 40 2 0
3218 Your heiness I assure you there are more humane ways of trimming your beard 1.0476 0.03326 42 40 2 0
3219 It's cook's knife with instructions on how to carve meat. 1.0476 0.04762 42 41 0 1
3220 Jester, read again the closing before guests arrive. ....... we thank you "David" for your gift to the Temple and are forever grateful for your conquest! 1.0476 0.03326 42 40 2 0
3221 Yes, Your Great and Noble Highness, I am his great-great-grandson, Hoover Damocles. 1.0476 0.03326 42 40 2 0
3222 Let's see, Ghostbusters is playing at 9:40 and 10:20 but I guess that's probably not your thing. 1.0476 0.03326 42 40 2 0
3223 Still returning "Sword of Sophocles: domain unknown", Sire. 1.0465 0.03249 43 41 2 0
3224 It's from the king. He says, "Dear Damocles (or whoever has taken his place by now) . . ." 1.0465 0.04651 43 42 0 1
3225 Can't you media guys take a joke? 1.0465 0.03249 43 41 2 0
3226 Just some sensible decor 1.0465 0.03249 43 41 2 0
3227 And may your reign be free of ingratitude. 1.0465 0.03249 43 41 2 0
3228 The Metameta Theatrical Company presents 'Your Impending Surgery'. 1.0465 0.03249 43 41 2 0
3229 . . .and any resemblance to Michelle Obama is purely coincidental. 1.0465 0.03249 43 41 2 0
3230 The castle maintenance union threatens to split if they don't get a raise. 1.0465 0.03249 43 41 2 0
3231 Oh! The times when great dialogue was always straight to the point... 1.0465 0.03249 43 41 2 0
3232 Finally, get rid of the crocodiles in the moat and put in bass, preferably smallmouth. 1.0465 0.03249 43 41 2 0
3233 Sir, it is time to caught the tension in the room. 1.0465 0.03249 43 41 2 0
3234 And at 11:00 you have your appointment with Ambassador Damocles. 1.0465 0.03249 43 41 2 0
3235 Hillary and Donald are blaming each other (yet again)! 1.0465 0.03249 43 41 2 0
3236 There's no infestation; why did you say "damn the fleas." 1.0465 0.04651 43 42 0 1
3237 ...and the Queen wanted you to know she replaced rope holding up the big fife in the Sloane Room. 1.0455 0.03177 44 42 2 0
3238 And by this decree, I forbid the sharpening of knives throughout my kingdom. 1.0455 0.03177 44 42 2 0
3239 How would you like your steak, Your Majesty? 1.0455 0.03177 44 42 2 0
3240 Why did the Chicken not cross the road? He did not want to be stabbed in the back. 1.0455 0.03177 44 42 2 0
3241 Gee sire, this is reminiscent of Captain Marvel's origin. 1.0455 0.03177 44 42 2 0
3242 The proclamation clearly said Knight. 1.0455 0.03177 44 42 2 0
3243 Louder on this "law and order" bit, you say? 1.0455 0.03177 44 42 2 0
3244 Help! I'm in an antigravity field 1.0455 0.03177 44 42 2 0
3245 Any last requests, King Hussein? 1.0455 0.04545 44 43 0 1
3246 The clans have requested to halt the clashing 1.0455 0.03177 44 42 2 0
3247 We We hereby present you with our latest Ginu knife. 1.0455 0.03177 44 42 2 0
3248 'Hear ye, hear ye. The citizens are dissatisfied with your new tax plan." 1.0455 0.03177 44 42 2 0
3249 it appears to be a Medium post by a Williams graduate living in Brooklyn for the past six years. he argues that Medium has a harassment problem. if i may, sir, he writes like a bitch. 1.0455 0.03177 44 42 2 0
3250 Your schedule for this week: 30 minuets of attempting to pull the sword from the stone, lunch with Rapunzel, and a meeting with House Shield. 1.0455 0.03177 44 42 2 0
3251 That'll cost ya two bits. 1.0455 0.03177 44 42 2 0
3252 Re: Your shipment of super-strength twine. Damage due to Rat chewing does not entitle you to a refund. The extra-large dirk is a figment of your imagination. Enjoy! 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3253 We are told to catch a falling knife. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3254 Your majestic decree states --- it's dangerous for colonial politicians to take a huge stab at making trumped-up commands. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3255 The manual says "sit on the throne, leave it hanging to experience a feeling of peril" 1.0444 0.04444 45 44 0 1
3256 King David, Goliath’s brother wants his sword back. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3257 I wanted to stay a cut ahead of my enemies 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3258 Your free and willing concent will be greatly appreciated by all. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3259 Yes, my liege, I do see and admire your *yuge* point. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3260 Sire, it's a "Sire, This is a message from Damocles." 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3261 Well Sire, apparently "Damo" is a nickname. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3262 This couplet won't work; tear doesn't rhyme with Lear. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3263 Your majesty, the petition favors traditional knighthood without the cutting edge. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3264 Regrettably , sire, your presumptive successor has buggered off to parts unknown. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3265 The realm has run out of gold for your wall, King Donald. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3266 It is hereby proclaimed that he who wields the Tartetian sword against King Ordar in a duel to the death shall be the new King of the 5 Rivers. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3267 Here's the bakance update on your student loan debt. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3268 "...as to the title.. Scribe Schwartz suggests, 'Ye Art of Ye Deal' 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3269 Guys like, we're living with the sword of Damocles over our heads. We must take our country back! 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3270 The Duke of Craig's list hath a mighty 30 foot ink pen, sire. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3271 Sire, thy codicil now makes your sole heir "Damocles widow"! 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3272 The Cutler's Guild sponsorship agreement calls for it to remain throughout your State of the Kingdom address. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3273 Damocles Revisited 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3274 Queen Esther's gold is buried in brick #15 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3275 Your majesty, it seems the hilt is hollow. I'm afraid you have been scammed. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3276 So what are you going to do about it? 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3277 I asked for pepperoni. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3278 It says here, "Too big to fit on your back". Where should it impale you then, my liege? 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3279 He says he agrees to disagree 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3280 The Royal mother wants to know if you'd like to sup with her on Tuesday or something else. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3281 I usually like having my used toilet paper read to me, but today I find it sword-a boring. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3282 You have been invited to defend your throne of "Most Imperiled Monarch." 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3283 Sir Donald of Combover tweets: "I am uneasy and must build a wall around Mar-a-Lago. Keep the crown!" 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3284 have you found the right scepter? 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3285 (jump) to my commands or you will visit a land of (lost people) got it ?? 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3286 It!s the new "ONE WAY" traffic signal. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3287 Would you please pass the butter? 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3288 Pizza Palace can't deliver; Lin Lin's can, and the dragon rolls are to die for. 1.0444 0.03107 45 43 2 0
3289 Your Highness: We, the people, get your point. We will obey you. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3290 Hear yet hear ye. The threat to your majesty's life and kingdom hangs in supernatural imbalance. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3291 Sire, Knowest Knot, thou hast moved too far to the Center and art upsetting the Balance of Power? 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3292 ...and furthermore, we're not thoroughly certain dangling a 40 stone dagger is the best way to procure a passive foothold in regard to foreign relations. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3293 Yes, yes I understand the implications, now read it back please." "I hereby declare myself King Knifey McBigKnife I ... 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3294 It's an offer from Stephen Colbert, he wants to be King for a day. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3295 Sire, It says that this Damocles sword is a gift from your devoted retainers. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3296 Debbie Travis recommendths a softening of ye old royal decor. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3297 Listening to this is like dying a slow painful death 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3298 Good news my lord! That giant sword you ordered, it has been hung up where you said, we are just waiting for our men to find us some stronger ropes... 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3299 Your Majesty, it appears they have also reduced your paid time off... 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3300 The knife is for theVP 1.0435 0.04348 46 45 0 1
3301 Yes, your shampoo does have body and strength. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3302 Damocles? 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3303 It is a mockery, my lord, your subjects are gallivanting around the kingdom trying to find the virtual Excalibur. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3304 If you feel the need to talk, Damocles is available. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3305 ... and finally, The President asks you to accept this cruise missile in recognition of your importance in our defense alliance. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3306 This housing bubble doesn't stand a chance. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3307 Your Majesty, this tweet just came in from Mr. Trump. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3308 No, Damocles, you should fear not. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3309 I didn't plan on leaving quite yet. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3310 I'm just saying - slavery should be limited to 10 years! 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3311 You might want to change the message. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3312 Tonight's specials include chocolate and vanilla. Which do you prefer? 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3313 The town of Large Knife has asked to borrow the knife as a gift to the neighboring town, Massive Tomatoe. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3314 The cable company decrees our internet connection is compromised and could be severed without changing our cable package to a bundle. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3315 King Dionysius II of Syracuse: "Stop reading that obsequious crap to me! If you think I´m so lucky, how would you like to try out my life?" 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3316 Your majesty, King of Spade, welcome to the next game! 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3317 Parliament say they’be figured out a solution. 1.0435 0.03040 46 44 2 0
3318 You say the punishment for cruelty is illegible? 1.0426 0.02976 47 45 2 0
3319 Yes, my liege, I can confirm Gordias tied the knot and Alexander the Great's castle privileges have been revoked. 1.0426 0.02976 47 45 2 0
3320 Your chief wizard wishes you to know that moving your arms down from the armrests will most likely prevent your sudden death. But only if you care. 1.0426 0.02976 47 45 2 0
3321 … Builder of Binaries, King of Zee Montane, Cracker of Potts, Tamer of Sioux City Shrews, Spoiler of Spitoony, Craven of Hobbs, Nada of Nietzsche, Biggest of Pricks ... 1.0426 0.02976 47 45 2 0
3322 Don't nobody bring me no bad news. 1.0426 0.02976 47 45 2 0
3323 Honestly, your majesty, just say that you use it to cut up your Jujyfruits on movie nights. 1.0286 0.02899 35 34 1 0
3324 Sire, fair maiden thinks thou doth protest much too much by displaying the biggest sword in the land. 1.0286 0.02899 35 34 1 0
3325 Damocles says that this dagger but but a wee precursor to what is to come, your highness. 1.0263 0.02667 38 37 1 0
3326 Your premiums are skyrocketing, sire - cursed Obamacare. 1.0256 0.02598 39 38 1 0
3327 He writes, 'What is a Broadway Musical and where is this place called Camelot". 1.0256 0.02598 39 38 1 0
3328 Your Majesty: The Council of Knights reports that The Sword of Damocles has become a bit unwieldy, but, even under dire circumstances, We shall endeavor to defend the crown. 1.0256 0.02598 39 38 1 0
3329 ...and your Majesty will remain King until your death or until the invention of the musket. 1.0250 0.02532 40 39 1 0
3330 Call me Ishmael. 1.0250 0.02532 40 39 1 0
3331 Sorry, King T, but the only one -- other than Palin & Gingrich -- who accepted is a fellow named Pence from the province, Indiana. 1.0250 0.02532 40 39 1 0
3332 Hear yea, hear yea, the forensic test results are back, the sword is Sir Arthur's! 1.0250 0.02532 40 39 1 0
3333 Class of '16 Halodictorian! 1.0250 0.02532 40 39 1 0
3334 Fee fi fo fum, witnesseth, I, the Giant, do this day grant and forever release to your highness, the King of England, for the consideration of one golden hen, this doll's castle... 1.0250 0.02532 40 39 1 0
3335 President Assad, I am informed to warn you: "Damocles' Damascus,' the moral of the story remains. 1.0244 0.02469 41 40 1 0
3336 Yes, my lord, the sword is described as a bit of a bastard. 1.0244 0.02469 41 40 1 0
3337 Sire, it's from your interior designer. He says he's tired of hearing "Your check is in the mail, Damocles." 1.0244 0.02469 41 40 1 0
3338 Would you like an encore? 1.0244 0.02469 41 40 1 0
3339 I proclaim...Since I couldn't extricate Excalibur I have replaced it with my own dagger and sign it "The King" 1.0244 0.02469 41 40 1 0
3340 Damocles has got nothing on me. 1.0238 0.02410 42 41 1 0
3341 Furthermore, that thread is fragile so you must not waver in your integrity in your high office or the thread will brake. 1.0238 0.02410 42 41 1 0
3342 'Unfair moving your throne to the background while leaving the sword in the foreground, Mr. Damocles! Unfair, unfair!' So sayeth the king. 1.0238 0.02410 42 41 1 0
3343 Your Majesty, But if you think it might have a bad effect, why not postpone the election? 1.0238 0.02410 42 41 1 0
3344 Your Royal Highness, your Trump campaign to end violence seems to be working...there is no one left to kill, maim or keep out. 1.0238 0.02410 42 41 1 0
3345 Did you get Taylor's approval? 1.0238 0.02410 42 41 1 0
3346 Your Majesty: the knife-sharpener hereby announces that he will arrive next Tuesday to sharpen the Sword of Justice. 1.0233 0.02353 43 42 1 0
3347 A simple tweaking of education funds, Sire, and Walla! 1.0233 0.02353 43 42 1 0
3348 I'm afraid there's not much you can do if you're not happy with what your brother Damocles left you in his will. 1.0233 0.02353 43 42 1 0
3349 Your nemesis has returned, King David and he'd like a word with you. 1.0233 0.02353 43 42 1 0
3350 The Sword of Democracies is hanging over your head, Sire. Perhaps you should sign the Magna Farta... 1.0233 0.02353 43 42 1 0
3351 Sir, perhaps we should finalize those 1.0233 0.02353 43 42 1 0
3352 His Majesty Donald of America, No I do not want the job back. Why not try a YUGE sword? Signed Monsieur Obama. 1.0233 0.02353 43 42 1 0
3353 It's a message from Chekov. I don't think you'll like what it says... 1.0233 0.02353 43 42 1 0
3354 The law states: An Ace may trump a King, but the Sword always trump an Emperor with no clothing... 1.0233 0.02353 43 42 1 0
3355 You made a big point across, sir. 1.0233 0.02353 43 42 1 0
3356 "Sire, the the queen is dead! 1.0233 0.02353 43 42 1 0
3357 It seems that rope repair supplies are no longer available after Brexit. 1.0233 0.02353 43 42 1 0
3358 Should you remain seated ten more seconds after I'm done, you get a plaque with the idiom. 1.0233 0.02353 43 42 1 0
3359 It says you can opt-out of you song up for automatic payments with Damocles.org 1.0233 0.02353 43 42 1 0
3360 The Royal rope maker asks how his majesty's neck is feeling. 1.0227 0.02299 44 43 1 0
3361 Westall is here, sire, as you ordered. 1.0227 0.02299 44 43 1 0
3362 This report has been censored. 1.0227 0.02299 44 43 1 0
3363 Sir, The press has given you the new moniker the Blade Ruler. 1.0227 0.02299 44 43 1 0
3364 I spent a lifetime to meet you. 1.0227 0.02299 44 43 1 0
3365 Would His Majesty be interested in an invitation from a 'Mr. Goliath Jr.'? 1.0227 0.02299 44 43 1 0
3366 Sire, greetings from the future! 1.0227 0.02299 44 43 1 0
3367 Do you accept the ter 1.0227 0.02299 44 43 1 0
3368 Fried chicken, baked potato. Is that all your Highness wishes for his last meal? 1.0227 0.02299 44 43 1 0
3369 Good morning your majesty, The guillotine fit for a king awaits you... 1.0227 0.02299 44 43 1 0
3370 Demosthenes? Damocles? Drump-eze! 1.0227 0.02299 44 43 1 0
3371 My lord, we must learn to face adversity with a happy face. 1.0227 0.02299 44 43 1 0
3372 It says here in God's Will that we have to keep it as wall art. 1.0227 0.02299 44 43 1 0
3373 You have decreed your Majesty that if the "buck" knows what's good for it,it won't stop here." "Your Majesty has decreed that if the "buck" knows what's good for it, it won't stop here. 1.0227 0.02299 44 43 1 0
3374 ..and don't even think about messing with me!! Texacles 1.0227 0.02299 44 43 1 0
3375 It is but an illusion of imminent danger symbolized by the small dagger, suspended by a thin thread, over my left shoulder, across the room. 1.0222 0.02247 45 44 1 0
3376 Do you really want to hear about Route 66 again? 1.0222 0.02247 45 44 1 0
3377 I know you said you wanted you hair cut in style, but.... 1.0222 0.02247 45 44 1 0
3378 Your Grace, Melania Drumpf was just seen at the RNC with a giant sword hanging above her head. Would you like to make a statement? 1.0222 0.02247 45 44 1 0
3379 In other news, The BFG has purportedly gone over to the dark side. However, I am unsure if he is able to use the Force. 1.0222 0.02247 45 44 1 0
3380 Apparently your dish didn't cut it, your Highness. 1.0222 0.02247 45 44 1 0
3381 The Prince will attend with four score drummers. 1.0222 0.02247 45 44 1 0
3382 Dare I declare, "Drop the dagger for our drooping despot!"? 1.0222 0.02247 45 44 1 0
3383 And Sir McKrae told Sir Raleigh to take his message to his squire, who delivered the letter to your majesty's brother-in-law, who subsequently... 1.0222 0.02247 45 44 1 0
3384 Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Due to the tenuous rope, the Royal Court has disbanded. 1.0222 0.02247 45 44 1 0
3385 ~Tonight's Royal State Banquet Menu, sire, includes: Tripe soup, Sweetbreads, Cervelle de Veu, Pettitales, and Rocky Mountain Oysters!~ 1.0222 0.02247 45 44 1 0
3386 Sire, it appears to be an ultimatum from the Rexit campaign. 1.0222 0.02247 45 44 1 0
3387 Sire, as you requested, this proclaims any knight able to lower the stuck sword without threat to thee the foe of your arthritis, and thus dubs him Doctor of Decor! 1.0222 0.02247 45 44 1 0
3388 Then Damocles said to Dionysis, "Oh King, your distress is too great. Let me sit on the throne in your place and rule over your kingdom with all of its riches." 1.0222 0.02247 45 44 1 0
3389 Speak your mind, lad, sword of 1.0222 0.02247 45 44 1 0
3390 No sire, Robin Hood, Damocles was a greek. 1.0222 0.02247 45 44 1 0
3391 Sire, your subjects express their happiness your have replaced the thread holding Damocles with a rope. 1.0217 0.02198 46 45 1 0
3392 We Live My The Sword. 1.0000 0.02353 43 43 0 0
3393 Your highness, we all want to say that serving you has been a real skive "Your highness, we just want to say that being your subjects has been a real slice. 1.0000 0.02410 42 42 0 0
3394 Pull finger to switch from "Qui a coupe la fromage" to " Facetime". Bite tongue to access Twitter. 1.0000 0.02410 42 42 0 0
3395 The people wish to greet Burp Fart your highness. 1.0000 0.02598 39 39 0 0
3396 Your big sword is over my head. 1.0000 0.02598 39 39 0 0
3397 The Queen suggests fricassee for dinner. 1.0000 0.02410 42 42 0 0
3398 PLEASE ANSWER QUICKLY BEFORE THE ROPE BREAKS 1.0000 0.02410 42 42 0 0
3399 Hear yee Hear yee! This is the Kings new Logo! 1.0000 0.02353 43 43 0 0
3400 ''RELAX KING ARTHUR , MERLIN IS DIAMOND CERTIFIED ! '' 1.0000 0.02410 42 42 0 0
3401 LOL we know is acronym, but SOD could be Superoxide Dismutase or Soap Opera Digest or Septo-Optic Dysplasia or Segregation of Duties or ... 1.0000 0.02410 42 42 0 0
3402 The Sword of DAMOCLES. 1.0000 0.02469 41 41 0 0
3403 Sire. The Queen's recent purchase receipt of "a big stiletto for her heel" is a little vague. I suppose it could mean she has a hot high heel surprise for you tonight. 1.0000 0.02740 37 37 0 0
3404 It's an invoice from the Triple Excaliber Company. 1.0000 0.02353 43 43 0 0
3405 Just wait till he realizes he's hanging to nothing! 1.0000 0.02469 41 41 0 0
3406 You've been sentenced to Excaliburn, baby, burn. 1.0000 0.02353 43 43 0 0
3407 Take the crown, but you speak Queen’s English, do you ? 1.0000 0.02410 42 42 0 0
3408 It says there's been a run on lightsabers. 1.0000 0.02353 43 43 0 0
3409 The people are asking if you'll put the sword back so they can get a new king. 1.0000 0.02410 42 42 0 0
3410 I'm about to get the sword. 1.0000 0.02469 41 41 0 0
3411 ...and finally, the renovation has been put to tender. 1.0000 0.02469 41 41 0 0
3412 It's called a Sword of Damastocles. The prince sent one to Donald Trump, too. 1.0000 0.05717 18 18 0 0
3413 Finally, we demand that you cut taxes. 1.0000 0.02469 41 41 0 0
3414 Yes, your majesty; it is here in the fine print, just above the part about Donald Trump. 1.0000 0.02353 43 43 0 0
3415 And the lord said, "let there be knife" 1.0000 0.02410 42 42 0 0
3416 Let's go over that baby thing again. 1.0000 0.02469 41 41 0 0
3417 So, it's a picture of a frog sipping tea. And then there are words written over it. It says: WHEN U REALIZE HIS SWORD HELLA BIG BCUZ HE AINT GOT NO DICK THO!! 1.0000 0.02469 41 41 0 0
3418 Only it's an act of God. 1.0000 0.02353 43 43 0 0
3419 And henceforth you will be known as King Donald J 1.0000 0.02532 40 40 0 0
3420 Oh, it is only a legend, another name for "caption". 1.0000 0.02299 44 44 0 0
3421 I've tried that. It doesn't work. 1.0000 0.02469 41 41 0 0
3422 I say, I say, I say, you are now officially retired to the throne! 1.0000 0.02353 43 43 0 0
3423 I gotcha back, but you best to watch your front—cause it's the courtesans that front, they be pulling stunts! 1.0000 0.02532 40 40 0 0
3424 King Solomon I am not 1.0000 0.02469 41 41 0 0
3425 Your largest campaign contributor is paying $300,000 a month. 1.0000 0.02532 40 40 0 0
3426 A man named Damocles would like to hunt in your Royal Forrest, Sire 1.0000 0.02740 37 37 0 0
3427 Make a note, squire, and let it be heard throughout the land; I scall it 'the sword of Sir...' 1.0000 0.02598 39 39 0 0
3428 You must not move from the throne for one week if you want to win sir. 1.0000 0.02410 42 42 0 0